Just curious to see how many people here have had culture and past life experiences shoved down their throats as a justification for their immigrant parents abuse? My russian family and nmom often use it as an excuse for my nmom’s behavior and it drives me nuts
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My family is German, Mom being German-born, now live in USA
I have a friend whose parents are in this camp. Seeking healing gets her labeled as “trying to be white” and the emails and communications are eviscerating and so harmful, debasing and sad.
All requests for the parent get coded in justification that it’s the only possible way to recover being a “Good ______ daughter” where ____ is their culture. “Good Daughter” basically is the cover for anything the mother wants, and the way she extracts what she wants is through character attacks, constant self-victimization and complaining, and withholding love, affection, mutual honoring and basic decency.
My partner does. My nmother is first/second gen. Technically her parents were born in America but not Americanized at all.
I do. My family is Mexican. Growing up with them being undocumented meant I couldn’t turn to any adult to let them know about the domestic, physical and emotional abuse happening in my home because it meant my dad could be deported. He was the bread winner so he always held that over us. I have no contact with either parent since they will never acknowledge and take responsibility for the abuse and trauma that we had to deal with not only in society but at home. They literally act like we have the perfect family. I’m the black sheep who can’t just let things go in their mind.
raises hand
After a lifetime of being told “in my culture…” to excuse her behavior, I finally visited the country she grew up in. Not all of the people there are like that. It’s my nmom’s family that is bat shit crazy. The native people of her culture of origin are off the hook!
Not me but my partner had an Ndad (had because he’s been NC for almost 10 years) who literally told his three sons he only had them to get free labor.
ETA: I should clarify that his dad and mom are immigrants and he and his brothers are first generation Americans. His parents ran a restaurant and made their sons work without pay until they went to college.
Both my parents are
Yes it’s like they want to relive the same horror
My nmom is aussie, moved here when she was pregnant with me.
Chinese. Guilty.
Yes. I want to start a coaching practice specifically for first gen immigrant children. It’s so hard finding professionals that get it.
Yes lol
mine are and they hold it over our heads a lot. fuck
Born in the Soviet Union, my mom and I both immigrated to the US (she in like ‘97 or something, me in ‘99). American step dad.
Good shit
Poland immigrants moved to England. Got made fun of by people at school and my ndad for not knowing Polish. Who tf is meant to teach me when he doesn’t bother talking to me, abused my mum emotionally so she can’t take care of herself and raise us and I’m in an English school? Even other family members made fun of me for it.
I honestly wouldn’t care if I didn’t know any Polish at all if it wasn’t for me still wanting to talk to my mum. Rest of my famil can fuck off.
As for culture, again no one bothered to integrate me. Since most of my family moved to England and they weren’t particularly nationilistic, at least I didn’t get made fun of for not knowing the culture.
Has made me feel weirdly like a third culture/no culture kid. I don’t feel connected to any country and it’s made me feel very alienated. English culture is weird and I don’t like being here, but Poles are always surprised and don’t really understand why I am this way. I definitely feel like this part of me has been cut away due to neglectful ndad as well…
🙋🏻