I (43F) have a daughter (9) who isn’t in school right now. This is because the local school board screwed up and they do not have a space for her in the special needs classes. I submitted all the forms last June and the lady from the school board that I gave them to, left them in the trunk of her car all summer. I called once a week all summer to get answers, and now shes on a “wait list” while they fix it. This again was not my fault or my child’s fault and I am still calling the school board twice a week to speed this along.
My daughter has been staying a lot with her grandfather while we wait, and they are both loving this extra time together. There is however this one old guy (early 80s?) who is at the local coffee shop every day when my father and daughter go for coffee. He gets on my father every damn day about my kid not being in school. My father has told him we are working on it but has not gone I to details other than to say the school board is involved. We both agree its none of thos guys business. But its every damn day. It’s to the point where my father is now avoiding the coffee shop as this man has started in my kid to “get her damn ass home and go the hell to school” My blood boiled when I heard he said that to her today.
WIBTA if tomorow I went to the coffee shop with them and handed him a list of the names and numbers of the people I deal with at thw school board and tell him to have at it. If he thinks he can do a better job to go ahead and try. On the list would also be my doctors number. He can also call her and tell her not to give me drugs for breast cancer that make me too damn sick some days to function which is why shes with my father and not home with me every day. I’d follow it with asking him for 20 bucks because unless he is supplying one of the three Fs in my life he doesnt get an opinion that he can voice like that to my 9 year old so either finance me or feed me cause I for damn sure dont wanna F him.
Im so angry.
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I (43F) have a daughter (9) who isn’t in school right now. This is because the local school board screwed up and they do not have a space for her in the special needs classes. I submitted all the forms last June and the lady from the school board that I gave them to, left them in the trunk of her car all summer. I called once a week all summer to get answers, and now shes on a “wait list” while they fix it. This again was not my fault or my child’s fault and I am still calling the school board twice a week to speed this along.
My daughter has been staying a lot with her grandfather while we wait, and they are both loving this extra time together. There is however this one old guy (early 80s?) who is at the local coffee shop every day when my father and daughter go for coffee. He gets on my father every damn day about my kid not being in school. My father has told him we are working on it but has not gone I to details other than to say the school board is involved. We both agree its none of thos guys business. But its every damn day. It’s to the point where my father is now avoiding the coffee shop as this man has started in my kid to “get her damn ass home and go the hell to school” My blood boiled when I heard he said that to her today.
WIBTA if tomorow I went to the coffee shop with them and handed him a list of the names and numbers of the people I deal with at thw school board and tell him to have at it. If he thinks he can do a better job to go ahead and try. On the list would also be my doctors number. He can also call her and tell her not to give me drugs for breast cancer that make me too damn sick some days to function which is why shes with my father and not home with me every day. I’d follow it with asking him for 20 bucks because unless he is supplying one of the three Fs in my life he doesnt get an opinion that he can voice like that to my 9 year old so either finance me or feed me cause I for damn sure dont wanna F him.
Im so angry.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I would be the asshole cause he’s an old guy but I dont think he should have said anything to my kid and its really none of his business.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I definitely don’t think you’re an AH in this situation. As you said, it’s none of this guys business! But to take it further and speak to your father and daughter that way? I wouldn’t be having it.
You wouldn’t be an asshole but save your energy. Your father needs to look that man in the eyes, tell him to mind his own gd business, and turn his back. Giving those people your time and energy will never be a satisfying result because they aren’t reasonable people who can be made to understand. They’re just toxins leaching into the air around them and are best avoided.
Save youre energy. And maybe just find a new coffee shop or different time.
Old people be bored.
NTA for doing what you need to shut this guy down, tho you might need to think about the example you’re showing your daughter – I only say that about the dr/cancer info, may not want to over share private info. But also, you should show her to stop explaining, there’s no need to tell him you’re trying or what’s happening. Id give your dad and daughter a card with the superintendents phone number and just tell them to just say “ok report her for truancy if you want” and give her the number. Kids may not be in school for a number of reasons and there’s no need to explain it to strangers. OR You’d be better off laughing at old men like this – it upsets them more than anything you can say (they don’t care how mad they make you or how wrong they are but being a joke diminishes them and that makes them furious).
Do what you want, basically – he’s choosing to stick his nose in your family’s business for no reason (if he genuinely wanted to help your daughter he WOULD report truancy), so you get to do whatever you want to drive him back beyond your boundary.
NTA. Calling this old guy out on his bullshit would probably be a great stress reliever. But it would probably be a good idea to not do it in front of your daughter.
YWNBTA but with everything going on in your life, I would not recommend letting this ignorant old man take any of your time, attention or energy. Let your father find another coffee shop or make it a challenge to visit all the ones y’all can find within the city. Keep standing up for your daughter and unless the man gets involved in reporting it somehow, leave him be.
NTA, but do NOT give this old bastard the time of day.
I’d either give him a terse “Why is this any of your fucking business, you old fart?” or give him a sickly sweet “Awwwwwww, did they forget to give your constipation medicine again at the nursing home?”
But give him NO information in any capacity. Can only hurt you.
INFO: Why is the person who mishandled your paperwork not on disciplinary actions?
Hugs and prayers that everything works out for you! And if you feel the need to go mama bear on that old geezer then you go mama bear on him. NTA
Speak to the coffee shop owner about banning this old man.
You guys should practice telling people, “We do not answer to you, it’s none of your business and you are making assumptions as if all children go to the same types of school.” I personally would not give him anything but a good scolding for being a busybody.
No one, not even the people reading your post needs to know your personal life. It’s between you, God, your family and education or educators of choice, no one else.
For all he knows, your kid is being homeschooled. Learn to tell people it’s none of their business.
NTA, but if you are in the US, your school district is in serious violation of the law and you need a lawyer yesterday.
Several posters have good suggestions. I would like to add talking to the management of the coffee shop and telling them this man has created a hostile environment in browbeating their customers and asking how long are they going to let that go on.
NTA. I would say keep your health issues out of it, if only because you don’t want to teach your daughter that she should let herself be pushed and pressured into sharing medical information during difficult situations. Tell him to stop harassing your family or you will get law enforcement involved.
I’m normally against calling out in public, but you get what you give.
However, don’t give any actual details like doctors or the like. Just hand him the main number for the school board and say “ask them why there are special needs children not being given school places”. And don’t do the money thing. It’ll make you look foolish.
And not with your daughter there. She’s at a very impressionable age and you don’t want her starting to get blunt/rude with people because she saw you do it.
Just tell him to f#*k off and mind his own business! It doesn’t change his life one bit if your daughter is going to school or not!
NTA, that coffee shop busybody yelling at your 9-year-old is vile.
NTA. Now should you go tell him off: probably not. Would I go tell him off: definitely. The only reason I am against you going and telling him off is if he has already upset you this much and he is the type of asshole that I suspect he is you’ll just end up more frustrated.
This is illegal. You need to get compensatory time. What a huge violation of federal law.
Is this in the US? PL94-142. There is no wait. There is do.
Does your daughter have an IEP? What state are you in ? You can file with the state board of education and the bureau of special education appeals . Also notify the school superintendent . In the meantime look for other appropriate school settings . Does she get services like speech and occupationa therapy ? While you are being proactive it’s not with the right people . Also consider hiring or conferring with a special education advocate ! At this point I don’t know that you could even trust their services . If she wasn’t going she’d be truant but they don’t have a place for her ?
Info: are you allowing your 9 year old daughter to drink coffee?
NTA
Is this in the US?…IF so,
Have you reported the school to the state and federal depts of education?
Have you cited any of the myriad laws that protect children in your daughter’s position? (IDEA, ADA, Section 504…)?
Have you consulted an education attorney?
I understand you are ill, but find an attorney who practices in this area. They can get these assholes kicked into action. Maybe she/he will also find some fines they are going to owe for violating state/federal laws. Maybe a lawsuit.
Don’t be patient. This is inexcusable.
I’m a 76 year old woman. People don’t become nosy and rude as they age. We’re the same person we were as young people, only older. Neither you nor your father need to be polite or nice to this person. Have at him! I wish you and your family the best. Get well soon.