I (18m) am wanting to move into a one bedroom apartment and start moving on in life. Trauma dump time 6 months ago my mom walked out on my family, 2 months later my dad died, my sister went with my mom, and I now take care of my grandmother (66f) and little brother (13m).
I’m trying to find a place for my small group but its tough and I have a back up plan that involves us splitting up for a some time. My whole family is telling me not to move on my own and trying to guilt trip me into staying together but if we don’t find a place soon we’ll be on the street. I feel like I’m losing my mind along with every battle and I’m destined to stay in the same place until I die.
I feel like I’m losing my mind along with every battle and am destined to stay in the same spot until I die. I make hardly any money and am taking care of 3 people.I’ve been working and paying bills since 14 and i just want to be by myself for a year or 2.
I just need to know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is normal.
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I (18m) am wanting to move into a one bedroom apartment and start moving on in life. Trauma dump time 6 months ago my mom walked out on my family, 2 months later my dad died, my sister went with my mom, and I now take care of my grandmother (66f) and little brother (13m).
I’m trying to find a place for my small group but its tough and I have a back up plan that involves us splitting up for a some time. My whole family is telling me not to move on my own and trying to guilt trip me into staying together but if we don’t find a place soon we’ll be on the street. I feel like I’m losing my mind along with every battle and I’m destined to stay in the same place until I die.
I feel like I’m losing my mind along with every battle and am destined to stay in the same spot until I die. I make hardly any money and am taking care of 3 people.I’ve been working and paying bills since 14 and i just want to be by myself for a year or 2.
I just need to know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is normal.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Im wanting to move out on my own but my family says its not fair to them i wanna know if im being unreasonable or not
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
No, you are NTA. You’re just a young person in an extremely tough situation. Why didn’t your brother go with your mother?
YWNBTA- you’re an adult, you are allowed to live your life how you want. Unless your grandmother is for some medical reason unable to work, she could still get a job. Plenty of people her age and older work. If you are in the US she probably has some legal options to get child support from your mom plus other assistance.
All that being said, you mention you make barely any money. How are you going to afford living on your own?
NTA, you’ve been dealing with way too much and honestly its not fair they’re putting all that on you. Common wanting your own space is not a selfish, dont let that guilt get to you
NTA. Wow that’s a lot to go through in such a short time. It’s ok to prioritize yourself. Definitely talk to your grandma and brother about your plans so it doesn’t seem like you’re just abandoning them. If your grandma is still physically fit you can ask her if she plans to take care of your brother. If so encourage her to look into her options on getting child support from your mom.
Your brother (if in US) probably qualifies for SSI. Your grandma might also if she’s over 62 and relied on your dad for at least half her financial support. If needed she can also find a job. You can help without sacrificing yourself. However, if that’s too much that’s fair too. The fact you’ve been having financial burdens since you were 14 sounds exhausting. That’s when you tell the rest of the family they need to stop telling you what to do and actually step up and help.
For yourself you need to work out your budget. Barely getting by makes me question if you’ll be able to afford living on your own. If it’s a case of you can as long as you stop paying for things for Grandma and brother then great. Keep in mind it’s recommended to save up enough to be able to cover yourself for at least 6 months in case you lose your job. If you don’t have that now make it a top goal. Don’t say it’s only for a year or two. I’m betting once you’re out you’ll realize how much better your life is. Do not set yourself on fire to keep them warm. You’ve done that the last 4 years. Time to take care of yourself.
INFO
Why isnt your mum paying child support?
INFO: who is the guardian of your brother? And/or are you his de facto caretaker? If you are, this could be child abandonment. I get wanting to put yourself first. This sounds terrible. But though you are very young yourself, he’s even younger and very vulnerable. Go to a shelter and ask about resources.