I get home from work – sit in the car for 30+ minutes. Can’t make myself go inside. Finally decide to just leave all my stuff in the car, go inside, sit and stare for hours. Can’t make myself clean up, can’t order food or cook, Can’t grab a fucking glass of water. It’s not like I don’t know I need to eat and drink and clean up after myself. I can express the need to someone else, and if they bring me food I can eat it, but without help I’ll sit starving for hours screaming in my head to get up and eat something please just have a snack, and it’s like my body won’t listen.
It’s easier in the morning, I’m mostly on autopilot and know what needs to be done so I can do it. At work I have tasks/direction but if left to my own devices I find myself standing still and staring at everything, maybe looking around at possible tasks but unable to select one/decide how to start doing it.
I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was a kid, and have since been diagnosed with PTSD, but this doesn’t feel like any of that. It feels like I’m trapped in a mech I can’t pilot. I don’t have the controls. My body listens to everyone else but me.
I’m not sure of the time frame for this. I know I could do things in college. And I was doing something most days at least up til mid-2023. But since then, I’m not sure when it got worse.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I don’t know what to do and I feel so guilty asking for help with basic tasks at home. People at work have been asking if I’m okay. I just don’t want to make anyone else’s life harder than I already am. What can I do to fix this on my own?
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Just looked up catatonia because of another post, and this sounds like catatonia.
Not a mental health professional, but it sounds like depression to me. So, I’ll go with what my first therapist told me. At the end of my first appointment (which basically consisted of me crying for an hour), she gave me homework – make a list of 5 things you like to do. At the end of the second appointment, more homework. She said, Now, go do those things. From the outside, it looks to me that you could benefit from talking to (a professional) someone. If that’s not feasible at the moment, go to the NAMI website and see if there’s a Support Group near you. It’ll be free. Prolly even online. National Alliance for Mental Illness. Now, go do your homework.
I don’t think any of us are qualified to respond or help you. You need to be diagnosed by a physician and probably treated with medication and therapy, don’t expect to do this on your own. At times before I was adequately treated I would have periods of depression when I could not make a decision of any kind even to the point of what I wanted to eat or wear. This has not happened for years since I am taking Cymbalta which makes me feel normal. I have an anxiety/depression problem which runs through most members of my family beginning, as far as we know, from my maternal grandmother. I am telling you this because I want you to realize that if you have a mental imbalance, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Many physical and mental problems can be inherited but we are fortunate to live in a time where there is medical help. Please see a doctor so you can live your life productively and with peace, There is no reason to suffer when you realize that you are having difficulty functioning. Best of luck!
I used an instrument called an Emwave to get over depression several years ago. It costs about $200 or less. Itu uses mental exercises to help clear your mind of thoughts that bounce endlessly around your mind. I got over my depression in about three days I don’t sell them or have any relation with the company that has them. Just offer because it helped me.
You have ADHD, ASD, or both.
Go get assessed. You’ll thank me later. Depression, anxiety, PTSD are the diagnoses we all get before finally finding out we’re just neurodivergent trying to navigate the world with botched executive function.
Some folks on the autism or ADHD spectrum have trouble completing simple tasks. It’s called executive dysfunction. There is no medication, but I believe there are strategies.
Possibly some intense dissociation, idk. I find myself in freeze state like this on occasion, or fawn response if around people and expected to be doing something, but only for a small amount of time not such a continuous state. I suffer from anxiety disorders among other things.
My ex was autistic and would kind of shut down and experimce this to some degree? But never to such an extreme one. He could do basic tasks for himself, he would just shut down and go on autopilot around people or if he was overwhelmed.
All I can say is you’re overdue to make an appointment for it. If you need someone to help you do that and make it there, do so. Treat this with the urgency it demands. You don’t deserve to suffer and it won’t magically get better.
This may sound strange but what helped me was to get out of my head by pretending I was a Sims character. What do i want myself to do? I want me to get up and take a shower. cue me getting up to take a shower. I want me to dry off. does it. I want me to make a sandwich. etc, etc.
This just sounds like depression to me. Functional depression. This is all something you should talk to your therapist about. If you don’t have one after being diagnosed with multiple things… well, that’s part of the problem.
Just because you feel better for awhile doesn’t mean your problems have gone away and you no longer need meds/therapy/etc…
If you can’t pilot, let someone else take the controls.
this was my experience with executive dysfunction. bring it up with a therapist if you have one and they’ll be able to help you