whenever my bf and me are arguing, he seems to get incredibly upset (at himself?).
i feel like he feels very guilty sometimes whenever i bring up something that he did, which i didnt like.
whenever that happens, he sometimes leaves to the bathroom and punches the wall. it always scares me a little. but it’s not like because of him being angry with me, but with himself.
im a little scared he might get violent towards me someday.
How can I bring this up without him spiraling into guilt?
Is this behavior a warning sign I should take seriously?
But most of the time, he really is the sweetest and most perfect guy to me.
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This is a warning sign. It might feel manageable now but it will not get better unless he works a lot on himself
i used to do this but then i got help
maybe you suggest he gets help, not only for you but himself
i would never hurt another but i would hurt myself out of stress
“Before they hit you, they hit next to you”
Hes showing you who he is by punching the wall. Please don’t ignore this and leave as quick as you can. This is serious.
He should look into a type of anger management, him losing his cool by punching walls majority of the time leads to eventually it being your face or body this isn’t something to let go and just expect him to change over he needs to know how you feel and he needs to get help in regards to his anger.
If he doesn’t do it when he gets mad at work, he’s doing it specifically because it makes you scared he might get violent towards you. Run.
Punching walls is still domestic violence. It’s a very emotionally immature person not capable of processing their emotions. You can’t separate out people from their good and their bad so you can just have a relationship with the good. Did you learn to do this in childhood to survive? You have to learn to judge the person for the whole of who they are, this guy is not a functioning capable partner. Period. Please work on your attachment trauma from childhood so you can learn to be and find healthy people.
This is abuse, OP. And it won’t stop at punching the wall.
When he punches the wall after you bring up a concern, it’s a manipulation tactic to get you to drop it. He either wants you feeling bad for him so that you won’t do it again, or he wants to scare you into submission. Neither is ok or safe.
Please take it from me, someone who has been in an abusive relationship. Leave now, before things get worse. Because they will get worse.
Yikes. Someone who cant control his anger as if he’s the only one upset in this world.. Run.
Violence is a choice, I can appreciate violence as a force but never at my home
please leave him