In my family, I spend about 2-4 hours (maybe closer to 5 now it’s Easter holidays) everyday cleaning, doing laundry etc. Even at that, when my dad comes home from work he’s always unhappy with the state of the house. My other siblings are too young or not around to help out.
I’m not mad at the situation, I’m just trying to see how to fix it. I’m a young guy and just feel like I’m wasting so much of my time.
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Are you the only one cleaning? How many people are in the household?
That’s ridiculous. Just stop. Helping with a few chores is one thing. But everyone in the household should be pitching in with assigned tasks.
You’re cleaning that much because neither your dad nor your siblings are willing to do it. That’s the one and only reason!
You have few options, and one is to start discussing the situation with your dad, and ramp it up to fighting if need be, and the other is to “delegate” some chores to the younger siblings. Or to just quit, and let the house be a mess unless your dad wants to be the one to find solutions. Sorry, there’s no way to make the need for housework vanish, as billions of women can tell you from personal experience.
Maybe try teaching the others how to pick up after themselves to help you out?
It sounds like parentification imho. I’d argue even some neglect, definitely a bad dynamic. I’d recommend therapy but you’re already strapped for time so I’ll give you a practical solution
If it’s safe for you to do so (e.g. dad isn’t abusive) I’d ask to sit down and talk about setting up a rota for maybe the oldest siblings.
I’d frame it as instilling good habits for your siblings. You’re overworked cleaning up for 8 of them, but if you got even 4 to take some of the load off hopefully that will give you a couple more hours.
At first I was just reacting with having you calm down and relax. But now I see you have a demanding father in the picture. He has no business complaining. But that’s probably another problem.
Yeah, people should be chipping in. Housework is work. If people don’t do their part, they’re just making it harder, yet. Taking dirty dishes to the sink. Putting trash in the trash themselves, putting their dirty laundry in hampers and their clean clothes away themselves.
If people aren’t doing those things, it makes it take a lot longer to do anything.
Are there all those people in a small house? Not much you can do about that. People are dirty.
An impossible to please parent (or partner, so beware) burns us out.
Life lesson: as long as someone else is doing the work, there will be no help. This is true in the work place, too.
So, since you are not the parent, your power is limited, but you can encourage and reward the youngers for basic stuff: wiping/rinsing the sink after tooth brushing; putting dirty clothing, towels and sheets in the hamper; putting clean dishes away; clearing and rinsing their own used dishes; replacing food containers back into the cupboard or refrigerator (you may need to rearrange stuff to make it easier for them)
A lesson that took me 40 years to figure out is that convenience = more likely to get done. So think about how you and your mom can arrange things to be more convenient. I put spray cleaner and rags under every sink so it is quick and easy to clean a sink, counter or mirror. Every bedroom has a laundry hamper with handles. They aren’t cute, but they are convenient. The laundry room has sorter baskets. When, say, the darks look full, into the washer those clothes go. The kids can fold their own clothes…make that as easy and convenient as possible, too. Every family is different. I get that dad’s clothes will need to be folded/hung up.
As a kid it can be hard to set boundaries, but I hope you find a way to do so…even if it means you get a job just to avoid house work. There are too many people in this world who will walk all over you unless you find a way to not allow it. Your father is unconsciously training you to accept this kind of abuse. For all I know he is working multiple jobs to support the family and is worn to a thread, I just don’t know. I do know you will be happier if once you are out of the house you neither treat people this way nor allow them to treat you this way.
I 45f I think my mom has OCD or something that makes her clean the house 2 times a day. I mean vacuuming mopping dusting walking down the kitchen counters which I can understand that’s just a lot of cleaning for two people she gets irritated at me because I don’t help but I keep our full sized basement clean and do the yard work
No one needs to spend 28-35 hours a week cleaning. Small kids (as young as 5) can use a small sweeper and dustpan, clean lower windows, put toys away, sort clothes by color and put them in the right laundry basket, etc. of any siblings are over 8 they can do dishes, make beds, fold clothes etc.
The truly disturbing part is your labor is unappreciated and you’re being told you aren’t good enough. This can really screw with your self esteem which can lead to some poor choices in friends and relationships. If you feel it’s on you to help your mother, fine but she needs to stand up for you and not tolerate your father scolding you because he chose to have 8 kids and expects to also have a pristine home.