I (24M) am currently in a big argument with my girlfriend (24F) about a trip I want to take with my group of guy friends.
The argument began recently when my girlfriend, two of my friends, and I were hanging out. One of my friends brought up the idea of finally planning a boys’ trip, something we’ve talked about since high school. Now that we’re finishing uni, starting jobs, and earning decent money, it finally feels realistic.
To clarify, this isn’t meant to be some wild party trip where we’re drunk the whole time, hitting up strip clubs or doing anything reckless. It’s a simple vacation with some sightseeing, fun activities, and maybe a few drinks and good food here and there.
Naturally, I was excited and said so. But my girlfriend immediately expressed that she didn’t like the idea: she said she doesn’t see why we need to spend that much time together as friends and that trips like this aren’t part of her culture. That hurt, because I feel like no trip is ever a “need,” and that people travel because it’s fun and meaningful. And if she wanted to do something important to her that didn’t involve me, I’d support it without hesitation.
We weren’t even talking about planning it anytime soon, just possibly next summer, over a year from now. I’ve made it clear I’m open to arrangements that would help her feel more comfortable: regular check-ins, location sharing, limits on alcohol, many of which I already do. But she’s not open to any of it. She suggested a two-day version of the trip, but that changes the whole vibe. It wouldn’t feel like a real vacation, just an extended version of our usual hangouts. I’d also feel guilty asking everyone else to cut it short. That doesn’t feel like a true compromise.
She’s now said there are only two outcomes: either I don’t go at all, or I do go and she’ll start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.
For context, we’ve both made mistakes in the past that hurt trust (no cheating or anything even close to that! Just regular fuck-ups that happen in a relationship). We’ve talked them through, forgiven each other, and agree the damage has been 50/50. But it’s clear that some of those issues still affect her feelings about the trip. For example, some comments/mannerisms from my friends crossed her boundaries in the past, and I didn’t step in soon enough. I’m sharing all this to make clear that I understand where her discomfort is coming from and that this isn’t just her being difficult. However, I’m feeling rather boxed in by the idea that the only solution where I’m not the ‘bad guy’, is not going.
WIBTA for going on a boys’ trip?
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I (24M) am currently in a big argument with my girlfriend (24F) about a trip I want to take with my group of guy friends.
The argument began recently when my girlfriend, two of my friends, and I were hanging out. One of my friends brought up the idea of finally planning a boys’ trip, something we’ve talked about since high school. Now that we’re finishing uni, starting jobs, and earning decent money, it finally feels realistic.
To clarify, this isn’t meant to be some wild party trip where we’re drunk the whole time, hitting up strip clubs or doing anything reckless. It’s a simple vacation with some sightseeing, fun activities, and maybe a few drinks and good food here and there.
Naturally, I was excited and said so. But my girlfriend immediately expressed that she didn’t like the idea: she said she doesn’t see why we need to spend that much time together as friends and that trips like this aren’t part of her culture. That hurt, because I feel like no trip is ever a “need,” and that people travel because it’s fun and meaningful. And if she wanted to do something important to her that didn’t involve me, I’d support it without hesitation.
We weren’t even talking about planning it anytime soon, just possibly next summer, over a year from now. I’ve made it clear I’m open to arrangements that would help her feel more comfortable: regular check-ins, location sharing, limits on alcohol, many of which I already do. But she’s not open to any of it. She suggested a two-day version of the trip, but that changes the whole vibe. It wouldn’t feel like a real vacation, just an extended version of our usual hangouts. I’d also feel guilty asking everyone else to cut it short. That doesn’t feel like a true compromise.
She’s now said there are only two outcomes: either I don’t go at all, or I do go and she’ll start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.
For context, we’ve both made mistakes in the past that hurt trust (no cheating or anything even close to that! Just regular fuck-ups that happen in a relationship). We’ve talked them through, forgiven each other, and agree the damage has been 50/50. But it’s clear that some of those issues still affect her feelings about the trip. For example, some comments/mannerisms from my friends crossed her boundaries in the past, and I didn’t step in soon enough. I’m sharing all this to make clear that I understand where her discomfort is coming from and that this isn’t just her being difficult. However, I’m feeling rather boxed in by the idea that the only solution where I’m not the ‘bad guy’, is not going.
WIBTA for going on a boys’ trip?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) The action I plan to take is potentially going on a vacation with my guy friends that I’ve known for a very long time (we’re friends since high school and are now all ending uni and starting jobs etc.). I am excited about the notion of such a trip because we’ve talked about it often in the past, but right now it feels like the first time it actually would be realistic.
(2) That action might make me the asshole because I really would like to go but my girlfriend doesn’t like the idea at all: she says she doesn’t understand the need to go on such a trip where you spend that much time with friends and that it’s not something that really happens in her culture (which is different from my background). I am of course open to making the necessary arrangements to hopefully help her feel more comfortable.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are not a asshole for wanting to spend time with your friends. I suggest talking about it because it seems like there is more to it?
NTA.
The devil is in the detail. Sounds like you two have had your ups and downs. But end of the day you should be able to go on a trip with your friends without her “mandating” half the crap you mentioned, let alone actively saying she’s going to “start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.” if you do decide to go.
Time to put your foot down and just go. If she carries on acting like she is, then i’d question whether she’s the right person to be in a relationship with at all.
Good luck brother!
YWNBTA. I would not be with someone who treated me this way.
NTA. People do this all the time! No big deal. She is being very bossy and controlling. Take away any explanations from the past and look at it with fresh eyes.
Her behavior about you going and her plan of “starting fights” and “not talking to you” is very dysfunctional.
Read The Gift of Fear.
I frankly would not want to be with someone like this. I’d be offended.
NTA, and I suggest you do some serious thinking about this relationship and set some boundaries — unless you want to be in a relationship controlled by someone else with no ability to make your own decisions.
NTA. Please go on the trip, enjoy the silence from her, and use the time to reconsider a relationship with someone who uses manipulation to isolate you from your longtime friends.
Hard NTA. It’s healthy for you both to have individual social lives. This sounds like narcissistic, controlling manipulation on her part. Your love should be happy for you when you participate in any activity that enriches your life.
NTA
Just because trips like this aren’t apart of her culture means that she needs to ruin it for you. The ultimatums shows you that either way, she won’t be happy even if you do compromise with her.
> either I don’t go at all, or I do go and she’ll start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.
YWNBTA
NTA
Get a new girlfriend, though.
NTA, she’s your friend right? So ask her why you have to spend so much time with her. And if she’s ever gone on a trip with her gf’s, she has no room to speak.
NTA.
You guys have fundamentally different outlooks on life though, and I would think very hard about a long term life with her.
NTA. It’s perfectly healthy for relationships that you have a social life outside of your partner. The fact that she doesn’t want you to have anyone outside of her is very concerning.
NTA, it’s not normal to be jealous of your partner hanging out with their friends
She’s trying to control you and using her culture as an excuse. You are a grownup and are not asking her, you’re telling her. It’s not her choice. If she doesn’t like it, too bad. 🤷🏻♀️
Lose the girlfriend and keep the guy friends. She sounds extremely manipulative. Travel while you are young enough to enjoy it. Those are the memories that will stay with you for a lifetime.
NTA. You have proposed reasonable accommodations to her jealousies and insecurities, and she has responded with threats to purposefully make you miserable, so emotional blackmail is her plan to deal with her own issues. I wonder if your relationship will last another year.
NTA, not a single thing stated in this post suggests a reason for her to deny you this trip. If this was a free for all Vegas trip with no rules or limitations maybe she would have a valid claim, however you even offered concessions and she is giving you an ultimatum instead of finding a middle ground with a year in advance to negotiate. With little knowledge of your relationship, the red flags are high and vibrant and massive on those masts brother, don’t ignore them.
NTA, I’m in my 40s married with a kid, once a year I take a trip my close friends for long weekend. We rent the same cabin, hang out, go out for hike, play yard games, and catch up. I look forward to it every year and my wife has no issues with it. It’s weird that she has such a big issue with it and it’s really unhealthy that she doesn’t want you to take some time with your friends.
I love the idea of “pre-planned fights” lol.
Also, what are “regular relationship fuckups” exactly?
NTA and GIANT RED FLAG!!!!
Next she won’t see the need for you to have friends at all.
What a misery badger.
NTA – what you both are is too darned young to be having all this angst over this kind of decision. For one thing, if you can’t go out of her grip for that trip, then she’s immature and is controlling you inappropriately. If there are trust issues on her part specifically, then shame on her young self for staying with you. If you have trust issues with her and she’s telling you where and when you can do something, why are you with her?
You are both not ready for a commitmented relationship. At 79,ask me how I know this.
NTA. If you were ducking out on responsibilities or something that would be different but under these circumstances there’s zero reason you shouldn’t go.
NTA, If she can’t trust you then it’s isn’t a relationship worth saving. She will be this way for the foreseeable future and that is no way to live.
NTA, she’s awful, get rid.
NTA. Red flag. Sounds controlling
NTA….You are 24. Go on the trip and ditch the girlfriend now.
No worries about before or after or during then.
It is her being difficult and this level of discomfort and controlling is beyond normal.
NTA
That’s crazy, controlling and manipulative on her part. She is going to be so resentful for a long time if you go. Which is bananas! From personal experience that just gets worse with time.
My two cents, don’t get her pregnant. She is the kinda chick who will use your kids against you.
NTA..when you’re married with kids one day, you will regret not going when you could be care free. I’m a married woman and even now with 3 kids, if my husband wanted to go on a guys trip I truly wouldn’t mind because he deserves a break. He’s an awesome husband and dad. And he gives me breaks as well. If trust was broken that much at any point, I’d personally call it quits. You gave some great options to make her comfortable with the trip. You’re too young to not enjoy life as you should before things get serious and you have more responsibilities like children.
NTA – Sounds like your trip will be that much better being single. This relationship doesn’t sound destined for marriage anyhow.
Cut her loose. If you don’t have kids together, there’s no reason to tolerate someone like that in your life.
3rd option. Drop the controlling girlfriend.
Soft NTA. It seems her concerns arise from you spending time with friends that have caused some upset or other in your relationship prior? Obviously the details of that can have additional weight on why she’d feel aggrieved by the idea of you spending more time with them, but ultimately your relationship is not your whole life. It’s normal and healthy for you to have friendships, and to pursue those outside of any relationship. It’s also not a requirement for your partner to like your friends; they’re YOUR friends (again, with the slight asterisk about why she dislikes them). It does seem she’s being too harsh with you about idea of the trip.
NTA
I go on a few boys trips per year. Just long weekends, but that’s because we all have kids to take care of. And wife goes on trips with her girls.
This is normal. Having friends is normal. Trusting each other for a few days apart is normal.
This feels more like a control tactic vs. trust. I hope you choose the vacation with the boys. NTA.
You are much too young to be tied down and told what you can and cannot do. You are at the time of life meant for exploring and having fun. You don’t have the commitment of a full time job, children, and mortgage payments! This is exactly the right time for some responsible fun! I think you need to have a third option. You go on the trip with your friends and make some memories, and she may not be there for you when you come home. And that is probably for the best. You should not be boxed up tightly by a girlfriend that limits you. So what if it isn’t her culture. It is yours! You should go, have a great time, and consider getting together for a repeat every five years.
So your options are don’t go or you can go and she won’t bother you while you’re gone. Sounds like a trip to me.
NTA. This is emotional abuse.
It is healthy and desirable to have friends outside of a relationship. Please take care
Is this a month long trip where you basically made plans without even talking to your girlfriend? If not my bad, I just now read a story where the couple was the same (or similar) ages to you and your gf lol
NTA. Either you’re in a trusting relationship or you aren’t.
Threatening to start a huge fight before you go, ignoring you while you are gone and starting another fight when you get home is crazy. That’s very controlling behavior. If you let her decide this for you now you will be giving things up until she has taken everything from you.
If this is the only way she’ll let you go on this trip I’d get rid of her now and save yourself the pain.
I’m sure you’re being honest about the level of stuff that was hurtful but obviously without details (not saying i want them) it’s hard to know whether she is reacting unreasonably or not.
To be honest though it doesn’t matter, if you’re not being allowed to take a trip now when you’re 24, unmarried, presumably childless, then I don’t see how your relationship is going to be a happy one in the future. If it was a different group of friends would she be ok with it?
Best thing would be to talk to your friends and let them know they upset her and see if they would be willing to apologise.
Probably though definitely go on the trip, and re think the girlfriend. Even if she’s completely in the right and your friends acted badly, things don’t generally go well for guys who lose their friends to be more committed to a relationship, you need a good balance.
NTA she sounds horribly controlling. You want that to be your life?
NTA.
She’s already told you she will start arguments if she doesn’t get her way. I guess there’s one way to stop that right now. Say goodbye.
Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is openly.manipulative.
You’d be TA if you stay in a relationship like that. Imagine what marriage would be like ..oooof
NTA give her an ultimatum. Either you go for how long you want without her getting upset OR you break up and she can control someone else’s friends and life
NTA. Take the trip. Or regret it when you are older.
I hope you are beginning to see those red flags she’s throwing all over the place! NTA but you’d be a big puss if you let her threaten you out of your trip.
NTA.
Third option is to break up and enjoy the trip drama free. If she truly can’t stomach the trip, why is she even wanting to stay together?
Go on the trip and have a blast. Everyone needs time with friends and trips like this is a way to create core memories and allow you to grow.
If my SO flat out told me no for no legitimate reason and said she would create drama before and after that is a major red flag.
Solve this fight today and dump her ass. Her controlling behavior will not get better. NTA.
Fuck me why are you with this girl again? She sounds fucking awful.
A relationship is supposed to enhance your life not suck all the fun out of it! What’s the point being in a relationship that makes your life harder
NTA
I’m Married with kids. My husband goes on boys trips and I go on girls trips. We also do couples and family get aways. My husband does annual boys trips and sends me pictures of what they are up to and his friends even send me photos of silly things my husband is doing (drunkin shenanigans). That’s their choice, I don’t ask for photos . When there is trust and support, it’s fun for everyone.
Her being upset is a red flag and shows her insecurity and lake of trust.
NTA, your GF sounds VERY controlling and this is coming from someone with control issues that had to work through them to have a successful relationship.
It sounds like you are more than reasonable and her saying things like “if you go I will pick fights before and after and not speak to you while you are gone” is highly manipulative! I’m honestly shocked she told you she would do that! (And I low-key think she’s gonna blow up your phone the whole time to ruin your trip because she will realize not talking to you will only help you enjoy the trip more)
And as someone with control issues I’m telling you this is about her having control over you and it seems she has already used minor mistakes to gain a lot of this control over you… you might want to leave this relationship or get therapy so a therapist can tell her she’s controlling, because she is and that’s not okay!
Nta. She sounds bossy and controlling regardless of what happened in the past, especially if there was no cheating. Without trust the relationship is broken. If trust was broken it should be worked on to rebuild which means allowing space for that. Giving you an ultimatum for spending time with friends is toxic. Don’t lose your individuality in a relationship.
NTA. You aren’t even married. Draw lines now
NTA.
But there is a 3rd option….Break up with her and get a decent partner who actually respects you and likes your friends. Or just be single and have fun and enjoy your 20s and travel and hang out with your friends.
Your girlfriend kinds sucks……. and not in a good way.
NTA you forgot the third way it could go, you can leave your ex girlfriend home and go on your fun trip with your friends while you’re still young, have the time, and the money.
NTA
“She’s now said there are only two outcomes: either I don’t go at all, or I do go and she’ll start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.”
There’s actually 3 outcomes and I know which one I’d be picking.
Bye.
There’s third outcome actually. And it would be better for both of you
NTA, but frankly this is a general compatibility issue, and I would leave this relationship.
From another woman: your girlfriend is an immature brat.
NTA. To be blunt your GF sounds concerningly controlling. It also sounds like she has some massive trust and insecurity issues. Either you have moved past the previous issues and she trusts you / you trust her or this relationship isn’t viable. The threats to start fights to punish you if you go with out agreeing to her ‘rules’ is a massive red flag. Go on the trip, block her so she can’t harass you while you are gone and make a plan to get out of this relationship.
NTA she is your GF not your wife. Do what you want and treat this as a huge red flag that she ain’t the one
NTA, go on the trip with your friends and enjoy yourself.
NTA, and definitely reconsider your relationship. Invoking “my culture” as an excuse to control your reasonable behavior is a bleeding red flag.
Unless your trip coincides with an important event in your lives (birthday, anniversary etc.) you are NTA,
YWNBTA for going on the trip, but you absolutely would be the AH for staying with this person. Time to move on!
INFO: What do you mean some of your friends’ comments and mannerisms crossed her boundaries?
Dump her she doesn’t trust u at all!!!!!
NTA. Plan the trip, keep your friends and lose the terrible girlfriend of yours
You need to run away from this girl. If she needs to have that much control over your life, whatever her reasoning, you need to move on. You’ll be stuck under her thumb until you leave her behind. I’m pushing 70 y/o, and the ones things I value most about my life is being able to do me, I don’t ask anyone’s permission for anything I want to do. You can avoid the arguments she plans on causing by dumping her now. You’ll appreciate it when you look back on it. She can’t be that great of a girl if she cares more about her feelings than yours.
Nta while in the dating phase my husband went internationally on trips with his friends. You should be able to do things separately from each other time to time and trust each other with open line of communication
as someone who was in a similar sounding relationship, being the woman even, this isn’t healthy. you should be able to go on a trip with your friends and she should be able to be happy for you so long as you aren’t doing anything wrong on said trip.
she may just need reassurance, it goes a long way, especially since she seems jealous or it goes against her cultural beliefs!
Dude dump this controlling harpy now FFS boundary’s are ok but ultimatums are a red flag and need to be taken care of before the rest of your life sucks.
NTA and you actually do need to break up with her. There is no version where you just “get past” this. Even if you bend over backwards to make her feel comfortable, she will want more.
Break up soon and you’ll enjoy the trip even more because you’ll be free. (Don’t wait, you don’t want your friends thinking they have to tip toe around you because you’ve just ended things)
NTA
Your girlfriend is acting very controlling. Break up now.
Get yourself a better girlfriend. This one blows.
NTA. I would consider leaving her, honestly.
NTA. Her willingness to completely ignore you while you’re gone, with fights on both ends, is manipulative and controlling. You guys have bigger issues than what you’re relaying.
Go on the trip, make memories with your friends, and then find someone who supports you (and you can support) equally.
NTA.
“It doesn’t matter if boys trips are part of your culture or not. I’m going. So there are more options for us to consider than just the two you mentioned. A third option is we just break up because you’re being controlling and overall bossy.”
NTA, yet.
You are both so young.
You should be able to go on a trip with your male friends. But I caution that it should have a purpose other than party – do you backpack, kayak, mountain bike, fly fishing, etc?
Otherwise, if your intention is simply to be a tourist somewhere – gamble, eat, drink, catch a show, then damnit include your GF. Bond together as an expanded family; share the joy, good humor, respect. You can man-bond on a night of poker here and there. Or DO that camping trip.
I married young. And it pissed me off that my young husband had to do all nighters with his guy friends while I sat at home – an ignored married woman. It seemed like they couldn’t get out of high school mode. I told him I didn’t feel married; his boyfriends were more important than our life together. Maybe we should separate.
He cried. I stayed. It got better.
If your friends are truly friends they should want the best for you both. And you two should find joy in supporting the growth of each other. There is so much ahead of you both.
Tell her you love her, if that is indeed the truth. She probably needs that now.
NTA. Also WTF.
First of all, people DO need those trips. It’s good for the soul to have that time for camaraderie, experience new locations, foods, etc. secondly, NTA. This is a huge red flag that she’s willing to try and stop you and fight you on it. You’re better off with the friends, not her
Nta, lose that chick.
You will regret not going and resent her for it
You’re both still young and my advice is that this relationship isn’t the one. She’s being controlling and threatening to basically make your life miserable and spoil the trip in advance.
You should be seriously considering ending the relationship, it does not sound healthy.
Equal partners should trust each other and be able to things with their friends, sheesh.
Nta. Dump her.
NTA at all! My husband went on a guy trip and had a great time! I was so happy for him. We never had trust issues . But even if you have, like you said in your post, it doesn’t matter. If you go and nothing bad happens, maybe she will start learning to trust you again. Have to start somewhere. Ofc I don’t know her, but she sounds insecure and immature. She is talking about starting fights for something that has not even happened? What? That is a red flag right there. She has to let go a little. Go on your trip and have fun!
NTA
Her actions are serious red flags. This can be fixed within the relationship, but by the sounds of it you need the help of someone trained. I’d be wary of moving ahead with her if this is how she acts.
> She’s now said there are only two outcomes: either I don’t go at all, or I do go and she’ll start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.
Or option three – dump her now, then go on the trip fight-free. This is already not a functioning relationship so might as well make it official.
Nta
She’s jealous and she’s being emotionally manipulative threatening fights because she’d be excluded. She sees you excited about spending time with your friends without her and that’s the trigger for her, but she won’t admit it.
If you wait a few weeks and suggest you and her go on a trip, I’m sure she’ll jump at the idea…
All her excuses and even the culture one are BS, it’s all about manipulating you and control. Men getting together and bonding and going on a journey is part of pretty much every culture.
NTA. Why wouldn’t she take that time to plan a girls trip? Or something with her family? Or just stay home and enjoy a week of doing whatever she pleases. I could never be with someone that controlling. You’re not joined at the hip.
>I’ve made it clear I’m open to arrangements that would help her feel more comfortable: regular check-ins, location sharing, limits on alcohol, many of which I already do.
That is a really slippery slope you’re starting on as far as setting expectations. You’re a grown adult. You shouldn’t have to make these types of concessions to appease a partner who is insecure. You’re giving her too much control over you.
>She suggested a two-day version of the trip, but that changes the whole vibe.
Bro…
>She’s now said there are only two outcomes: either I don’t go at all, or I do go and she’ll start major fights before and after, and won’t speak to me while I’m away.
NTA. You need to dump her
Your friends rightfully hate your girlfriend. This is controlling and possessive behavior even if there were previous issues, unless your friends were saying racist/mysoginistic/homophobic, and all in all offensive things around her. And if you let those comments slide, well, she should’ve dumped you then, but I have a feeling she’s “sensitive.”
Dump them. Threatening to start arguments to ruin someone’s holiday is such poor behaviour.
I’d spell it out that you’ve got a right to spend time with friends and if she can’t understand it there is the door
I would tell her you want option #3 where you go on the trips and she GOES out of your life.
She seems nice.
NTA.
I think it is healthy to have some time away from your partner and have other relationships with family and friends.
It doesn’t seem healthy for her to not want you spend time with them. It sounds controlling.
Spending time with just friends allows you to be able to build on friendships, and you don’t feel obligated to always be there with your partner.
I don’t think you should have to share your location and everything, it doesn’t sound like she trusts you, which is important in any relationship.
NTA. Im guessing your “fuck ups” are her not being able to control you. This does t sound like a healthy relationship. I can understand her not being away from you that long, but a call every night would nip that problem. It sounds like she doesn’t trust you, and to say she’s going to start fights is just ludicrous.
NTA
OP needs some time away from this person to clear their head
NTA. Be with someone who trusts and supports you. She doesn’t, and even based on that, your relationship won’t last. Times in your life where you have less commitment and some money, please take the opportunity to travel and have fun. Build strong friendships.
NTA. If you and your partner can’t find common ground so you can each have separate lives where you can do things for you, you’ll resent her for it in the future.
NTA. Also, you and your gf should just part ways now. She seems pretty toxic threatening to start fights before and after your trip. Also, “not part of her culture”? And? Is that supposed to matter? If its not part of her culture then she is more than welcome to not set up or participate in a girls trip but that has no impact on you. Participating in cultural norms is a choice. Participating in someone else’s cultural norms is again, personal choice and strictly optional.
Major red flag for me. I’m older now, pushing old and my group of friends (6 from middle school, 2 others from High school and 3 more from University) still see each other regularly. They plan “boys trips” maybe once a year (skiing, surfing, diving) and a couple weekend trips throughout the year (Bahamas or short cruise). I do not go on all of them, but I will go on one or two (they have lots more money than I). That all said, some gamble, some drink, some do other stuff, some single and women involved. My wife knows I don’t drink much, no drugs, no women and although she may question them, she absolutely trusts me. Without trust in each other, you’re looking at a miserable future and missed opportunities and fun for you both.
It sounds like she is very insecure, and she’s trying to be in control, so that she feels less powerless about the situation. In addition, you have predicted her behavior as turning manipulative should you actually go on the trip. I think it’s time you truly take some time to reflect. Is this the life you want with this person? It is very unlikely that there will be a change in her behavior. Please have a think about this, and I would encourage you to take the trip!
NTA-If she is PLANNING on starting huge arguments before AND after and refuses to speak to you during the trip, this is just a gigantic red flag. Where is the red flag guy Dustin when you need him? Having a boys trip where you are going sight seeing is NOT a big ask, especially at this stage in your life. Kiddos aren’t in the picture yet, jobs aren’t taking up the time that future kiddos aren’t already occupying.
This relationship is just blinking red lights to me and not in a fun Christmas type way. It feels like it has run its course, she is entirely too controlling and isn’t willing to compromise on ANYTHING. She doesn’t like how your friend’s mannerisms are? I mean without more context, I can’t say one way or another if she is right or wrong, but the way the rest of your post is saying, she sounds unreasonable a la starting the fights if you go on the trip.
NTA but I might understand her side depending on what was said by the friends. I’m not saying for all women but for me and ones I’m friends with forgetting sadly is not an option our brains just remind us out of nowhere about the hurt so she may have trust issues with said friend’s. Maybe plan your trip and try to find out more about why she is so angry about it. My husband’s father said something to me first time we met, hubs was not in the room at the time, and to this day years longer then you’ve been alive I still will not be around him and when my hubs talks to him it instantly annoys me, I don’t stop him it’s just eww that guy.
Ugh, if you want to go on the trip, go on the trip. If she doesn’t like it, you’re just not compatible. That’s ok, that’s what dating is for.