It could be as a father, husband, son, brother, etc. I think we all have areas we wish we could be better as men. Or things said/done we wish we could take back and do over.
I definitely feel like I’ve failed as a son and brother. My parents definitely had expectations for me that I haven’t really lived up to because of addictions and bad choices. And my brother and I aren’t very close and I’m not quite sure how to restore that relationship. It’s been frustrating.
Let’s normalize talking about our failures so we can learn from them and be better men going forward!
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/the-great-bambin0’s post (if available):
It could be as a father, husband, son, mentor, etc. I think we all have areas we wish we could be better as men. Or things said/done we wish we could take back and do over.
Let’s normalize talking about our failures so we can learn from them and be better men going forward!
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Basketball
Securing my financial future for retirement years. I’m 44 and due to divorce and bad decisions I’m a bit behind.
Until now i feel as a good son I have failed.
Career – restarting in my late 20’s
When married focused on sex and it caused my divorced, lost a ton of money and house.
Honestly? My biggest failure has been not being present enough for my parents as they’ve gotten older.
Totally failed as an older brother. My sister is constantly irritating me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to act with children and feel like I’m becoming my abusive parents
My reactive anger has undermined me. I feel a bit like a cornered animal at times when someone treats me aggressively or unfairly. Rather than take a walk, I argue with dysregulated people and begin to mirror them. Had I understood and done the work then that I’m doing now, many bridges would still be standing. That’s the failure at my core.
Alaska
I feel the biggest area , I have failed as a Man , is not taking care of my health . For 24 years I was committed to being a provider for my family . I worked 63 plus hours a week while attending college part time . I neglected my health . My profession had me in a fight or flight mode constantly. I wasn’t getting enough sleep . I’m know retired. I have multiple sclerosis.
For me I feel like I failed in self-care….
I don’t mean I’m not taking care of myself per sé, like, physically or hygienically, but especially in the mental self care I feel like I failed.
Divorced here, and ever since that breakup I’m feeling a bit struggling on the self-love side of life, and it is impacting all other areas of my life, especially the dating side of life and long-term commitment.
Don’t worry about me, I’m slowly getting back to my feet, but I sure do wish I’d get those 3+ years of my life back since my downfall.
Dating for sure.
All of the lost friends, loves, and opportunities from forty-four years of out of control binge drinking. I squandered a ton of shit but thanks to stopping the booze and some damned good therapy and exercise I’ve done a good job of rebuilding things. I’m lucky to be alive but am aware of how bad I fucked up back then.
Should have had a fight/proper talk with my dad rather than going no contact and then he gets dementia.
Confidence.
I occasionally feel like the fact that I’m not in a relationship, let alone a father, is a massive failing. Seeing so many of the guys I grew up with getting married and having kids sorta feels surreal, like I’m suddenly on the outside and looking into the group I grew up with as they all progress past me.
That translates into being a bad son. The fact that I’m not really happy, even with all the love and support my parents provided. Kinda like I wasted all of the years they put into raising me.
I’m aware that it’s not really a logical thing. It’s just me struggling with emotional nonsense. But it all just sorta hangs out in the back of my mind like a bad aftertaste.
I still have more work to do but basically being a better person than my father was.
I sharted myself and a single peanut rolled down my pants leg and out the bottom
Not smartening up sooner
Dating/relationships and staying fit. In highschool I wasn’t athletic, didn’t like any sports either, wasn’t a super competitive person. I liked to ride my bike but I kinda gave that up once I got into playing halo with my friends lol. Dating I should have at least attempted while I was in college and maybe my 20s. I had opportunities but I was not right mentally for it, so I suppose it was for the best.
Spending too much time on my phone and not giving my wife enough physical touch. Things are WAY different at home now that I modified these two things. Even bought her a massage table for Christmas last year!
I have been active allot my whole life, ive been in sports I’ve worked out consistently, lifted weights and dieter, but ive never in my life been thin, or anything bellow “pudgy”. I know my worth isn’t tied to my physical appearance, but after years of getting overlooked in relationship for it, you can’t help but wonder if your the problem. So that, I feel like I have failed myself, like I have proven with my continued existence that I am not worthy of that body and I am a failure.
42, no kids, never married.
Negative net worth. No assets. Just have a decent job for now.
“Normalize”
No.
What if OP shared first
Not having any friends and not being able to fix that no matter what therapy I get.
Taking care of my trauma. Dealing with it early on. I could have had a lot better relationships and a better life in general. A man is the first domino in the relationships and family he starts. Everything falls if he does.
Life is iterative, not pass or fail.
I haven’t failed.
Still living at home at 38 🤦♂️😞
I never had a family.
I wish I had the kind of money to help the people I love who need it but I just don’t
Ooooo love this question, I failed during my marriage to keep my frame and gave into all of my ex wives OCD riddled anxieties. As a recovering codependent it was my lowest low cause I thought it could work if I did x y and z and it was never gonna happen. I’ve worked on it since my divorce and have definitely not fallen into the same patterns since and have left situations that would’ve been bad.
Being 5’4 . Very insecure about it
I haven’t slept with enough women
I am a failure in life. I may look to be successful but it is family business.
I hate the business but I had to be the one at helm till the next generation take over.
I am a serial failure in entrepreneurship. I was involved in multiple failed startup and lost money as a result.
I am bad in my health as I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer last year. Although now in remission but the side effects still exist.
Not being assertive enough. Especially in a group setting.
Lifelong chronic underachiever in terms of jobs/career.
1 divorce, multiple failed relationships, no children to carry the family legacy. My parents will never admit their disappointment with me for not giving them grandchildren. I can see it in their eyes.
I have been the peacekeeper in my family my whole life. It has gotten me nothing and made my life very difficult. I relate the allegory of Viserys I Targaryen from House of the Dragon. All that man did was try to keep the peace and all he got for it was him rotting away and achieving nothing.
I failed myself mostly, though that has indirect (?) consequences for others
Married the wrong woman knowing that she was the wrong woman and ended up cheating on her.
I should have believed in myself more.
Not realizing that a relationship, marriage is a lot of work but well worth it.
We got complacent and put our energy into our kids. Not each other. People put their kids needs above their spouses
The biggest need your kids need is a happy Mom and Dad
So dates, doing little things, surprises. Keep it alive and once the sex stops, someone is going elsewhere to find attention.
Iam not a provider. Iam lazy. Iam satisfied with the bare minimum. I would probably change if a kid was involved but until I change for my own sake, iam not gonna involve kids. I hate letting other people down. It’s the one thing that gets me up.
I feel like I haven’t lived up to expectations on how I’m supposed to live my life as a man. You know, your teens/early 20s are supposed to be about messing around with as many girls as possible. Then you choose the best and settle down. By the time you’re in your 30s, you’ve got a house, are married, and have kids.
Due to anxiety, low confidence, and shyness, I never put myself out there. My teens/20s/30s were focused entirely on school and I didn’t have the experiences I know I should have had. Now I’m deep into my 30s and I don’t have a house, not married, no relationship experience, and no hope that it’ll turn around for me. Life went faster than I could keep up and I’m much further behind than what most people would expect.
Not buying a house earlier in life. I didn’t realize just how much money I’ve lost from renting.
I have done things that would ruin some of my family relationships if they knew. Other than that I feel like I’ve done pretty well in my career and education.
Allowing my wife to start yelling every day. We all need a peace at home.