I (20M) have been talking to a girl (22F) for 9 months now. We get along and theses potential for something more serious. We both share the same set of values and beliefs. We both like to do similar things and we both have creative careers.
She once told me she liked me which I was happy about but then she had to Chase clarity from me. I didn’t initiate, I didn’t say it first. And that’s kind of a pattern.
The strange thing is:
I can do all the “adult” things people expect from a man in a relationship. I can plan dates. I can manage finances. I can communicate. I can support someone in life if through their career. Plan dates. Make decisions. Take accountability for my own actions. Make changes within myself.
I just… freeze at the start.
I wait for prompts, not intentionally, not manipulatively but almost like I need permission before I take the next step.
Surprised she’s been this patient tbh and she clearly sees potential otherwise she would’ve just gotten bored of waiting!
It’s like I’m constantly waiting for my cue, instead of writing the scene myself.
And she’s been more than patient.
But now I’m starting to wonder:
• Is this a fear of rejection or something deeper?
• Is this avoidant behaviour, or just inexperience?
• How do I unlearn waiting for permission?
Has anyone else felt like this like they’re ready for everything except initiating?
TL;DR:
I (20M) have been talking to a girl (22F) for 9 months. She likes me, we’re emotionally aligned, and I’m ready for a relationship — but I freeze at initiating. She had to ask me how I felt because I didn’t say it first. I can plan dates, take accountability, support someone — everything except lead things forward.
I’m starting to wonder:
• Is this fear of rejection?
• Avoidant behaviour?
• Or just inexperience?
How do I stop waiting for permission and start showing up confidently?