My parents divorced when I was young, and while I had issues acting out in school because of it, my sister took a much different route. She started to self medicate with every drug she could find, either in attempts to kill herself or simply just to feel nothing. She went through years of grueling rehab, suffered SA, and went through Hell and back, but me and my entire family supported her. She suffers from BPD and one of the major reasons it got worse is likely due to a time where she nearly died due to an overdose. She was resuscitated, but as a result a lot of her personality changed. After rehab, she’s only ever smoked pot and drank, and got a majority of her act together. However, around 5 years ago, any and all progress she was making stopped. She hasn’t held a job for longer than a year, she’s never truly had to do anything without my parents help, and blames her problems on others. Now, she’s 26 and I’m 20. I managed to get a good job opportunity with my dad which propelled me into an early start in graphic design. I work hard and take care of those around me, yet she couldn’t be more opposite. She spends her time idolizing what she COULD do, yet never takes any action. Shes lazy, filthy, and messy. I’m currently looking at my first apartment, while she’s doing whatever she wants and my entire family just doesn’t care. She destroys the bathroom and kitchen any time she’s home, leaves disgusting messes everywhere, steals my things, and lies constantly about doing so, and never sees any repercussions for her actions. She works, but its a very low end job and she says she hates it, yet makes no effort to pursue anything better. My dad funds her actions constantly, and the relationship me and her have grows worse every day due to my jealousy towards how my family treats her. They love her, shower her with love and compliments when she does the bare minimum. Meanwhile I do everything in my power to improve and grow, and the only thing I get is an occasional “Good job, keep it up”. My girlfriends family has recently made a lot more of an attempt to grow closer to me, and often times I feel more welcomed there then I do in my own home. I know it’s sounds like maybe im overreacting, but every time I see her it pisses me off because she can do so much better, yet doesn’t, but no matter how hard I try it doesn’t seem to be enough for anyone in my life other than my girlfriend and her family. What do I do at this point? Because salvaging a relationship with my family grows more and more unlikely every time her antics happen.
Why does my family let my older sister get away with murder?
r/Advice
Comments
You’re not overreacting, it’s exhausting to watch someone get praise for the bare minimum while you break yourself doing everything right. Keep building your own life and distance where you need to, respect dissent come from being the responsible one, it comes from choosing peace when no one gives it you.
Stop chasing their approval, it will bleed you dry and leave you empty. Build your own life where you are the main character, not a side note in their story.
It hurts when the one who broke all the rules gets all the grace, while the one who followed them is left invisible. You’ve been strong for so long that no one notices you’re tired. You’re not overreacting, you’re reacting to years of being the stable one in a family that only sees crisis, not consistency. You deserve to be seen, not just relied on.
You can’t change them, only yourself.
Focus on what YOU can control, your own life and happiness. Keep killin’ it at work and enjoy your new place! Maybe create some distance from your family
I think you should focus on yourself & your new apartment. Envy won’t help. Maybe therapy could offer coping strategies for family dynamics?
You may want to approach your parents and let them know how you feel. Probably without laying it on sltoo hard about your sister. You may also point out that while you know they are treating her this way out of love, you have concerns they are enabling her behavior by not expecting more and instead praising what doesn’t even seem to be the bare minimum.
I’m a parent who came close to losing a child due to drug and alcohol problems. I can tell you I understand how it may have affected them in a way that in the end isn’t beneficial to her. I’d approach the subject delicately and you may want to suggest group therapy for the three of them.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder with boundaries – get your own apartment, try not tell your parents and sister where it is to keep her thieving ass out, maybe start not visiting them so often especially on the weekends so you can recharge and take break from their favoritism enabling and her antics. There’s nothing to salvage right now while you living there because you can’t keep a safe distance from the dumbfuckery, but after moving out, you can decide if you want to or not – either choice after moving out will be correct one for you since you space, distance & time to decide since you not under the same roof as all of them.