I (31m) mostly notice it when we’re laying in bed together, reading or scrolling on our phones before we turn the light off to go to sleep. She (29f) will breathe normally for a few minutes and then subconsciously take a deepish breath and hold it for about 30 seconds. She’ll do it repeatedly every few minutes. The first time I asked her about it she had no idea what I was talking about. Since then, she’s asked me to tell her whenever she does it so that she can try to break the habit. Months later, she’s had no success.
Obviously it’s not really a big deal but we find ourselves wondering why she might be doing this. My first thought was stress, but it doesn’t make much sense because she seems to only be doing it at times when she’s most relaxed.
Edit: Wow what a great response! Thanks everyone. It’s seems the three main suggestions are ADD, stress/anxiety, or sleep apnea.
- She only does this when she’s awake
- ADD seems unlikely as she shows no other symptoms
- She had the best childhood anyone could ask for so I doubt it’s any old trauma coming up
Edit 2: Official diagnosis: I’m breathtaking
Comments
It’s a sign of anxiety
My son does that and it drives me crazy. He’s done it since he was a baby, in fact we took him to the ER when I first noticed it. He’s 10 now and still does it. I just always jokingly thought he couldn’t multi-task (ie. breathe and read, breathe and scroll)
Just to be clear, she’s not doing this in her sleep right? She is awake when this is happening?
Was she reading something stressful on her phone? Maybe she just concentrated too hard?
Is she possibly be trying to regulate her breathing with yours either consciously or unconsciously?
If she does it when she’s awake it’s possible it also happens when she’s asleep. There’s a thing called central sleep apnea where the brain just ‘forgets’ to send a breathing impulse – she should really look into this with a specialist before she gets in trouble.
Is she asleep when doing this? If so, maybe it’s sleep apnea
I do this too. I think it’s anxiety.
She is living in perpetual stress. It’s some sort of leftover childhood unresolved issues.
Did her parents/teachers expect her to be an overachiever and she didn’t? Did she want to work in some other profession and didn’t get to?
That kind of stuff.
So I do this, and usually I’m not really aware I’ve done it, but it’s not an apnea thing. Taking a breath and holding it feels almost like I’m stretching. I tend to do it in bed while I’m settling in for sleep.
Other than it feels good, I have no idea why I do it.
Has she got asthma or had it as a kid? I notice my partner does this and it seems to be a learned strategy to calm his breathing from his childhood asthma.
I do it, and it occurs more frequently when I’m stressed.
I’ve had asthma my whole life (not chronic, but I have had severe asthma attacks) and I do this all the time, I’ll just hold my breath and then take a sudden deep breath without realising.
Anxiety, also it makes me high when I do this long enough so could be for fun
I’m a breath holder. Not sure why. It’ behavioral. I can run and work out and exercise without difficulty or shortness of breath but I get very short of breath when speaking. One myofascial pain doctor identified my tendency to hold my breath and linked it to a possible near drowning incident or two as a kid and young adult. I have a VO2 Max of 45 for my age which is pretty good. Yet I cant pass a pulmonary function test. But I can out perform anyone aerobically as long as it is low impact on my knees. Up until a couple years ago I could run a 13:30 two mile. I have extreme breathing consciousness. One day back in the military I was working on a group project putting together a VIP briefing when a friend of mine grabbed me and screamed into my face: “Breathe motherf(**!! You’re not breathing! I’ve ben watching you and you havent breathed in several minutes!!” He was right. My face was red and he said I did it all the time. He said then when I spoke my voice would cack because I hadn’t been breathing. Maybe it’s anxiety. Or OCD focused on breathing. Sometimes I hold it for 3 minutes. I have obstructive sleep apnea and use a CPAP but one night I woke up scrambling for air because I had forgot to breathe and could not figure out why I was dying. I was all pins and needles and had to force myself to breathe.
Is she neurodivergent?
I did this too. Its anxiety. Started in school during a crucial exams. Had to go medication then.
Funny thing is – I do this in my sleep. I have no idea if I do it when I’m awake. Now I’m going to start paying attention. In my sleep – it’s a symptom of sleep apnea, and I wear a CPAP machine to ensure I keep breathing regularly throughout the night.
I do it when I’m stressed or when I want to really focus on something (like reading)
It would be anxiety. I sometimes forget to breathe, or my toes become rigid for a while until I notice, and relax them again.
Orrr, you have BO 😆
I do this. I think it’s poor interoception although it might be anxiety like everyone else is using
I’ve done this my whole life. It’s just something I do, there’s not a reason behind it. I don’t even notice I’m doing it half the time
It is definitely not sleep apnea. That’s stupid.
People with ADHD have a tendency to do this.
i do this too. i call it my “awake apnea” i also have sleep apnea lmao
Periodic sighing syndrome, usually in setting of stress/attention demand. Studies into sighing shows that it may function as a reset of your psychophysiology, so the body is ready to transition into a new mental state. E.g. you are angry at something but you need to get over it to go do something else – what do you do? Generally take a big deep breath, long sigh, then move on to the next thing to deal with.
I do this due to a rather severe anxiety disorder. Being on medication has helped tremendously with these sorts of “quirks” that I mostly didn’t even realize I had until they started to go away.
I do this. I’ve done it since I was a teenager. Had no idea until sharing a hotel room with my dad. Then my gf/wife started noticing it later in life. Two reasons I’ve found are that it helps my heartburn somehow and sleep apnea.
She should see her doctor about getting a sleep study. It’s usually just a small take home device you attached to your finger and chest when you get into bed.
Stop ripping farts in bed dude. She’s being polite and doesn’t want to say anything
Probably self soothing / coping with anxiety.. maybe the phone scrolling is adding to the anxiety without her even knowing it cause she is so focused on something else. So her body does it subconsciously to calm her during.
then when you told her she became more conscious of it, still she is not aware of why… my guess would also be anxiety – look into the root of that feeling
I do it sometimes, unknowingly. My reason is to not hear my wheezing.
I wonder if it’s a neuro duvets thing. I do it too and think it might be linked to ADHD in my case. Occasionally I’ll take a big gasp, completely unaware that I’ve just been holding my breath.
I used to do this, but I think my reason was that I didn’t want to make any noise or disturbance. It was literally a “people-pleaser” trait.
I do it because when I would breathe too loud my grandmother would get pissed as a kid. All her grandkids doing it now. Years after her death and decades into our adulthoods.
I do this when people are up and close in my personal space. I get self conscious and hyper aware of my breathing and any other body movements. Going to the barber is a miserable experience every time.
For me it’s controlled breathing. I do this when I spoon my gf because sometimes my heart starts racing.
And you just reminded me to breathe!!
I have dyspraxia and it’s not an uncommon part of that branch of neurodiversity. Nothing I can do about it though!
This can help regulate the nervous system, it’s a good tool for those with anxiety but it sounds like it may be subconscious for her. Even though she appears relaxed, it still may be a self soothing method to help regulate after the stimulation of the day. Maybe not but just a thought!
Maybe she’s not unknowingly holding her breath, but instead forgetting to fake breathing.
OP, check how your girlfriend responds to garlic, sunlight and holy symbols.
There’s a cliche phrase in writing: “They released a breath they didn’t realize they were holding.”
It’s a shorthand way of saying they just removed themselves from a stressful situation. I’ve felt myself do this frequently when in mid to high anxiety moments. Just because someone is seeming ‘just sleeping’ or ‘just scrolling on their phone’ doesn’t mean that their mind isn’t working in the background, spiralling them into a silent state of panic. It’s happened to me enough times that I’ve found a way to stop it before it gets bad in a way that works for me.
It could be a form of stimming, if she has adhd or autism
may be a self-soothing mechanism. commonly employed by children and adults with anxiety, autism, OCD, etc. it’s not conscious exactly, more of an impulse. forms like this are generally harmless and just a means of regulating emotions. (may also be referred to as “anxiety stimming” or “anxiety tics” etc) however as others have said it’s best to consult w/ her GP if it concerns her or if she is not diagnosed with any MH conditions.
I DO THAT TOO. And I have no idea why.
I do this as well. I don’t know how often so can’t say it occurs daily but I know I catch myself doing it when in a state of stress (which can be deep focus).
Subconsciously controlling asthma symptoms.
I know you say no ADD/ADHD. Life long ADHD here. I chalk it up to I simply forget to breathe. But I have always wondered if it happens to others! This is interesting and makes me feel better about it honestly.
Diagnosed ADHD. I do this if I’m in a deep hyperfocus. Or if i want to turn a >!good orgasm into a great orgasm!<
Op just wants us to say he might be breathtaking
OP, I’m ADHD and do this a lot, I wouldn’t discount it so quickly just because she “doesn’t show symptoms.” The signs for ADHD can be very different for women/inattentive types, which might be worth looking into.
Source: I got diagnosed on my 20s, and though I didn’t show a lot of obvious symptoms before, I have basically textbook ADHD if you actually look into it beyond surface level.
I DO THIS TOO
It happens when you are more connected to subconscious mind, the person is a great dreamer , and have vivid dreams . Its normal.
If i start taking gasping breaths, especially when talking to people, it is a sign my anxiety is starting to flare up. I have almost no control over this, it just happens as a response to me being stressed, whether I know what might be causing it or not.
I do this, it feels good, like a good stretch
Common anxiety
Does she have adhd or autism?
I’m not sure if anybody else has brought up this point (as I’m being lazy and didn’t want to read through every single comment lol), but the OP mentioned that his girlfriend doesn’t have any other ADHD symptoms… However, ADHD presents differently in females than it does in males. If you weren’t aware of that fact, Google how ADHD presents in women and then let us know if either of you have changed your mind! I myself am undiagnosed or rather, self diagnosed as having ADHD, so I can’t say for sure that I have it, but what I can say for sure is that when I read the list of symptoms as it presents in women, it was my aha moment!
could it be that she has backache? sometimes expanding your lungs can ease pains from posture
I do this. I developed a very shallow breath/barely breathe strategy to cope with the cigarette smoke my dad always had in the house growing up. I hated the smoke. Now I have sleep apnea and still hold my breath while awake sometimes.
I do this! I was told it’s anxiety-related
I do this and it annoys me so much. Like why can’t I sleep or breathe properly. Basic functioning babes. ADHD if that means anything.
I do this. Apparently I’ve done it all my life and I had no clue until my husband pointed it out a few years ago. I’ve started paying attention to it more, and I’ve noticed that I seem to fall into doing it when I’m thinking or concentrating hard, especially if there are other distractions happening around me. I do have diagnosed ADHD, not sure if that makes a difference, BUT I’ve noticed since I was made aware of it that my dad does it too. So it may be learned or hereditary behaviour.
OP mentioned thinking it’s not ADHD/ADD because she doesn’t show any other symptoms. That is correct, because women tend to mask it better. Ask me how I know.
I tend to forget to exhale and then I have to let it out in a long whoosh.