Introverted or autistic people are socially like ducks – above the surface they can look graceful and like it’s all fine, but below the surface they’re paddling at a million miles per hour just to appear normal and to keep to all the social conventions that if we get wrong will cast us into the social bin marked ‘weirdo’.
It’s always been like this. It’s why we have our own homes instead of living in large groups under one roof. It’s why everyone is glad to get home after having a fantastic time visiting their family. And ironically it’s also why we’re glad when everyone leaves after we had so much fun with people visiting. Good visitors! Everyone has to recharge. Socializing uses up our energy bar.
Physical exertion. Mental and emotional exertion. Processing what wasn’t captured in the moment after the fact. Thinking about what conversations mean for future helping and support. It’s a lot more physically and mentally stimulating than sitting in front of a tv or computer, and exercise takes recovery unless you’re fit, etc.
Because the subconscious mind is monitoring for threats that might render you excluded from the group. Being in a high state of alert, even if you’re not always aware of it, is exhausting.
Personally I find it’s just something I have to do.. a bit of social responsibility/obligation to keep friends and family. The only time I actually have fun is when DOING something with another person.
There is a spectrum from introversion to extraversion in people. People who ate more introverted tend to generate mental energy while being in solitary, while more extraverted people tend to generate mental energy by bouncing back and forth with others in social intetactions. It’s a scale though, so people aren’t completely introverted or completely extraverted. Most are somwhere in the middle where they enjoy social interactions but also require some alone time.
That’s literally me after a lunch at a friends place last Sunday. Knew only my friend there, everyone else were new to me. After a few hours of being almost the most social and outgoing of them all I had the worst crash at home in the evening, like if a truck had hit me. 😅
I’m extremely extroverted and extremely introverted. I can take short bursts of being social and then I feel drained and need to shut myself off from all of humanity.
Introverts and signs of autism . I’m getting seen this Thursday for autism and I stink of it. Bit late in the day to get diagnosed? Probably, but it needs doing
This is what introversion and extroversion actually means
Introverted people feel like socialising drains them
Extroverted people feel like socialising recharges them
What you’re describing in the question is a normal introvert experience. Went out, had fun, let’s not do this again for a little while.
This is completely different to the shy/outgoing scale that people usually associate. You can be an outgoing introvert. You can be a shy extrovert.
Also to note; poor socialising is usually draining for both extroverts and introverts, being drained by positive interactions is unique to introverts though
Introverted people recharge their “social battery” when doing stuff by themselves or with a very limited amount of people, while extroverted people recharge theirs by socializing with many people. This doesn’t mean extroverts don’t like being alone sometimes or introverts don’t like socializing sometimes, but those two groups can’t do it for long amounts of time before having to “recharge”.
Most people are somewhere in the middle, too. They’re called Ambiverts and basically they recharge their batteries according to what they feel like they need at the time, so they can’t withstand long durations of solitude but neither long durations of socializing and meeting new people.
For me, it’s like having a phone battery that drains faster than others. My friend can chat for hours and feel energized, while I’m mentally calculating how much longer I can maintain conversation before I need to retreat to my quiet space. Doesn’t mean I’m not having fun – my social battery just has different specs!
On the outside, it looks like I’m having fun. I am an excellent conversationalist and can drop self-deprecating jokes on most topics.
On the inside, I am making a conscious effort to remember:
your name
our past interactions, including where we were and what you were wearing
how we’re similar, whether by a person or place or common interests or we both have sisters or something
what topics to avoid, even as a casual mention
to smile, to maintain eye contact, and to keep my body language loose and open
not to spill the food/drink I’m holding, but keep eating so I don’t pass out from hunger/dehydration, but don’t converse when something is in my mouth
what level of humour is appropriate with you/the setting
I describe my brain as a train station. I can handle one or two trains of thought at a time, and the rest are shoved into the yard and cycle in as I need it. Yes, the yard consists of a couple dozen trains. It can be intense to stay on top of everything.
I have not been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or anything in that area, but I’m a woman and the goalposts look different.
I think it’s the energy involved in trying to socialize or when you are overthinking on how to interact. People who don’t get tired don’t need to expand energy as they don’t feel anxious around others and are not in their own head.
Why do I know this? Because I went from a socially anxious introvert into a fairly social ambivert. I only switch into introvert mode when I get home and have nerdy stuff to do, but now when people are around I go extrovert mode and most usually tire before I do.
There’s many terms like “introvert” or “autistic” being thrown around but in my opinion it comes down to the following.
Everyone has their own internal logic. Their own way of thinking. When you talk with people that share the same mindset, it becomes more fullfilling because you don’t need to clarify yourself to get your point across.
However when you talk with someone who has a different mindset, it costs a lot of energy (even if it is a lot of fun). Sometimes you are translating sentences in your mind, sometimes you are correcting yourself before speaking. There’s a lot of invisible effort involved.
I struggle with a feeling that whenever I have fun or feel happy, I don’t deserve it. It’s like I need to punish myself afterward, as if enjoying myself is somehow wrong.
As someone who struggled with this for years I finally figured out it’s like running a mental marathon. Sure I’m laughing and having fun but I’m also constantly reading body language thinking about what to say next and trying to keep up with multiple conversations.
Because it’s a lot to manage. Body language, topics, eye contact, pacing, questions, not overstaying a conversation and making the rounds, names and details, not repearing lines or stories, watching everyone else doing the same stuff and reading it.
Shit feels like piloting something made for someone with 4 arms.
OVERSTIMULATED plus having to manage myself among all that. Takes a lot out of me which is why I prefer solitary activities or like parallel type stuff
I can talk to a group of people and socialize for a while, but at some point my head start hurting and I have big trouble concentrating on what people are saying. It’s like all I hear is noise, and I see their faces and mouths but I can’t make sense of what they’re saying. And the pain in my head gets progressevily stronger. Also, my ability to speak gets a heavy toll, I have a hard time articulating words and verbalizing my thoughts. My dislexia goes off the charts. When that happens I’m forced to step aside and stay alone in silence for a good while.
I can’t explain why exactly that happenes, but I’ve been diagnosed with socialphobia and other mental ilnesses so it’s clear that my brain works differently from a normal person’s brain. Another thing that might be relevant here is that I can go several days without talking to or seeing anyone without feeling anything bad or unconfortable. In fact sometimes I forget to keep in touch with friends and family and they have to remind me of letting them know that I’m alive. From what I’ve heard from others that behavior is not exactly common.
You’re talking about introverts. I’m assuming you’re an extrovert. Where isolation is what drains you, and socializing is what recharges you, it’s the opposite for introverts. Socializing is what drains introverts, and isolation is the recharge time.
I’m autistic and social interactions do not come naturally to me. I have to expend a lot of effort to appear normal and figure out what the right things to say and expressions to make are. If I just act natural, people think I’m a rude asshole. I get so exhausted from socializing I tend to take a day off of work to recover after going to visit my family for a day.
This is why I socialize once a month, if that. I enjoy seeing/talking to my friends less than normal so that when we are together, it’s more engaging. I don’t drink so being in that type of environment makes it worse.
I’m not great at conversation and decades of extremely conflicting advice on what is and is not good conversation points (being interested in someone is good, asking them what they do is bad, trying to relate to people is good, talking about yourself is bad, but getting others to talk about themselves is good, etc) has only made extended social experiences even more tiring
I find crowds and socializing (even one on one) very exhausting. I can’t stand to go out two days in a row. My mother was the complete opposite. She thought I was some sort of circus freak.
Comments
Because it takes energy & effort to socialize
Cause y’all suck us dry.
It takes alot to pull yourself out of your comfort zone. The effort alone is draining.
Introverted or autistic people are socially like ducks – above the surface they can look graceful and like it’s all fine, but below the surface they’re paddling at a million miles per hour just to appear normal and to keep to all the social conventions that if we get wrong will cast us into the social bin marked ‘weirdo’.
It’s always been like this. It’s why we have our own homes instead of living in large groups under one roof. It’s why everyone is glad to get home after having a fantastic time visiting their family. And ironically it’s also why we’re glad when everyone leaves after we had so much fun with people visiting. Good visitors! Everyone has to recharge. Socializing uses up our energy bar.
Often undiagnosed autism
They are introverted
Because they are introverts. They need time on their own to recharge their batteries afterwards.
Socialising involves a lot of, some subconscious, energy-expending actions
You’re feeling your own strong emotions such as happiness, thinking about others, trying to ensure that no one feels left out or bored
Thinking of jokes, trying to remember memes, talking in general
It’s practically exercise haha
Because they are not relaxed during social interactions.
The fear of not knowing what could happen when you say or do something has the body and mind on high alert
Physical exertion. Mental and emotional exertion. Processing what wasn’t captured in the moment after the fact. Thinking about what conversations mean for future helping and support. It’s a lot more physically and mentally stimulating than sitting in front of a tv or computer, and exercise takes recovery unless you’re fit, etc.
Because the subconscious mind is monitoring for threats that might render you excluded from the group. Being in a high state of alert, even if you’re not always aware of it, is exhausting.
Who said they had fun?
Personally I find it’s just something I have to do.. a bit of social responsibility/obligation to keep friends and family. The only time I actually have fun is when DOING something with another person.
There is a spectrum from introversion to extraversion in people. People who ate more introverted tend to generate mental energy while being in solitary, while more extraverted people tend to generate mental energy by bouncing back and forth with others in social intetactions. It’s a scale though, so people aren’t completely introverted or completely extraverted. Most are somwhere in the middle where they enjoy social interactions but also require some alone time.
Cos it’s hard to be “on” all. the time.
I think if you feel the need to be like that, then you didn’t really enjoy it and you’re just playing a role
Because it’s draining.
multiple reasons. for me it’s if i’m ’trying too hard’ and not just comfortable and relaxed in conversation. socialising isn’t easy for all of us
That’s literally me after a lunch at a friends place last Sunday. Knew only my friend there, everyone else were new to me. After a few hours of being almost the most social and outgoing of them all I had the worst crash at home in the evening, like if a truck had hit me. 😅
I’m extremely extroverted and extremely introverted. I can take short bursts of being social and then I feel drained and need to shut myself off from all of humanity.
Because the people they hang out with is boring and not interesting, so they have to put in extra efforts to make the social event more fun.
Introverts and signs of autism . I’m getting seen this Thursday for autism and I stink of it. Bit late in the day to get diagnosed? Probably, but it needs doing
Fun doesn’t equal recharging
This is what introversion and extroversion actually means
Introverted people feel like socialising drains them
Extroverted people feel like socialising recharges them
What you’re describing in the question is a normal introvert experience. Went out, had fun, let’s not do this again for a little while.
This is completely different to the shy/outgoing scale that people usually associate. You can be an outgoing introvert. You can be a shy extrovert.
Also to note; poor socialising is usually draining for both extroverts and introverts, being drained by positive interactions is unique to introverts though
Introverted people recharge their “social battery” when doing stuff by themselves or with a very limited amount of people, while extroverted people recharge theirs by socializing with many people. This doesn’t mean extroverts don’t like being alone sometimes or introverts don’t like socializing sometimes, but those two groups can’t do it for long amounts of time before having to “recharge”.
Most people are somewhere in the middle, too. They’re called Ambiverts and basically they recharge their batteries according to what they feel like they need at the time, so they can’t withstand long durations of solitude but neither long durations of socializing and meeting new people.
For me, it’s like having a phone battery that drains faster than others. My friend can chat for hours and feel energized, while I’m mentally calculating how much longer I can maintain conversation before I need to retreat to my quiet space. Doesn’t mean I’m not having fun – my social battery just has different specs!
Because we are introverts..
On the outside, it looks like I’m having fun. I am an excellent conversationalist and can drop self-deprecating jokes on most topics.
On the inside, I am making a conscious effort to remember:
I describe my brain as a train station. I can handle one or two trains of thought at a time, and the rest are shoved into the yard and cycle in as I need it. Yes, the yard consists of a couple dozen trains. It can be intense to stay on top of everything.
I have not been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or anything in that area, but I’m a woman and the goalposts look different.
I think it’s the energy involved in trying to socialize or when you are overthinking on how to interact. People who don’t get tired don’t need to expand energy as they don’t feel anxious around others and are not in their own head.
Why do I know this? Because I went from a socially anxious introvert into a fairly social ambivert. I only switch into introvert mode when I get home and have nerdy stuff to do, but now when people are around I go extrovert mode and most usually tire before I do.
They aren’t being their authentic selves and that’s a lot of work
I get drained sometimes while socialising. My mind zones out physically I’m there but mentally I’m not.
There’s many terms like “introvert” or “autistic” being thrown around but in my opinion it comes down to the following.
Everyone has their own internal logic. Their own way of thinking. When you talk with people that share the same mindset, it becomes more fullfilling because you don’t need to clarify yourself to get your point across.
However when you talk with someone who has a different mindset, it costs a lot of energy (even if it is a lot of fun). Sometimes you are translating sentences in your mind, sometimes you are correcting yourself before speaking. There’s a lot of invisible effort involved.
I struggle with a feeling that whenever I have fun or feel happy, I don’t deserve it. It’s like I need to punish myself afterward, as if enjoying myself is somehow wrong.
its extroverts vs introverts
extroverts are exhausted by solitude, and recharged around loved ones
introverts are exhausted around loved ones and recharged by solitude
no it doesnt mean introverts dislike their loved ones. it just takes energy to socialize
As someone who struggled with this for years I finally figured out it’s like running a mental marathon. Sure I’m laughing and having fun but I’m also constantly reading body language thinking about what to say next and trying to keep up with multiple conversations.
Because it’s a lot to manage. Body language, topics, eye contact, pacing, questions, not overstaying a conversation and making the rounds, names and details, not repearing lines or stories, watching everyone else doing the same stuff and reading it.
Shit feels like piloting something made for someone with 4 arms.
As an introvert, I don’t know why, but I just feel tired.
OVERSTIMULATED plus having to manage myself among all that. Takes a lot out of me which is why I prefer solitary activities or like parallel type stuff
Social anxiety disorder.
I can talk to a group of people and socialize for a while, but at some point my head start hurting and I have big trouble concentrating on what people are saying. It’s like all I hear is noise, and I see their faces and mouths but I can’t make sense of what they’re saying. And the pain in my head gets progressevily stronger. Also, my ability to speak gets a heavy toll, I have a hard time articulating words and verbalizing my thoughts. My dislexia goes off the charts. When that happens I’m forced to step aside and stay alone in silence for a good while.
I can’t explain why exactly that happenes, but I’ve been diagnosed with socialphobia and other mental ilnesses so it’s clear that my brain works differently from a normal person’s brain. Another thing that might be relevant here is that I can go several days without talking to or seeing anyone without feeling anything bad or unconfortable. In fact sometimes I forget to keep in touch with friends and family and they have to remind me of letting them know that I’m alive. From what I’ve heard from others that behavior is not exactly common.
You’re talking about introverts. I’m assuming you’re an extrovert. Where isolation is what drains you, and socializing is what recharges you, it’s the opposite for introverts. Socializing is what drains introverts, and isolation is the recharge time.
I’m autistic and social interactions do not come naturally to me. I have to expend a lot of effort to appear normal and figure out what the right things to say and expressions to make are. If I just act natural, people think I’m a rude asshole. I get so exhausted from socializing I tend to take a day off of work to recover after going to visit my family for a day.
This is why I socialize once a month, if that. I enjoy seeing/talking to my friends less than normal so that when we are together, it’s more engaging. I don’t drink so being in that type of environment makes it worse.
I’m not great at conversation and decades of extremely conflicting advice on what is and is not good conversation points (being interested in someone is good, asking them what they do is bad, trying to relate to people is good, talking about yourself is bad, but getting others to talk about themselves is good, etc) has only made extended social experiences even more tiring
Socializing takes alot of effort.
I find crowds and socializing (even one on one) very exhausting. I can’t stand to go out two days in a row. My mother was the complete opposite. She thought I was some sort of circus freak.