hi! My boyfriend 17M and i 16F have been together for well over a year. we are in the summer of our senior year. we rarely go to his house since he is the only child and his parents have some issues of their own. one being his mother and her attachment issues with her son. she is constantly texting him, making sure he tells her every little detail that we do. whenever we hang out at his house, though, i feel she tries to make me jealous by talking about him in ways that seems weird.
we went boating the other weekend and she called him “sexy” while he was kneeboarding. she then laughed and said it should be me saying that, like why even say that? she also shares very in-detail comments that i obviously know since we’ve been together for so long. here comes the weirdest parts.
i recently went on vacation with him and his parents (he has an older sister but she’s in her 20’s) and she was acting tertible towards me. he decided to give me the big bed and he take the bunk beds, since we couldn’t share a room, and then she proceeded to yell at him saying it’s “their vacation and not mine” so i shouldnt get the big bed. whenever we were alone she would make awful comments that degraded me. i cried two nights in a row to my boyfriend because of her. she was so completely and utterly rude i couldn’t believe it. for example, she got mad at me when i suggested me and him get matching sweatshirts. they’re the type of family to make rude jokes so didn’t think anything of it, but when i look up she’s giving me the death stare. the weirdest part, she pressured him into leaving the door unlocked so she could come in there while he showered. he refused and refused but she would not give up until he agreed. she then proceeded to go in there and have a conversation with him.
she is so weird towards him and i try to make him see it but it’s like he’s brainwashed. she does everything for him, from washing his dishes to cleaning his room. she always makes comments that he’ll never want to leave her because of this and i’m worried she’s right. he claims he hates her but whenever she’s around he turns into a big baby. also, whenever she’s around it’s like i don’t exist towards him. she’s always been rude towards me and whenever i bring it up it turns into an argument because he never stands up for me, even when he sees it for himself. i don’t know if he’s choosing her over me, if he just doesn’t see it, or if he is too afraid to stand up for me. is it bad to say i’m sort of jealous that she acts so weird towards him and he feeds into it? will this ever get better? i’m just curious on what you guys think….
tl;dr: my boyfriends mom degrades me and makes me think she’s obsessed with her son or even worse, in love with him. she treats me like a pile of dirt, but she’s super creepy towards him and likes to make sexual comments about him. should i be worried, and what should i do?
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yeah that sounds totally weird and not appropriate at all. i wouldnt be jealous id just be more grossed out. maybe talk to him and tell him how you feel if you havent already. i sense there is probably some major attachment issues and a codependency from both of them but especially mom. and let me tell you this now, you’re very young and you have the rest of your life to find a guy that doesnt have a weird mom, and especially one who would stand up for you when she degrades you. definitely talk to him first but honestly this would be a dealbreaker for me after a while. wishing you the best <3
Oh my God girl you’re 16. Just break up with him. You’re right his relationship with his mother is a mess. It’s OK to be really creeped out by it, but he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it and you were not gonna change them.
You also aren’t going to marry a boyfriend you have when you were 16 even if the relationship was perfect. This is where you learn to say what you will and will not put up with. You sit him down and you say I am breaking up with you because of your weird relationship with your mother. If you ever want to have a girlfriend in the future, you are going to need to do something about your mom. Nobody is going to put up with this.
Tbh sounds kind of incestuous like is she always inappropriate with him? he could be a victim but you don’t need to stay. you might want to bring this up to him.