28 female. Recently moved into a very middle class suburbs. Although I’m from a middle class background, I’ve disconnected from it and I feel out of my depth. I’m heavily tattooed, mixed Asian, fat, gay I’ve been a mentally ill person for a long time and single female living alone. I feel out of place here around all these middle class older white people and I feel like I’m a child living around adults. When do you start to feel like the ‘normal’ people around you?
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When I moved out of my parents’ house at 23
I’m gay and ADHD and gender nonconforming and childfree but none of those make me not an adult
I think there’s two questions here that you might want answered.
When will you start feeling like an adult? Well, I mostly don’t. Maybe sometimes when my back hurts randomly or I have big bills I need to pay. But otherwise I have always just felt like ‘myself’ rather than feeling like an adult.
When will you start feeling ‘normal’? Potentially never, but why do you want to? I’ve never really fit in either and I’m perfectly okay with this. Because if I was to try and do life someone else’s way I don’t think it would serve me very well.
40s and still waiting.
That said, as a queer person who is childfree, mentally ill and has zero interest in marriage, I reject those supposed “normal” benchmarks society has told me to aim for. I recommend reflecting on what your actual values are, and why you think you need to be the same as others to feel acceptable. I get it, it’s cultural conditioning, but you absolutely can deprogramme yourself from it.
Not living traditionally does not mean you’re living wrong. It helps to also try to meet other people living non-traditionally. Most of my friends are either queer, childfree, neurodivergent, single by choice, mentally ill or some combination of the above. I just don’t gel as much with more traditional people, and that’s fine.