You have to compromise constantly, communicate even when it’s uncomfortable, manage finances together, and handle each other’s flaws. Arguments are inevitable. Freedom is limited. Yet so many people choose this despite knowing how much effort it takes. Why?
Why do people choose to get married if it’s so much work?
r/Advice
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Because for many, the rewards outweigh the effort companionship, love, shared goals, and having someone to rely on through life’s ups and downs. Marriage is hard work, but it can be deeply fulfilling if both people are committed
Marriage is not hard work if you’re doing it the right way.
That’s very much not true for everyone and if you’re fighting constantly with your partner or think it limits your freedom no, marriage isn’t for you.
I’m single and getting old. Getting old single is so much work. There’s always work.
Anyone you get into a relationship with will require communication and building trust and all those same things. We only have one life to live. If you find someone you love and who loves you, it makes perfect sense to put that effort into that person and enjoy a lifetime with them as your lover, your partner, your friend, your confidante and more. A lot more sense than starting over with new people over and over and over and never feeling like you’re really with the person you can share your life with.
Being alone all the time sucks.
Because they’re afraid of being alone. Because they think there won’t be anyone when they get old. Because of the need to find meaning when they haven’t found it within themselves. Because… they think reproducing is the answer to all other issues. Ask people who are parents why they want to be parents.. most dont have a really strong answer for it. Because we’re were told there are no other ways of feeling community and closeness.
When you love someone, and the paperwork benefits one or both of you (life insurance; health insurance), it’s super easy. Like, marriage is not that much work on paper. The hard stuff you hear about is hard because you are ending a long term relationship with kids and property. But the starting of all that stuff is SUPER easy.
Much of what you’re talking about would mean you’re marrying the wrong person.
We’re social animals. As you go through life if you get older and stay single your circle will just continue to collapse in on itself.
I really don’t know. People say something about taxes but that seems like people parroting one another, and in many places you get significant tax benefits as a domestic partnership. Not as many benefits, but, given the divorce rate… I’d argue a lot of people’s tax benefits are more than negated by the cost of divorce eventually.
Marriage isn’t for me, clearly. But a lot of people have emotional, cultural, and social ideas about marriage that make them extremely tied to the idea of eventually marrying, and that’s up to them.
Me, I intend to have loving and long-term partnerships wherever possible—a lifelong partner would be amazing—I just don’t want the government and a divorce trial to ruin our lives should things go south. Breaking up is so much simpler and less traumatic than divorce, even after many years together when your lives are entangled.
The skills you need to have a successful marriage are the same skills you need to have a successful life. Communicating when it’s uncomfortable is part of life. I’ve honestly run into that situation far more frequently at work than I have with my spouse.
I’ve never found my freedom limited in my relationship. Freedom to do what? Sleep around? I’ve zero desire to do that, I’m happy in my relationship. And no, you don’t have to compromise constantly. If you are well compatible, that’s rarely an issue. Managing finances together is often a strength, not an obstacle. Arguments are inevitable. Fights, though, are not. Couples who are good at productive conflict don’t fear arguments, because that’s how things get solved. And yes, everyone has flaws. Including you. But having someone you love in spite of their flaws is simply amazing.
When you meet someone you want to spend your life with, it’s worth doing. If you’re picking someone at random out of the phone book, yeah, that sounds like it would suck,
Probably they are in love and want to make this union stronger or it might be religious thing. Maybe their parents were happy in their marriage and they want the same. I got married for love, we wanted to be more than just partners… It’s been 7 years, and I have no regrets, but I believe every couple has their own reason.
If your marriage limits your freedom then you might be married to the wrong person. .
Of course when you live with another person, you have to deal with their flaws. But the trick is to find a person who’s flaws aren’t all that difficult to handle and who has enough self awareness and maturity to manage their own flaws.
Arguments aren’t inevitable. Disagreements are, but if both people have good communication skills and maturity, those disagreements are handled in a mature and calm manner and don’t escalate to arguments.
Imagine having someone that always puts your needs ahead of theirs and has your back 100% of the time.
That’s what people are getting out of a proper marriage.
Because it’s great and it doesn’t feel like work if it’s with the right person.