I (19f) go to uni and still live with my parents. Of course I sometimes help around the house yet uni takes up A LOT of time.
On my shortest days I am away for 6h (when my train isn’t delayed) on my longest 14h.
After these short days I always learn at home.
Despite my long hours of basically “work” I am expected to clean the house.
The floors never get mopped when I don’t do it, the plates stack up and up and I always have to ration clean clothes because laundry never gets done.
My dad does nothing and only watches tiktok or propaganda YouTube and my mom either works at home (wich only is in summer) or cleans her one room that she had all of winter to clean.
I do have a sister (16f) who has school and tutoring after that, which also takes up a lot of time.
For whatever reason my mom and sister got a dog despite the 24/7 mess. I never wanted that dog because it’s more than we can handle and we already have cats.
My mom of course sometimes gets some things done in the household, yet almost all of it is never done and often times my sister and I get blamed for it.
It was never talked about who does what chores and somehow my sister and I have to get all chores for the whole household in between these few hours that we have from school/uni.
I’d love to move out, yet my parents are strictly against because that means that I have to cook and clean everything and it’s super expensive.
Is it normal?
Advice is welcome.
Edit: my dad does cook sometimes, yet it’s almost something I actually like. I often end up making myself food
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It’s hard to imagine that your parents could raise a child as self-disciplined as you! I always thought that at least one of the parents would be diligent in cleaning the house (like my mom and my dad). My mom is only responsible for cooking, the stove and clothes, while other aspects of hygiene are the parts’ of my dad. If they can’t be conscious, then a cleaning schedule must be enforced until they realize how much you do to have a clean house.
Ask around your uni friends and find out what’s their situation. I’m pretty sure you’re doing a lot more than most of your friends.
The question should not be “why do parents…” but rather “why do my parents …” And the answer is, because they can. And they are choosing to put their own interests above yours.
Make a rota that’s fair for everyone, stick it on the front of the fridge, and stick to it.
Just keep on doing your part, if they don’t do theirs, that’s their problem.
Even if they tear it up, just stick to your chores, they can’t physically make you do more.
A word of advice though, I’d designate myself the washing up, and do your own laundry. That way you’ll always have clean plates and clothes.
Everyone who lives in a home should be expected to help keep their entire home clean. It’s how kids learn skills, independence, and pride in their own home.
Having said that, when you live with parents who don’t care if a house is clean, then keeping it clean either falls on the ones who care or it stays unclean. Realistically, your parents aren’t going to change. Should it be that way? No. Will it likely change much? Unfortunately, no.
You are 19. There isn’t any reason for your parents to do your laundry or cook for you specifically. You can handle both of them. It is nice, though, that if they’re making food for themselves that they would make enough for you, too, and vice versa.
The best situation would be to create a rotating chore and cooking chart for everyone in the house including your dad. Make enough food for leftovers for lunch the next day. You do your own laundry.
That’s a lot more than I expect my son to do. He’s 17. He’s in expected o keep his room cleaned (sweep/vaccum/dust/pick up), put his laundry away and help with laundry as needed, and occasionally clean the bathroom and sweep the kitchen.
It’s to help him be responsible and to understand that household tasks need to get done.
Ah, you’re getting a taste of parenthood!
Try to talk to your family and balance the chores out. They should be letting you focus on school and recovery from the long hours you put in there.
I grew up expected to HELP keep the house clean. It sounds like you are expected to do more.
We have a house participation list for 2 adults and 4 kids (plus several pets), not a chores list. There’s a series of items that need to be done to have the house clean and functional and we all step in to do them. Naturally each person is responsible for their own room though.
I work about 12 hours per day 6 days a week and my wife and our kids are just as busy. If there are assignments, homework, tests, or other deadlines then we all step up to help out and fill in the gaps as we all live in and share the house.
Admittedly, I don’t do as many daily tasks because I’m just not home, but will do a lot of the weekly meal prep and seemingly constant repairing stuff.
BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN IT TOO
I think it’s perfectly normal for you to be doing your own laundry without any help from your parents. I would also say they don’t need to cook for you, either, although it would certainly be nice. If I’m cooking dinner, I’ll always ask everyone in my house if they want some, regardless of how old they are, and if I’m not sure, I’ll make them some anyway, just in case. However, I can afford the grocery bill to do this. I have other friends who struggle to buy enough food and some of them don’t do dinner routinely for their adult children in the house because it costs too much and they often end up sorting their own dinner.
But general house chores should be everyone’s responsibility, including your parents. Everyone in the house should be participating in cleaning and tidying shared spaces.
If your parents don’t ever clean or tidy, then there probably isn’t anything you can do to make them. It’s their house and they’re old enough that they probably won’t change their ways.
I would focus on keeping your own space tidy and fend for yourself. I know it’s not nice but I don’t think you can do much else. I certainly wouldn’t recommend cleaning up after everyone else all the time. It’s not fair for anyone to ask you to do that, whether it’s family, room mates or a partner.
My kids mow, whiper snip, vacuume and take the bins out and pack/unpack the dishwasher. I do the washing/drying, fold clothes, mop, weed garden, do cat litters. My husband cooks dinner, makes lunch and the occasional breakfast. We all pitch in.
I think it’s normal to ask an older child (particularly teens & young adults) to help out, or to have a few set chores – my 10 year old is generally expected to take her plate to the dishwasher after meals and to keep her room tidy, whilst my 5 year old sometimes gets asked to take knives & forks to the table.
It’s not normal for a 19 year old in college/uni to be doing virtually all the household chores though.
From the sound of it no one else is doing anything.
In general at 19 with two working parents you should be doing about 1/3 of the chores. You have an adult’s role. This equates going to U as equivalent to working full time.
This normally would be adjusted by circumstane. A kid in a really hard program where you are spending 60 hours a week in class, lab and studying would be expected to do less.
If the parent is disabled and the other parent is their main caregiver, then the kid is expected to do more.
Who pays the bills? Who pays for Uni? Do you pay rent? If it bothers you so much, move out. Maybe it will give you some perspective. Somebody pays for it. Did they win the lottery or do they have jobs?
I’m sorry to say this but I’m going to do it anyway. You need to be grateful that your get to go to college and don’t have to work while trying to earning a degree. I don’t believe your parents do absolutely nothing as far as cleaning. You just see all that they do actually do probably. I started working at 14 and making my own lunch, washing and ironing my school uniforms. Because my Mom was working her ass off to send me to a good school and I wanted to contribute in anyway I could. When it came time for college, I didn’t ask my Mom for a cent and I lived far as shit from my campus as well and worked a part time job at school.
Oh and yuu aren’t a child anymore either. Damn my 13 year old don’t complain like this.