As someone who’s unattractive, overweight/out of shape, and really has nothing redeeming to offer a woman in a relationship, I took myself out of the dating pool a while ago.
I’ve noticed that many men are desperate to be in a relationship to the point they will do or say anything to try to impress her. Even lie.
They will even claim they will marry her after only knowing her for 2 months and not even really knowing her or asking her anything deeper or meaningful about her. It makes me wonder why even bother being in a relationship if you don’t want to get to know the other person?
I’ve even noticed men worse off than myself in relationships where they have no business being in a relationship because they have nothing redeeming to offer the women besides a headache. They don’t even have a steady income and yet these women tolerate them and the bullshit that comes with them.
Any idea why men are so desperate to be in a relationship and why the women put up with the negative shortcomings that come with desperate men?
Comments
Why are you asking us? There’s an r/askmen
I think you took a wrong turn. Why would you be asking us.
I think many men want someone to sort their lives out, cook for them, clean up after them and then have sex with them. A mother they can fuck basically, as crude as that sounds. And many other men (most men even) are just decent people who are lonely and will maybe put up with shortcomings in order to have companionship and sex in their life – many women are the same. We’re not that different from each other.
Access to sex, free labour and emotional labour
A lot of people (women, too) are extremely lonely, and many men genuinely believe that being in a relationship is the key to fix their woes.
Traditional conservatism sells the heterosexual couple as the funding block and the solution to most social problems: the partners can be each others therapist, nurse, coach, best friend, Mom, etc.
Lots of traditional culture tells men “bust your ass to get a good job, show your success and you’ll lock down a woman because we force everyone to marry. She will take over the problems you put on her and you’ll be a two-people team”.
> the negative shortcomings that come with desperate men?
Desperation isn’t a huge issue if the pair is well matched: the guy will gain confidence, calm down and it will be fine But often desperation is a cover for other deep issues (like massive anxiety, trauma, untreated mental illness), which a relationship obviously cannot fix.
Because men benefit from romantic relationships in a multitude of ways. Women, not so much. Despite us being called gold diggers for merely wanting reciprocity for our emotional and domestic labor, we provide a lot of emotional and tangible support that many men want to indulge in. Some men want to offer that back, many don’t even see it, they “just like” being in a relationship.
A variety of reasons, such as wanting the status symbol of having a woman, the benefits of having someone to cook/clean for them, have access to sex, etc. But the biggest is that most men struggle to form friendships with their peers where they can be vulnerable and share their deepest inner workings with eachother. A lot of guys deeply want this, as most humans do, but they aren’t comfortable or know how to develop that in friendships. Being single is lonely. And a lot of men put all of their self-worth into whether they can convince a woman to be with them.
Women put up with it because they don’t know better exists, don’t see themselves as deserving, or have been beaten down into accepting it over time.
We must be on different planets…. because around here they dont want relationships.
How would we know?
Sex, next question
I don’t know why they wouldn’t be. Men know, even if they won’t admit it, that they benefit hugely from relationships of any kind with women, but mostly romantic ones. Women take on the majority of domestic work, they manage the social calendar, they provide sex and free childcare and therapy.
Even if they hate the women, they think being with any is better than being alone. I saw an excellent analogy on another sub once. That men see us basically as dishwashers; technically they don’t need us to live, but we make their lives 100x easier, and any model will do since they talk get the job done.
You’re out of touch. There are so many people in the world, that there will always be many that think or act a certain type of way. Anyone could ask the same thing about women chasing bad men.
Because the way heterosexual relationships and marriages are structured in our society, they (typically) greatly benefit men and greatly disadvantage women.
Women are socialised to be the givers and men are socialised to feel comfortable being the takers.