I 27F have been friends with Ava 28F, since college. She got engaged last year to Max and took me to brunch with 5 other girls, to announce we were all bridesmaids for her wedding. Max wanted Ava to include his sister Mia, 25F, as a bridesmaid, which Ava agreed to. Ava has met Mia a couple of times and complained in the past that Mia is difficult.
We all went on a bachelorette holiday together, and Mia accused me of taking her earrings, as I was the last one to head out of the apartment after going to the bathroom at the other end of the Airbnb. I didn’t take the earrings, and Mia made digs at me the whole 3 day trip about her earrings, even when I tried to explain. I was super upset that Ava didn’t say anything to Mia, but told me that she believed me, and Ava’s other friends were on my side. Mia found the earrings when we came back and didn’t even reach out to apologise to me. After the trip, I sent Ava a message saying I was super upset she didn’t stand up for me or say anything after Mia had found her earrings.
Ava didn’t reply, and a few days later, I told her that I was going to drop out of the bridal party. She replied instantly to say that my dropping out would make the groomsmen an odd number and that it’s too close to the wedding to make a drastic change.
She is having a destination wedding and has covered flights and a hotel for the wedding for me and my boyfriend bought his ticket and my boyfriend said that we could make it a holiday for us instead, since we’ve already taken the time off work and can’t change it.
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I 27F have been friends with Ava 28F, since college. She got engaged last year to Max and took me to brunch with 5 other girls, to announce we were all bridesmaids for her wedding. Max wanted Ava to include his sister Mia, 25F, as a bridesmaid, which Ava agreed to. Ava has met Mia a couple of times and complained in the past that Mia is difficult.
We all went on a bachelorette holiday together, and Mia accused me of taking her earrings, as I was the last one to head out of the apartment after going to the bathroom at the other end of the Airbnb. I didn’t take the earrings, and Mia made digs at me the whole 3 day trip about her earrings, even when I tried to explain. I was super upset that Ava didn’t say anything to Mia, but told me that she believed me, and Ava’s other friends were on my side. Mia found the earrings when we came back and didn’t even reach out to apologise to me. After the trip, I sent Ava a message saying I was super upset she didn’t stand up for me or say anything after Mia had found her earrings.
Ava didn’t reply, and a few days later, I told her that I was going to drop out of the bridal party. She replied instantly to say that my dropping out would make the groomsmen an odd number and that it’s too close to the wedding to make a drastic change.
She is having a destination wedding and has covered flights and a hotel for the wedding for me and my boyfriend bought his ticket and my boyfriend said that we could make it a holiday for us instead.
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> I fell out with a friend and dropped out of her bridal party. Since I took the time of work and my boyfriend paid for a flight to go, I was thinking of going to the wedding as a holiday, however my friend bought my ticket and flight to it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Ywbta if you don’t reimburse her for the flights and hotel. Otherwise NTA no one likes to be called a thief
YWBTA if you used the hotel or flight she paid for with the expectation that you would stand up for her at her wedding. Did Ava at least apologize for Mia’s antics? I could understand why she would not want to start drama with her soon-to-be SIL, and if she apologized to you for Mia’s behavior, I would forgive her and be present at the wedding. If she did NOT apologize, my answer might change.
Info: are you planning on paying her back for the cost of the flight and hotel if you drop out of the wedding?
YTA. You are an adult. Another adult accused you of theft. Why is a 3rd adult supposed to do anything? Letting you know they believed you is all thats supposed to happen. Everyone isn’t supposed to gang up on Mia just cause they know you better than her.
What you are asking for is the group to bully Mia for being wrong.
You can believe/know Mia was wrong and was an asshole to accuse and an asshole for not apologizing, what that has to do with anyone else is beyond me.
YTA. Yes it would have been nice if Ava had stood up for you. But she’s in a complicated position, and she may have believed that standing up for you publicly could damage her relationship with her fiance. And telling you that she believed you was at least some of what you would have wanted her to do.
If it was Mia’s wedding, yes, drop out. But Ava has been at least moderately supportive in a difficult-for-her situation. And she’s a good enough friend that you’re in the bridal party. IMO you should stay in the bridal party, avoid Mia as much as possible, and have a great time.
As opposed to burning your friend because someone else was rude to you, taking advantage of money she spent on you to have a holiday with your bf, and destroying your friendship.
Wait, you still want to use the flights and hotel she paid for?? That’s where you lost me. YTA. (Mia is also, but that’s neither here nor there). I would also say that what Ava did is not awful enough to really warrant you dropping out, though she should have stood up for you more. Considering that Mia is her future SIL, and she seems like a nightmare, I get why she was hesitant to make herself Mia’s enemy. Istead of going off on Ava, you could commiserate together how awful Mia is.
YWBTA. You want to punish your friend over a misunderstanding with the groom’s sister, and she’s paying for you to be there? You sound like a lousy friend.
If you don’t want to go to the wedding then you don’t have to. Totally your choice. You can go on holiday anywhere in the world you would like. However, using the ticket and room which was paid for for a bridesmaid would be rude if you’re not a bridesmaid and no longer part of the wedding.
Have to say YWBTA as the ticket and room were not a gift to you. They were intended for a bridesmaid to attend the wedding, not for a “friend” to take a holiday.
YTA, you have a friend you’ve been friends with since college and your going to drop out of her bridal party after all of your expenses are paid for because she has a bi** SIL? Huh, if you can throw friendships away that easily I say go for it. Hopefully none of the other bridesmaids are your friends because if I was them I’d drop you in a heartbeat.
Like I get being mad that she wasn’t “defending” you enough but throwing away a entire friendship and purposely ruining their wedding for that is wild.
YWBTA. Big time. Forget Mia and be a friend. What happened was frustrating, but not worth this, and definitely not taking a vacation on your friend’s dime.
YWBTA
Assuming your friend won’t cancel your reservations and you counting on being able to still using the bookings to fund a free vacation. She may have falsely accused you of stealing earrings, but you plan on actually stealing from her this time. You’re just as bad of a friend as the rest of them.
This is very simple, as nobody likes to be blamed… You would NOT be the AH if you pay your friend back for the flights and room. You absolutely can NOT use the hotel and tickets she paid for if you’re not attending! But if you pay her back and let her know, I think it’s a DUMB AS HELL reason to drop out of a wedding, but you wouldn’t be the AH.
But for real real- you’re 27 and mad at your friend (mad enough to drop out of her wedding last minute and pretty much guaranteeing your friendship is over) because she didn’t stick up for you to your liking? Do you not have a mouth? Do you make it a habit of forcing your friends to fight your battles for you and then defriending them if they don’t? Honestly, grow up, But you’re still not the AH.
YWBTA. Also, given that you would be booked with all of the other wedding party & guests – do you not think that would literally be the most awkward and uncomfortable vacation ever?! Are you planning to duck and hide? Yes the bride should have spoken up for you but she also doesn’t want a blow up with her SIL either. It was messy & she was wrong. But you would be way worse a person than the bride if you used the trip and skipped the wedding.
YTA. She already paid for your trip, so taking advantage of her money while not attending the wedding is basically theft. And here you are complaining about being accused of theft. Oh, the irony.
YTA. You’re literally planning on stealing from your “friend”. She bought your flights and hotel so you could attend her wedding, not fuck around with your boyfriend.
Esh, it appears you became resentful towards your soon-to-be married friend because there was no discussion of the way you were treated by the groom sister at the time you were being disrespected by her. Should your friend have defended you, absolutely but the time to have had that conversation was when it was occurring, not after. Even so? Your friend (or the groom) should still be reaching out to her future sister-in-law and telling her she was wrong and that she needs to apologize. I don’t think you’re wrong for dropping out from the wedding, I too do not want to be in places where people are not nice to me and old enough now to know I don’t need to apologize for that. However, go on that vacation on your own dime. Do not use the ticket the bride bought if this can’t get resolved before the wedding.
NTA, and honestly good for you.
YWBTA to take advantage of her by using the flight and hotel she paid for, UNLESS you reimburse her in full. No ifs, ands, or buts.
Honestly, if you can stomach it all for a day, stand up for her and then decide if you want to pull back or cut ties.
You do that, be aware she can cancel your ticket and your room and then what ?
YTA. please be so for real right now. You got your feelings hurt by someone who isn’t even your friend, and she didnt “stand up” for you because she is trying to not create drama during her wedding AND with her fiancé’s family. Who cares if her new sister in law is rude, you are an adult and you can stand up for yourself.
But honestly, the real issue here is that you and your BF think its ok for you to just essentially take your friends money to partially fund your own vacation and skip her whole wedding because you are mad at her over someone else’s actions? That is INSANE.
Put yourself in her shoes. You are threatening to throw a wrench into her entire wedding plan because she didn’t derail her own bachelorette party to defend your honor from someone she has already told you she wasn’t a fan of and was difficult. its just self centered tbh
You were not an AH for wanting to drop out of the wedding. But where you earned the judgement of YTA. Is that the bride paid for your flight and room and you still want to use them. (They were conditional on you being a bridesmaid)
Good luck with that. Im sure she either found a friend or relative to take the room and ticket if she couldn’t get a refund.
If you said bf already had a flight and I paid for one and we booked a room at the same destination and asking if you were an AH for dropping out and still going on a trip YOU paid for to the same location. Itd be different.
You escalated this so quickly. Your friend believed you. That’s all that matters. You know you can probably call and reschedule or try to get your money back? Why are you going to the wedding location and not go to the wedding? You honestly sound like a lot.
YTA. Your friend has a moron for a SIL. She didn’t defend you like you wanted, but honestly, it probably wasn’t worth all the drama. Your friend believed you, that is the most important part.
You’re willing to throw away your friendship over this? Yikes.
Also, you’re basically stealing from her if you treat this trip as a vacation since SHE paid for it. And what makes you so sure she wouldn’t cancel your booking?
Are you really saying that you’re still going to be using the flights and hotel your friend paid for even though you dropped out of the wedding???? YTA doesn’t begin to cover it.
This whole situation is nonsense. You had a fight with a third party then took it out on the bride because …. She didn’t say anything in a situation in which she had no part? Your problem should solely be with Mia, not with Ava. It’s your prerogative to drop out but this is a really fucked up reason to do so.
YWBTA for stealing a plane ticket and hotel room from your friend.
If that’s not what you are proposing then rethink what you are doing.
..Did she actually “announce” you were all bridesmaids or did she ask you to be bridesmaids? That “honor” can cost a lot of time and money and cannot be assigned, only requested.
In that same vein, no, you are not TA for dropping out when your friend made it very clear that she cares more about her even bridemaid-groomsmen count (sigh) than your understandable hurt feelings.
The only reason you flirt with AH-ery is that she spent a bunch of money on your travel. You should pay that back.
But your friend has made her priorities known. Why should you stand for someone who doesn’t care enough about you to answer a text?
NTA as long as you do the right thing with regards to the financial aspect.
TWBTA. Your friend was an ass for allowing her SIL to do what she did without checking her and also holding her accountable after her earrings were found. And you have every right to not participate in the wedding. However you don’t have the right to use the flight and room she paid for after dropping out last minute. Have your boyfriend get a flight credit and go somewhere else.
YTA. You said Ava finds Mia difficult, and the only reason she was included was pressure from Ava’s fiance. Ava and her friends all believed you. No one wanted Mia there, she is the outsider. It’s all of you against her. You don’t have to like her, and she’s not any kind of threat to your friendship, you just have to do your best to tolerate her for the duration of the wedding and keep things running smoothly for Ava’s sake. That’s what everyone else is trying to do as well.
Ava is spending a lot of money to ensure that you can come to the wedding. Using the flights and accommodations she paid for while refusing to show up for her and leaving her in the lurch to find a new bridesmaid on short notice (who will also need flights, accommodations, etc) is a VERY AH move. Probably friendship-ending. Instead of all of you getting together after the fact to laugh about how insufferable Mia was, THEY will all be gossiping until the end of time about how unreasonable and petty YOU were. So it’s up to you whether refusing to take one day of your life to attend a wedding is worth torpedoing your friendships forever.
YWBTA she paid for it on the condition you were her bridesmaid. If you’re refusing to be her bridesmaid, then you don’t get to take the trip.
YTA. An adult would have asked Mia for an apology face to face once Mia had found the earrings.
An adult doesn’t need others to fight their own battles.
An adult doesn’t drop out of commitments to their friends because they got their feelings hurt by a third party.