A friend of mine is going through something rough, breakup and other things. We’re not super close, I’ve wanted to become closer friends with him for a while but we’re both pretty busy. Recently he mentioned he’s going through a rough patch.
Been typing out text messages and deleting them because no matter what I type it sounds stupid in one way or another. And from all I’ve heard, most men feel the same.
Why? And why is it different with women? How do you guys usually express affection or care for your bros (if you do)?
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Here’s an original copy of /u/Zach-uh-ri-uh’s post (if available):
A friend of mine is going through something rough, breakup and other things. We’re not super close, I’ve wanted to become closer friends with him for a while but we’re both pretty busy. Recently he mentioned he’s going through a rough patch.
Been typing out text messages and deleting them because no matter what I type it sounds stupid in one way or another. And from all I’ve heard, most men feel the same.
Why? And why is it different with women? How do you guys usually express affection or care for your bros (if you do)?
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Sadly it’s not always been exceptable for men to have feelings
Just send the message. I don’t care if it sounds lame, I text my friends that I’m there if they want to talk about it or just go get something to eat and talk shit about irrelevant things. Even a short phone call will do.
This is why most of my friends are women.
I just fucking do it, tbh. It’s only as awkward as the parties involved make it.
Just say to him “that’s terrible buddy…wanna drink?”
Then get wasted together
Usually we just say ‘let’s hit the gym’ and then grab some brewskis
Is it hard for us, or is it hard for you since you stated you and this person are not super close?
You’re over thinking it. I mean its hard. My friend lost his mom recently and trying to make sure he’s good is hard. I keep it simple though and I don’t suffocate him with affection because that’s just as bad as not saying anything at all. Just make sure the person is good and that you’re around to talk if they need to. Check a few more times and it’ll be fine.
One thing I do a lot too is I relate to whatever they’re going through. I’ll tell a story about one of my exs or how I miss someone I lost. It shows compassion without making the situation about me.
Birds of a feather. According to your post, it seems like you found your tribe.
If you want different, then be different and look for different in your tribe. That way, you can take the steps plus get positive reinforcement and support.
howbout using that texting device to send an audio text that he can instantly respond to?
Being brutally honest here… the last thing I want from another man (or woman) are “condolences” via text message. I don’t dislike them, but they don’t mean much to me either.
What I instead prefer are when people tell me about some good news, or they invite me somewhere like a sports game or a get-together at their place. That cheers me up way more than a “hope you feel better bro” text message ever would.
Just kiss the homies good night. And if you’re nervous, just say “no homo” beforehand. It is in the Geneva Convention.
“Here if ya need bro”
But honestly men don’t want to need anything. So it’s best just to do, so try to do something, take him out bring him somewhere and do something. I know you said you’re both busy but making time to help him take his mind off stuff is a gesture that says more than words ever can.
We will usually feel undeserving and resist, but that’s easily explained away “nah that’s what bros do,” or “man if I was going through shit I’d want someone to do it for me, if I wasn’t willing to be that guy for someone else that would make me an asshole, now get ready and let’s go.”
Just send it
You have been conditioned by the male examples in your life to not show emotion or empathy for your guy friends.
Don’t overthink it. Reach out and say the “stupid thing”. Your buddy will appreciate it and remember it.
I’m a guy and I tell my guy friends I love them all the time.
I would send a simple message and either talk to see the person for the real connection. I think sending it all in a text feels cheap because maybe it is?
Im a 45yr old man with 3 separate friends over 20yrs. Almost every time we talk on the phone we say we love each other. They’re brothers. Never been weird to me.
100% just send that message. If it sounds kinda lame, just say “I know this sounds lame, man, but […]” just tell him that you mean it, and you’re sorry you couldnt think of anything clever to say. Thats what I do, and it indicates, I think, that I’m really trying.
Tell him you love him already.
This is why they invented chatgpt
I tell him I love him. He’s my best friend. My only friend. He’s like my brother. 6 years and counting