For anyone reading this with the intention to help me, I highly appreciate you. I really do need some advice because I don’t know what to do. Here is the story:
- My fiance went on a one week vacation with her family (uncle, aunt and 18 year old female cousin) to Turkey
- I am buying a new Volvo and I needed a diagnostic tool. I found out about Vida Volvo diagnostic software but it was only available on Windows. I have Mac, but my fiance has Windows laptop.
- I opened her laptop and started searching for the Vida Volvo software. All of a sudden I heared a message beep on Facebook. Turns out, she left her Facebook opened.
- I took a look and it turns out, she was chatting with some Turkey guy. The messages were pretty intense. He send her half naked picture (torso). My fiance send him a picture of her (dressed up though). In the chat, it was obvious that he wanted to get her in bed, and from the messages it was unclear whether my fiance would want to do it or not, she responded kinda evasively.
Once I found this out, I immediately texted her what is going on and why did she do something like that. We had a small conversation but after a few messages I told her that it will probably better if we talk about it when she comes home.
So today she arrived.
She said that nothing that I saw in the chat was real. She said that it was her cousin who talked my fiance into it…just for fun. She said that they just wanted to make fun of him.
My fiance said that nothing has happened between her and that Turkey guy (I do trust her on that)…and that it was a big mistake and it should never happen. She always repeated that she got talked into it by her cousin because they believed that it is going to be fun to make “fun of him”.
So here is where I am at:
I do trust her that nothing has happened between her and that Turkey guy.
However, the fact that she just chatted with him “for fun” did threw me off.
I feel betrayed. I feel like the connection between me and her was broken. We live together..so obviously it is not a great situation to be in.
I tried to talk with her calmly without emotions. We talked for like 1 hour. She said sorry many times to me…she said that I am the best thing that could ever happen to her and that she loves me and all this was just a big mistake.
However…I feel empty. I certianly don’t feel love. I am heartbroken.
We have a wedding on 20th of September this year (in about 2 months or so)…
And I really don’t know what to do now. It feels like she overstepped the boundaries and there is no way to go back.
I would appreciate any opinions on this…or any advice. Thanks in advance.
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I would be more concerned that she catfished/led someone on, that makes her a shitty person that I would not want to spend my life with.
Please don’t tell me you seriously believe tbat BS…
In the off chance you’re not taking the ring back, at the very least demand a full STD test and a pregnancy test.
So she either cheated or led this guy on for her cousin’s amusement? Either way, your fiancé doesn’t sound like a good person
You need to get the whole story, threaten with postponing or canceling the wedding to get all the details.
Why did it have to be your fiancée? If the whole point was to mess with him, why didn’t the cousin do it?
You’re obviously very hurt by this. Will you be able.to get any deposits back if you cancel now rather than later? If you can do it. If not wait a month. Or cancel for now. See how you feel as everything is quite raw. You clearly didn’t think she would ever talk to another man, even if she was joking so your opinion of her is shattered. Think about whether trust can be rebuilt and the steps to rebuild it. Or decide whether there is nothing to save.
If you can’t trust her (I wouldn’t), you shouldn’t marry her.
Im sorry, your 25 year old future wife cheated because her 18 year old cousin told her to?
Yeah dude, you dont marry the girl that cheats, you also dont marry the girl that can be influenced in making shit decisions based on the influence of an 18 year old.
And you def dont marry the girl that continues with the mean girl high school bullshit after high school. Wtf
I wouldnt trust the nothing happened either, they went to Turkey, so I take it thats how they met. She also didn’t confess any of this to you, you caught her. She is a proven liar, so why trust anything she says.
Heard of trickle truth.
I would stop the wedding, end the relationship, and tell everyone why.
Actions have consequences and she needs to grow the fuck up.
Let’s say she has no interest in they guy. Even if that’s true leading someone on like that is cruel.
People who do cruel things to others will do them to you if they feel like they have a good reason.
You should question the moral character of your fiance and reconsider if she’s someone you want to marry.
edit: She’s 25, which is still young, but old enough to know better. It’s not like she’s a teenager, and even then it would still be a terrible thing to do.
You will always feel betrayed. You will always feel empty. The trust is gone. If you go thru with the marriage have an iron clad prenup.
She 100% would have slept with this guy if you hadn’t caught her. (That’s IF she didn’t sleep with him. She could have continued the conversation on her cousin’s phone.) I would call off the wedding. You can try couple’s counseling to see if you can fix the relationship, but the trust isn’t there right now. A break up is WAY easier than a divorce.
You already know what to do: you said you don’t feel for her what you did. You should break up with her because you don’t feel love for her anymore. It’s harsh to say, but I don’t think you can recreate that after it’s gone.
She was cheating, end of story, choose yourself man…
You’re a 30 years old man, you know better than to believe this bullshit excuse. Honestly, she’s so pathetic in not taking any accountability and blaming the cousin as if she had a gun pointed at her head. You’re being taken for a fool, do not prove her right.
I’m going to stand alone here and give her the benefit of the doubt. Especially if she is very attractive, this may be a cruel pastime of hers. I’ll admit, I’ve done this myself, albeit when I was much younger and much less mature. So I can see an 18 year old convincing a 25 year old to make fun of a guy by stringing him along. The fact that ypur fiancés responses to him were evasive seals the deal for me. If she really wanted him, she could have him, and she would have sent much sluttier photos and messages. You love her and trust her. Take it from me, a former mean girl, that this is typical behaviour for immature women.
Flirting to make fun of someone is pretty despicable! especially when there are different cultures involved. It sounds like she thinks he’s a lesser human being because he’s Turkish? Either that or she did want to flirt with him. Either way, not good at all.
You will have to decide whether you can get past this or not. It is not good whether she was flirting for real or to make fun of someone. She is too old for this non-sense.
I used to get flirty messages from Turkish men on FB all the time, declaring love and so on. I always assumed they were creeps or lovescammers, considering how full on they were, and only would have played around chatting with them in order to waste their time. Did he message her first? Were his messages full on?
I feel like we need context. How long have you guys been together, how did she meet this guy (or what were you told?) as far as “making fun of him”, it sounds untrue, but even if it is, it’s mean spirited and immature on your fiancés part, and disregards your relationship. How long did you two date before getting engaged?
Either way, all of it aside, I am really sorry you’re hurting. I would be very hurt and devastated. I’d take some time alone to just to drive and think and be in solitude, personally.
I am not going to say breakup but I would definitely cancel the wedding.
You should know the statistics. Do you really trust that marriage to this woman will be the two in five that do not end in divorce?
She thinks you are a fool. You are the only one who can prove her right.
If you think throwing away six years is a lot wait until you have thrown away another 10, half your assets and a portion of your income for the next 18 years.
Choose wisely.
No way would I marry her.
If you feel like her behavior was so egregious that there’s “no way to go back,” then there’s really no question.
If her cousin was the mastermind behind teasing this man, why wasn’t the cousin the one sharing photos with him?
It’s more likely that your partner enjoyed the attention from this guy and thought it was harmless since she (probably) had no intention of taking things farther.
Still, even in the most innocent interpretation possible, your gf isn’t mature enough to get married. Today, it’s online flirting with a vacation acquaintance. Tomorrow, it’s her co-worker – and the stakes are infinitely higher there.
You’re meant to MARRY in sixty days, and she’s flirting with other men.
Aside from all of that, you no longer trust her.
It’s time to call off the engagement and the relationship.
Come on, dude. This guy is from Turkey. Your fiancee was going to Turkey. They make contact (how did this guy find her to contact her btw?) right before she travels to Turkey. Are you really that blind? Of course they met up.
Get back on her laptop and get the guys details. Contact him yourself and explain the situation, it’s likely that he will tell you exactly what happened.
I wouldn’t trust anything that this woman tells you.
You have proof that she was already emotionally cheating on you with this other guy. How can she prove to you that she didn’t hook up with him during her time in Turkey? The chances of her physically cheating on you are very high.
Sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Especially so close to the wedding date. But in the long run this might be a lucky escape. Better to get cheated on now before the wedding rather than being cheated on after and needing a divorce.
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