When you’ve been hurt by your partner flirting with or entertaining other people, what concrete steps did they take that actually rebuilt your trust and how long did it take before you felt safe again?
When you’ve been hurt by your partner flirting with or entertaining other people, what concrete steps did they take that actually rebuilt your trust and how long did it take before you felt safe again?
r/AskWomen
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I wouldn’t stay with someone that flirts with another person. That’s not something I’d be willing to tolerate.
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He wasn’t flirting and I wasn’t necessarily hurt, but I realized that my self esteem had me feeling like someone out there was gonna swoop in and steal my man! I talked to him about these feelings. I told him I can’t be one of those women who don’t trust her boyfriend! I’m not going to be checking his messages, acting like he’s actively trying to cheat on me. At the same time, I wanted to be honest about these crazy feelings I’d been having. We’re a team, you know?
So he met me halfway. There was one woman in particular at that time, so he set up a double date— she’d actually had a crush on one of his friends! We met up, knocked out a whole bottle of wine together, and ended up best friends for life. I even got to be her bridesmaid at her wedding with that friend she’d had a crush on! Everybody wins 🙂
If my partner was flirting with others, I’d be done with the relationship.
I decided that it was move past it or break up, and we stayed together almost three more years before he did it again. I was never very jealous and didn’t hold anything against him.
I don’t really regret the exercise in trust, but I don’t think I’ll make that choice again.
I leave people who flirt with others 🫡
lol, he never actually did anything to fix things. he said he’d go to therapy, and he didn’t. he didn’t even remove them from social media or block them on his own; i asked him to. he truly did nothing except be more affectionate towards me, and i accepted it because i was a chump with low self-esteem.
finally broke up with him for good a few years later when i realized he was never actually going to treat me with respect, and i was pathetic for asking him to
i recommend going that route tbh
Breaches of trust that have to do with fidelity/loyalty don’t truly heal imo… I’m sorry op, I’d recommend leaving if you want to feel safe.
In my experience with a man who engages in this type of behavior it’s one of two things; a) he’s doing it intentionally because it feeds his ego and he likes how it feels or b) he’s clueless about a bunch of attachment/relational issues that create a need based on insecurity. I’m not saying either is justifiable or ok, those are just my observations. If you want to stay in a relationship with him, my advice is to decide which one of those models he fits. If it’s a, he won’t change and you’ll be beating your head against a wall. If it’s b, he might change, SLOWLY. And you will be leading/coaching him the whole way. That’s an exhausting way to live, but if you’re into it, no judgment. I would advise cutting to the chase and telling him you don’t like it and why, then laying out – VERY CLEARLY – what you need to stick around and what will happen if he doesn’t comply. The usual steps to reconciliation from betrayal are authentic accountability, transparency in future actions and deep self work for the betrayer. Let your feelings settle before you decide if it’s worthwhile to dedicate a significant amount of YOUR life and energy rebuilding the relationship and trust your gut on the answer. Sending love and light.
There’s no trust when someone keeps inviting temptations and opportunities to be dishonest.
My partner was doing some version of this on Instagram with random women. There was a large chunk of it that was total cluelessness, and there was a chunk of it that he needed to grow up and realize that external validation was not mature at all. It took a lot of patience on my part and a lot of me looking at Some of my getting bothered by it, but to such an extreme degree that I needed to examine myself. By the time we both did that work, we were meeting pretty much in the middle and I’m not bothered by it anymore because he doesn’t do it.
My ex did this a few times. It really frustrated me because these were women I knew as well. The first had been a good friend who really screwed me over before we fell out. And looking back on that relationship, we never rebuilt that trust and I never felt safe with him again (plus some other issues). He was full of excuses and defenses. The last one was right before covid so we ended up staying together another year but I was checked out. I told him, since flirting with others is so important to you let’s stop making it secret! Let’s open this thing up. He agreed, but of course immediately wanted to close it after I got attention from outside the relationship. So predictable. We ended up breaking up very amicably after everything settled down a bit though
LEAVE. You won’t ever truly feel safe again. not if he willingly made another woman smile while you were breaking inside. Even for a minute if he chose to entertain someone else and disrespect you at the cost of your pain that’s not love. A man who truly loves you finds his happiness in yours. Your sadness would weigh on him too heavily to enjoy attention or give it to anyone else especially in secret. Real love doesn’t risk hurting the one it claims to cherish.
Time apart
That never stops.