I had a baby 5.5 weeks ago and I feel like my husband wants nothing to do with me anymore. He doesn’t touch me, cuddle me or spend any time with me. He’s been off work the whole time for parental leave but he’s been working around the house doing a lot of physical labour so he’ll usually wake up at 11am then go outside until 10pm when I usually go to bed then spends the next few hours in the garage. His friends sometimes come over to hang out with him or help him out so he’s spent way more time with them than me.
The whole time he’s been off, we only watched 2 movies together and that was at the beginning and have barely spent any time together since. I did have a tough first 3 weeks but I’ve been a lot better since and have lost all the baby weight gain and I look like I did before so it’s not anything physical that’s repelling him away.
I’ve talked to him a few times but he just says he’s been busy working around the house and needs to get everything done before he goes back to work. He goes back in 2 weeks and he usually works 6-7 days so I’ll barely see him then too.
I don’t even ask him to help out with the baby anymore, I do everything myself during the day and night and maybe ask him to change a diaper or 2 or bottle feed a few times a week just so he could spend some time with the baby. He used to help me bathe her and hasn’t helped out the last couple of weeks. I feel like I’m a single mother because he’s literally never around to do anything.
I’m not sure what’s going on. He was supposed to stop smoking before the baby was born and I thought he did but I found out a few days ago that he never stopped and has been vaping behind my back the whole time. I broke down last night because the baby had a blowout and I asked him to help me run a bath around 9pm and he was super rude about it and told me he didn’t want to because he was too tired and his back hurt.
We haven’t been intimate since I was around 4 months pregnant because he felt weird with a baby inside me and I haven’t been cleared to have sex yet so I’m hoping that changes some things, I’m not sure.
I’m very upset and after his behaviour last night, I’m considering staying at my parents for a few days.
TLDR my husband has been acting so different after having a baby. He’ll barely touch me or spend any time with me.
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You need to have a blunt conversation. This is not ok. If he can’t step up, leave.
having a newborn baby is a super stressful situation for everyone. Its going to be hard, feelings will get hurt on both sides, neither of you will get any sleep until the kid is like 4 lol. Its no use keeping score of who is doing more work because that’s a fools game. Mommy will always do more when there is a newborn baby involved. Your default parent so you have to do everything. He has the luxury of saying “mommy will take care of it” and your mommy now. I’m not saying that’s right, that’s just the way it is. Kinda like how men get drafted to go to war…its just a fact of life that women and men have different roles in life and sometimes you get “drafted” and have to take the responsibility. probably a bad analogy but it was the first thing that came to mind.
Post partum depression can affect men too. Something isn’t right. The fact that he’s not even interested in the baby is a pretty big red flag.
I think staying with your parents is a really good idea, you need someone to take care of you while you are learning to be a mum. Once you’re well rested then you can talk to your husband.