Maybe a sample size thing. The only person who’s ever been upset at me saying I don’t want kids was a man who didn’t even have custody of his own kids lol
Do you mean your own mother or just random people? Your own mother would be upset because she wants grandchildren. Random people would be upset because you are disagreeing with their decision.
I have never had a mother get upset with me or my wife for not wanting to have kids. I have never had anyone else get upset about it either. I also would not care if anyone did.
Depends on the person and the context of the discussion. If you say it in a way that they may interpret as condescending toward kids or people who have kids, then that might make them upset. If not, then it might just be some personal insecurities that they have. Either way, in my experience most mothers and parents in general tend not to be so aggressive about it, so you might just have been unlucky.
Because they feel judged and lonely. That isn’t a you problem. That’s their own insecurity and sense of isolation. Have a little compassion for them — motherhood is isolating and hard, especially at first — but don’t internalize it or take on any of their judgment.
While this is more of a Reddit issue than a real life issue (I find out there opinions are much more moderate and reactions much more chill), I guess there is a stereotype of vocal childfree folks being unnecessarily rude about the CONCEPT of children overall. Like referring to kids as crotch goblins or brats, or saying how detrimental it is to the environment to have kids (additional babies/humans aren’t the issue, mass overconsumption and wealthy folks are the issue).
Overall either side trying to moralize the choice or attack the person who made the choice is off putting obviously. And I know it happens in both directions. But again, I’ve actually only really seen it get spicy on the internet. I don’t know anyone in real life who has ever had a confrontation about this with friends or family.
I think this is a general thing. Sometimes people feel threatened or insecure when others make lifestyle choices that are different from theirs. I think this happens with all of us sometimes. For other examples, think of people being weirdly aggressive towards vegans who haven’t done anything besides be vegan, or people who harshly judge others that drink alcohol.
I’d imagine for new mothers especially who may still be feeling the whole thing out, watching a childless person be happy with all their freedom might hurt a little bit. It might remind them of what they’ve lost. I try to give these women some compassion.
I feel like this is an internet opinion, where people is confident enough to be stupid and nosey. In real life they are more normal, at least in my case, people with kids always tell me I shouldn’t have them xd, I don’t want to have any for now tho, my mom knows it and it’s fine with not having grandkids (she says she doesn’t want to be a granny)
Honestly? I think some might see it as a personal insult. My friend was upset when her daughter said she would not be having them and wanted to know if it was because her daughter had such a terrible childhood. Yikes!
I told my mother I wasn’t going to give her grandchildren, and she was fine with it.
For some of them, it’s because they didn’t really want to have kids but felt like it was a mandatory step in life, and so seeing other women simply choose not to have kids challenges that world view. They either have to attack the other woman for not doing the mandatory thing, or accept that they made a choice due to peer pressure that they regret.
The more people who don’t conform to what is seen as “traditional,” the less power the people hold in society who do conform. It’s a threat to the status quo, and they feel safer by the fact they did conform.. maybe. It’s very nuanced and different for everyone but I’ve noticed that before.
My parents are dying for me to have children. It comes up in every conversation. They don’t have any grandchildren and I’m the oldest, and only married one. Parents want grand kids, so they can relive having a child, “raising” it, and spending time with it, all without the responsibilities of directly caring for a child. For me to deny them a grand child, they feel it’s their right to have one, because they raised me.
Other people who gets upset, I truly believe its a cultural thing engrained in our society. To reproduce. If you don’t you should be ashamed, because humanity must reproduce. Also Corporate media and marketing programs us to do so. More kids, means they can sell more products to more people. Those kids will grow up, and be sold all forms of products their entire life. So why not pressure people into having kids, and showing them the “light” of having a child.
I think you’re talking to the wrong mothers. But anyway, there are always people who are offended when people actively choose not to do something that they do. You should see how many meat eaters react when they find out someone is vegan. Or someone who says they don’t want a piece of cake, thank you.
For some people,it’s social pressure,they got it when they’re younger and get it now when most of the kids of their friends/family in their circle have kids. They don’t wanna feel left out.
For some people,that’s all of their identity.
For some people,they think about having kids is extending their (husband) family and it shouldn’t be cut off after their children’s generation.
For some people,that’s the only thing they were taught and believed that it’s the only way to go in life.
Everyone is being super critical of Mothers but the reality is that we are very biologically driven to keep our family line going. It’s insane how strong this is and there is no logic behind it.
I’m a mom and feel very strongly that people who don’t want kids should absolutely not have any (for what seems like a pretty obvious reason).
But based on the moms I know who feel offended or upset when they find out someone isn’t going to have kids, I suspect it has to do with them feeling like they didn’t really get much of a choice. That, or they feel like it invalidates their choice to have a kid because it’s “traditional” or “expected” and therefore wrong.
My mother knows I don’t want (and never have) kids and she doesn’t care.
Most people don’t really care what you think, but sometimes react to the way you express your thoughts.
i.e. if you say “Ew, kids!” that gets a reaction, but if you calmly expressed the view that you don’t think kids are the best thing for you, they’ll probably take it much better.
Single moms are single moms because they made a mistake. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be single moms. But that’s not something they want to talk about. Hence why it upsets them.
It’s one thing if they say “oh I don’t want kids” it’s another if they raise their eyebrows and make a pfft face, “oh I would NEVER want kids” and I smile and say “oh haha yeah?” And they shake their head, eyebrows still shot up, eye roll “no, absolutely not“ like snap lady can you chill my kids are fabulous, have been really kind to you, and they’re standing right there, also we’re giving you a FREE ride that would be a $20 uber and they’re all behaving nicely in the car so maybe chill w the brows.
If you tell a dog mom you don’t like dogs , you get a similar response. Hardcore apple fans get upset with non apple people, telling them the benefits of apple.
Ever met a vegan?
Or a fitness fanatic?
The more into your hobby you are the more admit you are others try it.
Your mother or other mothers? Your bother may want grandkids. Other mothers may feel… threatened? I dunno.
I have kids but I dont want grandkids nor any more kids in the world, so I’m fine with whatever you decide to do or not re: breeding. I do know some people, religious people especially, think childlessness an affront against their god or something.
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Maybe a sample size thing. The only person who’s ever been upset at me saying I don’t want kids was a man who didn’t even have custody of his own kids lol
They take it as a personal insult to their kids in particular. They translate it to “your kids suck so bad that’s why i don’t want any”
Do you mean your own mother or just random people? Your own mother would be upset because she wants grandchildren. Random people would be upset because you are disagreeing with their decision.
I have never had a mother get upset with me or my wife for not wanting to have kids. I have never had anyone else get upset about it either. I also would not care if anyone did.
Depends on the person and the context of the discussion. If you say it in a way that they may interpret as condescending toward kids or people who have kids, then that might make them upset. If not, then it might just be some personal insecurities that they have. Either way, in my experience most mothers and parents in general tend not to be so aggressive about it, so you might just have been unlucky.
I think most are upset because being a parent is HARD and it bothers them that someone chose to just skip all that.
People who chose to have children usually also hope to have grandchildren.
Because they feel judged and lonely. That isn’t a you problem. That’s their own insecurity and sense of isolation. Have a little compassion for them — motherhood is isolating and hard, especially at first — but don’t internalize it or take on any of their judgment.
I’m a mom, half my friends don’t want kids and I don’t give a shit.
Honestly, it bothers me more my friends who’ve had kids but really shouldn’t have.
Better to not have kids than have them and suck at raising them.
While this is more of a Reddit issue than a real life issue (I find out there opinions are much more moderate and reactions much more chill), I guess there is a stereotype of vocal childfree folks being unnecessarily rude about the CONCEPT of children overall. Like referring to kids as crotch goblins or brats, or saying how detrimental it is to the environment to have kids (additional babies/humans aren’t the issue, mass overconsumption and wealthy folks are the issue).
Overall either side trying to moralize the choice or attack the person who made the choice is off putting obviously. And I know it happens in both directions. But again, I’ve actually only really seen it get spicy on the internet. I don’t know anyone in real life who has ever had a confrontation about this with friends or family.
Because being a mother is all they are.
I think this is a general thing. Sometimes people feel threatened or insecure when others make lifestyle choices that are different from theirs. I think this happens with all of us sometimes. For other examples, think of people being weirdly aggressive towards vegans who haven’t done anything besides be vegan, or people who harshly judge others that drink alcohol.
I’d imagine for new mothers especially who may still be feeling the whole thing out, watching a childless person be happy with all their freedom might hurt a little bit. It might remind them of what they’ve lost. I try to give these women some compassion.
I’m a teacher and parent and I don’t take it personally.
Many people do.
Misery loves company?
Funnily enough, ever since I’ve become a mom, I’ve become even MORE child free/pro choice than before.
Having my son was without a doubt, the best decision of my life. It was also the hardest. I haven’t slept past 6:45am in almost 3 years.
Now that I have this experience, I appreciate my childfree friends and respect them for realizing that that isn’t something they want.
Misery loves company.
I feel like this is an internet opinion, where people is confident enough to be stupid and nosey. In real life they are more normal, at least in my case, people with kids always tell me I shouldn’t have them xd, I don’t want to have any for now tho, my mom knows it and it’s fine with not having grandkids (she says she doesn’t want to be a granny)
You must know some really weird moms. Most of us don’t care.
Honestly? I think some might see it as a personal insult. My friend was upset when her daughter said she would not be having them and wanted to know if it was because her daughter had such a terrible childhood. Yikes!
I told my mother I wasn’t going to give her grandchildren, and she was fine with it.
For some of them, it’s because they didn’t really want to have kids but felt like it was a mandatory step in life, and so seeing other women simply choose not to have kids challenges that world view. They either have to attack the other woman for not doing the mandatory thing, or accept that they made a choice due to peer pressure that they regret.
The more people who don’t conform to what is seen as “traditional,” the less power the people hold in society who do conform. It’s a threat to the status quo, and they feel safer by the fact they did conform.. maybe. It’s very nuanced and different for everyone but I’ve noticed that before.
My parents are dying for me to have children. It comes up in every conversation. They don’t have any grandchildren and I’m the oldest, and only married one. Parents want grand kids, so they can relive having a child, “raising” it, and spending time with it, all without the responsibilities of directly caring for a child. For me to deny them a grand child, they feel it’s their right to have one, because they raised me.
Other people who gets upset, I truly believe its a cultural thing engrained in our society. To reproduce. If you don’t you should be ashamed, because humanity must reproduce. Also Corporate media and marketing programs us to do so. More kids, means they can sell more products to more people. Those kids will grow up, and be sold all forms of products their entire life. So why not pressure people into having kids, and showing them the “light” of having a child.
I think you’re talking to the wrong mothers. But anyway, there are always people who are offended when people actively choose not to do something that they do. You should see how many meat eaters react when they find out someone is vegan. Or someone who says they don’t want a piece of cake, thank you.
Because they know you made the right choice and they are trapped.
For some people,it’s social pressure,they got it when they’re younger and get it now when most of the kids of their friends/family in their circle have kids. They don’t wanna feel left out.
For some people,that’s all of their identity.
For some people,they think about having kids is extending their (husband) family and it shouldn’t be cut off after their children’s generation.
For some people,that’s the only thing they were taught and believed that it’s the only way to go in life.
Everyone is being super critical of Mothers but the reality is that we are very biologically driven to keep our family line going. It’s insane how strong this is and there is no logic behind it.
I’m a mom and feel very strongly that people who don’t want kids should absolutely not have any (for what seems like a pretty obvious reason).
But based on the moms I know who feel offended or upset when they find out someone isn’t going to have kids, I suspect it has to do with them feeling like they didn’t really get much of a choice. That, or they feel like it invalidates their choice to have a kid because it’s “traditional” or “expected” and therefore wrong.
Ask her.
My mother knows I don’t want (and never have) kids and she doesn’t care.
Most people don’t really care what you think, but sometimes react to the way you express your thoughts.
i.e. if you say “Ew, kids!” that gets a reaction, but if you calmly expressed the view that you don’t think kids are the best thing for you, they’ll probably take it much better.
Single moms are single moms because they made a mistake. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be single moms. But that’s not something they want to talk about. Hence why it upsets them.
“What?! You’re not going to subject yourself to this nightmare of a life?! You mean there was a choice?! No!”
That depends… do you have siblings? It can be upsetting to find out that your kids are ending your genetic lineage.
I don’t but some do and I think it’s because they view their children as extensions of themselves.
It’s one thing if they say “oh I don’t want kids” it’s another if they raise their eyebrows and make a pfft face, “oh I would NEVER want kids” and I smile and say “oh haha yeah?” And they shake their head, eyebrows still shot up, eye roll “no, absolutely not“ like snap lady can you chill my kids are fabulous, have been really kind to you, and they’re standing right there, also we’re giving you a FREE ride that would be a $20 uber and they’re all behaving nicely in the car so maybe chill w the brows.
….You know. something like that.
If you tell a dog mom you don’t like dogs , you get a similar response. Hardcore apple fans get upset with non apple people, telling them the benefits of apple.
Ever met a vegan?
Or a fitness fanatic?
The more into your hobby you are the more admit you are others try it.
Your mother or other mothers? Your bother may want grandkids. Other mothers may feel… threatened? I dunno.
I have kids but I dont want grandkids nor any more kids in the world, so I’m fine with whatever you decide to do or not re: breeding. I do know some people, religious people especially, think childlessness an affront against their god or something.
Depends on the delivery.
“I personally don’t want kids”.
Cool. Love that for you. Know what you want.
“Ew, I could never have kids, they’re disgusting”.
Ok. Listen here you little …
Don’t make it your personality, don’t spread hate for the sake of “making a point”.