I’m in my early 20s and for some reason it feels like I’m constantly behind. Like everyone else already has their life figured out, is making money, doing something important… and I’m just scrambling to survive.
It’s not that I’m lazy. I’m always trying to learn something or do something. But it constantly feels like I’m chasing what’s already too far ahead.
Is this normal? Or am I doing something really wrong?
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Totally normal. You’re not behind, you’re just feeling the pressure of a world that tells you everyone else has it figured out. Most people are faking it or figuring it out slowly, just like you. Your 20s aren’t a deadline, they’re a launch pad. You’re doing better than you think.
I’m 26, and I am still figuring it all out. You’re not behind, and there is no time frame to figure things out. One day things will fall in to place for you, keep doing what you’re doing.
I’m 26 and felt exactly this way until I realized something – everyone’s just pretending to have it together. My friend who seems to have the perfect career? She cries in her car during lunch breaks. That cousin with the amazing Instagram life? Still lives with her parents. We’re all just figuring it out day by day.
normal
guarantee you the people you think have it figured out are thinking the same thoughts
life really doesn’t get started til mid 30s anyway
Normal. I’m mid 30s, still no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going (if anywhere). At the moment I’m just quite happily floating along!
There’s a lot of pressure that gets put on people at your age to have everything figured out and a solid plan for your future.
Hint: Nobody knows what they’re doing, even at older stages.
That’s because the world is moving towards a very unpredictable future. We might be going to a very dystopian reality
This feeling hits you HARD when you get to 21-23 and suddenly your life comes ‘off the rails’ from the school system and the chiseled-in-stone progression you’ve been following your whole life. You suddenly get to make mistakes and have to take care of yourself and your future. That’s why everyone else will tell you it’s normal, because it really is; no matter how put together or figured out the other people seem, there will come a time in their-and your- 20s where the plans don’t exist or fall through or they don’t know what to do with their life.
Let yourself adjust away from being compared to other people your age and having to meet certain goals each year (haha, school!) and into the freedom of being an adult where you’re much less guided but also have all the time you need. There’s absolutely nothing you have to have done by the end of your 20s. You’re doing perfectly fine.
The slow starter finishes the marathon. You’re wise not to burn yourself out at a young age. Most of the people getting married now, having children, grinding for quick promotions etc are heading to a life of stress, burnout and have sold their freedom for a headstart.
Keep your goals in the horizon and always work toward them (purpose it important), but don’t skip the fun. Just remember you can repeat your entire life up until this point and you won’t even be 50, you have plenty of time
Do you know how exponential functions work? Compared to linear growth?
Pour yourself a drink and give it a thought.
No you’re absolutely normal, I was the same at your age and my son of 24 is saying the same things. Calm down, enjoy your life, get on with your job, save a little if you can. You’re doing fine.
The pressure to have everything “figured out” in your 20s is a cultural illusion, amplified by social media, unrealistic expectations, and comparison. You’re constantly seeing curated snapshots of other people’s lives, their wins, promotions, travels, relationships and it creates this false sense that you’re behind, when in reality, most people are just as uncertain and lost in their own ways.
Final destination movie
You will always feel like you are behind if you measure yourself against the facade of other people.
Every time you try to compare yourself to another person your age, keep in mind you’re comparing yourself to people who have parents who are coaching them, guiding them, saving them from failure, micromanaging them, have money invested to give them a leg-up for when they start making their own money, etc.
It’s not fair, so you shouldn’t compare yourself like it’s been fair. Try not to get caught up in short term goals. Make sure you have a plan for 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years from now.
I’m just approaching 21 and being that I’m ending my prefinal year of college, I feel just like you, everyday in terms of placements, internships etc. But I think it’s only because we are being myopic and only looking towards those above us, not realising the majority is most likely far behind. And I’m fairly sure that’s the case with you as well, because as long as you’re self aware about your shortcomings and are looking for ways to deal with them, you are already better than the 50th percentile. Just continue to work harder than everyone around you and you’ll be better than those who were ahead of you earlier.
Ps. One of my closest friends once advised me the mantra “fake it till you make it”, ik it sounds cliche, but it actually works. Best of luck 👍
A lot of people feel this way in their 20s. And the biggest lie adults never let you in on until you’re an adult too is that no one knows what the hell they’re doing or has literally anything figured out. You just get better at pretending you do the older you get.
We’re all scrambling to survive, we just get better at creating routine and the image of stability. We get better at adapting. But the truth is a lot of us are a paycheck away from being homeless, even in our 30s, 40s, and 50s.
You’re doing just fine. You’re never out of time until you’re dead. Take your time and enjoy your 20s. Work on getting to know yourself and productively interacting with the world. If you don’t, you’re just rushing yourself through the next decade or three and you won’t feel any different on the other side.
I’m 31 and turn 32 this year and I’m still not married don’t have kids and most of my friends have both. I have an amazing boyfriend and he is 18years older than me he has never been married has an ex partner and 3 kids, neither of us have it all figured out.
Take it from someone who has felt that way for most of their life you are not behind, all it is, is the way society tells you, you have to have a stable full time job be engaged or married or even in a long term relationship. Don’t worry if you don’t have it all figured out as long as you are happy with what you are doing you’re all good! Everyone is different, just go at your own pace.
This is good. I had the same kind of anxiety when I was 19-22. “I need to do something fuuuuuck”. Then I started driving a truck I loved it but didn’t make any money. Then after a few years I got a good driving job. The I wanted to do more than just drive. So I always asked to do more. Everywhere ive worked ive done the same. Do more never stop learn and expanding what you do and what you know how to do.
I still get anxiety “am I doing enough can I do more?” And I know why we feel this way.
It’s because we have so much to live for.
I’m turning 39 tomorrow. I feel like time is running out and I need to do more. But ive always felt this way. Its a fire that keeps me going. If I get to be 90 I hope I still have that fire lit under my ass. But obviously not for money or career but to live out the rest of my life to the fullest.
It doesn’t matter if you flip burgers. Just make sure the most bad ass mf to ever flip a burger. Everything you do, try and do your best at it. What you do now is worth more than you think. Save money even if it’s 20 bucks a week. Put it in savings or hell a 401k. It’s worth it. Live with your parents if you have to. Save money. What matters right now is you. Build yourself up. It might take 5 10 years but it will fly by. Time flies by. Do all you can now. If you back slide dont give up. You have time to make it up.
It’s the Instagram effect. We’re seeing everyone’s wins but none of their struggles. I’m 28 now, but at 22 I was a complete mess – wrong career, toxic relationship, living paycheck to paycheck. Took me years to find my path. Those perfect-looking lives you see? Trust me, they’re just as confused as we are.
Totally normal — capitalism gave you anxiety and Instagram gave you a scoreboard. You’re not behind, you’re just comparing your real life to someone else’s highlight reel.
Because society likes it that you feel that way. It’s a trap to make you more productive to fill the pockets of big corpo leaders.
45 here. No college education. Been married almost 9 years. Have a 4 and 7 year old boys. Dead end union job makin $26/hr full time. Wife is an in house insurance company managing attorney. She does… A LOT better than me lol. Never figured out life. Spent most of my 20’s and 30 smokin a lot of weed and eating a lot of shrooms. Been clean for 12 years now. Wanted to be a rock star. Have the chops, but not the drive. Play at church. Raise boys. Love wife. Work.
It doesn’t have to be complicated or crazy intense makin a bajillion dollars. I wanted a family. I got a family. Story continues.
You’re not behind. A lot of people are lying to you because a lot of industries make their money by making you feel this way. Like you need something, like you need to fix something or be somewhere or have something. You’re perfectly normal and it’s all going to be okay.
Dude yeah… I feel this. But I’ve been told so many times by other people in their 20s AND people older that most of the time, it’s an act. Most people have gotten good at faking confidence and competence. It really is a “fake it ’til you make it” kinda world. And honestly, that’s comforting for me. We’re all just trying our best in a world that’s basically on fire. Also, LornaOnScene is right. Your 20s are a launch pad. We’ve got this!!
Everyone is on their own journey. Everyone has unique gifts, talents & abilities. Falling behind in life feelings stem from comparing our individual journey to others. Since all are on a unique life journey, why would you do this constant comparing? This is super painful! Please try to deeply contemplate this, it will give you a huge step up. What you don’t have now, is part of your journey to discover. Avoid “lack mentality”. Make more decisions from the heart vs all “intellectual” thinking. I’m 57 yrs old btw. Been thru it ❤️
Because we all are no matter what age
Hehe, I feel this way and I’m in my 40’s.
Basically our cultural history has defined ‘milestones’ for life, however with the modern world, they have shifted or been removed – However the older generations are still set in their ways so the expectation is taught/relayed to the young ‘uns.
Many people in long term relationships don’t really see the point in getting married – Spending thousands for a single day? Pff. Use that money for a house deposit.
Having kids, in this ecomony? Nah – Lets leave it until we are more financially stable.
Buying a house? Even with the money saved by not having the wedding, The cost of buying has risen faster than wages, and higher rents make it harder to save.
With the world becoming more digital, getting a job become something you can easily scour the whole country for (The scouring is easy, maybe not actually getting the job) – So people will be less likely to stay in their ‘home town’.
Remember aswell – You are seeing everyone’s Highlight Reel, not their ‘Behind the scenes’. Life is long. The longest thing you’ll ever do, and stuff changes. Sometimes major, sometimes minor. Maybe you’ll break a leg and can’t continue your burgeoning football career. Maybe you’ll win the lottery. Maybe you’ll get a nice promotion in a job you like, but it means moving across the country.
You’ll get this a lot, but 20 is very young. You were in school up until 2 or 3 years ago – During that time most of your life was on autopilot – Ok, you had your hobbies and friendships, but school is structured – Now you are in a world where it’s not. YOU have to decide what you do next. and yes, it’s scary.
You’re not ‘behind’ or ‘chasing other people’. Sounds like you are just not sure of your direction, and compareing your life to others who have some direction. Bear in mind what ‘Direction’ means. It’s not a goal, its a path. It will twist, turn, fork all that stuff.
You don’t know where you want to end up? Shrug. A quote from Alice in Wonderland’ : “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there”
I have a job that is fairly well paid and live in a country I like, and still feel like I’m behind and running out of time in many regards. As many other people said, this is what I call the greener grass on the other side syndrome, to a certain degree I think most of people struggle with these questions. And I’m still struggling to accept this sometimes and still feel very complexed.
So you are not alone in this and I wish you all the best to keep on. 😀😀
I don’t think anyone has a clue where anyone is at/what they’re doing until you get to know them/get close. Even then it can still be smoke and mirrors. We make generalisations about people/each other from afar- you only get the tip of an iceberg w/ anyone imo. I think we internalise messages/ideas about success/expectations and standards etc that are age related. We draw our own conclusions/form beliefs subjectively based on undercurrents/our own biases, which extend to our expectations of ourselves/self concept. It is a cringey web
In a sense, you are. Life is short. That’s ok. We’re not here for a long time, but we can still have beautiful lives.
“Here lies u/jayvk. He was always behind, except to his mid life crisis”.
Relax. None of us other people have it together either. And I guess it’s more about not making stupid decisions that will ruin your life than anything at this point.
I’m 27 and I feel like the whole world wants me to settle and have a serious career. But what I tell myself is that I can do as I wish, like travelling and seeing what else the world as to offer. I feel like I was more closed minded and was comfortable in my early 20s. Now I want to discover what’s out there.
I’m in my mid 30s and I’ll tell you this.
You need to have your life in place by 25 or 26 house, career, fitness, social circle. Do that and the next 10 years will be a blast don’t and you’ll miss out on the limited adulthood youth phase.
Once you hit early 30s you’ll be a dinosaur to the youth adults. Most of your age peers with be settled with family and daily routine or losers with maybe 1-5% living an unusual fun life with vibrant social circle.
By mid 30s you’ll have little to no desire to live a youth adult life style at this point you’ll need to have you home and family settled.
ppl aged 13 feel that bro
Oh, man, how I understand you. I often have the same feeling now. My former classmates have already achieved a lot, and I’m just studying at the university and I don’t feel like I’m doing anything else. But my friends and relatives really support me and I really feel better. I’ve almost overcome this inferiority complex, so here’s some advice from me.
•Tell your closest people about this, in whom you trust. I think they will help you get rid of this feeling one way or another.
•You are not the only one. A lot of people in the world think the same about themselves, probably even those whom you consider better than you. •Don’t set unattainable goals. For example, I used to think that I had to be better than everyone else. But then I realized that not everyone has such an opportunity and only a few actually break through.
•Set yourself an achievable goal. Like just finding a part-time job, meeting some dudes, or something like that. •Don’t give up, everything is still ahead. Maybe you won’t become great, but don’t bring yourself down. Apathy is a terrible thing.
•Remember, you’re okay. As always, there’s a survivor bias involved. We only see the successful and don’t pay attention to the rest, and they’re actually the majority. Anyway, dude, hang in there.If it gets really bad, go to a psychologist. But sooner or later, if you really start fighting it, it will eventually retreat.
Because 20s are when you realize what you truly desire but it’s really REALLY going to be confusing