I’ve been hearing this way too much that women in their 20s should be with men almost 40.
Men being coached to get younger women.
And if god forbid was say we don’t want that we get insulted.
I’m a 45 year old woman and my husband is 42.
When I go to the gym and if ever feel inclined to look at someone good looking (not that I’m going to hit on anyone just looking) it’s always someone younger or my age. I don’t check out 60 year old men.
But yet on forums I had men literally attack me because I don’t like older men. I had one guy tell me women my age were trash and shouldn’t be so picky.
Why is this even a thing. And if my daughter at 21 came home with a 39 year old man I’d have something to say about it.
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I don’t think you should be attacked for your preferences to date people your own age or close, but, one way to avoid it is to maybe just… stop telling people about the preference?
You’re married, at this point, why are you still broadcasting who is and isn’t your type, particularly to other men? Just seems like an easily avoidable problem.
Forums and social media do not reflect real life social dynamics. Lately there has been an uptick in weird claims about “society says this, society say that” usually having something to do with women not having value as they age. It’s all a bunch of bullshit but it gets perpetuated online, often by women, for reasons I’ll never understand. I don’t know a single person in any alarming age-gap relationship and women are not more valuable / desirable if they are younger. That’s all.
I dont think society is pressuring women to do this.
It’s an online topic sometimes but that’s about it
Patriarchy
I’ve never heard of anyone pressuring women to be with much older men? Maybe just stay off misogynistic forums?
Society doesn’t pressure women to be with older men, it pressures women to be with successful men. Most men don’t hit mainstream success until they are older.
The only people I see doing this are misogynists, people deeply dedicated to patriarchal bullshit and creeps, fwiw.
I do think this is an online thing. No one IRL is telling me or anyone around me this.
That said, I’ve noticed a growing number of posts on my Facebook feed from accounts I don’t follow (eg. magazine and news sites, pop culture accounts) encouraging age gap relationships where the man is significantly older. Really bizarre that this is what Meta is pushing.
Not society
But incel dudes
This can actually be explained by how we evolved as a species. For women, youth is generally a sign they are fertile etc so men were attracted to that when we were cavemen. For women they needed resources and help with child rearing and the older men were more likely to have said resources. Our lives are much more different now but some societal pressures still exist that come from way back when
>I’ve been hearing this way too much that women in their 20s should be with men almost 40.
Is this a regional thing? I’ve literally never heard that women in their 20s should be with men almost in their 40s.
Most people tell young women “child, he’s over a decade older than you… what are you even doing with him?!?! Hes grooming you”
I think, generally speaking, there’s a belief that younger is better, period. You said it yourself, you don’t like older men. You too are looking for younger. At least in the US we talked about aging in an extremely negative way. I’m 32, as are most of my friends and most of them are already using a variety of anti-aging creams, tape to help with wrinkles, etc. 32 isn’t old. I talk to men all the time on here who’ll say, I’m 36 sorry I’m old. Or they’ll say, I’m 50 but 20 at heart. If 36 is old, then 65 is ancient and 80 is decrepit? I vehemently disagree with that scale. Also…if you’re 20 at heart when you’re 50 that tells me that you’ve actually not matured, you make impulsive decisions, you don’t know how to take care of yourself…. it’s not that you’re too old. It’s that you are literally proud of the fact that you’re a man-child.
But, we as people value those who date younger. It’s kind of this, how did you land that, vibe. How did you, a 36 yr old man, land a hot 21 yr old? That’s impressive because you’re too old at 36. I also think, specifically as it relates to men dating you get women, consciously or unconsciously, it’s about control. Even an extremely confident 21 yr old is going to have a hard time telling a 36 yr old no. My best friend was 23 when she started dating her 30 yr old partner. She’s bold and confident. And yet for 10 years, she has continuously put aside her dreams so that he can pursue his. She sees it as them meeting their goals together. I see it as, there’s always been a power difference in their relationship because he had 7 years of adulthood on her. Put that on top of her anxiety that makes her second guess herself and yeah, of course her partner gets his way. “He knows best”. (To be clear, I love both of them dearly. I think, by and large he’s a great guy. But I can’t stand that he hasn’t done anything to help her live her dreams even 10 yrs later).
I also think the young woman/older man is rooted in the extremely old practice of marrying women as soon as they can bare children vs men should be able to explore and be a man before settling down. While we don’t necessarily talk like that today, I’m always shocked by the number of 25 and younger women here who think they’re life is over because they don’t have kids rn or aren’t in a romantic relationship. Meanwhile I’m like, great go live your life?!!? I did a good job living my life in my 20 and I feel like I didn’t do enough. I didn’t go abroad for a year. I didn’t date a whole bunch of people and sleep around. I didn’t get very crazy. Now I’m craving that but have to go to work in the mornings 😂
All of this is to say, I do think there is a difference when the age gap has to do with someone under 25, regardless of gender identity. People over 25 should not be dating people whose brains aren’t fully developed. Of course the exception is someone who’s 24 dating a 26 yr old…someone very close in age. But honestly, even a 21 yr old dating a 26 yr old I think will have its challenges. Just a personal opinion.
For what it’s worth, I’m not saying you should have sex with a 60 yr old. But, I have been engaging in kinky play with a subby 60 yr old and what I’ve loved about that is that he actually has money and he’s responsible. I’m not a sugar baby, but he does pay for a lot of things because he has more money. We both like cheese and wine and we had a lovely charcuterie and wine hang out 2 weeks ago. It was a lot of fun and I don’t have to deal with all the bullshit insecurities I feel like men in their 30s/40s/50s have about aging.
I have never felt pressured, but I do think it is normalized somewhat, not that that has ever stopped me. I am 5 years older than my husband, and have generally gone for younger men since my late 20s. This might be because I am an older GenXer with older men being boomers and…no thanks. For this I have been called a cougar, but only from acquaintances. Maybe it’s because people who know me know better than to comment. Those who do comment always get a clapback. After all, no one would say anything if it were the other way around, and after your early 20s, who cares who’s older?
I don’t think this is normal? Sure there’s a few men who never date older then 24, regardless of their age, and a general expectation of ‘expiry dates’ for women being stupidly loopsided but everyone realizes those are misogynistic stupid people and generally limited to an extremely small group of people.
I think the bigger issue is you were on a fandom forum, talking about a fantasy that men got attached to of oh I could go on there and get a hot wife and they felt attacked. 90 Day Fiance isn’t exactly a good example of real life or relationships, I feel like if your daughter was on 90 Day Fiance you’d have something to say about it. Any fandom if you shit talk peoples ship people will freak out, be it reality TV or going ‘I don’t think Spock and Kirk are actually dating’
Edit: Also Facebook and all meta sites leans HEAVILY misogynistic and conservative and purposely shows you the most upsetting bullshit. I imagine a fandom discussion somewhere else would be more normal.
Don’t listen to them. Most women are attracted to men their own age or just slightly older.
I’m around your age and men aged 70 (!!) try to get with me. It’s ridiculous.
Anything with age gaps gives me the ick now.
Until I started working with financial and domestic abuse victims I rarely thought about age gaps and more or less had a view as long as it’s consenting age. After years of professional experience and unfortunately in family also with abusive relationships age gaps just feels gross when it comes someone under 25 and someone at least ten years senior. Those are most abusive relationships and gender doesn’t matter women can be as vicious as men. When people are 30+ they have had enough life experience to filter out the bad ones but there should be more education for young people how devastating can be relationships with someone who does not have good intentions and uses partner’s life inexperience to manipulate, abuse and hurt.
Patriarchy loves little girls
Men who get attracted to significantly younger women want to believe this is normal. They try so hard to make other people believe it too. Anything that suggests otherwise feels like an attack to them. And that includes hearing a woman not getting attracted to older guys.