You often hear people say that they kill their spouse because they wanted to be with their lover and divorce would be difficult and expensive. But if you get caught for murder that’s way worse than if you simply just got a divorce. Now you have to hope you are found not guilty. Why do people think that that is easier I don’t get it? Am I missing somethingz?
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—People are weak.
—-They don’t want the world to know they’ve had an affair
—-They don’t want an ugly divorce
—-They don’t want to split assets
—-spouse already knows and is going to spill
Just a couple of reasons off the top of my heads. And that’s not even if a marriage has children involved.
>But if you get caught for murder that’s way worse than if you simply just got a divorce.
They don’t think they’ll get caught or aren’t thinking ahead. A smaller section of people understand the risk, but view it as worth it to kill their spouse or partner’s spouse.
They’re that narcissistic and think they’re so smart that they’ll actually just get away with it
Sounds like you are watching too much true crime TV series. Do you really think more people kill rather than get a divorce?
People who commit murder when they don’t absolutely have to don’t tend to be the most logical thinkers.
But clearly people do get away with murder every day, so it is not impossible to believe that you won’t also get away with murder. And if you get away with it murder can be profitable to you.
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Some stupid people are too stupid to realize they’re stupid. Some, in fact, are so stupid they believe they’re the smartest person in the room. Turns out there’s a fuck ton of stupid people out there.
Because it is
It’s (Normally) an exaggerated statement.
In a divorce everything gets split up , including retirement accounts, savings, pensions, etc. If there is an income disparity in the relationship the person who makes more/saves more has a lot more to lose in the divorce. Once children get involved it gets even messier with custody, child support, etc. The person who gets dinged the hardest in the divorce usually has to change their entire way of life and if they are used to “A” class living may have to settle for “B or C”.
So it’s usually a tongue in cheek statement.
In many western countries, divorce means splitting all wealth. So if you came from a rich family and your partner didn’t, divorce would mean splitting your wealth with them.
With murder, you get to keep everything with yourself and share nothing.
They’ve been successfully getting away with lying for so long that they feel invincible and believe they can create their own reality by sheer force of will.
And yes of course divorce would be a better, and they know that, but with murder they don’t have to split assets or pay alimony, and also might get a life insurance policy as a bonus.
>You often hear people say that they kill their spouse because they wanted to be with their lover
These people make the news. People that simply divorce… not so much
Technically it is easier to kill someone than go through a divorce with lawyers and everything that can take months. But they don’t think about the consequences if caught which shows how dumb they are. And that they’re shit human beings with no morals of course which is the biggest factor.
I mean in my head if i got away with murder i only stand to benefit unless the guilt eats away at me. Divorces can take years to get done for one reason or another. You shouldnt murder instead of divorce but i understand why someone would consider it
People who even consider murder are obviously already not thinking very logically. They also have already compromised their morality. It’s good that it seems crazy to most of us because that means we have morals lol. I think some people just want to erase their past life – their partner from existence and somehow divorce isn’t enough. Some of them want the kids to themselves and their new partner too without having to deal with the ex.
It’s crazy that they think they can get away with it when the first person cops talk to is always the partner or the ex!
Because it is if you can get away with it. You collect life insurance, no confrontation, no lawyers, no arguing about who gets what you literally get everything and sympathy from others on top of that. Why they actually try and do it is due to mental sickness.
they dont
who told you that?
I mean it is a minute amount of people who do this and they likely are either narcissistic and/or idiots. Another slightly related part is the narrative that men get screwed over in divorces where the reality is that people usually end up with what they deserve legally through the system, or close to it. There’s never a reason to kill a spouse to end a relationship.
You don’t often hear that, not relatively speaking. The vast majority either deal with it or get divorced. Very few resort to murder.
Most people divorce its the rare ones you hear about that do the murder.
If kids are involved and lots of money, sometimes people think they could get away with it and not have to deal with all that.
Not condoning murder at all, but… have you been through a divorce, especially as a man with assets, and also with kids? There’s your answer. However, this is hardly a common scenario, but it makes for good true crime TV and podcasts.
Financial incentive to kill your spouse is too strong. If you divorce you split your wealth and live with less where as you get an insurance pay out and have more money if you kill them.
Because it is.
Because they confuse Hollywood forensics and crime scene investigation with actual forensics and crime scene investigation. One of the reasons why you still see morons getting arrested for hiring hitmen. While there certainly are hitmen they’re not for us poors. They’re for people who have enough money, power and influence to insulate themselves from the law.
I think you meant easier to have serial affairs than just divorce them. Killing them just so you are single is a nearly non-existent scenario. People saying that casually won’t do it anyway.
>You often hear people say that they kill their spouse because…
I actually do not hear this often. Do you really??
I would say that the group of people who cheat on their long-term spouses may sometimes cross over w/ the group of people who have little regard for consequences and exhibit reckless decision-making skills, which is why it may seem like so many of them are incapable of using basic logic and just divorcing someone instead of killing them.
Also I just think the process of cheating involves a certain amount of dehumanization for the affected party. We see how they start to talk about their spouse like this wretched beast and stain on their life and that’s only to make cheating on that person easier, also they do this to convince the person they’re with that they’re still a good person and the spouse is the real monster. I believe this line of thinking leads to them being able to justify killing a person who they have basically relegated to side character status in their life.
Legal battles are very messy, and costly
Emotional immaturity.
They do not know how to manage their emotions and have an inclination towards violence.
My dad would always get mad and throw a temper tantrum whenever he felt a negative emotion. So if he was ashamed, guilty, sad, embarrassed, or depressed, it always exhibited as anger directed at his wife and kids, because no one outside the family would tolerate his shitty behavior. He didn’t have the emotional maturity to realize how damaging his behavior is. He also had to direct his blame towards someone else and the easy victims and targets were people he felt were his subordinates.
Typical emotionally immature narcissistic behavior
Paperwork is a bitch with divorce.
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Because of the differences between a divorcee and a widow or widower.
A divorcee who cheated has a loss of reputation. They have to split property. They could lose access to children or pets. If they make more money, they could be paying alimony and child support for years.
A widow or widower is a figure of sympathy. They usually are the ones who get the majority of their spouse’s property. They never have to spend another penny on their deceased partner after the funeral is done. They get 100% access to any children or pets.
While the risk of being eventually caught makes it a terrible idea, a lot of cheaters are arrogant or selfish enough to decide that, either they believe they will be lucky and skilled enough to escape scrutiny, or they want the benefits of being a widow so badly they are willing to risk it.
Most cheaters do go the “lie until you get caught” or “leave your partner” route, but the reason there is a noticeable chunk who choose to kill their partners instead is because they would rather be the widow(er) who has public sympathy than the hated divorcee who has a reputation as a cheater
They are not the brightest and don’t want to give up half of their money.
In the end, the easiest solution is to wait and the spouse will die naturally.
I think there is a lack of good content on TV and it makes for a good story.
Who the heck do you hang out with!?!
In my opinion it’s because it’s often about control rather than simply being unhappy in their relationship. Killing their partner stops them from finding someone else and helps them to shape the narrative. Both are ways are removing the threat to their ego.
They think it’s easier but ends up a hack job.
Greed and ego.
You’re missing the fact that there’s a madman who does this for every 1000000 normal people who divorce
No prenup
If you get away with it, you get all their assets too so it’s not just an avoidance of loss by divorce thing. Trouble is you need a way that will result in death without it leading back to you. Hiding or disposing of the body just makes things more suspicious. Most things that would metabolise out of the system after death are pretty much controlled substances. Accidents are often survivable. This is why such killers or would-be killers get caught so easily. Right from the off they’re the prime suspect.
Letting someone remove themselves from the equation is easier. Oftentimes viewed as murder when they made the wrong choices.
In 2024 I watch my dad kill his own brother & try to kill me also, but I saw what he was doing & out smarted him.
I have a long journal I wrote about it.
Murder is hard to prove costs are lot to go to trials
I won back to back cases by myself no attorney in civil court against my own dad!
The judge gave wonderful blessings to my mother while my dad furiously stormed out the courthouse. Not just once twice!
I won but he is free today because I didn’t have money to go to trial. He signed the judgment. He had 2 choices sign or go to trial. He signed because he couldn’t face himself or me..
Just civil court that I tried to make into a criminal case.
Police they don’t care. They won’t care unless you’re high priority (money bags) it was almost 30k just to have counsel. Idk who can afford that!
They don’t care they help sweep the dust under their dirty rugs.
Because it cost me half a million dollars and that didn’t make her any less of a junky whore. If a normal guy like me was capable of finding or hiring a hit man, how much do they charge? Say 1/2 what Divorce cost at $250 thousand. How many couples counseling sessions, court hearings and child custody inspections and all that would I have saved myself from dealing with?
That’s why people think it’s easier. Except it’s not a real option because …. jail for life then no Heaven only eternal burning. No thanks!
King Henry the VIII set the standard.
Honey I think you’re watching too many crime documentaries.
Expensive to divorce. Better dead
“people”? You mean men. Idk why they feel like that’s the best or smartest option but it’s called a Family Annilalator and it’s most commonly committed by men.
This seems to provide some insight and research (it’s a pdf download put out by the Office of Justice Programs) :
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.ojp.gov/pdffiles1/nij/230412.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjS0tOB6MqMAxV8LkQIHSb9IY0QFnoECDoQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3-XaCM_Gr76EpkYVq0J36w
I mean the thought process behind that must be something like “oh man, if only Carol wouldn’t be arround anymore, things would be so much easier…..hmmmm”. In 2020 solved murder rates in the US dropped just below 50% and someone who is cheating has no morals anyway, so go figure….
Not easier. But cheaper. Divorce is expensive. Murder is cheap
“So many people”??? How many psychopaths do you know?
Because it is easier. Short term, it’s really fucking easy and problem solved.
I don’t know that it’s “so many” as a portion of people who have affairs….
Marriage is for morons
That is not something I often hear, man.
It doesn’t happen that often but when it does there is probably financial motivation behind it (even though they say it’s not about the money, it’s always about the money)
Not easier. Just cheaper.
Divorce – Lose half your stuff, possibly lose the house, car, and kids. Possible long expensive legal battle. Now have a “EX” who may be harrasive towards your friends/family. Has long term negative social implications.
Medium risk, no reward.
Murder – Everything may be done and over in a few days, now own everything your spouse owned, maybe even get a big insurance payout, but risks getting caught.
High Risk, High Reward
I’m just speculating, but I wonder if the thought of confronting the fact that they have been doing something wrong is what makes them do it. They can deny it/rationalize it in their own mind, probably even the murder sadly, but when faced with the facts from an accuser they lose it.
Firstly is probably feelings of powerlessness that stem from much much before than the actual marriage, probably childhood. Then it’s the rush of importance because they found “better”, or they are picked or something. And lastly because they don’t wanna be the bad guy and take responsibility for ruining lives so somehow ending them completely seems more fitting option.
I have literally never heard someone say that before.
Anyways, it would be far cheaper than divorce
I just read a case study about a guy who injected his son with HIV to avoid child support.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Stewart_(phlebotomist)
I don’t think “so” many people do it. There are probably hundreds of thousands affairs going on, and when someone gets killed, the news reports it, documentaries are made.
When you build a Minecraft world, and it doesn’t save, and you lose it, would you rather try to rebuild exactly what you had or wipe the world clean and build anew?
(This is facetious, I don’t condone murder or infidelity)
Stupid people think stupid things.
Just looked at the British stats – about 3000 divorces for each spousal murder, so not that many unsurprisingly but imagine if TV plots went, “I hate you, I don’t want to be with you!”, “Shall we divorce then?”, “Ok”.
They don’t. These are unusual cases that make the news, so you hear about them.
The overwhelming amount of affairs end in divorce within 5 years (most often) or reconciliation (less often).
When you get right down to it it all resolves about money and time. The person who kills wants all the marital assets and doesn’t want to share them. This could be the guy who decides that he earned the bulk of everything and doesn’t want to diminish his future prospects with his new partner or it’s the wife and she doesn’t want to be left with less than what she feels she deserves.
Then you have the time aspect. This comes because the end of any relationship generally comes with a cost in time (and money, divorce is expensive). The time could also be about how much time they want with their children and the other party using them as (potentially) weapons in any divorce proceedings.
So, murder. Murder cuts out the sharing of marital assets and it quite nicely does away with the sharing of the children. All in all it’s a decent solution with one big flaw. That would be that the spouse is generally the first suspect in most murders be that via a direct murder themselves or via a hitman.
It’s a good option, too. If only the downsides weren’t so prison-like.
Marriage is a terrible contract and the courts that are set up specifically to unwind it are incompetent on top of being handed an impossible task.
Probably due to splitting up finances, housing and sharing custody of children. They probably enjoy every aspect of their lives besides their spouse.
Humans do dumb things in pursuit of their self centered pleasures.
bc divorce laws in the US often aren’t kind particularly to the men this was exactly what happened with scot peterson
WTF and what about the wives who would rather their husbands be dead somewhere and leaving their kids without a parent than be with someone else I guess because if he were dead shes have life insurance.
I never understood this. I couldnt wish anyone dead not even my abusive ex. Just go away, live your life….somewhere else.
They’re not dealing with a full deck.
I’ve thought this so many times watching crime docs/series. It blows my mind how people jump over asking for a divorce to go straight to murder.
Well killing someone only takes about 15 minutes. The divorce could drag out for years…
I’ve often thought that if my wife was ever killed in some shady way, I automatically become the #1 suspect, and could easily get framed because I was alone watching Netflix or something, with no witnesses.
I just finished reading Guilty Creatures by Mikita Brottman. Its a true crime story about this very topic. The justification they used was really twisted. They were of a religion that disapproved of divorce.
I don’t think it is so many, especially compared with the number of divorces
Affairs are much more common than you believe. And killing one’s spouse is a lot rarer than you believe.
Try again
I mean humans really are unbelievable but I was thinking the other day about that guy from colorado who killed his wife and two girls. Obviously there’s something deeply wrong with him but I wondered if on some level he became overwhelmed with the responsibility, and/or if the relationship was causing him pain or suffering and he literally thought that instead of divorcing his wife, if he killed them all, it would eliminate all of that and he wouldn’t have to deal with the wife hating him or fighting him for custody or other pains of divorce.
I mean that’s my terrible habit of always giving people the benefit of the doubt, and obviously doesn’t justify it. And maybe he was just literally a psycho killer. But I wonder if stuff like that actually manifests in murder sometimes.
Arrogance that they think they can evade the law…even though 9 out of 10 times it’s the significant other that did it lol
People who kill over this tend to have the mindset of “If I can’t have you, no one can” or it’s a sick, twisted “punishment” for them. Sometimes, it might be due to the other spouse taking custody of the kids or the kids would go primary with the spouse who cheated. There’s not really a lot of rhyme or reason to this.
I think your question is phrased in a way that you don’t intend… it implies you think people who have affairs are more likely to kill their spouses than divorce them. But most affairs don’t end in murder, they end in either divorce or the couple deciding to tough it out and stay together.
I think you meant to ask “When people kill their spouses because they’re having an affair, why don’t they just get divorced?”
The main reason is that they have serious problems. Most people do not resort to murder outside of extreme situations like war, and you have to be pretty messed up/immoral if that’s what you decide to do. But specific scenarios I see pop up a lot in the news:
people are stupid
I think they also see the murder solve rates are low (like under 50%) and misconstrue that to mean its easy to get away with
not exactly. esp when a spouse is usually prime suspect.
No one commits murder expecting to get caught. And if you murder your spouse and don’t get caught, it is considerably simpler than divorce.
In addition to wanting to keep their assets, there’s also child custody to consider. They may be aware that a custody battle may not go their way, and will do anything to prevent that.
What you’re missing is the 99.999999% of cases that don’t end in murder.
You’re bathed in confirmation bias here.
Plus if you kill your spouse for life insurance monies, you don’t get those monies when you’re the one who orchestrated their demise.
Divorce comes with splitting assets 50%, Alimony, and child support. Murder means keeping income and assets intact, and keeping the kids. It’s quite obvious to me why people value the latter.
Shame
I didn’t think that many martial murders are committed in order to legitimize an affair. Most are crimes of passion. And many are committed on the partner having the affair
There’s usually a whole lot of lying in affairs. Not just to the cheated on spouse. Usually the spouse and affair partner are both being lied to in a variety of ways.
Things tend to come out during divorces. Even where there’s no fault divorce. I don’t know if you’ve ever been through a divorce but friends and family and colleagues are nosy and push for answers. It’s hard not to give answers. It’s likely that one of the factors is that people who kill their spouse don’t want that to happen. They don’t want the spouse to blab to mutual friends about stuff and it to get back to the affair partner. Or vice versa. They want their spouse to just disappear.
I believe that’s called psychopathy
No idea!!
> You often hear people say that they kill their spouse
You do? Often? I don’t.
Well, I might, but it’s usually in FICTIONAL movies or TV shows.
Maybe you’re hearing this “often” because you’re consuming national news. TV shows like Dateline love to devote hours to this stuff, but many of those stories are 20+ years old.
They have got away with an affair for many years. If caught they they can lie, divert and avoid consequences. Can convince a spouse that they didn’t see what they saw. Start telling others that the spouse is crazy.
They may have multiple sexual partners pining over them.
These things would surely given them a god like status, a genuine feeling of supiorority.
Add to that the bonus of a reward for murder
…like a spouse who convinced their partner years ago and is now the beneficiary of $1 Million in the event of the death of a spouse.
Brain isn’t thinking right to conduct the affair in the first place. High on lots of love chemicals.
Grandiosity would likely wear off and surprise set in when they are fairly easily found guilty of murder
…..till death do us part?
Where the hell do you live?
I know many people who’ve divorced, I know zero murderers.