I originally wasn’t going to post until this morning. . .
I 31F and my Husband 33M have been together since we were teenagers.
In the past couple years I have been dealing with some health issues or so I thought, with my woman area. I had a laproscopy to test for endometriosis ( if you are unsure what that is please look it up). When I went in for surgery I was cleared and deemed that everything was 100% healthy and there were no signs of endo.
For the past years sex has been a tad painful for me but only when my partner 33M thrusts way too hard.
Now during sex he seems to do this very frequently.
Slamming it in or “pounding” as many say.
I notice a huge difference when his thrusts are more lighter in a love making way.
I voice this to him often but it always ends in a fight.
I feel as if he doesn’t believe me.
Recently on my Birthday night May I add. . .
We were having sex and he has my legs up and was thrusting deeper and harder. I stated to him that it was going fine until he started thrusting harder and to keep the same rhythm as before. He then gave me one good thrust and I winced.
He then got off of me all mad and told me to get on top of him and ride if I couldn’t handle it.
Embarrassed I got on top and I started riding he says to me “You need to go find a man with a smaller dick because this isn’t working”
I immediately got off of him and he kept saying something to me that was not nice but I couldn’t hear it as the tears flooded I ran to the bathroom and I told him to quit talking to me like that and then he proceeded to go to sleep and I stayed up thinking.
I was hurt because I thought he was very understanding on the fact the sex can be painful, it feels as if my ovary is going to burst during certain thrusts.
I love sex as much as the next person.
But when the thrusts are to hard and deep it hurts and I know there is no way this can be normal based on where the pain is coming from.
This morning we woke up and he was getting ready for work. He asked me how I slept and I told him not very good my mind was racing to which he came back with, well I didn’t cum last night and then said something else. I tried to brush it off. As he was walking out the door I went to kiss him and he says are you sure you even want to kiss me? And made another comment. To which I replied, you just love saying mean things don’t you.
He then got mad. I told him you haven’t been said sorry for last night and then he blamed me and told me why does he need to say sorry I should be saying sorry. . .
& That’s what led me to writing on here.
I don’t really know who I can confide in anymore without having a more open outlook.
I don’t have a friend that’s not friend with both of us it seems. And I don’t need judgment from family.
So this goes with the age old question. . .
Where do we go from here?
Comments
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I would be going to a lawyers office and filing for a divorce. What in the actual…???!! I’m so so sorry.
Divorce. Imagine if you got so sick in the future you couldn’t have sex for weeks or months. He sounds like a man child that would expect you to satisfy him anyways. This dude is awful.
Where I’d go is to an attorney.
You’re not a human fleshlight for on demand sex of his preference with no regard for your comfort.
What a selfish asshole. And then he tries to make you feel badly?
I guess at least he stopped—pretty rapey vibes there though.
selfish brat, and youd think you know your partner after all those years, right?
I feel bad for you that he said those words, honestly next time you give him oral bite his dick and tell him thats how it feels when you get hurt during sex lol
but in all seriousness now, if he cant understand that you get hurt when its too rough, he isnt the one for you
Couples counseling. I also have a condition that makes sex painful and my husband is beyond gentle and checks in with me frequently. He lets me set the pace.
You deserve better
Divorce is where you go from here. Like, wtf. I’m so sorry.
Don’t put up with any of that abuse any longer from that asshole. Call a divorce lawyer now and make him an ex, you can find and deserve someone better!
What a disgusting excuse for a man.
Love yourself enough to leave this horrible person.
YOU NEED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Terrible. I have a fwb that is larger than average and we have this problem. He’s very caring about it and still enjoys our sex together, frequently checks in to ask if I’m ok. He’s right. Get a new man.
He’s purposefully trying to hurt you, physically and emotionally. That’s abuse.
He doesn’t give a shit if you’re in pain during intimacy and says emotionally abusive things to you. The answer is clear.
You leave him.
You can try a sex therapist…
But I’d probably jump to divorce. If he’s not listening to you, to a point where he’d rather cry about you not tolerating pain for his pleasure? It’s major red flags
Dude is gonna get off regardless of how he thrusts, so might as well do it at a pace that pleasures you too
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. He is purposefully disregarding your comfortability when you are at your most vulnerable.
Unfortunately, I don’t think this will improve. Hugs to you, OP.
Your husband 100% does not care about you and your feelings. This is very clear and obvious. I am so sorry OP
Where do you go from here? Counseling at minimum but honestly?
Go see a lawyer.
This man does not love or respect you AT ALL. can you live the rest of your life like that?
You married a big dick no pun intended I know it’s easy for all of us to say just go get a divorce but it’s definitely something you should really consider it sounds like a very selfish bastard. Sorry you’re in disposition. this seems to happen a lot with long-term love relationships that started in high school or even college. it’s funny he thinks he has a big dick though and a smaller one smaller one would make you feel better.
You divorce because your husband is sexually abusing you.
Very first of all – from your description it sounds like he’s hitting your cervix during sex which can be extremely painful. I don’t have balls, but apparently it feels similar to being hit in the balls. Could he handle being repeatedly hit in the balls during sex?
The likelihood of that sensation happening can depend on each person’s anatomy (penis size, the depth of your vagina, the length and position of your cervix, how sensitive your cervix is, how aroused you are). I know for me, when someone’s dick accidentally hits my cervix it’s SO painful and has ended a sex session before, but it’s always a “be more careful” or “go slow and ease up to things” sort of scenario after it happens. My partners have always listened to that – it’s part of consent.
If this is the only issue of pain then you may not even have a health issue, and instead just a very uninformed, selfish, and uncaring partner. He sounds like an asshole who thinks his dick is a gift to the world, and is actually not a skilled or respectful lover.
My ex did this he said I’m the only woman ever who doesn’t enjoy sex that much (I also have endo) and that every other woman would wear lingerie around the house and be wanting to please. So I can understand how you feel you know you’re not in the wrong but at the same time they are very manipulative
I’m not sure why they seem to be under the impression that we are just there to fulfil a need.
You drop his ass and go find another man that cares about your pleasure, doesn’t purposely hurt you, and actually cares about you.
I’d be outta there quick.
This man doesn’t like you. He says mean things because he likes hurting you. Here are two things you should read:
He knows, he doesn’t care
Why Does He Do That
He’s not a good man
JFC. He knows it’s going to hurt you, he does it, it hurts you, and then HE gets mad at YOU for expressing pain??? That’s not okay. None of that is okay.
I feel weird saying this, as a guy, but maybe you don’t know because you’ve only been with him. When a woman is aroused, her vagina becomes not just lubricated but also longer, the cervix moves farther away, and then deep thrusting is possible. That’s why it’s such a visual turn on in movies – because it means both people are fully aroused. Your husband is not getting you there. I’m going to guess he’s not super into foreplay, he sees the sex act as just p-I-v and done? He’s a terrible lover and he’s trying to blame you (or his supposedly big dick) for it.
“UG!! ME HORNY!” is not the approach men are meant to take to sex. If a woman likes that kind of pounding, fair enough. This guy reminds me of the AHs that ask the obstetrician “how soon after the birth can we have sex?” Never mind the fact that she just had a C-section. The mark of a good lover is consideration, but it’s clear he only cares about his own needs. If it were me, I wouldn’t see a future with him
Jesus. You should go and find another man.
He values his pleasure over your pain. And he doesn’t see anything wrong with that. There is no amount of talking that is going to change that.
To a lawyer’s office for divorce paperwork. Get out of there ASAP, and don’t be around a red-pilled asshole who’s into marital rape.
I would go find a new place to live cause fuck that. He absolutely doesn’t care about how it feels for you and is only interested in his own pleasure and before you disagree with me …. he did a deep thrust AFTER you said that it hurt.
If I told my partner that something hurt he absolutely would never do that again and he absolutely wouldn’t ever be rude or say mean shit. I hate to say it but you’re just a sex doll for him and that’s most of your value.
Think very hard about all of this. Don’t put up with this it’s not you it’s him.
What an immature, selfish, asshole.
It’s dudes like him who traumatize women and think all men are pieces of shit. I assure you not all of us are like this. There are men who communicate and love that intimate bond with their girlfriend or wife. Guys like him ruin it for a lot of other guys other.
He knows he’s hurting you. He’s doing it on purpose. And he’s probably doing it because he doesn’t want you to actually enjoy it.
You tell him to keep his rhythm because it feels good and he immediately decides to deliberately hurt you! Now I’m not a man but in my experience of having sex, whenever I told a sex partner that it felt good and to keep going like that it got them excited, not angry and selfish enough to want to hurt me.
This is unacceptable!
Do what he told you to do. Find another man! But dump him first.
Something tells me this has absolutely nothing to do with the size of his dick.
Reading this was bad enough before I got to the point where you said he gave one final thrust after you explained it was painful and then got off you in a huff.
This man intentionally hurt you physically during intimacy because he was pissed off. Thats absolutely shocking and unacceptable.
You should honestly never allow this man to touch you again. Theres absolutely no excuse for his behaviour here.
I would find another man.
Good God; dump him. What a selfish tool.
You dont feel good in this relationship anymore. Where do you think you go from here?
My question is: why did you marry him? Surely this isn’t new.
Do you have kids? If not just replace him.
He cares nothing about you. He all about himself, Is he into porn? It as he’s acting out rough sex porn fantasy?
He hurts you during sex and gets mad when you say something? Wtf?
Divorce.
He has been happy, causing you pain for years as long as he gets off. This could have been remedied by different positions or going slower… but your man baby husband doesn’t care about your pain, only his ejaculations. Btw he could have gotten off had he just gone slower…
The pain is caused by him battering your cervix, and it is a common thing with women. Some women can come from it, but it causes most women extreme pain. So he is just going to go on being terrible at sex and never pleasing his partner… which doesn’t seem like a concern for him at all.
The thing I find really rich is that he is annoyed about not getting pleasure for one day… to the extent he wants an apology. Now, I’m guessing here that he doesn’t give you a lot or any orgasms at all. For some reason, we as women are used to not reaching an orgasm. However, men freak out if they don’t get one.
I can count on one hand how many orgasms a man has given me… however, I have lost count of the number of orgasms I have given myself!
When you hand him divorce papers, tell him you are sorry he can not please a woman and gets off only on causing pain.
Your husband is a selfish, cruel pos. Could not imagine purposely doing things to my wife during sex that caused her pain that she didn’t want, especially after she told me how much it hurt and thought she actually needed surgery because i can’t fucking control my this myself.
Your husband sees his pleasure as more important than your literal pain. A lot of guys use this to inflate their ego, like it’s not real sex if it doesn’t hurt her. He was angry as shit because you stopped, before that, i guarantee you that he was getting off on the fact that his dick was hurting you. 100%.
Wow, your husband is a flipping jerk.
Girl lawyer. No women should be talked to like that. He is disgusting. He doesn’t care for you at all. It’s about him and his happy ending.
There is nothing else to say. Lawyer.
Out of curiosity, are you each other’s only sexual partners, or did you lose your virginities to other people and then meet?
I ask because, frankly, he’s had 15 odd years to find the right rhythm with you, i’ve never known any man to settle into sex they don’t enjoy, so he must enjoy it when it isn’t so aggressive too, seems like he might be doing that to push you away, given how he speaks to you. If you were his only sexual partner I might understand if he knows nothing else, that you guys have lost passion and he can’t seem to understand that you can get that back by communicating.
Regardless, if you spend that long with someone and you still love them enough to kiss them goodbye after treating you that way (on your birthday of all days!), then I would also hope you love yourself enough to walk away. Based on your post, he wants you to leave so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Nobody intentionally hurts someone they love during sex, with words or actions. He ruined your birthday, is putting your physical and mental health in danger, and he’s mean to you about it to boot. Get your ass to a solicitors office like yesterday.
For yourself, I’d ask your ob-gyne about the pain. There may be things that can be done to manage it. Ask for yourself though. Not your husband. Talk to other women who had your issue and see what pain they got afterwards and how they managed it. I know after child birth, a bunch of friends of mine recommended pelvic floor therapy. It may be an option for you or there may be other simple treatments to help. Ask your doctor and advocate for your reproductive health.
This is a situation where divorce may be the best option. He literally does not care that he causes you pain during sex. I’d really sit down and think about what else he does to dismiss you. I suspect he does things like this at other times too. A healthy relationship would have involved communication. He would care to adapt to prevent pain.
This could have been a situation you worked through together with communication and maybe you talking to a doctor, but he wants to start a fight.
Hugs. I’m so very sorry.
Your husband does not like you.
This upset me so much I wanted to downvote it. Honey, this isn’t love and it isn’t respect. Your partner shouldn’t ever make you feel bad for taking him he’s hurting you during sex, and he definitely shouldn’t keep going. You need to get out of there. Draw the line in the sand today. You deserve so much better.
He knows he’s hurting you and he doesn’t care. His own pleasure is more important to him. There’s nothing here to work with. I’m sorry. ❤️
I’d also really recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. You’ve described a lot of red flags for abuse – isolation, blame shifting, ruining a day that’s about you and not him – so it would be worth knowing the patterns and how to spot them. There’s a free pdf here.
Girl, he’s hitting your cervix. If he is too dumb and insensitive to understand that this isn’t a you problem and that he just sucks at sex, this relationship sucks.
He expects yo be able to hurt you without complaint. Why don’t you hate him?
So you’re supposed to apologize to him for being in pain? Wtf? I know Reddit is full of people who immediately jump to “leave him” over every little ridiculous thing but this is something that I agree you need to leave him over. What he said was cruel, heartless and disgusting. And considering the next morning he doubled down on it means he really meant what he said. Divorce him.
This guy seems to hate you. This is not how someone treats you when they love you, value you, and respect you.
You’re in a violent relationship/ marriage- emotionally and sexually- you need to leave.
It will not get better. If you stay it will get worse. He does not care about nor respect you and therefore it’s easy for him to hurt you.
Honestly, all this shocks me, and I didn’t think Reddit could shock me anymore.
I had endo, had 3 laps to get it diagnosed – long story not needed for this post, and then ended up with a hysterectomy.
The two men I was with during this time were so understanding, and one was an absolute ass in almost every other way.
Whether you have endo or not, your husband is taking pleasure from your pain, or trying to. Or he doesn’t care about it. His pleasure is more important than yours, and he wants you to just lay there in silence.
Something is really, really wrong with this. And I’m so sorry.
OMG you husband is horrible!
What do you do about it!?!? You LEAVE! His total disrespect for you and ignoring your requests is abusive behavior! Read that again! Your husband is abusive!!!!!!!
Leave and take some time to figure out why your bar got set so low as to be with someone who is not even worthy of a glance from you!!!
Your husband is a child.
Now, how about a trip to the local sex shop and ask them about donkey or cock rings. They can control how deeply he is able to thrust, so he can still drive hard but with the right thickness of ring(s), he won’t strike your cervix.
I would sit him down and tell him that the only man you want inside is him, and these items are the way for you to find a smaller dick and to be able to satisfy him.
There is a caveat here. His enjoyment may be hitting bottom rather than fully thrusting. If he complains that the rings restrict his enjoyment, then the two of you will be at an impasse. Hopefully it’s just hard thrusts and then the problem can be alleviated.
Regardless of this outcome, you still need a conversation about him saying hurtful things – especially during or after sex. It isn’t healthy and it is very likely to have an adverse effect. How would he like it if you told him his dick was so small that you can’t even feel him inside? Or that he needs to find someone with a big sloppy cunt that can handle his size?
Divorce
I would never want to have sex with someone again who did not believe me when I told them they were causing me pain during sex.
I’ve actually talked to my partner about this as well. Those really deep, forceful moves can hurt, and I had to tell him that it just wasn’t possible in certain positions without hurting me. Do you know what he said? “I won’t do that anymore. It’s not fun for me if it’s not fun for you.” Do you know why he said that? Because he loves me, respects me, and most importantly, sees me as a human and not something there purely for his gratification.
Your husband seems to have the mentality that your pain is a fair trade for his gratification, which is not true. And I can tell you that the culprit for this mentality is almost definitely his consumption of adult content. You haven’t said anything about his porn habits, but I’m willing to bet that his search history would be illuminating.
Because you’re married and not just dating, I’d say sit him down when you’re both feeling levelheaded – don’t have this conversation during/after sex – and say that you love being intimate, but that everybody’s body is different, and you need your body to be comfortable to enjoy the act. Tell him that when you’re uncomfortable, it takes you out of the moment, and there’s nothing unsexier than sex when your heart’s not in it. Ask him why those forceful moves are important to his pleasure; if it’s a domination thing, maybe suggest some alternative dominant behavior (hair-pulling, a hand at the neck, dirty talk?) Make sure he understands that adult content is fantasy just like Lord of the Rings is fantasy; it’s all manufactured and played up, it’s not realistic and it’s all for the camera, it’s not fair to hold real-life to those standards. If this conversation blows up or he’s unkind to you about it again, then yeah, what the other comments said: find a divorce lawyer, darling.
I hope this helps.
Don’t stay with your high school boyfriend. It almost never works out. You grow apart.
He isn’t going to change. Leave.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say he doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings and only cares about his own animal urges. You can stay and suck it up or you can find someone more attuned to your needs.
He is making it about his pleasure not knowing you are in pain, did you verbalize it to him while doing the deed. Have a talk and if he continues acting like a toddler then maybe you need to rethink about this marriage
Everyone jumps to divorce on reddit, but in reddit’s defense: so many relationships are toxic where the (usually female) partner thinks their SO is so wonderful and perfect except for the name calling, controlling behavior, ignoring basic requests for human decency, sex that frequently ends up in some way non-consentual, yelling, gaslighting, etc.
This man is DARVO’ing you. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. He’s saying he didn’t do anything wrong, making it your fault, and acting like the victim even though he is actively violating your boundaries. “Don’t hurt me during sex” seems like BASIC human decency and ANYONE who truly loves you should be happy to make sure you feel safe, loved, and comfortable. YOU are capable of having sex without hitting him. So why isn’t he capable of the same?
He insults you. He calls you names. All because you wanted him to respect you and maaaaaybe even apologize? Girl, he isn’t going to change. This is not behavior that changes. He’s not ignorant. There is no “magic way” to explain this to him so he stops. He knows he is hurting you, physically and emotionally, and just doesn’t care.
Get out. Get a divorce. Find someone who actually respects you and wants the best for your well being. You are worth BASIC HUMAN DECENCY. You’re not asking to be treated like a princess or for him to go down on you for an hour every day regardless of jaw pain. You just want him to not thrust too hard during sex, and, and, not insult you. To start.
Get a divorce. Don’t let this AH continue to waste your time.
This man is a horrible partner if he can’t even see how he’s hurting you. I’m not talking about the sex, I’m talking about his mouth. What a dick.
You need to leave, he’s a narcissistic c*nt and it will just get worse. If he won’t heed your concerns, he doesn’t respect you.
Do you feel loved by this person? Can’t call him a man because he doesn’t act like one. Not sure he’s a person though either with the way he’s treating you.
I think what’s so gross about all of this is that he turned it into something about him and his dick.
In that one sentence he turned this situation into something really vile in my opinion.
“You need to go find a man with a smaller dick because this isn’t working”
The way I hear it is he’s too good for you. You’re not woman enough to handle his big ole penis and his penis is high value just like him. He needs his woman to match him in value. He’s saying my dick is too good for you and so am I. And because I’m too good for you that means you need to find a lesser man and I need to find a higher value woman to match me and my needs.
Seriously that is the disgusting message I heard from him when reading your post.
OP I can’t help but agree that you need to leave him. You’re married so I’m sure you’ll try to work it out and there isn’t anything wrong with that except he won’t get any better because he doesn’t see he’s the problem. And you’ll go through more hell. But it’s incredibly hard to convince someone like him that he’s got some shit to change. He’s one of those people that are fucking soulless. If he can’t empathize with you and have sex with you without having to ram it in all the time making sex PAINFUL on PURPOSE for you then that’s not very loving. And it just shows that this man is seriously thoughtless and careless about you. His feelings matter more. He still blamed you in the morning instead of taking any accountability. The only thing he cared about was that he didn’t get to cum. That’s not love. That’s gross.
If he can’t see that he’s making this situation so much worse and if he can’t see that’s he’s hurting you then I’m not sure he will see it. Or even cares to. He matters more to him than you do. It’s damn hard to have relationships with someone that can’t ever think of anyone else other than themselves.
OK, first off, some questions for clarity:
Do you feel 100% Respected at least 95% or the time? Meaning, does this type of disregard, and dysfunction seep in to other areas of the relationship. I get an impression of the likely answer from parts of your post, but I would have to hear it from you before I eve thought about giving anything nearing useful advice.
Do you suffer physical abuse, even jokingly, or do you ever feel like at times you deserve the physicality he lays upon you? Sometimes, we fell like other people don’t understand the life that our partner leads, the stress that they are under, or that they just don’t see the kindness they move with because WE always lead with the bad. Is this ever you?
Do you feel like leaving is not an option because ‘where would you go?’? Are you anchored there by any thing beyond the will to stay? Do you have children, financial obligations, or a lack of resources? Are you there because you want to be, or because you can’t be anywhere else?
In general, here are some key factors…
All in all the moment pain comes into the equation, and a partner complains, the sex stops, and the care takes over completely. It becomes time to make sure you are ok, physically, mentally and emotionally, because moment’s of intimacy are moments of vulnerability. We have to be able to admit our mistakes, and beyond that, we must attempt to make amends for it. If a person EVER fails to do that, understand that that person likely doesn’t value your life. Being intimate with someone who doesn’t value your health, and lively hood… your -LIFE-… is tantamount to a self destructive ideation.
Sounds like no one else is taking care of you, so -PLEASE-… PLEASE take care of your self, twice as vigilantly. You deserve it.
Pretend I’m holding your hand while I say this.
This man does not like you. He doesn’t even care that he caused you pain… on your birthday. He said emotionally abusive things to you on your birthday.
He cares more about his pleasure than your pain. He’s expecting an apology for an incredibly appropriate reaction to his emotional abuse.
Where do you go from here.
I want you to take some time, journal. Not in a place he can find it. I do a locked notes on my phone.
I want you to imagine a partnership. Someone who is soft with you. Simone who desires you in a way that puts your pleasure before their own. There are men out there like this.
I want you to make a pros and cons list of staying in this marriage. I want you to list all the other red flags.
I want you to realize that you are worthy of being cared for and love and just because you have spent the first half of your adulthood with this man it doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life with him. You are allowed to put yourself first.
If you choose to leave. Do it quietly. Gather all the paperwork for shared assets. Start a bank account in only your name at a different bank than any shared accounts. Start pinching pennies and building of that account. You can sell off some unused items in the name of spring cleaning and put the money in that account.
Start building a life outside of your shared one. Interview attorneys until you find one that you know will go to bat for you. Do the same with a therapist.
Leaving is not easy. But you also only have one life. You deserve better than this.
Imo, he has found someone more suitable to his thrusting needs. Purposefully trying to push you.
Has he been this mean lately or was always like this not noticeable?
Why did you climb on top of him if that’s his attitude. Either leave him or put him on a sex ban until he can learn to control himself and stop acting like an animal
He probably just cant fuck and so they just do whatever to get it over with. But also are you fully aroused when yall start? Cus you might not be and in that case your cervix is closer and so when he thrust he really is just beating you up which hurts. Im assuming hes not willing to try differenf things to not hurt you cus hes trying to bust as quickly as possible and thats causing resentment between the both of yall. So either yall need to work it out or not and if not it means your gonna keep getting hurt or yall break up. Sex is only good of both ppl try if its only 1 persom comminicating and tryimg itll always be 1 sided. Ive been with ppl who id talk to them about things i didnt like and what i did actually like and id even physically move them and physically show them and theyd just pull away and try to go back to whatever garbage they were doimg before. I also got dicked too hard that ot literally felt like something snapped imside my body and it was a sharp instant pain and i had to roll off the bed to get them to stop and then i hid im the bathroom where it was like a intense cramp and it hurt to pee and i still have no idea what that was. Some ppl just are incapable of change or their not ready for change. Sometimes sex just sucks even if theres nothing physically wrong, you just wanna fuck ppl who actually want you to feel good.
He knows deep thrusting hurts, you’ve communicated it over and over. Yet he continues to do ot. Why? Because he’s selfish and inconsiderate. His pleasure is worth more to him than your pain. He is downright callous and cruel.
Yuck! I agree with the others, you are not a flashlight for him to use.
For other, good men, I suggest a wide cockring, it kinda “shortens” the dick and you can pound all you want! In my experience at least.
It sounds like he’s hitting your cervix when he goes particularly deep/hard. And while some women enjoy that sensation, most find it uncomfortable to painful, but it’s unfortunately very common in porn. The main problem here is that your husband sees you as a sex object to be used as he wants, and not a person who has just as much right to enjoy sex as he does. He is selfish and frankly, bad in bed. If you can’t communicate your preferences and have them honoured by your partner, then you’re having bad sex, even if they get off. I’d agree with him about you finding another man, let him go jackhammer someone else’s internal organs. If you’re not enjoying yourself, then stopping sex and letting him sort himself out is the right thing to do. You’re not a sex doll! You deserve a partner who wants you to actually enjoy sex with them!
This is scary. I don’t know if he’s just trying to replicate what he sees or hears in media (adult or red pill variieties) or if he’s just getting off on your pain. Either way it feels like you are not safe with him. You don’t owe him any apology. Please be careful in whatever you choose to do. I would probably go to friends or family and start divorce proceedings if it were me.
I don’t understand why he is so angry that you don’t want to have painful sex?
Personally I also don’t like the hard and deep thrusting during sex, like my cervix is being attacked. Some vaginas ar shorter than others.
If a person loves you they would never want to hurt you, even if that means they don’t get what they want.
So I think you should find another man, he doesn’t love you and only thinks of himself.
He is pathetic and this post filled me with revulsion. How dare he act like you are the issue when all you want is not to be hurt by him?
Lawyer up. Make a plan. Get out of this abusive marriage. Consult with a woman’s shelter for advice and assistance. You are worth so much more than this. Act now!
As a man, this is unacceptable. When I was a young idiot this was me. But with someone I love, I’d never treat her like that. It may be time to walk away. It’s for us to say it but you have to look inside of you to see if its over.
Take his advice. Dump the asshole and go find another man. He is deliberately hurting you, get away before it escalates.
LAYWER UP, BUTTERCUP
Reddit continually opens my eyes to some shit people say and get away with in a relationship. Wow!!
I’m not perfect, and if I’m honest, I could write a long list of my flaws, but some of these stories are wild!
I remember the one time one of my (ex) friends opened up properly about the disharmony in his relationship and was showing me texts of his recent communications with his wife, and I was so (internally) shocked. In that minute or so of text scrolling he showed me, he’d written more personal insults and derogatory statements at his partner than I’ve said to anyone I know in my whole life. And I’m in no way afraid to speak my mind.
You don’t need a man with a smaller dick – you need a man who is a smaller dick. Your husband is an asshole. He is intentionally hurting you – he can act like he has a giant cock, but that is his own insecurity talking.
He would rather cause you pain in order to have the type of sex he prefers. This man doesn’t care about your pleasure, happiness or safety
The fact you won’t even write the things he said to you shows that you know they’re so awful (and he likely says them frequently) that everyone here would tell you to leave… which they are already doing.
This is a monster that puts HIS sexual needs above all else, including your mental, emotional, and physical health. I’m willing to bet this has zero to do with penis size (although I’m sure he likes to think it does) and more to do with you not feeling safe and secure and your body not being ready & open to sex with him… because of his abusive ways.
Get yourself into individual therapy, but don’t do couples therapy with an abuser. Visit a lawyer and make a safe escape plan. This man thinks of you and your body as property and will likely lose his mind if he realizes he’s losing control of you.
I’m so sorry. This is NOT the person to get older with. We ALL tend to have changes in our physical abilities throughout life. You will possible give birth at some point, you will likely go through menopause. He may develop prostatic issues or arthritis. Being in a loving relationship is not what you’re describing, and it will not get better. Do you know that you deserve better?
This is disgusting and borders on assault. He’s literally hurting you during intercourse and knows that. You had a whole exploratory surgery; obviously you’re dealing with pelvic pain or you wouldn’t have gone through all that.
The fact that your husband, who should love and respect and care about you, is not only not concerned about hurting you but is basically just annoyed that he didn’t get to orgasm? Honey. Throw the whole man away. This is some narcissistic bull.
So… He hurts you, he doesn’t care, he ignores your very very reasonable boundary, and then he blames you? You go straight to a divorce attorney because this is abuse.
What an a-hole
He doesn’t like you. Women write in every day unaware their partners despise them.
Dude, he’s a selfish asshole. If the issue really is his size, does he think every bigger guy is out there brutalizing their partners? They make special products for this. They do this because the normal , sane, thing to want is for both of you to enjoy sex. Honestly, I would never let that monster touch me again.
No doubt, if you guys move on your sex lives will go in very different directions. With his thinking, he’s not going to have women falling over themselves for that. You on the other hand will get a normal partner and get to experience sex for pleasure.
Very occasionally it hurts and if that happens my boyfriend stops and we try more lube and a different position. If it still feels uncomfortable then we’ll just cuddle or maybe oral or something else. He is always very happy to check in with me and never makes me feel bad for “interrupting” even if he doesn’t get to orgasm himself. Please don’t allow yourself to be disrespected like that. Your husband is wrong.
Schedule an appointment with your gyno and bring him along. Have the Dr explain how painful sex can be at times and that all your asking for is him to be more gentle and if he does go faster and harder to ask you to please tell,him when it begins to hurt so he can ease back, without getting an attitude. He’s being a total dick (pun intended).
Together since you were teenagers? That’s more than ten years of this!. After ten years he should be the most respectful, loving, sensitive, trustworthy partner ever. He should know all about your condition and be very mindful of it. I’m sad to say but like others, I think you should do yourself a favor and realize how serious this is. This is your one precious life.
Uh… his last big thrust after you said he was hurting you sounds like abuse to me. I would not be having sex with that man anymore.
Do not let this man anywhere near your private parts anymore, he has no respect for you. He would rather cause you pain for his own pleasure than listen to what you are saying. And the cherry on top is he isn’t even sorry. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry this has been your experience but so happy to hear you are not only receiving the care you need but also raising sons and grandsons that will stop this awful cycle.
As far as what happens after you get out, I have been where you are. I swore men off completely for years. I worked hard to understand and get through the cycles of abuse that have been a part of my life since I was 3.
Strangely a little more than year ago I met a man through a social group that I swore I would never date! For the love of Pete, the man is a police officer!! Well I’m now engaged to said man. Despite the stereotype of his job he is one of the kindest, most loving human beings I have ever met. He feels a bit like the prize you get at the bottom of the cereal box. He’s what I deserve after suffering so much cruelty. But I think it’s the perfect place/reaction you are having now, you don’t want/need a partner. That’s ideal so that no matter what happens you know that you and your amazing support network can handle it and you won’t depend on anyone else.
BIG HUGS!! And thank you again for your rapid defense of this abused woman. We all need to be this aggressive and stand up for the most vulnerable of us!
This man needs to be pegged
I’m sorry you are going through this! It’s traumatic.
This is sexual abuse and assault! Get out of this relationship !! This will Not change, and will get worse. He obviously is angry and taking it out on you.
I am a dude and I hurted a few partner by hitting their cervix… I was so embarassed to have hurt them and always found a way to ensure it would not happen again.
This goes beyond a sexual problem , it s about feeling safe.
Have a talk , first about the upcoming talk : tell him that you want an open heart, good-willed non judgemental conversation. It has to be calm and gentle , no yelling , no aggressivity of any sort.
Then you need to talk about your feeling toward this episode.
If you realise during this conversation that he is not ready to change his behaviour, you need to leave!
this is abuse. please leave
There’s a simple fix for this. Take him to your gynecology appointment. Ask the doctor if you have a shallow vagina or what happens when hard thrusts reach the back wall of the vagina. Let the doctor explain it to him. That should make him understand. If he refuses to go with you then I’d seek counseling. He’s definitely being an A hole and it’s not your fault. I’m sorry he’s doing this to you.
Hang in there.
Cruelty hurts most when it comes from someone you love. He knows exactly how his behavior during sex causes you pain, but he doesn’t care—he’s only focused on his own release. That’s not just selfish, it’s destructive. If you don’t put a stop to it now, he’ll either ruin you or eventually leave you anyway. Don’t let him break you before you finally let him go.
He is hurting you. On purpose. On your birthday. You leave honey. I know that’s a terrifying prospect because he is all you know, but I promise you that healthy love will not make you feel like this and you deserve that.
He has porn brain rot. They equate pain with “pleasure”.
So, he deliberately hurt you during sex on YOUR BIRTHDAY and it’s your fault? Yeah, no! I’m not even sure he likes you with how he spoke to you.
You want to know how my husband handled pain during sex (hitting my cervix) he apologized and we tried a new angle and he took it easier on me. That’s how a real man behaves. Your poor excuse for husband treats you like shit, my love.
I’d say couples therapy, but he doesn’t seem to like you so I doubt he’d do therapy since I’m sure he’d say YOU alone need the therapy. Which after having an abusive husband, it’s true.
Personally, I’d go see a divorce lawyer. Then I’d go see a therapist. Then I’d go from there. I wouldn’t be affectionate or nice to a dude that treated me like your husband treats you. I don’t even know how he treats you on a day to day basis and I already see he’s abusive towards you.
He doesn’t seem to make you happy. He seems to tear you down and deliberately physically hurt you. What would you tell a friend in your situation?
You’re married to an asshole that watches too much porn. I would not put up with being hurt. He is a terrible lover and person.
He sounds like an absolute asshole. Too self absorbed to care if its painful to you, you are not a lifeless sex doll. What a disrespectful excuse of a man. Its not ok for him to treat you like this and im sure this isnt the only time hes treated you poorly. I suggest you leave this jerk off.
You don’t need someone with a smaller d*ck, you need someone with a bigger brain.
He gets angry over everything and quickly. He’s literally punishing you for being in pain and advocating for yourself.
I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who literally wants me to be in pain and to shut up about it.
He has no respect for you. He doesn’t care about you or your well being.
I know it’s easy for us to say from the outside, but I would genuinely consider divorce. This is not going to get better. This seems like genuine animosity, it almost feels like he resents you from reading this, and you both don’t need to be in a relationship where you’re not truly happy. I understand you have been together for a long time but he does not love you. A man who truly loves you would do the opposite of EVERYTHING he’s doing. His mind set seems to be so malicious it’s alarming.
Normally I don’t get angry at these posts but… 😡
WTF is wrong with him? 😞
I’m sorry this is what is happening in your life, but where you go, is to a new mental state where you consider what is truly good for you and what will truly and practically work for you.
Sure, you can go to individual counseling and you can see if he will go to couples counseling, but that won’t change his intent to hurt you while he has sex with you, which basically makes him a sadist. He knows, but he’s hurting you anyway, so at that point that’s not really lovemaking that’s trying to hurt you in a sexual way while he gets off on it.
Is he ever ever kind to you? cuz he sounds like an a******, like a jerk, like a mean person who sees you as his personal whipping slave.
I would check with blinders from your eyes, how nice he has been to you the entire time, how much love he is really giving you, how often he does things that you say will hurt you, anyway because he wants to. to me this sounds like your enemy has access to your most intimate self, and he is just hurting you.
If this has been going on for a while, and isn’t something new, I would leave. it’s not worth it to have a life where the prison that is closest to you is trying to sabotage and hurt you. now that you know there’s nothing physically wrong with you, it’s just him who wants to pound you even if it hurts you, you know the best thing for your body and your mind is to get away from this. ask him directly if he will change, if he says he doesn’t plan to, then that’s your cue to leave. If he says he will, check and see if he does, he’s probably lying – then leave.
Please get a real life with a real love making partner who loves you and who would never dream of hurting you.
He deliberately hurts you for his own pleasure, repeatedly. You know where you go from here
Your husband is a selfish lover – he knows that when he thrusts too deep, he will hurt you, and that doesn’t seem to bother him.
Maybe you should cut him out of the sex, get a vibrator and take care of yourself – he’s already told you to get another man if you think he’s too big for you – he isn’t too big, he’s just too rough.
He doesn’t have a big dick. He’s shit in bed.
He’s using DARVO argument techniques to confuse you and make you feel guilty (DARVO Resource. It’s an extremely common pattern amongst abusers. The acronym stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse-Victim-and-Offender.
The “I didn’t do anything wrong, you’re the one who needs to apologize to ME because I didn’t even come last night” is textbook DARVO. But he sounds like a grade A asshole so I’m sure he does this to you all the time in arguments.
It is not normal for sex to hurt. Your husband is an asshole. If you say, “Stop! It hurts,” he should immediately stop. When he doesn’t do so, that is rape/sexual assault.
You absolutely should not tolerate this. You also should not tolerate him being mean to you and/or calling you names. This is also abuse.
I really hope you leave him. You deserve so much better.
Your husband doesn’t have a big dick, he IS a big dick.
Wow. He sounds like an insufferable prick who, ironically, has an insufferable prick. Either this guy watches way too much porn and thinks he needs to be “pounding” you constantly to be a man, or he just enjoys hurting you because it makes him feel “big.” Either is a pretty big problem.
The fact that he treated you like he did on ANY day, let alone your freaking birthday, is absolutely insane to me. If you want to save this relationship, I’d tell him you don’t want sex until y’all start consistently seeing a couples therapist (maybe a sex therapist, too – pretty sure that’s a thing). And y’all both need individual therapy for very different reasons.
If you don’t care about preserving the relationship or want an out, I’d just tell him never to speak to you or treat you that way again, or you’re gone. Won’t be long until he calls your bluff, based on your description of him.
You’ve answered all your questions but you aren’t paying attention. He’s equally as hurt and sexually frustrated and you keep digging at him in a negative way. Based on how you describe his responses he has felt this frustrated for a long time.
Good God, this man can’t stand you. Have you ever made a list of awful things he routinely says or does to you? I bet if you did, you’d finally be forced to confront the fact that you’re married to a monstrously selfish and cruel man who does not love you.
He hurts you! And when you tell him it hurts he doesn’t stop. He even complains! This is abuse. And if you can’t see that then it’s because you’ve become so used to his awful behaviour you don’t see it.
All men are not like this. Sex should never be like this. Where you go from here is you leave him. Why would you continue to be mistreated by this arsehole? Why would you choose that to be your life? He doesn’t deserve a wife. And you certainly don’t deserve him.
Girl, no. Just no.
He is treating you like a sex doll, not a person. If I have the slightest discomfort during or not during sex, my husband is immediately attentive and stops everything he is doing to make sure I’m fine.
If I had endo or any pain during sex, he would make sure to do everything he can to not hurt me. If you love another person, you don’t do things to hurt them.
Your husband intentionally hurt you during sex. Intentional. That last thrust was intentional.
You deserve better than a person who is intentionally hurting you.
LAWYER UP
To him you’re just a hole. So move on.
Sexual abuse?
Does he even like you? If I told my partner sex was painful he’d never tell me to go find someone else. We’d talk about and come up with a plan so we both can continue to enjoy our sex life.
He’s treating you like a sex toy. That if he has to change ANYTHING about sex for him, he just wants to quit the whole relationship. He’s just using you. I dont think he even cares about you beyond that. If he did, he wouldn’t act this way.
It’s up to you where you go from here. Do you want to continue this? With you partner getting mad at you DURING sex. Like I cant imagine that hardly.
He doesn’t care about your pain, only his nut.
Hes a narcissist he wants his way or the highway
Sorry but you married a selfish AH. I used to hit my wife’s cervix in some positions causing her pain. We talked about it and she communicated which positions were okay to go deep and which ones I couldn’t. That was all it took to fix the problem because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her during sex. When sex is pleasurable we did it more often, kinda of a no brainer. It doesn’t sound like your husband gets it and probably never will. Sorry 😔
the only size issue is with your husband’s ego . anytime it’s started being painful , my husband immediately stops and makes sure i’m okay before we continue and/or readjust . i agree with the many others who are saying your husband is a very selfish partner ..
He’s bad in bed and making it your problem. Also he’s sounds like a terrible partner anyway. Why are you still there?