Me (23F) and my fiance (25M) were talking about having children. I was saying some names that I like and he went on a rant on how God creates the child and so we should pray and get the name from God.
I had gotten mad because I believe that I should be able to name my child what I want since I would be carrying it. He said that I would just be the carrier while God would do all the work of creating the child.
He said that I was being prideful and that I need to check myself, but I believe that he doesn’t understand all the changes that my body would have to go through to carry and deliver the child.
I just want some opinions on what I should do.
Edit: I had originally been asking his opinions about names, and I only said I should have a say once he said what he said
Comments
Leave this man. That’s what you should do.
Let him find a “vessel.” You’re a person.
Sounds like to him, God will end up only speaking to the father of the child. Very convenient for him
Well if you have these kinds of fights about naming a child, you shouldn’t be having children together. You two are not on the same page, and it is much deeper than the naming of children. So you are NTA… you see the red flags flapping and you are rightfully thinking carefully about the situation. Good luck!
You are correct! When he can give birth, he can name them.
Would you like for your husband to respect you as a person? Then run away, far away from this man and whatever denomination/church he attends.
NTA
It depends a lot on your stance on religion what you do.
For me, who does not believe in god, that whole conversation would probably be the end of the relationship. Clearly having different views.
If you are a believer, then the conversation is more complicated. In the end though, you both need to be on the same page.
However to me, I would take that as a red flag that he doesn’t care about your opinion on something that drastically changes your body and life. He is already trying to manipulate you, and you don’t even have a child together. It could be much worse once you are “locked in” with a child.
So, your choices are to dump him, or stay with him and be prepared for what your life with him would be like. Something tells me though, it wouldn’t be great.
fiancé sounds toxic, but i think we need a little more background. Are you and your fiance aligned religiously, do you typically share the same beliefs outside of this disagreement? Has he acted this way towards you about other things before? Is this behavior from him surprising to you? What are his other views on raising a family? You guys are engaged so I would assume you guys have hopefully already discussed the big stuff- do a lot of your views align?
If this is just a glimpse of a bigger compatibility problem, I’d say NTA if you end it. That kind of behavior will wear you down VERY quickly. If you guys are usually on the same page about religion, children, and things like that I would say to have a more serious conversation with him about it before you end it, and be transparent.
Did you not know how religious he was before you got engaged?
The praying thing is weird to me, but…
It kinda sounds like you’re saying you should get to name the kids while he gets no input?
He sounds like an extremist about God and religion. You’ve never noticed this before? This is definitely a reason to break up.
about the names: every name you think of already comes from God in a way, since even the inspiration in your mind is part of creation.
At the end of the day, no husband should dominate his wife’s opinion (and vice versa) on something this important naming a child is a shared decision.
One practical solution couples sometimes use is a “veto system,” like what happened with Rachel and Ross in Friends: each parent suggests names, and both get the right to veto until they land on something they both love.
Not a big deal and you could’ve work this out
If he behaves/reacts/thinks like this when it just comes to the name, I can’t imagine what other critical decisions about your child he’ll be willing to leave up to “the will of God”….
For the love of God, do not marry this man and do NOT let him get you pregnant.
So you as a person don’t count because you are just an object?
OK.
Good luck having a family with this man.
Tell him that god gave you the name of the baby
🚩Run.
ESH
YTA for wanting the sole unilateral right to name your future child.
Him for using God as a hypothetical tiebreaker.
Naming a child should be a joyful collaborative process that celebrates two sides of a joined family and blend multiple traditions.
A father should have a say in the name of his children and will be invested in the process.
If push comes to shove the mom should have the final say.
What are both of y’all’s thoughts on “push presents”?
Yuck this guy sounds like a tosser, he sounds like the guy whose so far in religion he uses it against anything he doesn’t like
The biggest problem here is that he thinks god does all the work creating the child. Sorry but FUCK THAT.
That is the biggest red flag and i would break up over that comment alone. The name issue just adds to it.
NTA
Edit to add…please dont stay with this asshole and especially dont have his children. He sees you as a vessel. You are more than that. Ya sure hes sweet. They all start out that way. They will be the perfect man until they arent. They do that so in situations like this they can make sure you doubt their shit behavior because “hes usually so great” keeps you from leaving. Its EXACTLY what most abusive partners do. Whether its verbal, physical, mental or sexual abuse. This is exactly how they keep you around.
Dude’s delusional. Get away while you can.
NTA. This man is an insane monster. Run for your life.
Girl, unless you’re just as religious and fake-trad as he is turning out to be – are you really sure this is the one? You think he’s going to stop at names when he declares what a god wants?
NTA. Just the carrier?!?! Hell no, that is a MASSIVE red flag,
“…get the name from God” isn’t that still just him picking a name in the end? Like how does God actually give you the name of your baby? Do you pray and God sends you an email with acceptable names attached as a .pdf?
How does religion work?
Uhhhh well for starters that makes no sense. He’s just going to pick what he wants and say god told him. This seems more about submission. You’re not being prideful he’s trying to knock you down a peg. Red flags
“Honey, GOD spoke to me in a vision to name our non-existent child after one of his favorite angels: Lucifer.”
R. U. N.
And how is God going to deliver the name to you two? Through him? A post card? NTA.
How would God send the name to yall…?
NTA
Your fiancé is an idiot and a religious nut.
>I believe that I should be able to name my child what I want since I would be carrying it.
There’s your first problem. It’s not YOUR child, it’s BOTH of your child. He gets just as much a say in naming that child as you do.
However.. what he is saying is a bit out there. Instead he should be discussing names with you so you can both come to an agreement on a name. It doesn’t sound like he’s willing to do that, and is disrespecting you while adding nothing of value to help the situation.
I think you need to sit him down and tell him you want him to actually participate in coming up with a name that you can both agree on instead of avoiding the situation by using god as a scapegoat.
Are you in a cult? NTA. You’re the one growing the kid in your uterus. You should have a say in the child’s name.
so? tell him God speak to you and ask you to name your child x?
He thinks little of you
He views you as nothing more than a body to gestate children. You’re not even an equal in his eyes. Run!
Girl no. NTAH. I bet that divine inspiration would sound a lot like his own idea. Run as fast as you can. Red flags are raining from heaven just for you.
NTA. This guy’s a nutcase. Run.
Ummm he went on a rant? And spewed some crazy cultish sounding rhetoric about God?
Girl. Seriously? Don’t be the ah and stay. Get your independence and individuality back and run. Fast.
Nta. He already seems to be using his religion as a means to control. And doesn’t have any idea how much your body does to make a baby. He needs to retake science and stop thinking god is doing all the work.
Oh honey, this is not about baby names!!! You WBTAH if you stayed with this seriously delusional person. Run now.
NTA. Hard no on you getting no say in naming your kids. There are bigger problems here than naming the kids.
If he doesn’t appreciate what work you will do to bring his kids into the world, and would just be a ‘carrier’ (like you gave them a piggyback ride)- he is not going to respect your labor to raise them.
Just be glad he showed his face before you got pregnant or married. Personally, I would want this man as far away as possible.
YOU MAKE THE CHILD. Your body makes the child. God abandoned us long ago.
You two are dramatically incompatible, and need to end your relationship.
Wow, unless you want God to make most of your decisions. Or more to the point, unless you want God to tell your husband so he can tell you how to raise your children, keep your house, what to wear… Unless that’s what you want for yourself. Do not marry this person.
God is not a genie that snaps and poof its there. Science is a thing and you should get to name your chikd as you see fit. Honestly, if hes going to pull the crazy religious talk, i wouldnt be with him any more if you dont mix well with it. It will probably just get worse with every little thing. Theres nothing wrong with being religious, but some just take it too far.
You should name your children with emojis.
he sounds like a fundie and you should get the hell away from that guy
> He said that I would just be the carrier while God would do all the work of creating the child.
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
Ick
Nope
Run
This is rage bait for sure
He will see you as his property if you marry him. Any and all autonomy you have now will be ripped away from you if you marry this person. He doesn’t care about God, he cares about control. I guarantee you that he will tell you that God told him to name your son the names that he likes.
Well, you can be with someone who respects you and appreciates all the care and sacrifice that comes with growing a human, or you marry this jerk. However, you marry this guy, “God says so” will be how he “wins” every argument.
He wants god to name the child? What’s next? Home birth so god can deliver the child? Homeschool so god can teach the child?
Run. NTA, but this is a whole parade of red flags.
Men taking credit for the work of women. Throw it away, it’s defective.
NTA and this is very confusing. Like even if you both prayed about it how would you know the name was from God? Is God going to tell both of you or only one of you? How does he know that the names you had in mind didn’t already come from God?
God will pass his orders through your fiance for many things. And he must be obeyed. If you want to be an equal partner in a relationship, you may need a different fiance. Get this figured out before you have children with him
You’re not compatible, you’re SO, so young, please move on. 25-year-old dudes are idiots and I wonder if he’s going to stand by these “beliefs” in ten years or look back and cringe.
Since you are not married you can refuse to let the father sign the birth certificate and can legally name the baby whatever you want. If you are concerned over his religious view about God naming the baby you have bigger problems than just naming the baby. Your beliefs are not in line with each other and you should not be getting married or having a baby together because religion will continue to be an issue whenever he decides that God says things have to be a certain way like corporal punishment for your child “spare the rod spoil the child” or a woman should obey her husband and so on.
Get some professional counseling either together or separately and not with his preacher, priest, or whatever church leader he has to get an unbiased opinion about whether or not making a huge life decision to marry someone who wants to force you to name your child based only on his whack ass religious views is a sound one and something you can live with and raise your child to follow as well.
I’m confused, how exactly is God planning on expressing his choice of name? The last time I checked he only told one woman what to call her child… So are you having a little Jesus?
Somebody tell me this is AI
Ohhh I can see the controlling red flag from miles away. Using God in the Bible to control you. Run run, run run run as fast as you can and do not look back.
> He said that I would just be the carrier while God would do all the work of creating the child.
OP, this is so much bigger than baby names. He doesn’t view you as a person, only a vessel to carry his future child.
Do you want this man, who called you “just the carrier” to be by your side while you’re throwing up? While you have to undergo tests and procedures to make sure you and his child are healthy? To hold your hand when you tear open during delivery? What happens if you have complications? Do you trust a man who considers you to be no more than “a carrier” to make medical decisions for you while you’re unconscious and dying? What about your recovery; will he be the to help you since “God did all of the work”? If you develop postpartum psychosis will he try to pray it away rather than get you the medical care you’ll need?
Seriously, get out, please! This sounds incredibly unstable frankly! Healthy people may pray on something like having a child or guidance on a particular problem they may have but this sounds so controlling, manipulative, and fucking weird honestly.
Please know that you would NOT be an asshole for keeping yourself safe from that instability, insanity, and abuse that staying in a relationship with that person would mean for the entire time you are married.
ESH: baby names are a 2 yes thing. You dont get to pick just because youre pregnant and he doesnt get to demand only a biblical name is used- a baby would be both of yours.
You dont seem to communicate well at all. Before you get married is a good time to work out if you have similar views on things and if thats going to work for a lifetime together.
People like this who hide behind religion to be vindictive are total scum bags. Imagine how life would be after marriage. Distract him by tipping over a glass of holy water, then make your escape.
If God does all the work and there’s an issue- gestational diabetes, preterm labor, developmental delays- those will be YOUR fault. For not being pure/devout/prayerful enough. It sounds like you have a healthy respect for the effort involved in gestating a baby- it’s very telling that he does not.
And whose last name would the baby have? You should say that their last name should be your maiden name and when he protests you say that he’s being prideful.
Why the fuck are you planning on marrying this guy? He sounds like a dangerously unhinged lunatic.
YTA if you actuallly have kids with this guy
This is not about names, this is about who he is
Are you religious/do u believe heavily, if not ur not a match
“Traditional” gender roles and duties, sahm, etc. If that is not a thing, ur not a match
Just want to be equal in the relationship, again sounds like u may not be a match
Dont go in expecting u can change him
Either 1) leave this crazy, or 2) if for some reason you have to say, just play along and say God appeared to you in a dream/vision and told you to name your kids x, y, and/or z (the names you wanted anyway).
The name is just the tip of the iceberg.
He sounds like a fantic and an idiot and he clearly underminds a womans role in childbirth.
Run while you can! Don’t marry a christian fanatic!
He forgot that he isn’t married to you yet.
Just imnagine how that would ho down!
Run, girl. And tell him: “I am going to tank the lord on my knees as he made you show your ugly face before I was married to you.”
Your body creates that child. You should have more than just “a say”.
NTAH. RUN. Don’t walk.
Yikes, this is bigger than the name issue. This guy sounds like a brainwashed, domineering jerk… You don’t need a “good reason” to break up with someone, you can just leave!
I’ll say it…. He sounds like he came from a cult. Cut the cord
You in danger, girl…
This is just the start of many, many ways of controlling you that he hasn’t yet even thought of. Run like the wind.
NTA in any way.
Um… girl. Please use birth control while you work up the courage to leave this nut job. If God’s doing all the work WTF is it so tiring to be pregnant? It’s not the weight. People gain weight all the time and they’re not exhausted. Oh that’s right. It’s because literal fucking science told us, after much abuse and suffering of women I might add, that babies leech the calcium out of our bones and suck the protein out of our muscles like tiny internal vampires before being launched from our uterus like a soggy football. Holy shit is this guy for real? Is it 1643? Is the inquisition happening soon? Did the Black Death happen recently?
Girl. Listen to me when I tell you your bar is in hell please retrieve it immediately and never stand for a man saying something so fucking stupid to you ever again.
ETA ESH. Your boyfriend thing for… all that bullshit and YOU for thinking of reproducing with this asshole and forcing some poor innocent child to endure him as a father.
sounds like the mask slipped
I wouldn’t marry him either
This won’t stop at the naming of the children. This is a window into your future together, and how he would view and treat any children you give him. Go ahead and tell him you prayed on it and God told you to end the relationship.