As a young single guy, I don’t really understand the common response I hear from other men when the topic of male loneliness comes up. People often say things like women don’t settle, don’t listen, or aren’t supportive. But how does that relate to male loneliness? I don’t have a partner, but right now I feel okay focusing on friendships through hobbies and spending time with family.
When I try to suggest this to other guys, I often hear things like “nothing can replace a woman,” “I don’t have time for hobbies,” or “I’m not close to anyone.” I get that everyone’s life is different, but I don’t see how having a girlfriend would magically solve any of that. One person can’t replace a sense of community. She might not share your interests, and even if she introduces you to new things or people, it’s not guaranteed that you’ll connect with them. Plus, you’re not building those social skills for yourself.
I just don’t get why we call it a “male loneliness epidemic” and not a “being single epidemic.”
Comments
Make better friends.
The “Why don’t these STUPID WORTHLESS WHORES love me!?!??” dudes are never going to get it
I honestly agree. I mean romantic loneliness can definitely be devastating on an individual level (I should know), but these guys seem to sincerely believe that romance = community.
That kind of thinking will inevitably lead to the kind of relationships where he expects his partner to be his lover, friend, therapist, maid, and mother all at the same time. No one person should be forced into all of those roles.
Cause most of people who complain about male loneliness are sexually frustrated
People don’t want to take accountability for their situation…easiest to just blame someone else
It is a male loneliness epidemic because it seems to be affecting males more than females.
My personal belief is that boys just don’t get enough mixed sex, women are just people like everyone else time. Boys spend too much time in male spaces or meat market spaces, and are unable to relate to women as people. Especially since they are afraid of being seen as creepy, which adds another layer to it.
That said, I think a lot of men are just bitter about it and blame women for no reason. It doesn’t help that there are places to feed into that bitterness.
Male loneliness is blamed on being single because a lot of men are socially conditioned to be emotionally dependent on romantic partners, rather than having solid friendships. It’s not so much about being single and more about not having community and connection something a girlfriend can’t fully provide. You’re right: true support comes from wider, deeper relationships, not romance.
Because to the men who complain about the “male loneliness epidemic” it’s not about being lonely at all, it’s about feeling entitled to women’s time, attention and bodies and being upset that they don’t get the access they want.
The traditional answer is that male friendships are less emotionally supportive than those with females. Make of that what you will.
Woman here ..it’s because those guys telling you those bullshit excuses think a woman will fix everything. They also think with what’s in their pants and think regular sexy time will make having no life better for them. The lines we don’t listen, aren’t supportive, have expectations etc…those are because they don’t want to better themselves. Because primarily they don’t want to. Look at their attitudes and ask yourself if you would want to be with someone who saw you the way they see women.
I agree with you on this topic. People normally don’t understand that their lonely problem comes from within. They’re disconnected from their society and with themselves but blaming other gender for their own problems is always easier than looking into how to solve it properly. One person won’t magically change their life and even though they do,what their life is gonna be without that person again? It applies for all the genders though.
When someone says that they are showing you that they prefer to blame others for their own problems rather than take responsibility.
It’s that simple.
To answer your question at the bottom it’s because what they need is not a partner what they need is a social circle in general
As you say in your own post these people have become so desperate for a relationship that they completely neglect things like developing their own hobbies or building their relationship/friendship with other people because they are just so focused on essentially getting pussy that nothing else matters
The problem is This desperate hunt for a relationship over anything else makes them lonely and makes them neglect those friendships and familial bonds and so on because they are just so narrow-mindedly focused on finding a partner
That’s why it’s called the male loneliness epidemic and not the dating epidemic or something because the dating is not the solution It is the problem
People who think that way simply aren’t well-adjusted and, more to the point, because of that maladjustment aren’t particularly suited for a relationship in the first place.
Because stories are marketed to men that blame women. So men who are unhappy and looking for answers can easily find this anti-women garbage and it frames it as the man isn’t doing anything wrong and nothing is his fault. He will be told If he isn’t 6ft or make 6-figures, women are going to reject and mock him. And since the vast majority of people don’t fit both those criteria, they can blame women not throwing themselves at him as due to women being shallow.
Everyone here is completely missing the point. Getting attention from the opposite sex and liking that attention is a nice feeling. The “loneliness epidemic” isn’t just about “having better friends”. There’s only so much having a friend can do for you.
We’ve lost the third place between work and home, so in general, strong friendship bonds don’t exist like they used to.
Societally, women are no longer dependent on men to live, so it is harder (whether or not it’s a good thing) for men to end up in a relationship than it was in the past, leading to expectations clashing with reality
People are more reserved with the advent of online dating, since now pretty much everyone feels “dating” spaces are the only appropriate ways to make intros. “Don’t talk to people in the gym, they’re there to work out. Don’t talk to people in the grocery store, they’re just there to buy groceries. Don’t talk to people in the club, they’re just there to hang out with friends.” These have all pushed interaction to the internet where nothing feels real.
Women now are better than ever at sniffing out trash, so they are putting up with trash men less and less nowadays. These trash men in the past were able to find women partners because that was what society pushed for. Now, if you lack emotional maturity and are not doing the work to build your own community, women will show you the door.
Speaking for myself, but suspect the same in others. I was seriously codependent growing up. My parents were emotionally unavailable. I’m an only child. I was so lonely, even with friends, because what I needed was meaningful affection. It caused me to make a lot of terrible relationship decisions and blinded me to many things. I felt like I needed a physical, loving relationship to have any value as a person. It was deeply rooted and I didn’t even realize it until I met my wife. If I had not met her, I hate to think what I would have become.
People want to blame women for men’s problems or discomfort in any way because we’re the ones who are responsible for everything 🙁
I love this question.
Because traditional masculinity focuses on companionship rather than community. Being part of a community requires social skills like collaboration, empathy, listening, communication, and vulnerability–things men aren’t always taught or encouraged to learn.
We’re taught from a young age that our value to society is based on being able to care for, provide for, and protect a woman. If we swapped that ideal for a healthier sense of belonging and self, I reckon men would be less lonely and less focused on finding that “female presence.”
The male loneliness epidemic is usually attributed to our inability to develop platonic friendships. We all have friends, but as time goes on and life happens, friends come and go. As adults, men often fail to develop new friendships to replace those that dissolve due to circumstances.
The reason for this is myriad, but the solution is clear: develop the ability to make new platonic friends.
Many men conflate their social needs with their sexual needs, and that worsens their situation. Even men who find partners require platonic friendships. A partner cannot meet all the social needs of anyone, and should not be expected to.
Now, if you’re asking why so many men have trouble finding partners, that’s an easy one. Many men neglect developing in themselves the qualities that make them suitable partners.
You’re suggesting the same advice for men that women suggest for each other. It’s legitimately the healthy way.
I find this whole concept, if you don’t have a romantic partner you have no one, really sad. We need to teach our children that they are worthy on their own and friends are a better way of forming a community than latching onto a single person.
There are plenty of married men that still feel lonely.
I feel like I have no value because of it, It’s hard to accept and I have no one else to blame but myself for my own preficament. I have no ill will towards anyone, society, women or other people. No one is owed anything, including companionship.
I’m slowly working towards improving myself, it’s helping but I feel like I missed out on so much in life because I never experienced love.
I need to find it from within and be kinder to myself if I want to be happy, so far I lost 107 pounds and I feel much better physically. Had I truly given up I wouldn’t be here right now.
When elderly Men lose their wives it’s a lot harder for the men as women normally take care of a lot of things in their life like shopping for food, cooking, cleaning buying things for the house – My grandpa was a lost man when he lost my grandma and he has gotten so bad since then i don’t think he’ll be here next year…Of course when i husband dies it’s awful but women find it easier to get on with their lives…
That’s the right way to think imo. If you’re miserable alone how is a woman going to fix that?
They insist women are the problem while demanding we also be the solution.
Because men like to put responsibility for these situations on women. It couldn’t simply be that they’re bad partners looking for a second mom and not a girlfriend. It couldn’t be that they don’t seek therapy…nope. It’s all because women don’t like them or don’t want to put up with their stuff.
I think because a lot of these men have no friends, and relationships with women tend to bring friendships and a sense of community.
But it’s not a woman’s job to provide those. Men should be doing that themselves before they ever get into relationships.
partly it’s about intimacy and sex but it’s also because a lot of men tend to only create emotional connections with their partners, so when they don’t have a partner they’re missing out on that emotional (but still platonic) connection.
It makes no sense. Men are constantly telling women that happiness has to come from themselves. But apparently men don’t listen to the same advice for themselves
Men who are actually worth hanging out with aren’t lonely, and it sounds like you’re doing very well at that part already.
It is honestly a lot of factors that go into it. The biggest thing being that having a gf will solve all their problems. What really doesn’t help are the voices telling these lonely men that women are the problem and that they need to be an alpha to be with women and be happy.
I think the absolute truth is that far too many men don’t have great emotional regulation or even know how to express them appropriately, so women sort of become the replacement for that.
I think the only way we can solve it is by helping men express their emotions in a productive way. I think it couldn’t hurt letting men know that it’s OK to be vulnerable and that your male friends do understand your struggle.
Acknowledging that the patriarchy and toxic masculinity emotionally isolates men and gives them the expectation that a woman will magically fix their life by being their mother, maid, and therapist is a lot more difficult than just blaming women.
Honestly, male loneliness is a real thing, and I’ve learned that the solution doesn’t lie in seeking relationships with the opposite sex (or same sex relationships if you’re so inclined). Men need friends who are men. Laugh, joke, share similar hobbies, similar interests. No fucking. Just…friends. This condition that for guys to have deep friendships automatically suggests they’re gay / bi has really worked its way into western culture and it’s caused a lot of people to feel isolated. As a gay guy, women are quick to try to be my friend, but I’m just as quick to turn it down. I’m happiest being friends with my sex, I don’t think women could fulfill that. I’ve noticed majority male friend groups that are happy also share this belief as well.
I see a lot of comments saying that men need larger social circles/more social skills. To add to that, your friends also swap experiences with you and give advice.
Sometimes the best thing for a romantic relationship is having a friend who’ll say “dude, just let that go” or “dang that’s toxic”.
They want to blame women that’s it. You should know by history that opressing and blaming women are men’s favorite sport.
It’s an oversimplification. Also, they’re kind of looking at a major symptom of the problem and calling it the cause.
Sounds like you’ve nailed the secret to a solid way of viewing relationships. Enjoy a happy life, my friend.
Society and/or many male role models make it implicit or outright obvious that having a woman or multiple is the ideal, making influential minds susceptible for loneliness, depression and suffering.
Here is my perspective as someone who got out of a long term relationship 6 months ago and all my friends are married.
My friends are great. They are there for me when I call them. They are supportive. We can talk about anything. But at the end of the day I am nobody’s first priority. They answer when I call them, but nobody ever calls me first. They’re always on weekend trips or have plans, which makes spontaneous hangouts very rare. And it kinda just makes me sad being the 7th wheel at every hangout. From the outside perspective my friends and family would say I’m doing well and I’m happy. I don’t struggle with casual dating. But really I am lonely. I want to find my person.
As a woman, the guys who talk about “male loneliness” as something women caused drives me crazy.
Whenever I see a tiktok of a man ranting about how women are to blame for how lonely they are, I always go to their page. I have never come across a video like that where the dudes page wasn’t full of hateful, misogynistic, racist, homophobic rants. Like literally every video on these guys pages are hateful and mean and offensive. And that’s totally fine if thats the type of person they want to be… but I cannot understand why they think they’re entitled to a romantic partner when every word out of their mouths is hateful. As a woman, I really have no motivation to date someone who hates women and is generally hateful. I wouldn’t expect a man to date a woman who hates men and is generally hateful, even though I appreciate how easy it can be to get on the misandry pipeline.
The “male loneliness epidemic” started as a conversation about mens mental health, encouraging men to build closer friendships where they safely can talk about their emotions instead of suffering in silence. This is vital and important, and I absolutely believe that men should have more space to be emotional. Plus, men talking about this issue directly helps other men in the same position because they can see they’re not alone and that they don’t need to suffer in silence because other men understand. But the misogynistic men of the world took it and ran with it as just another excuse to hate women. There is absolutely a male loneliness epidemic, but women did not cause it.
Because most people that talk about male loneliness aren’t really trying to solve the problem, they’re just trying to villainize women. The male loneliness epidemic is a real thing, but it’s a complex societal issue with many causes and influences. Not to mention that there is also just a general loneliness epidemic among young people right now so calling it the “male” loneliness epidemic is a bit disingenuous even if men are more likely to be affected than women. Just to list a few reasons:
The disappearance of third spaces for young people to hang out means there are fewer opportunities for them to meet new people in casual and non-professional environments
young people are drinking less than ever which means they aren’t going to bars either
The rise of social media causing people to compare themselves to false ideal presentations of others making them feel more isolated in comparison
The rise of dating apps, just like the rise of job search sites, ironically making the task of finding a partner harder than it was before because making it easier to connect with people also makes it less of a loss for them to reject you.
Political polarization being at its highest in recent history, leading to more people refusing to associate with each other based on ideological differences
Depression rates at their highest in recent history, meaning it takes more emotional effort just for people to go outside and attempt to socialize
worker wage stagnation meaning people have to spend all their time and energy working for a living and have very little left for socialization
But incels and men’s rights activists will jump at any opportunity to argue that men are more oppressed than women, so they made it the “male loneliness epidemic.”
The kicker is that one of the big reasons young men are lonelier than young women is because of the traditional, patriarchal gender roles that society instills in them, which teach them that independence and individualism are manly and asking for help or relying on others is weak, and that straight monogamy is the ultimate goal for every man and that once they just score that perfect girl, all their troubles will be washed away. But rather than address the real issues, men’s rights activists tend to support traditional gender roles and instead blame women for everything bad happening to men.
I saw someone make this statement the other day
“Barbie has a good day everyday. Ken has a good day when Barbie is looking at him’
A lot of these folks don’t put their focus on their own selves and building their personality and love for themselves. They superimpose that responsibility into the women in their life
You pretty much summed up Paris Paloma – LABOUR. 👌
It’s a really interesting question and discussion to be had.
I think one of the male loneliness epidemic is the lack of emotional support from other men. It’s never a, “I understand what you’re going through. Let’s talk about it and let me support you.” It’s the “It’s all these women’s fault! They just want the 6+ tall super model guys so they don’t give us regular guys a chance. Dumb bitches!” And then it’s a quick slide down the red pill world. “I deserve the super model.”
Whereas women have support from other women. Friends they can open up to and express their emotions without being judged.
Think of it this way, women hug each other all the time. It’s never awkward or sexual. Think of the last time you saw two men actual hug. Not a bro half hug but a genuine hug.
Mix in the jealousy. A single guy sees a “hot” woman with an average guy. Their first thought should be, “Hey, good for him.” Instead, it’s jealousy about why/how did he get the hot girl and I can’t? I deserve one!
Codependency for various reasons
As an old lady, I have always known, throughout my life, more men who when they get a relationship, focus only on that to the detriment of their other male and female relationships.
Whereas all the women I know keep their outside relationships, unless they are in a bad situation.
Which means guys should strive to keep their outside relationships and girls should strive to enthusiastically support those relationships and make sure their dude has people other than her to confide in and discuss stuff that they may need to process from multiple perspectives.
Because most of those dudes want a sex doll for a partner, not an actual human being who has their own interests and ideas.
>I don’t see how having a girlfriend would magically solve any of that.
This is the fundamental difference. You know it doesn’t change anything. It’s not an instant Iyanla Fix My Life. You know this because you have a brain in your head that’s not rotted out by self-loathing and hatred.
They don’t.
It’s an important skill in life to recognize that just because you don’t feel a specific feeling it can still be real. Part of the loneliness issue is that we crave community and society has been geared towards productivity and efficiency which has increased isolation and not provided for our communal needs. But another part of the issue is that men and women generally want someone to share their lives with, which means they want a significant other. It could be due to a need for validation, sex, emotional intimacy, or just general connection, and is likely all of these things.
There are various reasons the loneliness epidemic is seen as a strictly male thing, but it’s not just males. It seems that right now men just have a harder time getting their needs met, you could likely write many books on all the reasons why.
You can see from these comments that most people think it’s a sense of entitlement, or men just want to blame women, or it’s only men with no friends who get lonely. All of these completely miss the mark. Men are humans, women are humans, humans have the need for intimate connection, emotionally and physically. Acting like having needs is some evil thing is a viewpoint that fundamentalist Christians and Reddit nerds seem to really champion.
The male loneliness epidemic is a real issue, but twisting it to blame women is an unfortunately popular incel talking point, because it’s always easier to blame someone else than overcome the inertia to change yourself and your surroundings
That’s the heart of the problem. Men need community, but they want a romantic partner. Focusing on our friends and family would alleviate most of the distress and loneliness, but these guys don’t respect community. They find a woman who likes them and oppress them for their company, envying their partner’s friends and family, and getting angry when their partner can’t fulfill all of their social needs. Men need friends before they need partners. There’s no good answer. Maybe it’s entitlement. Maybe it’s just misguidance.
Well certainly romantic relationships with women are considered a big deal. But having regular friends is important even though men don’t pursue it as much these days.
You may have answered your own question in your second paragraph, where you get the reasons why men don’t get more friends. And yes I agree it is hard to make friends, especially when you’re at the adult ages and not in college/school anymore.
I do say some of my happiest times was when I had friends, just friends. Someone always dropping in on certain days of the week for no particular reason, and I’d make us dinner. But I’ll add that caveat I was still single and very much looking.
I actually hate that it’s framed as the male loneliness epidemic and not the loneliness epidemic because all the stats around it point to both genders being more lonely than previous generations.
I feel like there are actually two problems going on here. One is a singleness epidemic, which is one kind of loneliness. The other is a lack of friends and connection. Now, like someone else said better than I, a lot of guys end up depending on their partner for ALL connection. But TBH I’m not sure that’s healthy.
Most of the happiest guys I know have some friends. They have broships. A poker group, people they hike or bike with, or a gaming group. Something like that. You don’t have to break yourself building a huge social life, but IMO not only guys need to as a whole learn to go have fun together more–everyone does.
“If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company”
Cause men are too emotionally constipated to consider other men as solutions to their loneliness
https://www.reddit.com/r/pukicho/s/1tmjJVlm9X
It’s not wholly. There’s plenty of dudes that know their loneliness stems from lack of any perceived connections or support, not just women.
It’s just very obvious when a dude attributes it to women.
The answer is that by some means, the society around you raised you better than the men you’re referring to.
Everyone may have a different but similar reason, for me personally, I have done a lot of thinking and self reflection about why I feel the way I do. I wouldn’t quite say loneliness is the right word, just lacking love. I was never close with my parents, and I’m an only child, so I get a bit jealous of people when I see them exchange I love you’s with theirs or siblings. It is sad, but I’ve learned to live with it. I do have many great close friends and I do love them, to an extent, but it’s never going to be the same kind of closeness as one would have with a loved one such as a parental figure/family member or ones partner.
And before someone assumes no I’m not “sexually frustrated” as some have mentioned that could be a potential issue for some men. I’m asexual, and I don’t think you even have to be if you’re going to be sad about the same things that I am.
I don’t see much of a point complaining about it though, getting it off my chest is nice every now and then, but I just keep trying my best to form connections with people even if it doesn’t always work out.
Make loneliness = wahhh wahhh women don’t have sex with me whenever I want and want to be treated like people
Try not to associate with incels too much, they’re contagious.
Because men feel entitled to women
Being single isn’t equal to being romantically invisible, and then you add in the social climate these days and you additionally have men that are lonely simply because they don’t like how men are portrayed as lovers. In a sense, it can be lonely in two ways. In one, the guy is just physically lonely on a romantic level because it’s not seen as safe to be casually romantic with men. And on the other hand, when you actually do find romance, the reasons people find you attractive as a man can be very alienating and isolating when people, instead of admiring you for being a social butterfly, often admire you for being self-assured and unflappable.
Two answers
Id be fine with female friends which are purely platonic but idk why i still feel bad for feeling this way. I’m just coined a desperate simp
I have an amazing partner but my loneliness is my weakening relationships with my friends as we age.
Just wondering have you dated before? Maybe then you might know what they might mean.
Actually it might also be that they are too reliant of someone and they get lonely. But they have to try and rely on themselves.
If you don’t have time for hobbies, how the hell do you have time for an entire human woman?
I heard one doctor discuss the male loneliness epidemic in terms of whether or not a man has someone that could take them to a colonoscopy appointment if they needed one. The aim and focus should be for men to have friends that are supportive enough that they would take the time to take them to an appointment if needed. It doesn’t necessarily have to entirely fall on the shoulders of a romantic partner.
Fundamental misunderstanding of the problem and inability to accept blame or take responsibility. Most men who are lonely are lonely because they don’t do anything and don’t have any friends. The solution is to start doing things and meet people. And IRL most people figure this out. It’s only weirdos online who insist on blaming others
The short answer is that many men place their self worth in how many and what caliber of vaginas they can get into. So if they are romantically lonely, their self worth is 0 and that’s a dark place to be.
It’s another way of putting the responsibility on women.
I’m wired lonely I think. I’ve had relationships that were great but they didn’t fundamentally cure my loneliness, just paved over it with the drug state of being in love. Loneliness comes from a lack of connection can should be solvable in any number of ways, romantic connection being just one way.
I think there is a male loneliness epidemic as opposed to a ‘being single’ epidemic, but I think the romantic element of that is only a small part of the problem, and not one where there’s any blame to be placed upon any specific group of people. It’s a societal issue, but the sentiment that it’s an issue of romantic involvement is misplaced, I agree. The reality is that the internet has created a bypass for the physical spaces where men would socialise, and the fact that we’ve allowed it to substitute for those places is a fundamental flaw in our psychological design. I don’t think people understand their own needs, and if they do, much like me, they still manage to trick themselves into avoiding the remedy for their dissatisfaction, through some form of anxiety or having acclimatized to everything being more easy and convenient online.
It doesn’t
Lots of people don’t even know what real loneliness means
Never heard of lack of female presence being a source of male lonliness.
They want to get a gf because they don’t understand that what they need is therapy. It also works on the women part, but unfortunately, patriarchy took away the “ask for help” resource from men. Women are normally more comfortable with therapy and self reflection.
*My personal view not based on anything but what I think and saw around
Mostly boils down to co-dependency. They need someone else to make them feel whole. They need validation from someone else to feel themselves. They need consistent pussy some even just do it for somewhere to live or something to do. Childhood traumas have some fucked up. Needs weren’t met by a primary care giver so now they seek that validation through relationships/partners. The fact that you don’t see relationships in this way is perfect cos chances are you will fall in love the right way with the right person at the right time for you.
Because these men don’t even like each other and don’t want to be friends with each other.
Despite all the shit they talk about women, they like us and trust us to provide a more comforting and supportive type of friendship than what they know they are willing to provide to each other.
It’s called a male loneliness epidemic because it’s multiple types of relationships they have trouble maintaining, not just romantic ones.
These types of dudes want women to be the solution to both the problem of not having friends and the problem of not being able to get laid.
They’re looking for a Buy 1 Get 1 Free deal, trying to get the biggest return for the least effort.
But relationships are a two way street requiring compromise, effort, and conscientiousness.
Until they are willing to contribute something other than tantrums and insults they’re gonna just keep pissin in the wind, complaining about the same old childish things without making any effort to fix them and wondering why they’re not getting somewhere
It can be attributed to both – being in a relationship and having friends, but like someone else said, lonely, frustrated guys tend to focus on dating. There’s tons of research out there that says having friends or community or support system, whatever you call it, is the strongest indicator of individual happiness. Women do it naturally, but it’s not as instinctive (is that the right concept? I’m not sure) for men, hence, male loneliness epidemic. That’s why even married men can be lonely in a happy marriage – You need a bro to hang out with.
It’s like theyre collectively trying to guilt trip women into f****** them
Freud would say these dudes just miss their moms.
Bros can def. get the job done
It’s easier then addressing that men have cultural problems that men created for themselves. It can be really hard for men to feel safe branching out and doing their own thing because at some point other men will make fun of them and ostracized them and mens response to that is more often conform then it is step out seeming on their own.
Example
I was working at a store that sold toys among other thinge and we are stocking hot wheels and I said “I don’t really get hot wheels as a kid I didn’t know what to do with them just drive them around?” Then one of three coworker there said to me “Then what did you play with?” and I said “Honestly alot of dolls” and before I could finish what I was even saying they all start laughing. I just ignore them from my perspective they were all being toxically masculine and I frankly didn’t care what they thought of me if that was how they were going to act. After a little of laughing and me not reacting at all one of the guy says “I used to play with dolls too!” and I’m standing there like well now things are getting interesting. Then the next guy “Ya me too”. The original guy who was laughing at me now laughing by himself stopped laughing and shifted to a little panicked “Come on guys dolls” but he had lost the group as we talked about them playing with dolls and they explained why they liked it as a kid.
This right here is the bad culture this conform or other him mentality. It can be really hard for men to be willing to be othered. I’m bisexual I learned a long time ago I was born and other and would have to just accept that but straight men do not have such a strong external motivator. For alot of men they might not be sure if there are men who would accept them if they acted a little more traditionally feminine and this can leave literally years of hiding or masking things about themselves and this can become that frustration that woman sometimes feel with some men they date struggling to open up and then those men do open up and maybe there dating a bad match like everyone does who isn’t supportive and there use that to confirm their bias that they must maintain a particular image.
Men also will often attach romance to being allowed to be themselves in a way they aren’t “Allowed” with men. IE they think they could tell their girlfriend their sad but not their friends. There is also concepts like some men might not know how to ask for a partners attention when there having a hard time but they know how to ask for sex from a partner and sex doesn’t make them be vulnerable. Men effected by this culture so heavily will react in different ways but in the end it’s a very lonely culture that leaves it more acceptable for men to be angery then sad, rough then gentle, cocky then nice and more acceptable to be over sexualized in their mentality then to admit their lonely.
having a long term partner who is who linked with you only to find that gone for whatever reason is shattering, if you can talk to somebody without speaking just by a look only to then have to explain everything and watch what you say is tedious to say the least.
A lot of men view women as the cure to their mental health issues because it’s generally easier to put the blame for your failings on someone else than accept personal responsibility.
It sounds like you had a good enough upbringing. I love that this is an actual question for you, and that you have the earnest confidence to ask it here. That makes you both fortunate, and a blessing.
I truly believe that the male loneliness epidemic goes back to early childhood neglect, but that’s a long and potentially controversial conversation.
The point, I guess, would be that these are men who were neglected in some way during early development, and ended up stuck in a stage of thinking that the “other,” who is female, is responsible for their care.
The neglect spans both genders, but because women experience the “other” as being an individual other and not of a different gender from themselves, they don’t attach as dramatically to the idea that “woman = support.”
People are rarely aware of their preverbal emotional issues. But the fact that a lot of these men feel like general failures in life points again to early neglect. They stumble because they weren’t taught how to soothe and regulate their own feelings at the appropriate age, which is why they have so many unmet needs to begin with.
This is not to blame mothers; it’s to say that general society ought to be making sure that early caregivers have the resources they need to focus on giving care. It’s to say that men, too, need to be more focused on learning about healthy child-development practices. Even people without kids should have basic knowledge of this stuff.
We shouldn’t be defunding schools, we should be making sure that child development is taught in them at an appropriate age.
They want a life partner. Someone to grow old with.
It felt alot like my ex was trying to pull me into his secluded lifestyle. It was hard going from a community to a man who didn’t have friends, hobbies and was generally bitter at life and women. I had to let go of my desire to be everything for him.
White picket fence religious bs. The promise if you listen and pray and do his bidding you’ll get the house and the girl
“I don’t have time for hobbies” but they have time for a girlfriend??
Because those types of dudes simply want a maid. Or a second mother. They don’t actually want companionship, they want someone who’ll cook and clean for them.
Misogyny, as per usual.
It is not considered masculine to seek other males for emotional support. The rationale is that men can only have deep emotional relationships with women or they’re “gay” and not a man.
I don’t agree with this, obviously, but I think a lot of this nonsense is the reason why
Maybe if more men took mental health seriously they would be able to pull themselves out of this whole instead of blaming women and they wanting help from them.
I was single from 19-23, mostly happily single and content with my life. I have wonderful friends and stay busy with work, going to shows and my hobbies. I think the loneliness goes further than having a romantic partner, humans are social creatures and (most) need positive interaction from more than just one or two people.
“Male loneliness” is an excuse for dudes being awkward.
1,) I haven’t heard this much, but I agree with you, I do think the relationship you have with family, is actually the most important, as it forms you in life, and then your romantic relationships, and then your friends.
2.) well the truth is, yeah, nothing can replace the romantic relationship you have with woman. Men and women made for each other, that’s why it always feels right when you’re in a relationship with a woman(Im talking about straight men and women rn, please don’t think I’m making fun of other sexualities or whatever)
Truth is if you’re trapped on and island and can only bring one person. The best persons would be a romantic partner not your Day1 best bro.
However it’s very important for men to have male friends though, you need those guys to tell you when you’re being a little bitch and someone to share thoughts with because sometimes it’s just better to tell your boys than your Partner. Men need that little community, and I think that’s why men like to have families and have that mental shift around 25-30 to have a family all of a sudden, we like community, we like having others around us.
So yes, go make friends who do the same shit you do, gym, play sports, gaming, read the same books, work in the same job but have similar interests, even if they’re older or younger.
However, the loneliness of not having a partner will definitely creep up on you as a man, because you want to feel loved, and you truthfully want someone who say they love you to be there and caress to head, let you lay in their lap, etc. Truth be told but Men do want that affection and if you’re a healthy guy you know how high the libido is from 18-25.
So sorry to make this long, but yeah, men want that love. As in romantically and just friendship wise.
Because they expect a woman to step in and do/be everything for them, especially emotionally
The reason is because they want it to be the fault of woman kind. You lonely? It’s their fault. You’re single? It’s their fault. You are 60 and have no kids? It’s their fault.
They don’t have to take accountability for their lifestyles if it’s someone else’s fault.
That and just pure sexism.
Loneliness has been compared to smoking 15 cigarettes a day due to its significant negative impact on health, including increased risks of heart disease, stroke, and early mortality. This comparison highlights the serious health risks associated with social isolation and loneliness.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/loneliness-has-same-risk-as-smoking-for-heart-disease
I feel like there is a society-wide presumption of straight men feeling entitled to relationships with women and, for some reason, they lay the blame on women instead of introspecting to explore why they aren’t finding romantic success.
A lot of US me have also been conditioned from birth to be straight by default without the same value being ascribed to platonic relationships. It’s a tragedy because all my closest friendships have been in my life for decades longer than my partner.
It’s because they want the “perfect woman” to come along and save them from everything. They want a perfect bodied (to each individuals personal and exacting tastes, distorted via porn and anime) woman who will also totally take care of everything for them, at minimum domestically. Bang maids, in essence, who will confirm entirely to the men in question’s wants and needs with the attention of a doting mother.
It’s fucking weird and an epidemic.
Because it is
However, I will say that the devaluation and disrepute of friendship is the cause of the male loneliness. While hte lack of female presence contributes to the male loneliness epidemic, a lot of the men complaining about loneliness are actually hiding about the “lack of female presence” excuse because they don’t want to say the truth out loud.
There is an entire industry built around profiting off lonely men by selling them fantasies of becoming “Alpha” which would supposedly fix all their issues. Ironically, the personas they are taught to adopt as a means to address the emptiness inside them only make them more repugnant as it’s built entirely around reinforcing outdated misogynistic stereotypes.
As someone who is part of male loneliness, ofc. i miss a presence of female, but tbh, most disturbing in my case is loneliness in general, no friends, and i mean it … i dont have anyone even “somethinglikeafriend”
I had accident few years ago, +corona went all in at that time, ended up glued to the wheelchair.. back at parents house… only social life is … internet for me.
Then comes depression, really dark toughts …. i think everything started during COV and all those “everyone stays at home..
(Sorry, i went maybe too far)
The incel culture was the loudest voice in “male loneliness” problem first and suited it for its goals.
That might be the thing. It’s not romantic partners they’re lacking it’s genuine connections and relationships of all kinds
It isn’t real 🥱
I watched this really interesting video by YouTuber Tronn about Homoerotic Bromances: An Answer To Male Loneliness. Basically, he talks about how bromances are ok for tv when played for comedy, but due to toxic masculinity, the idea of men being close to each other when not gay is bad. A lot of men are still raised in households with the whole ‘stiff upper lip, men!’ mentality, and they can only be vulnerable to women.
And even with these bromances on tv, rarely do they actually show the men talking about serious, deep issues. They’re not shown opening up to each other, supporting each other (though anything that isn’t dating-related), and certainly not crying to each other (again, unless it’s played for laughs). But they do sometimes show a little bit of that between men and women.
So men have this idea they can only have those more ‘soft, emotional’ things with women and not with their bros.
Male loneliness = men who treat women like shit. That’s all there is to it.
Because men are fragile and won’t take responsibility for being sufficient to survive an entire life on their own if necessary to live in dignity.