I have zero problems with dating a single mother or spending time with her kids, but they often expect you to take care of the kids right from the first date. If we’re romantically involved, it should be about us for the first few dates, we need some alone time. But instead, they expect you to step into a provider role immediately.
If you can’t get a babysitter or have your parents watch your kids, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating yet. It’s completely understandable that your kids are your first priority, but you can’t expect a man to become a provider from day one. A man who wants to date you wants to be romantically involved with you first not with your kids.
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You pretty much almost answered your own question, my guy!
they want security fast… and romance slow…
As a single mother of four, I dont understand I don’t feel like a guy that I start dating should be involved with my kids for quite a while. I wanted to be us before I even introduced them or even let them know or anything like that so why a woman does that pushing their children on you is clueless to me.
Some women want to be “well kept”. I see it as they just want to fuck you over because they can’t handle their shit. I would run the fuck away immediately.
Ive had the opposite when dating a single mother. It was like they bifurcated their lives of being a mom, and separating time for me. I think you read too much hateful stuff about single moms online.
They’re not looking for love, they’re looking for help.
You are dating red flags.
Woman here but that’s insane to me. Maybe this is paranoia but I’d want to be dating someone for months before kids are introduced. Having a revolving door of stepdad figures sounds so traumatic plus you don’t know the character of a person until you’ve had many dates, seen their home, etc–like you know they probably won’t be bad by the first couple but the details only come out later. It just feels like a very bad idea to bring someone around before you’re 100% certain they’re genuinely a long-term good figure.
You should not be meeting the kids until your seriously involved
It’s also not fair to the children.
Back in my single days my buddy used to call them SMP’s: Single Mother Predator
Yeah, I can’t say I didn’t notice that pretty often. It’s just awkward and weird as fuck when they come right at you out the gates with the kids in out-stretched arms. Slow down lady, way to scare the dude off lol. But what’s even worse than that is when you see a dude fall into the trap shudders
As a mom who was single if a woman is expecting you to provide for her kids this early it’s a red flag. She shouldn’t even be expecting you to “provide” till your finances and her finances become both of your finances, so basically when looking to get married. BUT, even worse is she wants you to be around her kids early she’s a TERRIBLE mother.
In this economy!?
You think they became single mothers by accident?
you should probably ask that on ask women? like it doesnt feel like a question towards men
im not a mother at all so i cant really imagine what reasons a mother would have for such an irrealistic expectation. but youll probably recieve more honest answers in a sub where youll be answered by actual mothers. at least, angry replies that you can dig into to understand the honest reason
I’m an only parent (kids dad wasnt around for his whole life and now that he’s here, he still can’t really be trusted alone with him). I can’t always afford a sitter and I don’t have family nearby. Which means dates need to be creative, and generally, late at night. After my kids have gone to sleep. And in my living room. I get that it’s not the most conventional but I’m upfront about it from the beginning. But even still, no man will meet a child of mine until we’ve been dating for 6 months exclusively. And I certainly don’t expect them to provide anything. I don’t know a single mother who does. Actually if anything this sounds like the crap some single dads I’ve met would pull. The kind that aren’t looking for love, just an in home baby sitter so they can continue ignoring their kids like they did when they were married.
Single women shouldn’t date at all.
I dated an older single mom who wouldn’t even let her kids know about me, much less let me meet them( I didn’t want to). She said they were going through enough because of the divorce, they shouldn’t have to deal with their mom having a boyfriend. She was right.
My best friend for years fell into this trap. Late 20s virgin who met a single mom online. She later accidentally forgets to take her birth control and he’s married to her months later.
To be fair. Well played ma’am. Well played.
Because they want help and daddies for their kids right off the bat. I get worried for kids who have single moms that automatically want to invite every man they meet into their child’s life/home.
I don’t think it’s delusional for them. Their first priority will always be their kids. Any romantic interests will come second in most scenarios. It’s expensive raising kids as single parent, especially if they are not receiving child support from their biological father. That’s the reason single mothers are not a first choice with most men. Why spend time, money, and effort in kids that are not yours?
I’ve been in that situation and it was so hard to say goodbye to those kids when we broke up.
If it makes you feel any better, the ones who don’t expect you to do things from the first date… actually still do expect you to do those things. They just wait until your emotions are involved before they bring it up
Lmao
That’s actually unusual, atleast for me. The women I have dated didn’t introduce me to their kids for a while.
But I would say all women, not just single moms, are Dellusional when it comes to dating.
You can’t demand the world with nothing to offer. Even him paying for the date isn’t a god given right… it’s a kind gesture on his part. Girls today have forgotten that. I say girls, because you get called a “Lady”, when you start acting like one.
Correction, you have one problem with dating a single woman and spending time with her kids
You’ve just had some really shitty luck.
In my experience they won’t even let you meet their children until it’s somewhat steady.
Can you please go back to the 1970s and tell my mom this?
As a kid I didn’ want a new bleeping father figure ever time my mom got a new crush.
lol my kid will not be meeting anyone till I’m actually serious about them. Plus mines got a good dad
You might want to look up what child support laws in your area are like
I think you’re picking delusional ones….
Man you’re spot on. My ex gf had a kid from a previous relationship and you know you always hear to stay away for single moms. Well she seemed to have everything she needed and provided for herself so I was like cool, she won’t date me to use me. I got to know her kid a little bit but took it slow because 1, she had him half the time and 2, I wasn’t gonna jump into the father role of this kid because me and the mom were together for less than 6 months in total. She would often make jokes like “come give your dad a hug,” when I was there but I always took it as jokes and I let her know that’s it’s funny but that takes time. I did a lot for that kid and I was happy to because he’s a kid, I did more than I should’ve considering he wasn’t my kid but again I was happy to do it. Eventually me and her broke up and I was asking what are the reasons why we’re breaking up just so I know. She said, “you never stepped up to be my son’s father.” I was like “hey that takes time and he’s a toddler, if I introduce myself into that role too fast and then we break up like now it could hurt him and we didn’t have the conversation about me stepping into that role. I think you as the mom should’ve brought it up and asked if I’m ready and I would’ve given you as answer.” Lmao she said, “a real man just would’ve stepped up.”
As a single mom I’d like to say this ain’t true but unfortunately, my experience of dating jaded men has proved otherwise. I’m constantly putting men in their place because of the assumption I’m looking for another daddy. Umm bitch, I taught my kids to shoot a gun, fish, survive in the bush, homeschool AND worked a full time job on my own and doing it with absolute joy. My two boys are now in Air cadets and extreme gentlemen. You wanna be useful to me? Open the damn pickle jar cause that’s all I need thanks. Other than that you can put your name on the wait list to meet my kids. Oh…and it’s a long one.
You’re filtering poorly. I rarely run into this.
They are exhausted. And finding babysitting is really hard.
However, what this behaviour is really demonstrating is poor decision making. If she wants to introduce you to her kids when you have only been dating for under a year, she is very likely not a responsible parent and you should run.
In my dating history the couple of single Moms I dated I quickly discovered why they were single and also the baby Daddy always comes before you.
Like I get it, but it still turns me off that that’s how you feel even though I don’t have kids
I would never get involed with a single woman with younger kid or kids. But then Im 64
As a single parent that’s such a massive ted flag.
When I date someone i would never bring them around my kid for months and months, untill a stable relationship with a future is established. Bringing a new possihle parental figure around too soon is so damaging to kids. They get attached and then what if it doesn’t work out, then they lose another parental figure. Those women are bad parents. I date single moms, I’ve never come across that