Why do people get prenups? Like seriously, what’s the actual point?
So I’ve been seeing all these posts about prenups lately and I’m genuinely confused. Isn’t it kinda weird to plan for divorce before you even get married? Like “hey babe I love you forever but also let’s discuss what happens when we break up”??
I get that people have assets and stuff but isn’t that what regular divorce laws are for? My friend said it’s about protecting inheritance or a business but couldn’t you just… not put your spouse’s name on those things?
And how do you even bring this up without sounding like a total AH? “Will you marry me? Also please sign this legal document first” seems like a vibe killer ngl
Is this mostly a rich people thing or are regular folks doing this too? Is it actually that common? I’ve heard some people say it makes divorce easier but like… shouldn’t you be focusing on NOT getting divorced?
Not trying to judge anyone who has one, I’m just genuinely trying to understand the logic here. What am I missing?
ELI5 please because apparently I’m too smooth brain for this adult concept lmao
Comments
It’s like insurance you don’t get it because you expect things to go wrong, you get it just in case
Think of it like car insurance – you’re not planning to crash, but you’re not stupid either. Prenups are basically deciding who gets what while you still love each other vs when you’re throwing plates at each other’s lawyers.
It protects pre-marriage stuff (your house, inheritance, business), keeps their debt separate from yours, and yeah, makes divorce way less messy if it happens. Bringing it up? “Let’s handle the boring legal stuff now so we never have to think about it again.”
Check out r/prenup for real stories. It’s not pessimistic, it’s just adulting.
a lot of couples combine all their finances. Even if you don’t, it’s difficult to separate.
It’s just a specific type of person that’s cool with it. A lot aren’t. A lot are. Sometimes people select specifically for that kind of person.
Regular divorce laws in many states don’t really cover the situation where one person has significantly more assets than the other.
Because not putting here name on it isn’t enough
Prenups are useful for people who have complicated financial situations, like ownership stake in the family business or assets they plan to pass to their kids from prior relationships when they die. Standard divorce laws divide everything 50/50, but the prenup can say “My business/house/whatever isn’t going to be split, but you can have other assets to make up the monetary value.”
If you don’t get one the court will assign you one. And usually that’s happening in the context of a bitter divorce rather than a couple on good terms, deciding things in advance.
>“Why do people get prenups?”
Fear of being married for your money and not for yourself.
You can never know with 100% certainty that the other person is not planning to screw you over.
If you have assets and kids it’s essential.
When my grandparents remarried – they had terms about things like inheritance. Same when a friend married a guy with two kids and decent income. Otherwise if the new spouse outlives you, they get all the money and can give it only to their kids, for example.
And it’s way more important when you have some level of wealth to agree how to divide those assets equitably and fairly should the marriage ends inevitably at some point via death or via divorce. Better to agree to a fair distribution and avoid spending tons of money on court battles.
This would be a good question for r/ask_lawyers.
Marriage is just another contract. A prenup is a contract that goes along with that. My parents never got married and lived together 40 years before my dad died. Some people are comfortable with binding contracts for their love and others aren’t. Everyone’s different.
Prenups are great to discuss pre marriage proposal too because if somebody’s got a real problem with a prenup, they just there for the money
I brought it up bf I proposed and glad I did. its like gold digger insurance
50% divorce rate
From an emotional standpoint, the best case I’ve heard in favor of prenups is “you’re protecting the person you love from a future version of yourself who doesn’t love them.”
Most couples don’t have and don’t need a prenup. It makes sense for couples with complicated financials or where one makes significantly more than the other or has assets that they want to protect.
Ultimately a mature couple should understand that a prenup does not mean that you think you are going to divorce.
Two big reasons for prenups are: people are getting married later in life these days and, even in their late 20s might have accumulated assets in their name—esp things like IRAs and other retirement funds.
The second is the high number of remarriages. In those cases you not only have separate assets, you have other considerations like children from first marriages and possibly new children from the new marriage.
Divorce laws are different in each state, and there is no guarantee that what you think is yours will remain yours. There is no substitute for clear, written, legal documents.
One could also make the case that discussing a prenup is a good litmus test to see if you have congruent values and attitudes towards money and relationship finances.
I understand all too well, the emotional issues that are associated with a prenup. Which is unfortunate. Maybe young people with no assets going into a first marriage don’t need one, but anyone who has any substantial assets should seriously consider it before getting married. And for anyone going into a second marriage it should not even be a question—it should be automatic.
If you aren’t planning to violate it what’s the big deal? 🧐
My partner grew up in a cult and didn’t have a social when we started dating. It took awhile to build credit and be able to apply for loans. At the time of our marriage we had two cars in my name and some shared credit debit. I just wanted protection that he couldn’t claim it was all mine. I just explained very calmly my concerns about this and he felt it was fair.
Really this is a common one I don’t see her discussed a lot. If y’all have debt and break up you should determine who is going to pay.
Because you can’t predict yhe future. People usually get married with the best intentions. They love each other completely and want a life together. But they are also smart enough to know that it’s possible that one day those feelings might change.
Because love is “blind” but divorce us expensive. Prenup is just the Costco membership version of “don’t u dare touch my stuff”
Listen to Kanye West’s song Gold Digger.
It’s so you don’t have a messy divorce. It’s a prenuptial agreement. So it has to be before (pre) the marriage (nuptial) in order for it to be a prenup. Postnups are messy, and they destroy and ruin lives forever. If you’ve ever seen anyone scorn from a divorce. They are never happy ever again.
My brother got one because he owns the farm that has been in our family for five generations. Without it his now ex-wife could have walked away with half of it. It isn’t as simple as not putting your spouse’s name on things. Without a prenup splitting assets like that can go either way and take months and thousands in legal fees, with one it isn’t exactly painless or inexpensive but it can be much simpler by comparison.
My family would actively intervene if they thought I was considering marriage without a prenup.
You act like nobody has ever gotten divorced before.
I have always said I’d rather decide how we split our stuff while we still love each other. We are not wealthy by any stretch but it can make the divorce process a lot easier and a lot cheaper if you already have guidelines you both agreed to. It also helps set the tone with things like splitting custody of kids, pets, etc.
I do realize that if contested most would get thrown out by a judge. But I think if 2 reasonable people with a reasonable prenup decide to part ways, it can actually make the split more amicable.
My question is why DON’T people get prenups. I think the prenup also helps lay out your financial profile as you’re married. Are you going to comingle assets, which ones, etc. And if things do go sideways, it gives you a clear laid out plan to disentangle. 50% of marries end in divorce (at least in the US) so there’s a pretty good chance it happens to you.
For this very same reason I dont wear a seatbelt, like are we planning on crashing?
It’s mostly a rich person thing to protect their earnings.
Divorce can get nasty. Divorce can get outright dangerous. Spite and hate and every nasty feeling in the world can come out of you and / or your spouse just because the pain is so very great you can’t see or think about anything else. It’s easy to want to hurt someone you’re losing, even if it’s your own damned fault. Talk it over and get it done before you go insane and want to MKD each other.
If your income / assets are very different before marriage, and stays that way through the marriage, there is never really a 50 / 50 thing even though that’s what a judge might do. The pain may make you want to take EVERYTHING, again, even if it’s your own damned fault.
It isn’t just about keeping what you have because the other person might be a secret gold-digger, though that may very well be. People tend to think that’s all it’s about, but it seldom is. Also, it’s very common to have an infidelity clause where it one partner cheats, that person gets no money, no custody of kids, nothing. And half the people have widgets and the other half have wangdoodles, and sometimes those things just get bored and want a temporary whatsis for a change-up.
Loving right now does not guarantee, at all, the love will never change. Love changes, it adjusts, it grows up, it matures for better or worse. If it’s perfect it grows forever stronger, else you just drift apart. You will NEVER know that right now and know it will be forever.
A prenup is a good thing for most people, and it should be normalized, not shunned.
Besides basic stereotypical reasons: protection for both parties. The biggest reason I see it as important is to protect both people in case something goes wrong. Sure, divorce could be why. However, I was always more concerned about accidents/unexpected death/etc.
It’s my understanding that marriages with prenups actually have lower divorce rates, not because the legal stuff is already done, but because that couple has enough maturity and communication skills to portend a successful marriage. If you’re afraid of talking about possible negative events and outcomes, you’re much more likely to get blindsided when they happen.
The only people who don’t want prenups are those who haven’t been through the wringer of divorce or are ones who think they have enough to gain in the event they do get divorced.
It’s utter bullshit.
Money isn’t “nothing.” It represents time and effort someone had to spend/invest in to earn. Time away from family, friends, hobbies, etc.
To reward it to someone who is typically filing for said divorce is wrong.
The people I know with prenups are farmers, and they did it so that an ex-spouse would never have rights to the land. From what I know, it’s pretty common in that situation so that the farm stays together and in the family.
As mentioned, by other replies, a Prenuptial Agreement is like home or car insurance. You do not buy them expecting an accident or a fire, but it a protection in a worst case scenario.
Given the current divorce rate, a prenup is a must
My husband and I came into our relationship, each with significant finances in our own names. Inheritances, mostly, since both of us lost our high-income parents before we ever met each other.
We (Reluctantly!) agreed to do a prenup before we married so that whatever assets we brought in, we can leave with in the (Very Unlikely!) event we part ways. Neither one of us wants to suffer just in case the bad stuff happens.
We’re absolutely committed to making it work, especially since I recently had a positive pregnancy test (squee!) But we also both know we need to have a backup plan for whatever contingencies we can’t predict, since there are a lot of dollars involved.
Because nothing says “true love” like making sure she can’t run off with half of your xbox collection.
There are lots of things in life we don’t plan or hope for but we still prepare for. I know it is tempting to think if we don’t prepare for worst-case scenarios they won’t happen, but most adults know that that isn’t how life really works. “Tempting fate” isn’t really a thing. So we do things like write living wills and prepare for what we hope are very unlikely scenarios in which a very wanted marriage goes wrong. Ideally, both sides can be protected by a good prenup. Divorce is tremendously stressful but a strong prenup can make it a little less traumatic because there is less to argue about when significant things were decided during good times.
Pre nups don’t mean much when you are young and neither of you have anything. But if you were to direct 20 years working your ass off, and made a decent nest and a good retirement portfolio, you don’t want some one to walk if with half of it for a 6 month marriage
Marriage is a legal union as much as it is an emotional union. Might as well get your schmuck insurance if you’re gonna go through the whole process.
Personally, if the person im with doesnt have the emotional maturity to sign a prenup, understanding that it means nothing about our current standing, then they arent for me. I want to be with someone who understands that things sometimes dont work out, our marriage isnt guaranteed, nothing in life is guaranteed, and that its a good thing we are planning for the possibility of it.
>So I’ve been seeing all these posts about prenups lately and I’m genuinely confused. Isn’t it kinda weird to plan for divorce before you even get married? Like “hey babe I love you forever but also let’s discuss what happens when we break up”??
No, it’s acknowledging that, in the US at least, 45% of marriages end in divorce. Simply assuming that your marriage is going to be one of the ones that lasts ’til death does you part is extraordinarily naïve.
>I get that people have assets and stuff but isn’t that what regular divorce laws are for? My friend said it’s about protecting inheritance or a business but couldn’t you just… not put your spouse’s name on those things?
It doesn’t really matter what your spouse’s name is or isn’t on. The laws vary a bit by state, but typically, assets/property/money accrued while you’re married are legally considered “marital assets. That is, in the event of a divorce, you and your spouse now need to decide who gets what, and if you can’t, the court overseeing the divorce will. In an ‘equitable division’ state, for example, the court will ostensibly try to ensure that each party leaves the divorce with roughly 50% of the marital assets. That’s how my mom ended up with the house, and my dad ended up getting her retirement savings.
Also note, my parents kept their finances separate for essentially the entire marriage. Almost 50 years of separate bank accounts (in separate banks, even), but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that my mom’s retirement accounts were purely under her name, it’s still a “marital asset”, and still subject to being divided as the court sees fit.
>And how do you even bring this up without sounding like a total AH? “Will you marry me? Also please sign this legal document first” seems like a vibe killer ngl
I mean, yes, that’s the problem. And until my parents divorced, I would’ve felt the same way. But now? I won’t marry anyone who isn’t going to sign a prenup. I saw my mom lose her retirement savings all because my dad spent decades mooching off her and not saving his own money (not even working for about a decade). And the house my mom got? In poor condition and in need of probably $100,000+ in repairs. My dad made out like a bandit after not working, and neglecting the house.
If I ever get married, I’d much rather marry someone who is financially literate enough and realistic enough to actually want to put a plan in place for what happens if the marriage ends, rather than someone who’s high off of Disney princess movies, “happily ever after”, and “vibes”. 45% of the time, there is no “happily ever after”. Put a plan in place while you still like each other, rather than scrambling to come to an agreement under a court-issued deadline now that familiarity has bred contempt, you know?
So for me, that’s a good filter. If the idea of a prenup really doesn’t work for you, then I hope you find who you’re looking for, but it’s not me.
>Is this mostly a rich people thing or are regular folks doing this too? Is it actually that common? I’ve heard some people say it makes divorce easier but like… shouldn’t you be focusing on NOT getting divorced?
I think it’s something that’s been vilified in popular culture. In the 80’s and 90’s for example, every sitcom had an episode where an engaged couple suddenly became disengaged because, usually the man brought up a prenup, and the woman was just utterly affronted by the thought, because somehow the man is now just a greedy, manipulative, money-grubbing lowlife.
Literal good planning was vilified as being sleazbaggery.
To more answer the question, though, I think it’s probably more common among wealthier people, because wealthier people are often more financially literate, or come from financially literate families. Wealth is built and maintained by good, intelligent financial planning. A prenup is good financial planning, and wealthier people know this.
>ELI5 please because apparently I’m too smooth brain for this adult concept lmao
You’re not smooth brained, you just come from a culture that pushes squishy feelings like love, but doesn’t teach good financial literacy. In fact, financial literacy is often vilified as being an indicator that you’re part of that crowd… like the 1% or something.
Somehow, when we should have been really teaching everyone how to understand and participate in finance, we turned financial literacy into a badge of shame that outs you as an elitist, or a sleaze, or greedy, or something like that. Somewhere, we went horribly wrong.
…this is becoming a speech.
Everyone has a prenup. You just have to choose if you want the generic one (ie, whatever laws exist where you live at any given time) or a custom one.
Are your finances complicated enough that you need a CPA? Not just H&R Block or TurboTax, but an actual, licensed CPA? If yes, you probably need custom financial protection. If not, you’re probably good.
Also, I am probably an outlier, but I think everyone should go into marriage willing to divorce under certain circumstances. So many abusers wait until they have a victim locked in through marriage before they escalate. The more someone believes marriage is an unbreakable bond, the harder it is to protect themselves in that situation.
> I get that people have assets and stuff but isn’t that what regular divorce laws are for? My friend said it’s about protecting inheritance or a business but couldn’t you just… not put your spouse’s name on those things?
That’s not how it works in most states. The moment you get married, without a prenuptial stating otherwise, all of your assets become shared. There is no “you” and “I” any longer. It is “us.” You cannot exclude your spouse from having a claim on an asset by simply not including them on the bank account/deed/etc.
And similarly, in most states, when you divorce the common assets are split 50:50. This is easy to do when the assets are liquid, like cash or stocks. It is much less simple to do with illiquid assets like physical property (house, car, etc) or equity interests in businesses which don’t have common stock. So, you have to agree how to divide these assets. If you’re getting divorced in the first place, it probably means you no longer have a functioning, respectful relationship with your spouse. Thus deciding how to do this, and do it fairly, when inevitably you disagree about who gets what is going to be a messy and painful process. It’s expensive. It involves lawyers. It takes a very long time if one party digs in and refuses to agree to how an asset will be split out of spite for the other party.
A prenuptial agreement avoids all of this. It allows both parties to agree, when they’re in a state to make rational, equitable decisions, how assets should be divided should the worst case happen and the marriage ends in divorce. Most prenuptial agreements aren’t wildly different from the 50:50 arrangement that would happen anyway, you’re just deciding up front what the terms of a hypothetical divorce would be: how you’ll handle physical property, etc. This way if divorce does happen, there’s no emotion, no drawn out legal battle. You just follow the terms you agreed to in the prenuptial. The safety net of a prenuptial can also allow people to make calmer, more objective decisions on if a relationship is working out without fear of the divorce battle. This can avoid situations where one party refuses to divorce and holds on to a failing marriage for fear of the impact on their assets.
So, basically, no, prenuptial agreements aren’t just for rich people, or people with wildly different assets/incomes going into the marriage. They are simply good preparation for an outcome that hopefully will never happen, to avoid making an already horrible situation worse should that unfortunate outcome occur. It’s sound, responsible financial and life planning, and it protects both parties entering into the marriage contract.
Because every one knows of a divorce. Because people know 50% of all marriages still end in divorce. Because couples might have wildly different assets when they marry and the richer partner wants to make sure they are not going to be ripped off in a divorce.
So they can marry the love of their life without accidentally signing up for a lifetime subscription to their student loans.
‘I get that people have assets and stuff but isn’t that what regular divorce laws are for?”
LOL!!!
People that get prenups actually divorce less than the going rate so this planning for divorce bit is just not true.
There would be no need for preups at all if the court systems were deemed to be fair and balanced.
prenup is how you “not put your spouse’s name on … things”
If you are getting married then you are already making a legal agreement. With a prenup, you are choosing the terms.
Honestly it’s dumb that it isn’t standard, but love’ll do that to you, and most of the time it’d end up being either “50/50”, “proportional to what you brought in” ‘proportionate to income at the time of divorce” or something like “we’ll keep finances separate and split the house if it comes to it”…
I do think it makes good sense to enter into a deal knowing what the consequences of dissolution are though… (but most of us go with the default option… “you instantly own half my shit, let’s make sure divorce would be extra painful by not planning for it, so that we both just stick it out whether we like it or not”
The regular divorce laws can split things in incredibly inequitable ways. Let’s say you split and one member of the couple is content working part time, stays at home, spends their time on leisure while the other one puts in 80 hour work weeks. I won’t say it’s a recipe for a healthy relationship, but then after 5 years they split. Our part time person walks away with half the earnings despite doing significantly less work for them and the other loses half the difference in their earnings despite putting in more than 3 times as many hours.
Marriages are much more complicated than that, for sure, and often the non breadwinner is doing tons of work that is enabling the other one. But on that note many marriages DONT have that and the prenup is a way to get around the standard law that the couple might deem unfair. I also think it’s nice because it motivates both members of the couple to be self sufficient.
All marriages end in only one of two ways: Death or Divorce, which does not bode well for the ‘Happily Ever After’ myth. This, coupled with the fact that the single most common cause for divorce is marriage, it kinda makes me wonder why some people get married in the first place.
Other commentators already went into a lot of detail, so I’m just gonna add this.
Every marriage has a “prenup” by default – it’s whatever laws your marriage is subject to. If you like those laws and what they’d do for you in the event of divorce, great. But those laws are purposely general in order to apply to marriages across the board. Drafting your own prenup gives you the opportunity to make something more customized to your own and your partner’s circumstances.
Also worth bearing in mind that prenups can encompass far more than just divorce, including death, permanent disability, incapacity, etc. Again, the same principle applies – if you don’t do it, the government will just do it for you. Whether you like that or not is entirely up to you.
Life’s not a fairytale. People fall out of love, cheat, etc. It’s healthy to have plans for when a relationship runs its course. It’s not an asshole move it’s just realistic.
i mean, it’s kind of weird that it’s normalized for marriage to mean a merging of financial assets. like, why is that just a given? it seems weird that that’s the normal and that you have to clarify that your marriage doesn’t mean your assets are merged. it seems like merging your assets with another person should be the add-on you indicate to your marriage, not the thing you add to indicate that you don’t want that
It’s like health insurance. Hopefully you don’t get sick and have to use it, but it’s there for the peace of mind and financial reassurance if you need it.
Hikers all over the world carry an expensive can of bear spray around every time they go on a walk. They replace it when it expires and practice how to use it properly. And very close to 100% of them will never have a reason to deploy it in the field. Now imagine if the chances of a close encounter with a bear were more like 40%, or maybe higher. You’d be goddamn idiot not to at least think about possible ways to insulate yourself from harm. Divorce laws are different all over the place. And who gets to keep what is seldom cut and dry. If it was, divorce lawyers wouldn’t exist. I’m not saying everyone needs a prenup. But if you can’t at least take the time to really think about what would happen in a divorce, you’re not mature enough to get married.
That said, it probably is mostly a rich person thing. If you’re both broke and don’t own anything, it probably doesn’t matter. But there’s a lot of reason’s why it could be a good idea for no-so-rich people too. For example, if you own a house and 40 acres outright that’s been in your family for 5 generations, and your spouse moves in with you when you get married, it becomes the marital home and they can assert a claim to half of it in the divorce, whether you put their name on the title or not.
You could argue a case for keeping a small business that you owned before the marriage, but maybe only if your spouse didn’t help you run it during the marriage. Even then, there could be other factors to consider, and the business could be stuck in limbo for who know how long while the divorce layers sort it out. Try landing a multi-year contract after you tell the clients your business is the subject of pending litigation.
Why do shipyards put lifeboats on big ships before the ship is even in the water? Doesn’t it send the message to passengers “Come on board and have fun, but we could also sink at any moment”?
It’s because you accept the reality that bad things can happen, and it’s better to be prepared. And the chances of a marriage failing are quite a lot higher than the chances of a ship sinking.
Same reason you wear a seatbelt
Because all marriages arent successful. Its definitely less than 50%. Im not going to assume im special. The prenup is a just incase for both parties.
Why wouldnt you get one?
It’s insurance for your marriage.
Marriage is THE most expensive legal contract most of us will ever sign. You insure your house… You insure your car… Why wouldn’t you insure your marriage?
Not all marriages work out. In fact in the US I think the divorce rate is over 50%. It is a very reasonable possibility that things just don’t work out and I wouldn’t want the things like my house or car things that I worked very hard for to be taken from me.
Also it only comes into effect in divorce, so if you never divorce it makes no difference.
For me it’s all about risk management and setting your own rules…
Risk management in the sense that I own a business and I don’t want to expose my wife to potential liabilities
In risk management I’m going to also put bankruptcy protection (if I go bankrupt she keeps the assets and I keep the problems)
And regarding rules/laws, in my opinion they are created by the government to protect and focus on the government, and then the marital venture, so by signing an NDA what we did with my wife (and my lawyer and her lawyer) was figure out our rules and not play by the governments rules
When you marry your wife, how do you know if she actually loves you or is she just marrying you to take half from the divorce?
I’m 25 and am very lucky to have gone through a FREE divorce, she prob wouldn’t have left if I was rich enough to have anything worth going to court for, but I was confident in not needing a prenup before getting married at a UPS at 20 in the navy. Somehow I dodged a bullet 🙃
The divorce rate of people who get prenups is lower than those who don’t. It shows that you are open to all forms of communication in the relationship even the not so fun type of stuff. Those who communicate together stay together. It also protects both you and your loved one from the potential future versions of yourselves who may no longer love each other.
Marriage is a legal contract. The question is, do you want the standard contract the government provides or do you want one that is individually tailored to your situation?
Prenups exist for the people who believe in true love… and in having control over their Netflix password after a breakup.
It’s a legal way of saying, “I’m in this for forever, but just in case forever sucks, I’m covered “… love may be blind, but bank accounts aren’t.
Not when, but if. Prenups protect the concerned parties in the event that their marriage doesn’t work out—as if often the case. Personally I consider it a red flag if a woman doesn’t want a prenup—I’m attracted to women who protect themselves and their interests, it’s a huge turn on and super feminine to me.
Better to be an asshole than a whole ass.
My parents started their divorce when I was in eighth grade and it didn’t end until I was in college. They spent all of my college money and a significant part of their retirement savings just fighting. I didn’t ever wanna go through that. We got a prenup so that we could agree on what would be fair while we loved each other and could be civil.
>Isn’t it kinda weird to plan for divorce before you even get married?
It would be stupid not to plan for that.
You’re not planning to do it. But you’re hedging your bets. It’s insurance.
>I get that people have assets and stuff but isn’t that what regular divorce laws are for?
Regular divorce laws are for giving women everything and leaving men penniless. That’s kinda why prenups are important.
If there is no prenup, government decides how the assets are split in case of a divorce, regardless if the couple finds it fair or not. Prenup is a way for the couple to decide themselves, in advance, what they think is a fair split.
Are they marrying you for love or for your money? Ask for a prenup and find out.
Marriage is a legal business contract which automatically comes with a default prenups (enforced by the state). Why let the government decide while you can make up your own rules which tailor to your situation?
Everyone gets a „prenup“ in form of the marriage and divorce laws of your country. As a lawyer (this is not legal advice) I can confidently say that everyone should have an additional prenup that clarifies what both people want – even if it’s just the already existing laws broken down in one understandable document so you have a clear understanding.
Sure there are some marriages where the power dynamics or one sleazy partner wants to make it unfair but in most cases it can be done fairly with even something close to romantic intent („even if something happens I want you to be taken care of“).
As many commenters already said prenups get necessary when businesses or kids from earlier marriages are involved but even if that’s not the case a prenup can be beneficial to both. For example, you can stipulate a certain yearly compensation for childcare by a stay at home partner in case of divorce.
Sure there are laws for most of these things but some of them are not fitting for every situation, some need additional work or data to be actionable (e.g. sometimes the individual assets at the beginning of the marriage are important but not easily determined later) – it can be really helpful to settle the facts, even if you don’t establish any specific rules (just saying that partner A got the house from their parents and it’s not joint property).
It can also take a lot of stress out of the divorce or even just a potential marriage crisis if it is clear what the rules are – you get less suspicious of your partner if it is clear that they can’t take an unreasonable amount of your property. Those things are most easily settled when you still love each other and want the best for each other. It is also immensely helpful for your kids if there is less stress.
You can also add in clauses about what to do if someone stops working to have kids. If mom quits her job and raises kids for 10 years then gets divorced, not only will it be hard for her to find a new job with 10 years missed experience, she lost out on 10 years of promotions and pay increases AND 10 years of 401k contributions. With a prenup you can state that she basically gets paid for each year off.
People get prenups because they don’t know themselves and their partner well enough
Because even if you really trust your spouse they can still go crazy.
People can even have amiable divorces and the spouse will still disagree with you on how to split things. Prenuptial establishes what you have when going in and how you’d like to split it.
Given that people tend to plan weddings or buy houses together around this time, it’s not too much hassle to do a prenupt on top of it all.
> And how do you even bring this up without sounding like a total AH? “Will you marry me? Also please sign this legal document first” seems like a vibe killer ngl
I do not know the answer to this tbh, but it’s in everyone’s interest and it’s equally shady to not want to sign one under sny circumstances. I’ve always just assumed the woman I marry would also want a prenup.
> Isn’t it kinda weird to plan for divorce before you even get married? Like “hey babe I love you forever but also let’s discuss what happens when we break up”??
If. Also, if you’re dating someone, you’ve probably had to grapple with the possibility of break-up fallout; how awkward it is with friends, avoiding the person, “do we stay friends?”
Similarly most people make the hard choice of planning ahead for our own deaths via a will, or planning on what to do if we lose/leave our jobs, our homes, if we drop out of school or university. You might argue it weakens our resolve to actually hold on to those things, but it does help to have it done.
Pre-nuptials are also in the interest of the children. It is harder for you, when separated, to raise your kids if your spouse ‘stole’ some of your money and is love-bombing them with gifts. So this perhaps shows that the people who don’t care about pre-nuptial agreements are the ones who don’t intend to have kids, or don’t think about it.
Every marriage has a prenup. It’s either the default one or one you write yourself (or with a lawyer you hire)
A lot of marriages end in divorce. It’s not just a few, practically half end in divorce and the numbers keep rising. As divorcing becomes less of a social taboo around the world it’s also becoming more common.
When you divorce someone you’re legally entitled to some of their assets. This is a system designed mainly to protect housewives because if someone forgoes a career in favor of raising their children, they’re in a very precarious position if they later split. They’re left with nothing because the person that had agreed to take care of them will no longer do so. Getting a house and into a job after years of not making money and having no employment for many years is not as easy.
But the problem with laws is that they can always be exploited, and usually the person who gets to court with a case first wins, because preparation is the most important thing. Being served papers for something you didn’t know was going on and planned against you is the worst situation you can find yourself in, but few people are constantly covering their ass legally by keeping receipts on anything and letting their lawyers know about everything going on in their lives. Rich people do that, but most people don’t. So it is possible for someone to marry with the intent to fleece their spouse in a divorce.
A prenup is a contract that can basically guarantee none of that will happen because you both agree from the get go what will happen if you do indeed end up divorcing, and it happens when everyone still loves each other and is in good faith.
My friend has just got married and moved country into his husband’s house. His prenup states that he won’t get the house in a divorce but his husband will assist him with rent for 12 months to get his own place. One party is moving across the world so risks getting stranded in a foreign city with no support network if it doesn’t work out, and the other is taking somebody into their owned home and risks losing that if it doesn’t work out. Of course everybody hopes it’ll never be needed and it’s not a case of what you want to happen, it’s just a way of mitigating disaster if it does.
Just by way of a practical example. Lots of different use cases
I’ve seen a divorce lawyer say that between the ~50% divorce rate, and miserable people who stay married to each other (which he estimated to be 10-20% of marriages), that marriage can be thought of as a technology that fails up to 70% of the time
Nobody wants to be in the 70%, so pre-nups are basically a guaranteed way to start over without having to live the rest of your life paying someone money that you weren’t happy being with in the first place
The other thing about pre-nups is that they can say whatever you want them to. They don’t have to be ‘my spouse gets nothing’. You can agree to give them money for a couple years until they get back on their feet or whatever the couple agrees to
Everybody should have a pre-nup that works for the couple, it’s a plan for your life and the life of your spouse (one that hopefully will never be needed, but a plan all the same)
because they are NOT STUPID.
chads that follow get also dna tests for their kid
> My friend said it’s about protecting inheritance or a business but couldn’t you just… not put your spouse’s name on those things?
No, if you are married without a prenup all your assets are split at divorce. Inheritance assets are exempt in some countries but it is the burden of the owner of the asset to prove it was inherited. It can get really complicated if you have assets in multiple countries too. Basically if you don’t have a prenup either partner can make the life of the other one hell at divorce by just contesting everything, forcing both partners to spend a lot of money on lawyers.
> Is this mostly a rich people thing or are regular folks doing this too? Is it actually that common? I’ve heard some people say it makes divorce easier but like… shouldn’t you be focusing on NOT getting divorced?
My partner has her own income and assets, so we are mostly even on wealth. We are not top 1%, maybe top 15% in our country. We keep our finances 95% separate, we put money into a joint account for day-to-day expenses and mortgage, but besides that and our shared apartment+furniture everything else is separate. The apartment is 50% mine, 50% hers on the deed and would be the only thing split in case of divorce.
My own parents were unhappily married for decades and it deeply affected me. We talked about this if we ever become unhappy together we should not put barriers for split is what we came down to it.
In practice we would mostly be even on the split anyway, but the prenup just lets us not worry about lawyers
People are likely to change, that’s why there’s a prenup to prevent the craziness gets to you if things go south.
It’s like insurance – like life insurance. You don’t THINK something will happen but you want your family to have financial support if something does.
If you trust your partner, no problem with prenup
A prenuptial agreement can stipulate in advance the amount and duration of spousal support, as well as the distribution of property in the event of a divorce. While this may not sound romantic, it can minimize the arguments, litigation costs, and emotional drain of a divorce, making the process smoother.
Yes, I used the marriage agreement to get my property after my husband cheated on me. Thanks GOD!
You sound completely insane, unless you’re a woman. If theta dthe case, apologies mam – you won’t get any money for loving that man. It’s free.
There are gold diggers out there on every level of the gender spectrum. A prenup would protect what you bring with you from leaving without you.
Let’s say u meet someone and you bring a million dollars in To the relationship and all they bring to the table is the bealive that they don’t want your money and the hope that u ain’t gonna break up .. love makes u do dumb shit lol
Because people get fucking spiteful during breakups
Sure you can say to your so that you will be for sure forever together but you are being naive kid in that moment when you disregard hundreds of years of human experience
There’s a reasonable perspective to be had that is: “I love you, but I can also see and understand the possibility that you could either change in a drastic way such that you become someone different or I discover you just weren’t who I thought you were to a point you could betray me in an irreparable way.”
That being said, I’m married without one. But I hold no judgement against those who get them.
Because it’s 2025 lmao almost half of marriages fail.
It’s just a way to protect certain assets if you ever get divorced. And it’s better to discuss and hammer it all out when you’re deeply in love vs wanting to murder each other. If you never use it, great. If you need it, great.
My partner and I are planning on getting a prenup, not because we believe we will break up, but rather because we know sometimes relationships end. It’s there if we need it, and it can be ignored when we don’t.
When you buy insurance, are you planning for accidents?
I’d say if you can’t talk about thing like that, you’re not ready to get married.
Marriage is a legal contract, like it or not. When someone hires you you sign a contract that outlines your agreement in whatever situations you are relevant for you and the company. You’re not planning to quit on day 1 and they are not planning to fire you, but you need clear terms.
Marriage is not much different. Yes you want it to work and hopefully you don’t get divorced, but there are million things that can happen where divorce is a better option.
you marry for love however life changes, it’s prudent to hope for the best but prepare for the worst
{{“Will you marry me? Also please sign this legal document first” seems like a vibe killer ngl }}. Marriage is already a legal document. Without a prenup, you’re essentially agreeing to your jurisdiction’s default divorce laws. Do you want the government to decide how your assets are split—or do you want to decide for yourself?. The same logic applies to writing a will: would you rather the government decide how your inheritance is distributed, just because it feels ‘weird and cold’ to make one? Prenups aren’t just for the wealthy—they can dramatically reduce the time, cost, and conflict of a divorce. Plus, they protect you from being liable for your spouse’s debts.
>Isn’t it kinda weird to plan for divorce before you even get married?
Other way around. Imagine being so nuts you take zero precautional steps to protect yourself and your assets undertaking something that results in failure more than half the time.
I’m not planning to get sick, but I have health insurance. You don’t have everything in you control, marriages fail for 1000 different reasons and “the couple didn’t try to make it work” is just one of them. There are people who e.g. lose a child and decide that they can’t make it work as a family anymore, when you are going through something like this you don’t want to deal with divorce laws. Prenups make life easier when the worst case scenario happens. Bringing that up before marriage is like discussing an advance healthcare directive, no one likes to talk about worst case scenarios but it’s an important conversation and adults should be ready to have this talk. “It’s a vibe kill” is no reason to skip preparing for the worst.
One way to think of it is all legal marriages have a pre-nup. A prenup is just the legal consequences that occur after a divorce. All marriages are technically eligible for divorce. If you and your spouse don’t collaborate and make one together based on your specific needs, then you will get the pre-nup that the government decides on for you.
Your marriage has a default state plan to divorce. You can keep that plan, or make your own.
Have you not heard stories of people not getting prenups and how divorces fuck up people’s lives without one?
My parents had terrible divorce, yelling and sueing each other on banal stuff like tables and chairs.
My wife has similar experiences with her parents.
We started our marriage with a prenup because we don’t want our children see their overly stressed out parents paying their future to lawyers.
Our children deserve better.
And yes, we plan to stay together forever. But the statiatics suggest something else.
Same reason you put your seatbelt on. Only dummies don’t understand why.
OP has a lot of growth to do
When I got married, I had property in my home country, and a business. Same for my wife.
We got a prenup saying “what’s yours yours, what’s mine mine”
We divorced 7 years later. Instead of a dragged out legal battle and financial gymnastics that would have cost us both 10s of thousands, I packed up my stuff and left. Just pay the filing fee, done.
Did we plan to get divorced when we got married? No. Am I glad she insisted on a prenup? Hell yeah!
It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one of them to make it fail. I NEVER in a million years would have imagined my wife would cheat on me. We were together 22 years, she was always self conscious with sex, spoke of other guys propositioning her but finding it gross and shutting them down – she seemed totally loyal and committed. She did cheat – started an affair in late 2023 after my mom died and I didn’t find out until April this year.
We bought my mom’s house from her and my mom gifted a large amount of equity. Now my greatest regret is telling my mom I trusted my wife completely and it would be safe to gift that equity. It’s going to be a huge and expensive legal battle to argue that equity was my inheritance. I wish I had listened to my mom’s reservations.
You never know what’s going to happen in the future. People change. My soon to be ex is not the same person now that I knew for two decades. I don’t think that person ever really existed, and it’s shocking how someone can wear a mask for two decades. Love blinds people to red flags as well. It did with me. I’ll never make the same mistake again, then again I never plan to marry again.
Everyone has a prenup. It’s either the one you agree on with your spouse of the one the state provides when you get divorced.
Because my MIL hates me and thought (thinks) I was going to take everything from her precious baby boy… there was a major wealth gap between my husbands family and mine (although not really between us personally). He thought having one was stupid. I wanted one so his mom couldn’t call me a gold digger… it’s fun to throw that back in her face any time she gets annoying about it.
Not putting someone’s name on it doesn’t protect it from the divorce without a prenup in most if not all places
A prenup protects your assets and money in case of a divorce. Given the current divorce rate, getting a Prenuptial Agreement is the smart thing to do
Prenups are for if you don’t like your states default rules for divorce. Marriage is a contract. Yes, you love each other now, but shit happens in life, so it’s better to have a plan. Also, the plan is not set in stone, there’s things called post-nuptial agreements that can change what was agreed to before.
For the most part, they aren’t actually needed for things like inheritances or homes owned before the marriage because those things are not marital property unless you decide to commingle them.
But if you want to agree in advance on who gets the house to avoid a forced sale, and elect not to split retirement accounts, do that.
It’s like a seatbelt. Hopefully you never need it, but if shit happens, better to be wearing it than go flying headfirst through the windshield.
> regular divorce laws
These don’t protect your assets.
Because the same person you marry won’t be the same person you divorce.
Compare it to friendship. Have you ever had a friend who suddenly became an asshole or super distant/non-communicative? Now imagine if that person could take you to court and demand your assets after you’ve decided to end the friendship.
Basically, people and circumstances can change unexpectedly. Just because you have a good relationship now doesn’t mean that can’t change in the future. People getting married don’t WANT a divorce obviously, it’s just a realistic thing to think about because ultimately people are unpredictable and things happen.
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Marriage is a legal contract and a Pre-nup is the best way to customize that contract. It’s that simple.
Imagine you work for a couple of decades, own a paid off house have some savings and a couple of adult kids. Now imagine you get married/remarried. If it doesn’t work out do you want to lose half of what you worked your entire life for, your retirement, your kids inheritance?
Marriage is a legally binding contract with the state
A person can do everything right in a marriage and still get fucked over if their partner chooses to divorce them
Prenups protect both parties from a legal system that is biased in divorce cases
Prenups are saying, “hi. I love you. In case the worst happens, let’s decide what we think is right instead of the default laws of whatever state we live in at the time.”
It’s the same reason you write wills and buy life insurance. Only difference is in that case the worst is guaranteed to happen, just a matter of when.
Prenups are good for any gender especially if you have assets. An example would be Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. He was a deadbeat and a loser who had Britney pay him alimony after the divorce. He still is living off of her and treated her horribly when they were together. A prenup ensures that the divorce is fair for everyone.
In all honesty, there is no downside to a prenup. I legitimately cannot think of anything that would be a downside for it.
You’re not going in expecting to divorce exactly. As another commenter stated, it’s insurance. It is better to have it and not need it than it is to need it and not have it. Then, you’ll be fighting in court over your assets you had before marriage.
People change for a variety of reasons during marriage. Many marriages turn sour, and many people can suddenly change right after marriage. This just protects the assets of both parties in the event something DOES happen.
You’re not expecting a divorce, but you and your partner are prepared for the event if were to happen.
Why do you buy insurance?