My (F30) exhusband(m33) and I divorced over a year ago.
We tried separating in a decent way, but couldn’t work it out and it got rough. A lot of things went wrong during our marriage, including infidelity on his side.
My sister knows us both and I talked to her about these painful events. I know she also had a good bond with my ex, we used to travel together etc (she lives in another country).
During our marriage we had a photography business together, which my husband continued without me after separation.
Now, I know my sister and ex never were in conflict. But she knows how much he hurt me.
Right (a month or so) after I moved out he even posted artistic nudes of “the other women” on what used to be our bed. This broke me.
My sister is someone who is also self employed and believes in supporting other businesses etc, so I get that she would support him. But she even liked the nudes from the “other women” and I just can’t help but feel that she picked a side. She is aware of how these pictures affected me.
I feel petty for it bothering me, but it does. I kinda want to adress it, but don’t see how and feel like I can’t ask her not to without sounding controlling?
Would i be the asshole to ask her to stop liking his stuff?
Tldr: my sister wants to continue digitally support my ex by liking his social media, including nudes of the women he cheated with. Wibta if I asked her to stop?
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My (F30) exhusband(m33) and I divorced over a year ago.
We tried separating in a decent way, but couldn’t work it out and it got rough. A lot of things went wrong during our marriage, including infidelity on his side.
My sister knows us both and I talked to her about these painful events. I know she also had a good bond with my ex, we used to travel together etc (she lives in another country).
During our marriage we had a photography business together, which my husband continued without me after separation.
Now, I know my sister and ex never were in conflict. But she knows how much he hurt me.
Right (a month or so) after I moved out he even posted artistic nudes of “the other women” on what used to be our bed. This broke me.
My sister is someone who is also self employed and believes in supporting other businesses etc, so I get that she would support him. But she even liked the nudes from the “other women” and I just can’t help but feel that she picked a side. She is aware of how these pictures affected me.
I feel petty for it bothering me, but it does. I kinda want to adress it, but don’t see how and feel like I can’t ask her not to without sounding controlling?
Would i be the asshole to ask her to stop liking his stuff?
Tldr: my sister wants to continue digitally support my ex by liking his social media, including nudes of the women he cheated with. Wibta if I asked her to stop?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like i might be an asshole to try and control my sister or try to affect her communication with my ex. Maybe it’s non of my business i should just shut up
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
But you should not waste your time asking people not to do things that would obviously upset you, in reality you won’t stop them anyway. Observe their choices and distance yourself from them.
You can ask. Doesn’t mean she has to agree. But liking nudes of the other woman feels like crossing a line. If she cares about you, she should get why that stings
NTA.
YWBTA-it is totally okay for you to feel some type of way about it but asking her to stop liking photos on a social media platform would be controlling.
NTA my sister would NEVER do this. I wouldn’t even have to ask her, he’d be blocked by her the minute I decided to block him too.
NTA, your sister sucks. There is good reason to be upset and it’s worth discussing with her. Question, are you seeing this because you still follow your ex too? Maybe you both agree to stop following him. He sounds like an ass and you don’t need any of that in your life.
NTA. You can ask, but you can’t force her not to like his pictures. At the end of the day, it is her choice. But if I were you, I would be cautious around her. I can’t imagine liking my sister’s ex’s photos.
You can definitely ask, but you can’t force her to stop. If she says no then it’s up to you how you want to proceed with your relationship with her (and she can’t turn it back on you), but no you can’t make her do anything.
NTA. My brother’s ex girlfriend cheated on him multiple times. When they finally broke up, good riddance! I unfollowed her on all socials. I personally wouldn’t want to be reminded of the person that hurt my sibling.
NTA. I think your sister hates you.
NTA in my opinion, maybe your sister doesn’t realize she is hurting you and I would talk to her about it first
I would be more specific with her and tell her how freakin insensitive she was to like that particular picture. I mean where exactly do her loyalties lie when confronted with liking a photo of what he did with another woman, in your bed to her sister, it’s bad enough that she continually likes his work, knowing how he hurt you, but that picture was way over the line. Yes it would be controlling to ask her to end all contact and liking of his work but she will get the idea if you tell her how bad what she did with that picture was. if she continues I would just block her on social media so you dont have to see it, better yet, just block him. why isn’t he blocked to begin with?
Nah , I’d just tell her how you feel about how it makes you feel? I don’t think asking someone to not like something like that is an unreasonable request. I’m sure it was a quick scroll by and like?
I’m just wondering why you’re bothering to watch or follow that page? You can’t exactly control how anyone reacts to it, or what he posts.
NTA
Sounds like your sister was jealous of the relationship
NTA, she should put you first. Who cares about helping someone’s business when the person has hurt your sister like that? You should tell her how this makes you feel.
NTA
But have a real hard think about this. Your sister us well aware that this is picking sides and totally inappropriate. It might serve you better to block seeing what she likes (I don’t know how insta works) and avoid further conflict. Sounds like she’s completely disregarding your feelings and I don’t think bringing this to her attention will do anything to change her behaviour.
NTA. I got mutuals who still like my ex’s thrust traps after I got thrown through the blender relationship wise. They wonder why I don’t hang out with them anymore. 🤷
i have two sisters and i’d never be out here liking their ex’s photos, absolutely not. your sister is in the wrong. when my sister broke up with her boyfriend,her choice, no cheating involved, I still unfollowed him after a while, because honestly, what’s the point? i’m not going to keep any kind of connection with him. but if the boyfriend cheats, that makes it even worse. i really don’t get your sister’s logic…
NTA. I was friends with my brother’s ex girlfriend before they started dating. After they broke up, me and her still didn’t have any problems, but I stopped engaging with her after he hostility towards my brother and mom.
You have to tell your sister to stop or maybe you just won’t see her as a sister you can trust. Maybe even say you’ll go NC or low contact if she continues. She’s not being a sister if she’s supporting someone who hurt you. If you and him ended things on a good note, it wouldn’t be a problem. But it didn’t. So your sister needs to have family loyalty and unfollow him. She’s choosing a side by supporting him.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to ask. My sister would never spit in my face like that. You deserve loyalty from your sister, not for her to like the other woman’s nudes.
NTA the asking why she feels compelled to still like them. You can also ask why she still thinks of him as family considering you no longer do. I know it sounds impossible but if you’re able to do that with as little emotion as possible, to try and understand the facts, and then remind her of your own facts.
My point is to show her the reasons why she should stop liking his pics all on her own.
>I feel petty for it bothering me
Its not
>I can’t ask her not to without sounding controlling
Its not controlling to say – you liking his pics, especially of the other woman, really hurt me. You’re telling him that you don’t see what they did as bad enough to be cut off ( and its literally endorsing that woman’s picture).
Its one thing to support small business, but not of the person that broke your very sister’s heart. As others have said, she should already know this, so I think you’ll need to be prepared that she won’t understand. Which is insane.
NTA, but don’t straight up tell her to stop. Have a serious conversation and tell her how this makes you feel without making any demands. Let her know it hurts you deeply but it’s her choice to keep doing it or not (because you really can’t control that) but that her actions will show you how much she cares about your feelings. From there, act accordingly. If she keeps liking his posts after that, you know where she stands
I’m not super up to date on Instagram but don’t you have to actually go to a page to see if someone is following it? And don’t you have to manually pull up the photos to see who has liked them? Because if your ex has taken the photography business that y’all used to run together and he runs it on his own now and you’re still looking at its page without any reason (I’m assuming you’ve parted ways on every aspect of the business and you don’t run socials or anything), maybe it’s time to just block the page and put your focus on something else. As for your sister…I think you could mention it upsets you that she still likes his stuff, but I don’t think it’s your place to ask her to stop liking it or to stop following him. I know it hurts you a lot, but if she already knows the situation between the divorce and everything that went down to cause it and she’s still following his page actively, then she’s made that decision with full knowledge of how it might make you feel. So you could bring it up and tell her how it makes you feel, but it’s her choice how she wants to respond.
NTA
I was chomping down on my chicken wrap as I read this and when I got to the point where he posted nudes of the other woman, on your old bed, oy a MONTH after your marriage ended, I choked on my damn lunch.
I would have been supportive of your sis if she was just supporting the business and your ex didn’t cheat. But she’s APPROVING and CONDONING the act by liking those pucs. There’s zero excuse.
She’s not picked a side IMO, but she’s being incredibly callous, cruel and ignorant towards you and she’s being selfish. She prefers clout for her business over her relationship wth you. That’s what it comes down to.
Family can be friends with exs, but not when exs have been THAT disgusting.
Your ex and your sister suck
ETA: INB4 your sister is thirsting for your ex btw
How are you aware of what your ex posts on FB, or anywhere, unless you are following him? I have zero clue what my ex is doing, since I dont follow him, and even our children, who do follow him, don’t discuss him with me.
NTA. It’s clearly insensitive. Sister > supporting businesses.
Speak with her to know if it’s intentional or not. But, I would never like/speak with a guy who cheated on my sister. No way in hell.
NTA but I wouldn’t ask, because if she was close with him, is okay with supporting him even though he hurt you so badly and cheated with multiple women, and liked the photos of the women he cheated with knowing who they were, it sounds a little damning if you get my implications. She has to break off contact because she wants to and cares about your feelings, not because you asked her to do it. Honestly, that might just encourage her to hide it.
In this situation I think you should just distance yourself from her and people like her. Sorry.
YWBTA and will have a hard time explaining to your sister that you’re offended of her liking stuff she isn’t supposed to like and you only found out about because you stalked your ex husband and his partner.
NTA. your sister needs to evaluate her loyalties. she would’ve lost me ngl