Studies show that women are more emotionally intelligent than men, then why don’t y’all make the first move? I genuinely don’t know the answer
Studies show that women are more emotionally intelligent than men, then why don’t y’all make the first move? I genuinely don’t know the answer
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Are we talking about asking someone out or sex?
Maybe things were different in the late 80s and 90s when I was a teenager and then a young man, but I had plenty of women make the first move.
edit: thinking about it a bit more, it was probably close to half the time when she made the first move. Women are, generally speaking, a whole lot less passive than a lot of men seem to think.
But they do, all the time. Their moves are just different.
I made the first move on my husband. More than once.
My wife hunted me down like a wild beast and now I am her sex slave.
In my whole life, I never made the first move. The woman did it. Maybe I’m just not seeing hints and they were tired of waiting, or they just went for it. Who knows. All I know is i rejected every single one.
I’m a man and I’ve had women make the first move many a time over the last 20ish years
my theory is that many dont have to and/or they are not being taught by society to do this.
they think they are, but they’re idea of making the first move is like kinda flicking their hair a different way than normal
I feel that emotional intelligence would lead someone to get closer with their mark before making an obvious “move” on them. I’ve seen emotionally intelligent couples who just smoothly transitioned from friends to lovers without needing any “hurrdurr you go out with me?” point.
So yeah, the lack of emotional intelligence just makes men a lot more likely to try their luck and blurt it out before the women have had enough of a chance to smoothly build rapport. I think.
To name a few
Since men wouldn’t be scared or annoyed getting approached it’d solve a lot of the problems of women getting bothered by strange men if women took over that gender role.
Cause like, right now you pretty much do have to bother random women to get a date. It’d be better for everyone if the guys just sat back and waited I think.
From personal experience, I have noticed that more masculine girls make obvious first moves, but more feminine girls make subtle moves that men usually don’t see.
Many do.
Pretty much every woman i’ve ever been with made the first move. I think a lot of it comes down to where you live and what kind of guy you are.
My wife made the first move. It was fuckin awesome.
as someone else said about his wife – I also have basically hunted down my bf. didn’t let him get away. i initiated everything. i always make the first move with men. if I like him or think he’s cute, I will straight up ask him out.
Some of y’all are wild lol. It ain’t that complicated. If you’re not getting hit on then it’s cause nobody is interested.
Emotional intelligence is the exact reason why we don’t
My wife asked me out.
I had a huge crush on her since we met but was convinced I had no chance so held back. (To be fair, she was well out of my league).
When she asked me out I was too shocked to say yes (and half convinced it was some kind of trick) and did my best to live out a self fulfilling prophecy. Luckily for me she wasn’t going to accept “I am too pathetically self absorbed and lacking in self esteem to let my dreams become reality” as an answer. My life changed that day.
I did just last week 🤷🏻♀️ we have a date set up in two days from now.
They do when you’re hot enough, lad.
👉🏽👉🏽
I’m culling from the beginning, to only date a man who would put the effort into asking me out. I want the man to be interested enough, attracted enough, socially able enough, and confident enough, to ask me out. Those attributes in him will spark my interest and libido, so our mutual attraction and any relationship will then be better, than if I’d asked out a random uninterested/amotivated man.
Because it’s not in our favour to do so. Men are unlikely to reject us when we approach but that doesn’t mean they’ll want us for a serious relationship. We’re scared of being used until you find the girl you want to approach.
I made the first move on my husband. 🙂
I’ve only ever made the first moves as a woman, but that’s because I need an established trust and relationship with the person before I feel sexually attracted to them. In my experience the men (and women) who came onto me in public settings did so quickly and I interpreted them as just looking for a hook up, which is a major turn off.
Old-fashioned, sexist standards, which some women still really adhere to. Also, some people are just naturally more submissive, doesn’t matter what gender they are.
Women are more selective of their sexual partners. This is true in females in the animal kingdom too. Since they can only have one child at a time, and pregnancy is a big risk for them, natural selection made them more selective.
Since they are more selective, they’ll get more men hitting on them than men will get hit on by women. Meaning women usually don’t need to make a move to have opportunities with guys. They can just sit back and choose. They’ll usually only make the first move if it’s a guy they really like.
And yes there are exceptions, people are not monoliths, I’m speaking in general terms.
I know a few very physically attractive men, women do approach them all the time.
I made the first move on my husband. He had no idea I liked him, he didn’t even think he had a chance. I liked how kind he was, and he made me laugh. We were 17, sitting next to each other in class. He missed a lot to work for his family, and I realized I liked him when I’d be sitting and waiting for him to walk through the door. After this happening a few times, I decided to message him on fb. We went on a date, and have been together ever since. It’s been almost 14 years, and we have 3 kids together. Women do make moves, it’s actually pretty common.
They absolutely do make the first move when you are hot enough and when you are easy to approach (club, party, etc).
Society.
There definitively are women who truly live the “the guy has to make the first move, it’s just how it goes” yes, these people exist.
But its not something I (30F) have ever heard a female friend actually think so or even discuss. Maybe back in school as teenagers but the women I knew today will ask out guys just as frequently as they get asked out themselves.
It’s not more “real” than other dating “rules” like not being “allowed” to have sex before the third or whatever number date or the man having to pay for dinner.
People who think so are still real for sure but If you actually encounter that in real life a lot and not only by hearsay maybe you need to find people in a different social bubble.
They make the first move all the time, it’s just very often too subtle for me to notice. Years later I’m in the shower going… “oh, god dammit.”
I almost exclusively made the first move in all of my (failed) relationships.
All my bfs i Made the First move.
Pussy is a seller’s market.
They haven’t got the balls
They genuinely are interested less often than the rest of ya’ll.
There are women that makes the first move. I did and have been stuck with that choice for 7 happy years now.
It’s generally not in their best interest to make the first move as a woman. An alarming amount of men will take that interest and run with it, despite being generally uninterested in the interested woman. These men are more interested in a regular, guaranteed bed warmer than not having one, and she’ll get dropped like a hot rock if/when he does find a particular woman he’s interested in. Meanwhile, she’ll probably get the bare minimum of good behavior from him, since he’ll feel he won’t have to.
Women will not do this to anywhere near the same extent, because willing bed warmers are a dime a dozen and they don’t have to misrepresent their interest in a relationship to find one. They can wait to be approached and pick the one they like. Or approach the one they like, like I do.
So yeah, emotional intelligence working as intended, I guess.
Because life is easier when you let things come to you, and more exciting when the thing you want shows an interest in you. It’s less tiresome when you aren’t blaming yourself for flirting with someone who turned out to be a drain on your happiness, and it’s less frightening when you’re not the one facing the rejection. These are all emotionally intelligent considerations. Not necessarily always for the best, but they make sense when life’s not too bad and there’s no reason to rock the boat. If someone rocks it for you and you like it, at that point it’s easier to act more impulsively.
Arguably it’s pretty emotionally unintelligent to make the first move, from a self-preservation standpoint, assuming that you’ve got self-confidence enough to believe you’re in some way desirable.
I did the first move on my boyfriend multiple times.
Because they dont need to
Because they don’t have to. Look at the stats on internet dating sites. Its just a tsumami of dongs flying in their direction. Why not just choose from the best of men that have already shown interest in them?
because they’re scouting you to see if you’re a pussy or not. there. case closed
In 1989, two psychologists, Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield, ran an experiment where attractive people approached random students on a college campus with three different propositions:
About half of both men and women agreed to the date.
About 6% of women agreed to go to the apartment, while about 69% of men did.
0% of women agreed to go to bed with the stranger, but about 75% of men said yes to sex with someone they just met.
Not only is it usually a safety issue, but women know that most men will go out with them if asked, even if not interested, just to get laid. Why run that risk ?
Speaking as a guy who’s experienced both sides of this – there’s a mix of evolutionary psychology, social conditioning, and practical reality that explains this pattern:
The good news is this is changing gradually. I’ve noticed younger generations having more balanced initiation patterns, though the shift is happening slowly.
Worth noting: Emotional intelligence doesn’t necessarily translate to more initiation – it might actually make someone more aware of potential rejection and social costs of breaking norms.
They don’t have to, they don’t want to. Also sometimes they do.
In my experience, if a woman makes the first move, a lot of men who aren’t interested will nevertheless accept her advances, which is gross.
The other big issue I’ve run into is that if I made the first move, the man resented me for it later. “Ug ug! Me big strong man; me supposed to hunt woman, not woman hunt man!” It was ’emasculating,’ apparently. In the most recent case, I’d been friends with the guy for several years, and he had never once tried to date me or sleep with me. When I finally made a move, he was thrilled – but then was upset that he didn’t get to initiate. (He had several years to do so).
TL;DR : A lot of men will take advantage of women who make the first move, and/or will later resent the woman for pursuing them since men are the hunters and women are the prey 🙄
I asked my husband out because he had no game.
My girlfriend made the first move.
Plenty of them do, you just haven’t met the right one yet
They do. We’re just ugly.
Plenty do.
We do if we‘re interested. If no woman has ever made the first move on you idk how to tell you this….
They do
they do?
Women ARE making the first move but we men are too oblivious to notice until years later.
Woman here, married now, pursued my husband while we were dating, and I discourage my female friends from making the first move. I’ll tell you why.
Because my husband very quickly got comfortable with being passive. I asked him out, I said I love you first, I asked if he wanted to move in together, I let him know I wanted to be engaged after 5 years together. I planned every anniversary dinner, Valentine’s Day plans, every trip we’ve ever taken. It’s given our relationship a distinct lack of romance, because he doesn’t initiate ANYTHING. He’s a good man, but he doesn’t see the need to go out of his way to make me feel wanted or pursued.
So ladies, my two cents: don’t chase a man unless you are prepared to continue chasing him FOREVER.
How? How would a woman make the first move? I would like to know. I have never been smacked with a first move. I would like to know how to identify one so the opportunity does not fizzle out on me.
We totally do make the first move. Men often don’t notice the nuance of flirting and it goes right over their head.
Some women do make the first move. It’s not usually direct, so most men don’t pick up on it. They just assume that she’s just being friendly. In current times, even if men do pick up on these very subtle cues, they still won’t reciprocate until they are 100% sure that she’s interested in them to avoid being labeled as a creep.
I don’t anymore because I’ve got a long painful dating history with men who were pretty maybe/whatever about me and breadcrumbed. Like I was kept around as an option so they wouldn’t be lonely but they didn’t actually really want to be with me and it showed. I’ve learned to let them make the effort to prevent that from repeating.
I sat a lot of years waiting/hoping to be noticed, i was a kid and then a preteen and then a 14 year old struggling with “when i am nice to everyone like god said some of them take any interaction at all as interest and then turn dangerous about trampling my boundaries and not taking no for an answer, sometimes the only way to make myself safe is to be mean,” and then i was a high schooler and college student watching articles like ‘a local woman told her man “no” at work at the mall and he (shot/stabbed) her openly at her place of work’.
I asked a boy out to homecoming and my parents chewed me out, shamed me, and asked ‘who is supposed to pay??’.
I still initiated contact a handful of times as an adult once i got beyond waiting to be noticed. But in the same way men have stuff they get conditioned as kids that fucks them up as adults, women get….all the above and it’s pretty formative conditioning whether we enjoy or agree with it or not.
I made the first move. Walked up to him, took his hand out of his pocket to check for a wedding ring/tan line and when there wasn’t one asked him if he wanted to buy me a drink. Happily married over 25 years!!
Woman are taught to make the man make the first move, but drop hits that you are interested. It’s just a social norm.
However, that’s not always the case. I feel like most women I have been with actually made the first move. Sometimes women say “screw social norms I want a boyfriend”
I asked my husband to date me, and then I proposed to him to marry me. 😏
Because they aren’t interested. If they were truly interested, trust me they’d make the first move.
I generally haven’t made first moves because it takes me a long time to determine if a man is safe. If I make the first move with an unsafe man, it could put me in a really dangerous position. Revoking consent with an unsafe man can lead to him losing it on me in various ways.
I don’t make the first move because I’m not generally attracted to people by the looks, more so by their personality. Of course physical attraction is important but I don’t walk around assessing how physically attractive people are to me at all times.
Some do and they are very good at it, as well. Go hang out near a lesbian who is talking to a straight woman and pay attention. It’s eye opening.
they do. Just because they dont make the first move on you, doesn’t mean that they dont make the first move at all
Because it scares men.
Because that’s generally not how it works.
I’m bisexual and a lady. I have “made the first move” lots of times. Towards both men and women. I have gotten 1 woman’s number and 6 guys numbers. The woman was bi-curious so it didn’t go anywhere. Out of the men, one was an asshole who just shit on me for “being easy” since I asked him, and the other five all just wanted sex. The five dudes all took my “eagerness” as me wanting sex. At no point during any stage of talking did I say anything sexual to any of them.
This is just my experience but now I don’t really like to try. It’s a pretty big deterrent when this stuff happens every time. It’s not like I’m going for a certain type either. Some people I thought were completely “out of my league” and others I thought we were pretty equally attractive. All these people flirted back with me and I think I gave my number to four out of the seven.
Many of us were taught from a young age that the ‘proper’ thing to do is to patiently wait for the man to make the first move. Approaching them yourself could make you seem desperate or ‘easy’. Also the idea that it could be rude because the man may feel emasculated, thus we’re taught to be ‘patient’ and not to rush him.
And while rejection hurts for either sex, since we were taught fairly sexist attitudes of ‘women shouldn’t want sex, men should’, that means that if we’re rejected by a man, then something must seriously be wrong with us. We were taught that asking out a guy is something the less desirable girls do, whereas the most desirable girls would never have to resort to that.
Also, typically more men than women are down for casual sex with no desire to turn it into a relationship. There’s very much the fear that if we were to ask out a guy, he would say yes just to have sex with us and move on – whereas if he were romantically interested, then he’d ask you out from the beginning.
I get that many men on this thread will be thinking “well I don’t think a woman would be desperate for asking me out, I’d love that”. Yeah, valid, but that’s a newer attitude. Us adult women were being taught these things from childhood, decades ago. It takes a very long time for such wide spread societal shifts to change (although I don’t think this one will ever completely change, I think it would just be softened a bit)
The flowers don’t chase the bees
I’m shy when it comes to the first move and I’m scared of rejection
Personally, I don’t think I’m attractive and don’t want to get rejected based off that. I don’t have the confidence or charisma to pull off a successful move that would result in getting a date.
I’m fat, I’ve had men act angry and aggressive when they thought I was interested in them because I was being friendly. Not taking that chance.
Men don’t value things that come easy. They think something is wrong with a woman that would approach them.
I’m a woman and could not look more all American wholesome and I walked up to a man in a bar and said hi and he asked me if I was a prostitute.
Never again.
Here in Mexico, a very sexist country, for a big amount of the population a woman that does the first move will be seen very negatively. There’s a word used here that is very telling of the cultural double standard. The word is “facilota”, it translates to “very easy”. It is used to shame women that will easily do stuff with guys. Shows that the expected standard is that a woman should be very reserved and “hard to get”.
We do. It just seems rare because we don’t just hit on anything that has a pulse.
And before anyone says I’m stereotyping: I am on 4 dating apps, my bio specifically says I’m a lesbian, and my inbox is FULL of straight men hitting on me. I’m not an outlier, either.