As an introvert and shy person I’m used to other people talking more than I do, but there is a phenomenon that I find curious: people who can spend a whole “conversation” being the only person talking and, many times, only talking about themselves. I’m really surprised by the amount of people who do that. My flatmate talks a lot, and she can spend a lot of time just talking about herself, like it can start with 2 people talking about a topic, but then she will talk about her experiences, move on another topic completely unrelated to the previous one and continue talking about herself and continue talking for ages. And even if I open my mouth and start saying a sentence, she keeps on talking and pays no attention to what I might have said. I also met a girl this week that is nice, but she spent all the time we hanged out talking about herself, like I literally know all about her job, her studies and her family, and she doesn’t know almost anything about me because she kept on talking about helself and didn’t ask almost anything about me.
I get that a lot of people love talking (tbf, I love talking too, it’s just people are not usually willing to listen), but why do some people love talking so much about themselves to the point they only do that and do not engage with the person they are talking to?
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Just self absorbed. I don’t know that there’s a reason for it.
Because my life and everything I do is more interesting than whoever I’m speaking with.
Because we’re all inherently selfish to some degree.
Fragile ego and narciscism.
I live alone & check myself when I start to respond in conversations & try to make sure it’s not about me. I am really working on that, because I see that in so many others. I don’t want to become one of those people.
My friend came up with a term for this: they self-interview for your entertainment.
No idea. I’m always the one asking questions. People will never ask me a question unless I prompt them. Guess they are just not interested in me.
What about me?
Low emotional intelligence. Some people are genuinely oblivious
The people I know like this I’m pretty sure have ADHD. They just get caught up in a story and forget things outside it exists until the next exciting thing comes along and distracts them. For people like this, I find blurting a new topic is surprisingly effective. Results may vary depending on people involved.
It makes me fascinated by their self absorption, lack of social awareness.
I can only conclude they are equally oblivious in other areas of their life.
Okay, here’s another perspective. I was raised by two narcissists and modelled my social interactions after them. I thought it was intrusive and rude when other people would ask questions of me. It had seemed that each person was supposed to take turns talking about themselves without needing the prompt of being asked specific questions. Now that I have had therapy and read on the internet that you are actually expected to ask questions I make a conscious effort to do so but it still feels odd and unnatural.
I used to talk about myself a lot, even too much. But it was only because of the way my horrible parents raised me. I couldn’t ask them any questions about themselves. They taught me it wasn’t polite to ask such questions of others, and certainly not them.
As an adult, I discovered my parents’ personal histories. They were bad, or humbling at the very least. Both parents were uneducated, proud, narcissistsic, abusive and negligent. So they didn’t want me learning about their personal lives. My own parents!
As a result, I grew up thinking it was rude to ask questions of others. I believed I had no right to do so, so I’d fill up empty silences talking about myself.
I’ve been in therapy for a long while now. Once I became aware of the dynamic at play, I course-corrected. I’ve become a lot more comfortable asking questions of others.
Maybe their hearing isn’t good.
Nerves can do that. Ppl babble when nervous.
Also I’m adhd, and do that a lot. I try to slow down and ask questions because I AM curious but normal ppl talk so slowly I have a hard time listening to the entire sentence. It’s like waiting for the train and it’s stuck at a stop you can see for a long time. I tried encouraging ppl to hold my hand or do soothing circles on me when they need me to be patient, but everyone was very uncomfortable with that. 🤷♀️ I do my best, and offer ppl tools to accommodate my disability. Ain’t much I can do if they don’t feel comfortable using them. The touch is distracting and calming enough I CAN slow down. Or fidgets. But fidgets don’t work as well. I get distracted.
Because it’s easier to understand yourself than other people. People would be more interested in others if they didn’t have poor attention spans or difficulty understanding or relating themselves to others. People who are similar tends to have more chemistry due to common interests and mutual understanding.
I really felt this question. Just spent the weekend with a friend who basically monologued the whole time. I tried to interject a few times to “join in,” but there was no interest in me at all. Certainly no questions directed at me. I seem to make friends easily and I assume that’s because I make it easy for people to talk about themselves.
For me is the opposite. I ask questions , act genuinely interested while they don’t do same for me.
OP:
>As an introvert and shy person
Also OP:
>I love talking too, it’s just people are not usually willing to listen
Right…
I have noticed, in the last decade or so that every problem, every issue, everything “wrong” is never, in any part, the fault or responsibility of the person complaining about it.
OP just said they are an introvert and shy and then they love talking, these two things are incompatible and at odds with each other outside of intimate relationships. Being shy and introverted is not an insulator, it does not shield you from blame, responsibility or criticism (in the same context you are criticizing others)
OP does not engage in conversation and this creates a situation where the other person, if they are not also shy and introverted, must (or feels like they need to) make up for it. OP is insecure and projecting onto other people.
I am not broken… they are.
This is what a lot of us redditors do in many situations.
Everyone is selfish… but me. Everyone is bad… but me.
There are, for sure, people who just love talking about themselves. There are also people who want to engage with you, someone who is introverted and shy, and your one word answers and lack of expansion of communication lead you to believe they are “only talking about themselves”. The reality is that they know you will not talk, so they fill the gap and you are too self absorbed to realize that they are talking to you instead of talking to someone else.
But what do I know. I am totally wrong, your shyness and introverted nature goes entirely away when someone starts talking and you ae just chomping at the bit to tell them all about yourself… they just won’t let you. People suck, right?
Most of the time they have narcissistic tendencies which is why they talk about themselves a lot
They’re either self centered and do not care about anyone but themselves, or they are insecure so much they have to “talk themselves up” as an effort to convince the other person that they are valuable. Or both. If a person just simply are themselves it’s unimaginable how easy it can be for someone to know you and value you.