This has always confused me. What’s the reasoning to it? (And yes, I know that not everyone does this. But it’s a trend I’ve noticed over the years.)
This has always confused me. What’s the reasoning to it? (And yes, I know that not everyone does this. But it’s a trend I’ve noticed over the years.)
Comments
Anyone who matters in someone’s life wouldn’t criticize others for not drinking. Kids and assholes do that.
Those are two completely different things. No one should criticize someone for choosing not to drink (and I don’t think many people do), but in one situation you have someone who has a physical and mental addiction that they had to overcome, and another where someone just chooses not to have a beer or two on the weekend.
Whoever does that is just an asshole. Maybe they think you’re a square or something, but never drinking is perfectly fine. Smart in fact
People love a redemption arc
People can be shitty and stupid.
People celebrate people who have overcome challenges. It’s not really much of a mystery.
Generally the group of people celebrating someone’s sobriety is not the same group of people as the group criticizing someone never drinking.
So why do two different people do two different things? Because they’re different.
I have actually never have anyone criticize me for not drinking. I have never heard anyone else do this either.
Yeah this has always baffled me as well. I’ve seen less criticism and more shaming, making fun of the person who isn’t taking shots. “Oh you’re no fun” as I sit here and watch a guy with liver issues already take another shot 🙄🙄
Alcoholism is rampant in my family and someone dies from alcohol poisoning every few years around here. It has turned me off completely from a substance I didn’t enjoy anyway. That being said, I know for people like my mom that she can’t “just put it down and stop.” It’s so much more than just choosing not to drink, they often know it’s shitty (or even potentially ruining their lives/health/relationships) but they feel infinitely worse without it.
I notice a shift in the attitude. People are more understanding and respectful to us sober for life.
Would you celebrate somebody that’s never got cancer or somebody that survived cancer?
It would be weird, imo, to criticize someone who does not drink, no matter the reason.
I wonder if what you’re calling “criticize” is just a difficulty to relate. Most adults drink, so when they meet someone who doesn’t, it’s unusual.
I don’t drink bc I’m allergic and I think the few times I was made fun of for it, it was bc the other person was an alcoholic who didn’t want to drink by themselves, and was projecting all their judgey insecurities about themselves onto me.
Celebrating recovery is not about who’s smarter or wiser; it’s about overcoming. No one has a perfect moral record, and for many, their circumstances and/or genetics are stacked against them. Maybe it’s one of the Christian values that’s been encoded into Western/American culture, but we love a redemption. That’s a good thing.
I’m someone who never drank. Yeah there’s a little weirdness from time to time around it, but I’ve never been insulted or criticized for it and the awkwardness just comes from the fact that drinking is super normal. Closest I’ve come to catching any heat for not partaking is being a young teenager and certain friends or others from the neighborhood pressing me for why I didn’t want to smoke weed with them.
So why do we celebrate recovery? Because it’s a good thing. Why do people criticize someone for not drinking? They’re probably insecure, immature, and/or feel morally convicted by the person abstaining. Unless that person is criticizing them for drinking. Then it’s just people fighting, which is natural.
The same reason we celebrate people beating cancer, but we don’t celebrate people never getting cancer.
Most top comments here have it spot on, it’s completely different situations. Reddit is also a terrible forum to discuss any drinking behavior because it’s so extreme. The comments are either complete alcoholic behavior where obviously some changes are needed or complete abstinence where the person demonizes alcohol like it’s heroin. Moderation is usually fine, it’s not that serious.
We live in a society of highly functioning alcoholics. People who don’t think they have an issue with alcohol, so “alcoholics” make them feel better, “at least that’s not me!” People who don’t drink aren’t “fun” to be around because it shines a bright light on their own issue.
Those are not the same people making those comments.
On top of that one is helping someone accomplish their personal goal of overcoming an issue. The other is a misguided effort to get someone to participate in something they consider fun.
Well, 1: most of the people I’ve heard criticize people for not drinking are people who are already drunk, or people who do drink who feel the non-drinker is judging them.
2: I have encountered said non-drinkers who DO look down their noses at people enjoying a beer or two.
It’s not everybody, but both types of people do exist.
it makes sense & nice to celebrate someone overcoming an addiction
it absolutely is rude to see someone who choose to abstain from the beginning as having a stick up their ass
however, I think these two types of people don’t intersect at all, like they’re not gonna be the same person
(altho I do know some people would congratulate you for being sober but then offer a drink a to you, idk wtf they’re thinking but they probably don’t consider your soberity a serious achievement in the first place)
Are you sure these are the same people?
When people are drinking they want others to join in- resist the peer pressure
i have a friends who’s always turned down coffee & booze. IMO he’s a rebel, INSPO
Bc it’s not the same and it’s weird you’d even have to ask this shit question. Ones an addiction
I would not criticize some for not drinking
Its actually pretty simple. Recovering alcoholics stop because they have a problem. Other drinkers can celebrate that and think “thank god I dont have that problem!”
People who opt not to drink in the first place make them get defensive. It means that they think what drinkers are doing is harmful and a mistake. That makes drinkers feel uncomfortable/judged.
I don’t think there’s much else to it.
Many people have had more alcoholic drinks in one day than I have had in my entire middle-aged life, and I have also notices this trend in a frustrating way. Depends on the person/group, but in many settings I have taken shit for not drinking.
Everyone I’ve met who criticizes others not drinking were alcoholics themselves so it’s possibly something to do with their own insecurities.
We celebrate people getting sober more often because they had to overcome addiction which is not an easy task for most people.
The number of people on this thread denying that there are large portions of the population that criticize others for not drinking is I think actually revelant of the issue. Is it a minor issue? Sure, but it’s real.
I have been criticized for not drinking. I have been treated like a loser (the “smiling tease” that’s really “omg you’re such a dork,” even well into my middle-age. And OMG I take shit for drinking diet soda when others are drinking alcohol.
I’ve literally never seen this
You’re comparing apple and oranges, so of course — you are going to run into an issue with the logic if you keep running with the ball.
The world will make a lot more sense once you realize that nobody cares or even knows if they’re being hypocritical or not.
I’m learning from these comments that people are absolutely delusional about the reaction that people that don’t drink get.
Are you correlating teen peer pressure with adult life problems? I don’t think the second situation happens very much
One will completely ruin your life.
This presupposes that recovering alcoholics don’t receive criticism for not drinking which is not true. They also have to deal with the same critique of not drinking except it’s worse because of their previous history. Just look at r/stopdrinking and you’ll find countless examples of this
Because like most things in life, there are positives and negatives to drinking. Most people are able to find a healthy balance.
In A Christmas Carol, we celebrate Scrooge when he starts paying his employee better, giving time off, and donating to his community. But we also criticize people who never work or try to make money.
I’m almost 30 and never had a sip of alcohol. I have never felt or heard any criticism only people who say “good for you. I wish I never started” it something like that. I do hang out with a lot of people and in alcohol events. People love having a default DD and I’d like to think I’m cool to hang out with sober. It’s not weird.
What are people saying to you?
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As a recovering alcoholic of 20 years.. addiction is extremely hard to overcome. I think the congrats are words of encouragement. If you’ve never been addicted it’s hard to understand. The journey to sobriety is so much more than just not drinking or using. It’s making wholesale changes to every part of your thinking and behaviors. It’s simple but not easy. I’m not sure why anyone would criticize someone who just chooses not to drink. A lot of people just don’t like it or don’t for health reasons.
It could be worse. Try telling people that you quit eating meat, poultry, and seafood for better health. That really gets them riled up.
As a member of a car-free household who watches people being praised for getting EVs, I can relate.
I’ve brought up that exact same point before and got down voted lol
Well not drinking along with others is sometimes seen as looking down on the people that do drink, or being unwilling to go along with the fun in general. Especially in cultures where refusing food/drink that is offered to you is impolite.
On the other hand, being an alcoholic is seen as being unable to control yourself.
If you actually know someone with both opinions, they probably think it’s right to go along with the group but still know your limits.
Keep in mind that some people will not see someone as an alcoholic that only drinks in social settings, regardless of how much it is, because the stereotype is having bottles next to your bed or drinking before noon at home or stuff like that
We get so caught up in generalizing everything and everybody. Not everything is binary, I would argue that nothing about people is binary.
The person who celebrates recovery is not the same person who derides someone for not drinking.
No matter how hard media, including social media, trys to convince us that there are only 2 ways to think about anything and we have to pick one, is nothing more than brainwashing and an attempt to control your thinking.
I’ve never done this in my life but I’m guessing that people who do probably do it out of insecurity. They think that if they’re drinking and you’re not then you are somehow judging you them.
I get this. I don’t drink. People definitely judge me. I also don’t feel the need to say growing up with an abusive alcoholic will do that to a person. I don’t judge people who drink, I just am not interested, i don’t want it in my body, I don’t enjoy it, it upsets my stomach and gives me a headache, and destroys the quality of my sleep. I have so much fun without it, literally all the time. I cook with it no problem, otherwise I’ll pass. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially some rando at a work party.
Easier to have never done something addictive than to do something addictive and be able to get clean from it
People have been wondering this for thousands of years. Read the Book of Job.
Hey, congrats on never needing to overcome an addiction! Way to go! 🎉👏🎊
Feel better now?
🙄 never change reddit
I don’t think it’s right but I imagine the thinking behind the criticism is confusion by the lack of curiosity/willingness to even try it. 🤷🏼♂️
(For the record I understand this comparison is extremely flawed)
Imagine if someone said I have never tried mustard. It looks like something I wouldn’t like and some people get so into mustard they wind up putting it on everything and I don’t want to be like that. Plus sometimes it makes people sick.
Obviously a dumb comparison but the speculation is simply it would be more “normal” to be willing to try something you don’t think you’ll like and then not continue to do it than to just refuse to ever try it based on how others react to it or an assumption you won’t like it.
Society has determined that the optimal amount of alcohol consumption is somewhere between light, social drinking, and mild, contextually appropriate drinking.
People who don’t drink at all are perceived as being a square, and people who drink to their own detriment are medically harming themselves, and potentially harming others.
I imagine this question is more of a way to ask why people who never try alcohol get criticized than a legitimate question regarding why sober folk get “celebrated”. Because I would hope that one is pretty obvious
When are the same people doing this?
No one sees any strength in fixing a problem before it starts sadly. They need to see you fail first
They are not the same group of people doing the two things you mentioned.
I’ve literally never seen someone get hassled for not drinking outside of highschool
Because people are stupid. My favorite is an example from The Sopranos. Chris is a drug addict. Everyone criticizes him. So he gets clean. No alcohol, no drugs. Etc. Then they criticize him for being clean. Ask him why he can’t “just be normal!”
Personally I never bother anyone who chooses not to drink alcohol. In fact I will even ask them hows their drink (nobody asks them this in my experience) and defend them if anyone has a problem with them not drinking alcohol.
Overcoming an obstacle is always more interesting than avoiding one
People don’t like “know it alls.”
If you simply know better than to make a bad choice the people who did not feel judged. Even if you aren’t considering them. This feeling of being judged is the root of the issue you speak of.
i’ve never really heard anyone criticize people who don’t drink.. but people celebrate recoveries of all kinds every day. they’re celebrating the fact that someone got better/healthier/safer/happier etc. it’s not necessarily a celebration against alcohol, it’s about the person recovering and being in a better place.
I criticize alcoholics trying to stay sober, too
Even recovering alcoholics get criticized for not drinking. No, you can’t have just one. That’s the whole point. It’s not lacking discipline or self control.
Because they’re two different sets of people. Those who celebrate recovery are generally not ones that give others shit for not drinking. Those who give others shit for not drinking tend to view people who went through recovery as weaklings that couldn’t handle their alcohol.
There’s no way to avoid criticism. Much criticism is contradictory because it is coming from different places.
Its just weird to never try once.
Theres a phrase, ”i’ll try anything once”
I’ll be completely honest with you, I find people who never drink to be condescending and insufferable for the most part. It’s not that they don’t drink, it’s the behavior that comes with it.
For example, I went to a concert not long ago with a girl who doesn’t drink. Just met her, had no clue. I opened a beer and asked if she wanted one. Instead of a simple “no thanks,” she had to spend the next hour looking down her nose at me talking about how much fun her and her friends have without drinking. That behavior seems pretty common and I think is more what people criticize than the actual not drinking.
Having a drink now and then and being addicted are not the same.
Christians.
Because deciding never to drink is strange.
If you tried it and didn’t like it fine I guess, but there’s also hundreds of drink options so feels like it’s worth finding something you enjoy.
I think it comes down to “I decided based on very little that I’m never doing something again” is quite childish.
Different people
Same reasons people say it’s inspiring and what an incredible person someone is who got themselves addicted to drugs so bad they robbed their friends and alienated everyone in their lives and then got clean. But don’t care if you never did that in the first place because you had a brain enough to not do crack meth or heroin and kept your life on track addiction wise.
Non-alcoholics like vegetarians tend to look down on people.
Because alcohol is just that ingrained into human civilisation.
It’s not a trend. Trends come and go. And these opinions aren’t exclusive to each other.
Because while it’s easy to congratulate doing something hard, it’s hard to see someone making better choices than you and not feel the reality of having made those poor choices yourself… And most people childishly redirect that negative feeling as dislike of the “prudish stuck up” non drinker… “what, do you think you’re better than me?!”
I know I may be biased but I have never actually witnessed anyone being criticised for never drinking in my life? Like it’s something you hear people do but have never actually seen people behave this way.
Are these the same people???
A lot of people online see society as a monolith, not a lot of different groups with different values.
They don’t truly celebrate the sober alcoholics. They’re just saying that because it’s the popular thing.
I don’t think this is the same group of people.
My dad’s an alcoholic. I would celebrate if he got sober.
I will NEVER criticize a person for not drinking.
I’ve never received a bunch of criticism from people who drink. I have received skepticism and questions, but no real criticism. After a while no one even cares, and there are less people drinking now than ever. Stand strong.
/s because avoiding an addictive substance is nowhere near as hard as quitting it. Also much less fun. /s
I find this weird, too, especially since all the drunks I have ever known were shitty people. Even in sobriety, they are still assholes just with more inhibitions.
If social drinking is important to someone they usually feel like you’re judging them if you don’t drink so they pressure you to drink with them to make them feel better.
It happened to me in my early 20s, I didn’t give in and drink(alcoholism runs deep in my family so I have no interest in even taking a sip) but I did cry the whole way home for feeling like I ruined everyone’s fun by not drinking w/them.
Congrats on never having a drink! You did so good!
It’s fun to do bad things
The people doing those two things are generally not the same people
I don’t drink. Nobody has ever criticized me.
recovering alcoholics who got sober is another way to say someone overcame a struggle they had.
i think not drinking is a personal choice and i think a lot of the criticism comes from people who don’t really know what else to say so they just make fun bc it’s better than silence.
Have you heard of the Parable of the Prodigal Son? I’m not Christian, however, the justification given by it is that people who are stuck in their vices and grow out of it can be considered to be reborn, i.e. they’ve come back from death, however, the people who never gave into their vices were always alive.
The assumption here is that the experience of being Alcoholic and recovering from it is punishing enough, and giving them a little celebration isn’t bad. People who never have drunk are good, however, they have always been appreciated and haven’t faced punishing situations so they aren’t in need of help and support.
Personally, I don’t quite agree, but I see that supporting people to give up their bad habits is a good thing, and being jealous of them means that you are focusing on the wrong thing (the celebration) as opposed to their painful recovery, which you probably have no clue about.
Be happy you aren’t addicted, it isn’t easy to give up and messes up so many lives.
I would say perhaps it’s more people recognising the physical challenge alcoholics have faced. Both groups of people can face peer pressure which can be toxic and difficult to deal with. But once you are dependent on alcohol your body literally tries to keep you drinking. Your brain has become rewired and it really does take an immense amount of will power for some people to reach that sober milestone.
Those two groups of people have little to no overlap.
I am in my 40s, i have been to bars, parties, clubs, weed circles, hookah bars, etc; and i have yet to be critized for not participating, i have traveled and met people from all over and its never been an issue
In fact people think im already intoxicated cause of how chill i am and are surprised i have had anything
When people do RECOVER from substance use, i might say thats wonderful news, but i wont believe they will stick to it, lots of people QUIT but do it again later, its basically just a diet that they do on/ off
What a incredibly stupid premise. Obviously the people praising people with quitting aren’t the same people criticising those that don’t drink
People are never satisfied. That’s why you can’t even try. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Live your life without worrying or caring about how people feel about your life choices
I always just told the truth, “I don’t drink alcoholic beverages because they taste disgusting to me, I don’t like the high, and my father was an abusive alcoholic.”
My friends would laugh and call me a lightweight, then proceed to destroy their livers.
Oh, and a lot of the same people who gave me guff for not drinking would give me a hard time for consuming cannabis, again as they proceeded to destroy their livers and binge until they blacked out and pissed their pants.
I disagree with the comments on this one. I believe the same people are the ones celebrating that are weird abt people being sober for “no reason”. People would only get off my back when I told them why I was sober “I was abusing alcohol”
There remain two contradictory views of alcohol in our society – that it’s normal, and it’s a moral failing. When people don’t drink at all, the sentiment is ‘you’re not like me, I can’t understand that decision.’ When someone gets sober, it’s ‘you poor pitiful thing, at least you did one thing right.’
Both are absurd.
My step moms never drank. She is also an asshole who highly judges people. Those type of people can shut it.
I haven’t heard anyone criticize someone for not drinking since I was about 17
The only person I’ve ever made fun of for choosing not to drink is the guy who made it a huge part of his personality. He LOVED to make sure everyone knew everywhere we went.
I’ve met people who don’t drink who are perfectly respectful of the people drinking, and I’ve met people who don’t drink and are profoundly condescending about people drinking. I do think it comes down to whether the drinkers feel judged.
I had a “friend” who didn’t drink, but always asked me to make her a drink from my home bar when a group of us would get together and drink (I always offered nonalcoholic drinks first). She never drank them. She would actually usually insult the drink too before not finishing it (something like making a disgusted face and saying “oh that’s nasty” even though I was making her fucking lemon drops which I have never had a complaint about outside of her). She would also often say “I don’t need alcohol to be fun” when the rest of the group drank which imo was really condescending. Eventually I got confrontational with her about her behavior and there’s a reason this story is in the past tense…….
Why do people celebrate anyone who has overcome a challenge in life but don’t celebrate those who haven’t had any difficulties? And in my 62 years of life I have never, ever, heard anyone criticized for not drinking. Maybe you need to hang out with a better class of people.
Fr. I get more grief when I say I don’t drink, then when I say I quit drinking. Hahaha it’s wild af really
Most people I’ve know that have said something about me not drinking. Probably have a drinking problem themselves. It makes them uncomfortable.Or they have to look at their own drinking.
Bc one is actively overcoming a chemical dependency and one is a conscious social choice made before dependency
I sort of view it how society expects people to drink even if a little but if someone had a problem and stopped then they don’t want to be a dick and be like drink. Would be like giving a fat person shit for going to the gym when they are just bettering themselves.
LOL!! No one does this.
It’s harder to crawl out of hole than simply walk around it.
“Why do some people do one thing and some other people do other things”
IMO drinking is a scourge on society. It literally rips families apart and costs millions in healthcare and stuff. Why is it even legal?