They want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to cheat with other people but they also want the benefits and convenience of being in their relationship.
Simple, the stakes is the only way they feel good. People want things that are out of reach as well, if they break up then they would have to consider their cheating mate as just another guy they like , giving him expectations and the possibility of letting them down.
Some ppl not attracted commitment when they could have both.
I think in some cases it’s the same reason people stay at jobs they hate.
Change is scary, it’s a lot of work, it’s uncomfortable. They want to keep the situation they have, the life and comfort, and not change things up. But they want to mess around with other people for various reasons.
I’m not saying I agree with it, just one of the possible reasons.
Personally I agree, if I was at a point where I cared about someone little enough to cheat I wouldn’t be with them.
In my case it was because my batshit crazy ex was threatening to kill/harm himself every time I tried to get out of the relationship. So I cheated on him.
Edit: Everyone calling me ‘horrible’ can piss off. You don’t know me or my ex on any level. You just read a 2 sentence comment I made on Reddit. As someone else already said, threatening suicide is a common manipulation tactic deranged people will use to evoke pity and attention from the party they are trying to manipulate.
Typically because they want the person they’re with around but they’re bored in their relationship, or because they’re young or young-minded, or because they need more attention than they get, or curiosity. I think that checks most of the boxes.
My exs reason was more childish. I was a virgin when I met him and he couldn’t let another man touch me. Also, I acted too much like a wife and he didn’t want another man having that
It can be emotionally, socially and financially really difficult to separate from someone. It gets considerably worse if that person is narcissistic, or emotionally unstable. As it is impossible to assess their reaction.
When I separated from my ex-wife she threatened to kill herself and she also froze the bank accounts. I was completely dependent on family for 4 weeks and not everyone has that.
This also resulted in the mortgage falling behind as it wasn’t paid and the stress was awful. She also started manipulating a lot of our joint friends claiming I had abandoned her.
Honestly I wish I had just chosen to go down the affair route and get my emotional and sexual needs met elsewhere rather than go through the stress of a separation.
I cannot imagine what it would have been like if kids were involved or if I didn’t have a job of my own and a lot of support.
Recently read about a couple who dated for two years. They broke up. She went with another guy. This didn’t work out and two weeks after they broke up she wanted to be back in the relationship.
The answer will vary from person to person. It’s happened since the dawn of man. Some people do it maliciously, some people fall in love with someone else, some people get drunk and make a mistake. The list goes on and on. Matters of the heart aren’t easy to deal with and don’t involve a lot of logic
The fear of missing out, loving the chase rather than the person, feeling in I can get that person etc. Or also this guy is very good at one thing but another guy better at different thing
I used to think cheating was strictly a low moral, weak willed move. My ex wife cheated on me and I was hurt and mad. But after a few years of reflection and finding my own peace, I realized it was literally her only option to leave me. She was financially dependent on me, and we have kids together. She needed to find was missing without making the kids suffer, and without going hungry and homeless. It still blew up in her face and she faces her on struggles now, but I understand the fear and frustration that she must have felt. I understand why she left, and that it wasn’t solely a reflection on me- it was a reflection on us. She didn’t feel safe to address the change our relationship needed so she found safety by leaving it.
Cheating is the tip of the iceberg. I went to therapy for it. Finding out later the root issue was reactive attachment disorder. I could not physically, mentally, or emotionally commit to someone I thought would eventually leave me. So I needed a “side” to feel safe. No excuse. But once I found that out, i was able to work through it. Cheating is a poisioned bandaid over a bloody wound.
Reddit will ask about successful marriages/relationships and may be shocked what people in long-term relationships/marriages will work thru due to oaths and promises.
Your grandparents choose to focus on the positives and good times, but between those points are indiscretions, poor choices, etc et al.
And, there are times when it is best to move-on and/or divorce.
A lot of ppl don’t usually leave their current bf/gf until they have someone else in line. That’s where the cheating comes in. Once they can confirm, in their mind, that the new person is the better option, they’ll finally leave the relationship.
Same reason you don’t leave your job before finding a new one. To not end up with nothing… It sucks but some people get in a relationship for safety and perks, not for the relationship.
Atleast that’s what I think and it would best describe why my ex probably started. It would have made life incredibly easy if she just left or came clean about it. Instead every time I did something nice for her (after she started cheating) it made her feel bad so she wanted me to feel bad for trying to make her feel good.
When you are unaware your wife is cheating and you go out of your way to make her feel special and it’s met with anger…it’s a guaranteed way to unequivocally collapse your mental state to near total destruction.
Kinda how most people like a job lined up before quitting their current job. Some people can’t stand being single and have the need to always be with someone.
We treat this simplistically (“because they’re selfish/have no morals/have a sex addiction”) but the reality is there are as many reasons as there are people who cheat.
One I haven’t seen mentioned—this idea that marriage must include romantic/sexual love to be a good marriage is relatively modern. There are a lot of good reasons to be married to someone besides sex. People can be great friends, be raising kids together and be good coparents, be able to provide better as a two income household, develop dense familial and social networks, rely on each other financially, enjoy each others’ company…and the sexual attraction might not be there. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate that sometimes blowing up an otherwise good/functional marriage just because one partner wants sex with someone else is not the only correct answer. Marriage is about so much more than sex and in some cases getting this need met discreetly outside marriage might help maintain a desired stability in the family unit.
I think of it similarly to how normal it is to get our emotional needs met outside marriage. We don’t really expect marriage to meet all of our emotional needs and people are encouraged to have other relationships to get the full range of emotional needs met. Maybe I lean philosophically more non-monogamous but I don’t quite understand why treating sexual needs similarly automatically makes someone deplorable.
I know anything that acknowledges the nuance of this stuff is a hot button for many. Prepared for the down votes.
I’ve never cheated, but I am in a shitty marriage with kids, and it’s more complicated than “just leave”. Divorcing with children puts your kids into one lower socioeconomic class from where you are now. Some people are willing to pay that price to get out of a shitty marriage, and some people aren’t.
Separately, if your partner treats you like shit, why deprive yourself of happiness on behalf of someone who won’t even be nice to you?
I know Reddit likes to act like cheating makes you worse than Hitler, but personally I think there are a lot worse crimes in a marriage.
Because they want to have the best of both worlds. They want to keep the benefits of exclusivity that comes with having a faithful partner but also want the perks of being with someone else ; the thrill, the sense of something “new” unknown territory they love the perks of playing both sides until it bites them in the butt. Its disgusting
As a non-cheater I can only assume that they actually don’t want to leave the relationship. I can imagine people liking their partner, wanting to keep being with them, but also wanting to fool around for a variety of reasons. I don’t think it’s ever as simple as “this new person better than current person”
They want to have the security of their relationship AND the excitement/passion of a new one. Alternatively, they don’t want to have to pay their own bills.
Mom cheated on dad for years. She hated my dad by then end I think. But she wanted his paycheck, wanted to be taken care of. She’s relied on a man her entire life. So why would she leave my dad and have to provide for herself? (Her logic I imagine, obviously I don’t agree with it).
In a long term relationships and marriages it’s sometimes because people are pot committed to their relationship and leaving would be difficult and cause lots of distress to many ppl, especially children. It means changing their entire lives that they may be happy in. They may be happy in every aspect of the relationship and life except for a specific part, like maybe a physical or sexual part, that they realize will be the way it is with the same partner for ever and they want to get that experience without having to walk away from everything they have.
Monogamy can be a hard thing over time. It’s like anything else in life, just because you love a certain thing more than anything else doesn’t mean you dont want something else sometimes.
Say you love ice cream sooo much, and you always want it, and if you had to pick a dessert for the rest of your life, that would be the easy choice. Now say you have to make a decision, you can choose ice cream to be the only dessert you’re able to have for the rest of your life, or you can choose to have whatever other dessert you want but you can never have ice cream again. So you love ice cream so much you choose to have ice cream only forever, but then maybe in 5 years or 10 years you cant eat ice cream very often and after a while you just really want to have dessert, any other dessert, you haven’t had dessert in months and your sweet tooth is just aching for a taste of any dessert you can get your hands so you end up eating an entire box of twinkes in your car behind a Wendy’s after work. Ormaybe a really really amazing tasty dessert that is sweet and decadent, but is also very expensive, is available to all of a sudden so you take cash out of you retirement thay no one will see and you go pick up that dessert and eat it alone in a hotel room while you’re on a business trip.
There are multiple reasons. Some people don’t want to leave, they are fine, they just want to have casual sex with others.
Other people want to leave but are unsure if they really want to or are afraid to, because they don’t want to be alone and thus use the new partner as a crutch to get out of the relationship. It’s not necessarily nice with the new partner either. Especially when they fall in love/take it seriously.
I asked my ex that, he said he didn’t break up after he first cheated because didn’t want to hurt my feelings. So he continued to cheat for another 2 years.
I think the truth is, he didn’t want to hurt his own feelings. He liked what he had as long as I didn’t find out what he was doing. He also told me he realises what he did, and that he plans to tell the other girl the truth. Spoiler alert – he didn’t.
Cheating is never okay but people do it for a number of reasons:
They get excitement from the act of cheating. The cheating is why they do it.
They like their current relationship except for something they feel is missing or less then ideal. So they don’t want to lose a good thing, they just want something else too.
They care about the person in a twisted way and do not want to hurt them.
They feel trapped by the relationship.
They feel pressure from societal norms or due to kids or financial repercussions of breaking it off.
They want a safety net. “If it does not work out I’ll have something”
For some I’d bet they aren’t sure about the relationship and the cheat is basically on their way out anyway. Otherwise I don’t get it. If you’re in a happy and healthy relationship, and cheat, you’re just a shit human being.
Because they get one thing at home, but something is missing, they get that elsewhere. Not always sex… mental stimulation? The old girlfriend/boyfriend puppy love?
Later to remember with a weird combination of fondness and regret.
A lot of it comes down to fear and confusion. Some people are scared to be alone. Even if they’re not happy in the relationship, they’re more afraid of the what ifs that come with breaking up. And then there’s the whole comfort zone thing. They might still care about their partner, or feel guilty, or just not want to hurt them. So instead of being honest, they end up doing something way worse.
My friend’s older brother’s friend actually explained this to me (about 20 years ago lol) and it kind of makes sense. You want to end a relationship but your partner doesn’t. If you try amicably, it could go bad. They can become obsessed with you because you were good to them, all of their friends like you, their family likes you and it’s just a hard split. If you cheat on them, you’re the bad guy. Now they have a reason to hate you and be done with you.
I’m not saying it’s valid, I’m just saying what I was told once by someone who actually bothered to explain it.
Kids, all these people that think there is like this wild thrill or people want all the benefits are clueless. Are there situations where they might be true? Yes. A majority of the time that won’t be the case.
Cheating does not mean you don’t love or care for your partner.
There could be some cognitive dissonance where at the same time you don’t want to hurt your partner but put yourself in a situation to do so. But you’re not able or willing to resist the urge to see other people, to like another one, to feel the excitement to seduce another one, etc.
At some moment the persons who cheat could just be leaving the present moment forgetting to empathize with their partner who is far.
I think a lot of couples struggle separating nowadays when they have kids involved. Financial dependency is no joke and divorce is unaffordable. I think that’s why some marriages open up, but that’s with two consenting adults. Without that consent, well, we have cheating.
Monogamy is a very outdated way of thinking. It’s a manmade idea that was pushed by the church so hard that non-religious people seem to buy into it too. Humans were not meant to have sex with one person their entire life, and fighting off the natural urge to do so is causing an awful lot of problems. Once more people embrace ethical non monogamy, we will be in a way better place.
So I have been cheated on by three people (for certain) in relationships that did not involve marriage. If I had to identify a common thread, it was monkey branching, a sense of independence, and a, “grass is greener,” mentality. Of course, it hurts at the time, but I can’t pretend that I know what it’s like to be in those shoes either.
In some of those cases, it was a mistake that was difficult to fess up to. In others, it was a conscious relationship move, and there was a lot less regret. Hell, one of them even told me that she had finally found, “[her] person,” in that whole thing. Who am I to deny anyone their happiness, especially if it didn’t involve kids or shared assets?
The reasons that none of them left the relationship first — well, breakups are hard. I can tell you that I, in particular, am not a fun person with whom to break up. I’m stubborn, always see the good in things, and never weigh the consequences of preserving a dying relationship when I’m in one. For that, I can fault myself, because clinging to something broken doesn’t magically repair it.
Really, it’s almost never something that someone aims to do, as far as I can tell.
I don’t know. But I’ve hated to watch the lasting impacts it’s had on some of the people I care about the most. I personally cannot remain friends with anyone who cheats.
I’ve lived in France and over there, a lot of people would ask “Why break up a great couple when cheating reasonably could save it?”
And frankly, I think I agree with them. I think it’s normal to need sexual novelty at times. If cheating was tolerated just a bit in the English speaking world, there would be a lot less drama.
Comments
because they are asshole
Because leaving would be logical but cheating is an emotional choice.
Financial dependency
Children
Sex addiction
Getting away with it is the point
Cognitive dissonance
Risk aversion
Yes I would like to know.
Maybe the thrill of having an affair.
just like when you order a food you need a variety of meat.
They want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to cheat with other people but they also want the benefits and convenience of being in their relationship.
Simple, the stakes is the only way they feel good. People want things that are out of reach as well, if they break up then they would have to consider their cheating mate as just another guy they like , giving him expectations and the possibility of letting them down.
Some ppl not attracted commitment when they could have both.
I think in some cases it’s the same reason people stay at jobs they hate.
Change is scary, it’s a lot of work, it’s uncomfortable. They want to keep the situation they have, the life and comfort, and not change things up. But they want to mess around with other people for various reasons.
I’m not saying I agree with it, just one of the possible reasons.
Personally I agree, if I was at a point where I cared about someone little enough to cheat I wouldn’t be with them.
In my case it was because my batshit crazy ex was threatening to kill/harm himself every time I tried to get out of the relationship. So I cheated on him.
Edit: Everyone calling me ‘horrible’ can piss off. You don’t know me or my ex on any level. You just read a 2 sentence comment I made on Reddit. As someone else already said, threatening suicide is a common manipulation tactic deranged people will use to evoke pity and attention from the party they are trying to manipulate.
Typically because they want the person they’re with around but they’re bored in their relationship, or because they’re young or young-minded, or because they need more attention than they get, or curiosity. I think that checks most of the boxes.
Backup. It sucks.
they same reason you find a new job before leaving your old one, combined with being an asshole.
My exs reason was more childish. I was a virgin when I met him and he couldn’t let another man touch me. Also, I acted too much like a wife and he didn’t want another man having that
Want their cake and eat it too
Want the best of both worlds
Weighing both rock hahaha
Because it can be very difficult to leave.
It can be emotionally, socially and financially really difficult to separate from someone. It gets considerably worse if that person is narcissistic, or emotionally unstable. As it is impossible to assess their reaction.
When I separated from my ex-wife she threatened to kill herself and she also froze the bank accounts. I was completely dependent on family for 4 weeks and not everyone has that.
This also resulted in the mortgage falling behind as it wasn’t paid and the stress was awful. She also started manipulating a lot of our joint friends claiming I had abandoned her.
Honestly I wish I had just chosen to go down the affair route and get my emotional and sexual needs met elsewhere rather than go through the stress of a separation.
I cannot imagine what it would have been like if kids were involved or if I didn’t have a job of my own and a lot of support.
Because they feel the need to control the person they are with and the person they are using to cheat
i will NEVER understand this and it pisses me off so bad, if your unhappy then LEAVE!! why cheat and still claim you love that person?
Low character, low integrity, shitty parents
Recently read about a couple who dated for two years. They broke up. She went with another guy. This didn’t work out and two weeks after they broke up she wanted to be back in the relationship.
Better to break up than cheat?
He didn’t take her back
Because they want their cake and to eat it too. Some people are ruled by self interest and flat out greed.
The answer will vary from person to person. It’s happened since the dawn of man. Some people do it maliciously, some people fall in love with someone else, some people get drunk and make a mistake. The list goes on and on. Matters of the heart aren’t easy to deal with and don’t involve a lot of logic
The fear of missing out, loving the chase rather than the person, feeling in I can get that person etc. Or also this guy is very good at one thing but another guy better at different thing
I used to think cheating was strictly a low moral, weak willed move. My ex wife cheated on me and I was hurt and mad. But after a few years of reflection and finding my own peace, I realized it was literally her only option to leave me. She was financially dependent on me, and we have kids together. She needed to find was missing without making the kids suffer, and without going hungry and homeless. It still blew up in her face and she faces her on struggles now, but I understand the fear and frustration that she must have felt. I understand why she left, and that it wasn’t solely a reflection on me- it was a reflection on us. She didn’t feel safe to address the change our relationship needed so she found safety by leaving it.
Cheating is often first impulsive and then avoidant. Breaking up is planned effort and confrontation.
Insecurity
They want both and don’t believe their partner will leave over it, or they get off on their partner not knowing, or both.
It’s easier to stay in the relationship and remain untrustworthy than leave.
Cheating is the tip of the iceberg. I went to therapy for it. Finding out later the root issue was reactive attachment disorder. I could not physically, mentally, or emotionally commit to someone I thought would eventually leave me. So I needed a “side” to feel safe. No excuse. But once I found that out, i was able to work through it. Cheating is a poisioned bandaid over a bloody wound.
an itch back to the thrill of the hunt that can’t be scratched.
or possibly more noble reasons, but those are the exceptions.
For my brother in law, it was for the thrill of the chase, the love of the game.
Those people have no brain what do you expect.
Because we’re dome mammals who care about food, water, air, somewhere to shit, banging, and sleeping. Everything else is a luxury we don’t deserve.
Reddit will ask about successful marriages/relationships and may be shocked what people in long-term relationships/marriages will work thru due to oaths and promises.
Your grandparents choose to focus on the positives and good times, but between those points are indiscretions, poor choices, etc et al.
And, there are times when it is best to move-on and/or divorce.
They are missing “something” but not everything
A lot of ppl don’t usually leave their current bf/gf until they have someone else in line. That’s where the cheating comes in. Once they can confirm, in their mind, that the new person is the better option, they’ll finally leave the relationship.
mental illness
because they dont want to go through a divorce and pay an attorney/alimony
because they don’t respect the other person enough to even care that they’re hurting them
because they think they can get away with it
People like drama and lying to themselves.
Same reason you don’t leave your job before finding a new one. To not end up with nothing… It sucks but some people get in a relationship for safety and perks, not for the relationship.
They want to have side bets going in case the main one loses. I know (been on receiving end).
Resentment, entitlement, narcissism
Sounds like fear of commitment
Because they want the cake and to eat it too.
After they get their taste, they want to have their relationship to go back on like a safety net.
Insecurity
Atleast that’s what I think and it would best describe why my ex probably started. It would have made life incredibly easy if she just left or came clean about it. Instead every time I did something nice for her (after she started cheating) it made her feel bad so she wanted me to feel bad for trying to make her feel good.
When you are unaware your wife is cheating and you go out of your way to make her feel special and it’s met with anger…it’s a guaranteed way to unequivocally collapse your mental state to near total destruction.
That is the million dollar question
Kinda how most people like a job lined up before quitting their current job. Some people can’t stand being single and have the need to always be with someone.
Like monkeys swinging on branches.. you grab one before you let go of another.
Cowardice
The administrative hassle. Breakups are easier when you’re dumped.
The safety and security usually.
Most people who are caught cheating were sloppy about it. Subconsciously they didn’t want to do it and wanted to be caught.
In some level they wanted to be wanted and loved again by their partners. Even if it’s hurt and pain they’re still showing they care deeply.
The Death of a Relationship comes in the form of Apathy and I difference
We treat this simplistically (“because they’re selfish/have no morals/have a sex addiction”) but the reality is there are as many reasons as there are people who cheat.
One I haven’t seen mentioned—this idea that marriage must include romantic/sexual love to be a good marriage is relatively modern. There are a lot of good reasons to be married to someone besides sex. People can be great friends, be raising kids together and be good coparents, be able to provide better as a two income household, develop dense familial and social networks, rely on each other financially, enjoy each others’ company…and the sexual attraction might not be there. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate that sometimes blowing up an otherwise good/functional marriage just because one partner wants sex with someone else is not the only correct answer. Marriage is about so much more than sex and in some cases getting this need met discreetly outside marriage might help maintain a desired stability in the family unit.
I think of it similarly to how normal it is to get our emotional needs met outside marriage. We don’t really expect marriage to meet all of our emotional needs and people are encouraged to have other relationships to get the full range of emotional needs met. Maybe I lean philosophically more non-monogamous but I don’t quite understand why treating sexual needs similarly automatically makes someone deplorable.
I know anything that acknowledges the nuance of this stuff is a hot button for many. Prepared for the down votes.
Because emotional maturity is rarer than perfect abs.
I’ve never cheated, but I am in a shitty marriage with kids, and it’s more complicated than “just leave”. Divorcing with children puts your kids into one lower socioeconomic class from where you are now. Some people are willing to pay that price to get out of a shitty marriage, and some people aren’t.
Separately, if your partner treats you like shit, why deprive yourself of happiness on behalf of someone who won’t even be nice to you?
I know Reddit likes to act like cheating makes you worse than Hitler, but personally I think there are a lot worse crimes in a marriage.
Sex or a desire for sexual intimacy might not be the sole reason they are in a relationship but is often the sole reason for cheating.
Social factors are major components of a relationship.
Because they want to have the best of both worlds. They want to keep the benefits of exclusivity that comes with having a faithful partner but also want the perks of being with someone else ; the thrill, the sense of something “new” unknown territory they love the perks of playing both sides until it bites them in the butt. Its disgusting
They’re cowards.
As a non-cheater I can only assume that they actually don’t want to leave the relationship. I can imagine people liking their partner, wanting to keep being with them, but also wanting to fool around for a variety of reasons. I don’t think it’s ever as simple as “this new person better than current person”
They want to have the security of their relationship AND the excitement/passion of a new one. Alternatively, they don’t want to have to pay their own bills.
Mom cheated on dad for years. She hated my dad by then end I think. But she wanted his paycheck, wanted to be taken care of. She’s relied on a man her entire life. So why would she leave my dad and have to provide for herself? (Her logic I imagine, obviously I don’t agree with it).
In a long term relationships and marriages it’s sometimes because people are pot committed to their relationship and leaving would be difficult and cause lots of distress to many ppl, especially children. It means changing their entire lives that they may be happy in. They may be happy in every aspect of the relationship and life except for a specific part, like maybe a physical or sexual part, that they realize will be the way it is with the same partner for ever and they want to get that experience without having to walk away from everything they have.
Monogamy can be a hard thing over time. It’s like anything else in life, just because you love a certain thing more than anything else doesn’t mean you dont want something else sometimes.
Say you love ice cream sooo much, and you always want it, and if you had to pick a dessert for the rest of your life, that would be the easy choice. Now say you have to make a decision, you can choose ice cream to be the only dessert you’re able to have for the rest of your life, or you can choose to have whatever other dessert you want but you can never have ice cream again. So you love ice cream so much you choose to have ice cream only forever, but then maybe in 5 years or 10 years you cant eat ice cream very often and after a while you just really want to have dessert, any other dessert, you haven’t had dessert in months and your sweet tooth is just aching for a taste of any dessert you can get your hands so you end up eating an entire box of twinkes in your car behind a Wendy’s after work. Ormaybe a really really amazing tasty dessert that is sweet and decadent, but is also very expensive, is available to all of a sudden so you take cash out of you retirement thay no one will see and you go pick up that dessert and eat it alone in a hotel room while you’re on a business trip.
There are multiple reasons. Some people don’t want to leave, they are fine, they just want to have casual sex with others.
Other people want to leave but are unsure if they really want to or are afraid to, because they don’t want to be alone and thus use the new partner as a crutch to get out of the relationship. It’s not necessarily nice with the new partner either. Especially when they fall in love/take it seriously.
Fuck cheaters
Because they’re huge pieces of shit.
I asked my ex that, he said he didn’t break up after he first cheated because didn’t want to hurt my feelings. So he continued to cheat for another 2 years.
I think the truth is, he didn’t want to hurt his own feelings. He liked what he had as long as I didn’t find out what he was doing. He also told me he realises what he did, and that he plans to tell the other girl the truth. Spoiler alert – he didn’t.
Snd this is why so many partners end up fucked up or dead and the other partner is in prison.
It’s a sad reality for many.
Because other than a dead bedroom its a low conflict relationship and they dont wanna break their childrens hearts
Because they wanna have their cake and eat it too. No pun intended 🤣.
Easy. Cowardice.
Children is one of the main reasons
Dead bedroom, and don’t want to lose your house
It’s the thrill
There will be a variety of reasons, but I think once you have kids, it’s not that easy to just leave.
Cheating is never okay but people do it for a number of reasons:
They get excitement from the act of cheating. The cheating is why they do it.
They like their current relationship except for something they feel is missing or less then ideal. So they don’t want to lose a good thing, they just want something else too.
They care about the person in a twisted way and do not want to hurt them.
They feel trapped by the relationship.
They feel pressure from societal norms or due to kids or financial repercussions of breaking it off.
They want a safety net. “If it does not work out I’ll have something”
irrational mind set
For some I’d bet they aren’t sure about the relationship and the cheat is basically on their way out anyway. Otherwise I don’t get it. If you’re in a happy and healthy relationship, and cheat, you’re just a shit human being.
I want to reply respectfully but it’s always the women
Because they get one thing at home, but something is missing, they get that elsewhere. Not always sex… mental stimulation? The old girlfriend/boyfriend puppy love?
Later to remember with a weird combination of fondness and regret.
Unmarried people are selfish. It’s way more complicated for married people. Kids make exponentially more complicated.
Sometimes you’re satisfied with the stability of a partner but the sex ain’t doing it. Hence, cheating.
Terrible people are terrible
Cowardice.
Cheating, believe it or not, isn’t about not wanting your partner. It’s about power and selfishness.
because they are betrayers, lacking moral courage or integrity
They want the pro’s of being in a relationship while also not being loyal
You can be in love with somebody without finding them sexually fulfilling. So then your options are:
Do without
Have a really difficult, uncomfortable, potentially disastrous conversation
Cheat
What’s the average person going to choose?
I’m not defending cheaters here. Options 1 and 2 are always better than option 3. But option 3 is wayyyy easier.
A lot of it comes down to fear and confusion. Some people are scared to be alone. Even if they’re not happy in the relationship, they’re more afraid of the what ifs that come with breaking up. And then there’s the whole comfort zone thing. They might still care about their partner, or feel guilty, or just not want to hurt them. So instead of being honest, they end up doing something way worse.
My friend’s older brother’s friend actually explained this to me (about 20 years ago lol) and it kind of makes sense. You want to end a relationship but your partner doesn’t. If you try amicably, it could go bad. They can become obsessed with you because you were good to them, all of their friends like you, their family likes you and it’s just a hard split. If you cheat on them, you’re the bad guy. Now they have a reason to hate you and be done with you.
I’m not saying it’s valid, I’m just saying what I was told once by someone who actually bothered to explain it.
Kids, all these people that think there is like this wild thrill or people want all the benefits are clueless. Are there situations where they might be true? Yes. A majority of the time that won’t be the case.
Cheating does not mean you don’t love or care for your partner.
There could be some cognitive dissonance where at the same time you don’t want to hurt your partner but put yourself in a situation to do so. But you’re not able or willing to resist the urge to see other people, to like another one, to feel the excitement to seduce another one, etc.
At some moment the persons who cheat could just be leaving the present moment forgetting to empathize with their partner who is far.
I think a lot of couples struggle separating nowadays when they have kids involved. Financial dependency is no joke and divorce is unaffordable. I think that’s why some marriages open up, but that’s with two consenting adults. Without that consent, well, we have cheating.
Monogamy is a very outdated way of thinking. It’s a manmade idea that was pushed by the church so hard that non-religious people seem to buy into it too. Humans were not meant to have sex with one person their entire life, and fighting off the natural urge to do so is causing an awful lot of problems. Once more people embrace ethical non monogamy, we will be in a way better place.
Notice how some of the cheaters in this thread try to justify it by blaming their partners.
They don’t have the fucking GUTS
They want there cake and eat it too.
Easier.
They think they are smarter than they really are, and they can’t get caught.
They like the frill of doing something they know is wrong.
They love the attention.
They are sociopath.
Because some people are cruel, selfish, and can rationalize literally anything.
So I have been cheated on by three people (for certain) in relationships that did not involve marriage. If I had to identify a common thread, it was monkey branching, a sense of independence, and a, “grass is greener,” mentality. Of course, it hurts at the time, but I can’t pretend that I know what it’s like to be in those shoes either.
In some of those cases, it was a mistake that was difficult to fess up to. In others, it was a conscious relationship move, and there was a lot less regret. Hell, one of them even told me that she had finally found, “[her] person,” in that whole thing. Who am I to deny anyone their happiness, especially if it didn’t involve kids or shared assets?
The reasons that none of them left the relationship first — well, breakups are hard. I can tell you that I, in particular, am not a fun person with whom to break up. I’m stubborn, always see the good in things, and never weigh the consequences of preserving a dying relationship when I’m in one. For that, I can fault myself, because clinging to something broken doesn’t magically repair it.
Really, it’s almost never something that someone aims to do, as far as I can tell.
Cowardice
It is cheaper to cheat than to go through a divorce.
They want to have their cake and eat it too.
I think it is just the thrill having something that they are not supposed to do like taboo
Cowardice, and not wanting to do the hard thing.
Because leaving means they get left/divorced and face consequences. It’s disrespectful about getting what you want with at the expense of others
I don’t know. But I’ve hated to watch the lasting impacts it’s had on some of the people I care about the most. I personally cannot remain friends with anyone who cheats.
I’ve lived in France and over there, a lot of people would ask “Why break up a great couple when cheating reasonably could save it?”
And frankly, I think I agree with them. I think it’s normal to need sexual novelty at times. If cheating was tolerated just a bit in the English speaking world, there would be a lot less drama.
Addiction to attention. Lack of love.