By “charm” I’m talking about the quality of being very witty and quick on the feet. Engaging in banter, being sexual but in a very indirect, euphemistic way, being lighthearted.
This is the quality that imo is most prized in the UK. A huge component of courtship there is just being clever. Look at James Bond for example. He is hyper masculine in a sense, but a lot of his appeal is in the effortless humor, obvious intelligence, and patrician manners. To use a nonfictional person, Idris Elba is charming. So is Tom Holland.
I don’t see the US as valuing wit to nearly the same extent. Outside of George Clooney, I don’t think I’d describe hardly any American leading men as “charming.” Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio? Johnny Depp could kind of be charming, but primarily when he was playing a British guy.
Why is this? I don’t even think American men really even aspire to be charming. I don’t think American women are all that receptive to it. Banter just isn’t all that important, and if someone starts trying to get too clever in a talking phase, that backfires a good deal of the time.
My theory is that the US is both more direct and more focused on authenticity than other cultures. Charm is, almost always, built on innuendo which is based on indirectness. Moreover, banter, in how sarcastic it is, is definitionally not authentic. Just my theory though; what do others think?
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As an American woman you are completely wrong that we aren’t receptive to clever banter. That’s how we meet a lot of guys in the first place.
Interesting observations here. As an American woman I’d say I value charm quite a lot, banter is a great way to open things up and get some chemistry going. But I think there’s definitely some truth to Americans preferring authenticity. There is something very attractive about someone who cuts through the mundane and is forthright, seizing a connection rather than playing witty games. I think the main problem with a lot of American ‘charm’ is it has a tendency to come across as hokey and practiced.
No, this absolutely is valued by American women. Media depictions or what you hear online are often not terribly related to real life facts on the ground. That’s useful to keep in mind.
Smart people get ostracized in the US. They may be celebrated in the media, but not so much socially. Assuming smart people are witty.
I wouldn’t wanna to have to go through that banter stuff. I put that with small talk. Which I also don’t do.
Just a spin, you know how we are friendly to everyone? Would that not considered charm? You don’t have to be witty to be charming. America made the charming boy next door troupe.
What are you talking about when southern people are considered to be charming? Also, the US is not more direct in any capacity, we as English speakers beat around the bush linguistically and culturally. Please just read.
Different cultures
I think you’re making a sweeping statement about a lot of people based on very… outdated data.
innuendo just comes across as creepy or slimy. Americans are the kings of authenticity, sarcasm and banter. How you define “charm” in all of that is a personal preference I guess. Johnny Depp is pure charm in my opinion. Pitt is charmingish, Clooney and DiCaprio are sleezy.
Seriously? RDJ isn’t charming and charismatic? Tom Hanks? Sebastian Stan? Keanu Reeves? Pedro Pascal? Robin Williams? Oscar Isaac? Jack Black? Jim Carrey? Dwyane Johnson? Jake Gyllenhall? Anthony Mackie? Jason Momoa? I could go on? Maybe the British definition of charm or charisma is different, idk. Also, have you ever been to the US? I find a lot of foreigners seem to think that they can come on the internet and make sweeping generalizations about a group of people because they saw a few American movies, and they think that makes them experts on the culture here. It’s just not true that we don’t value banter and wit.
Have you been to the US? Or is your only experience watching Pirates of the Caribbean, Titanic, and Fight Club?
because girls/women in this country are the shallowest on earth. this is just an observation. not necessarily a critique.
I think there’s a lot of variation in US attitudes and it’s also true that they generally respect ‘straight talk’ more than Europeans or Asians. My take is that European and Asian cultures dance around directness in order to allow others to maintain face in order to maintain social relationships.
I can’t speak for everyone. Or anyone. I value you charm as part of attractiveness. And my wife sure does cause damn am I ugly and she’s hot. And I’m poor so it’s not money lol
Science shows that isn’t true. In relationship literature and OB literature (organizational behavior), Charm or charisma is highly correlated with success and is valued by managers and partners.
There’s over 340,000,000 Americans from every culture, ethnic group, religion, and race in world represented. I’m not sure you could make any sweeping declaration about what Americans value
I think on the whole, we Americans are not an intellectual country, and a quick wit generally requires people to be somewhat of a thinker.
And as a character type, strong and silent is more popular in movies.
But it would be a mistake to think American women don’t appreciate it.
In my experience, most women have low expectations in this regard, but absolutely love a bit of witty banter when it strikes them.
Of course, there are the dullards who say “I speak fluent sarcasm” and think they are saying something witty, but many women spend countless hours braving the dating pools, just waiting for someone to say something remotely funny or clever.
Women love charm, and many love a funny guy. I do think it’s pretty common to read here that men focus more on money/looks to be desirable, but I will fall so fast for a charming guy!
There’s just not a fascination with the term “banter” here. Humorous people are still very well received/desired