why am i (22F) so mean to the people closest to me?

i’m posting this for genuine advice because i want to change and know why i act this way, not to be told how i act is wrong because i already know that. i do this particularly with my mom (62F) and girlfriend (also 22F) of 2.5 years the most. i feel like i just end up lacking patience with these two people specifically and get really mad and speak in a condescending way.

i sometimes find it hard to talk to them because i just get so frustrated and i don’t know why and can’t pinpoint many things to make me act this way. i know it seems really simple to just say “just be nicer” but i don’t know why i do this and that’s what bothers me the most

the major issues in my relationship with my mom on my end include me feeling like everything i tell her about my life, she forgets and it feels like im forgotten or the things i say are unimportant. in my relationship with my girlfriend, i think these issues could stem from resentment from past issues that made me lose a lot of trust in her (no cheating involved)

i love and care about them both so much and i don’t want to keep hurting the most important people in my life. i don’t know why i treat them this way and i don’t know what i can do to fix it. i know i need to work on having more patience and being more understanding because everyone is human and makes mistakes but i just feel like i am a monster and hate myself for it and i know that i don’t deserve them in my life and i want to do better for them. has anyone gone through anything similar? has it improved?

for more background info, i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as a teenager but was later told i didn’t meet the criteria anymore and i have OCD.

TLDR; i’m mean to my mom and girlfriend and i don’t know why i do that and i want to stop hurting the people closest to me and need advice from people that have gone through similar things.