TW: death, alcoholism, relationship abuse
I’m sorry if I’m rambling, but I honestly don’t know where else to go. My bio dad is in the hospital and they just took him off life support. I cut him and my mom out of my life in December because of so much emotional, mental, and financial abuse I had enough.
Back in the beginning of 2023 my bio-dad went sober for health reasons and for a chance to get a liver transplant. At the same time, I found out I was pregnant with my first child and at the time our relationship was somewhat getting better but there’s only so much a narcissist like him is willing to do. I had rules for him if he wanted to stay in mine and my babies life: stay sober, listen to your doctors, take your meds, and to NOT choose his toxic family over me and my mom. I would go into more detail about his family but definitely lots of toxicity and emotional incest going on there.
I volunteered time out of my life as a first time (and temporarily “single”) mom, and first year returning student to go take them to his Dr appointments that were 4 hours away. The last time I took them, he pretty much broke the rules I had for him and he severely disrespected me and was starting to disrespect my daughter as well and I finally had enough. I cut him out of my life after that day and a couple days later I had to cut my mom off too. Their relationship had always been toxic and it pains me to see my mom stay in a relationship that has only kept her in a state of constant anxiety and no growth in the relationship. He’s always teased her with marriage, but would cheat on her. He talks down on her so much, yet she continues to serve him hand and foot. He’s shown no respect for our family house and it got to the point where the house has been falling apart but because of their toxic relationship, my mom hasn’t had the time or money to fix up her house. I just can’t stand it anymore and I’ve told them multiple times since December to not contact me and that I’ve lost every ounce of care I had for him. He made my life hell growing up, and his family made it worse on top of it. I’ve always been ostracized for being his child from his own family. I was always respectful to them growing up, even when they didn’t deserve it. I don’t talk to them anymore because now as a 27 year old adult, I don’t let shit slide.
I know he’s going to die today, and my mom is still trying to guilt trip me. I tried to FaceTime them, but I just can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me again. And I know if I were to even go to the funeral, shit would hit the fan. I can’t pretend to care for him or his family, and I can’t keep silent about the bullshit I see anymore. I don’t even know if they’ll let my mom go to his funeral and that’s because she’s been there through all his appointments and procedures. His family despises us that much. So, would I be the asshole if I don’t go to his funeral?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: TW: death, alcoholism, relationship abuse
I’m sorry if I’m rambling, but I honestly don’t know where else to go. My bio dad is in the hospital and they just took him off life support. I cut him and my mom out of my life in December because of so much emotional, mental, and financial abuse I had enough.
Back in the beginning of 2023 my bio-dad went sober for health reasons and for a chance to get a liver transplant. At the same time, I found out I was pregnant with my first child and at the time our relationship was somewhat getting better but there’s only so much a narcissist like him is willing to do. I had rules for him if he wanted to stay in mine and my babies life: stay sober, listen to your doctors, take your meds, and to NOT choose his toxic family over me and my mom. I would go into more detail about his family but definitely lots of toxicity and emotional incest going on there.
I volunteered time out of my life as a first time (and temporarily “single”) mom, and first year returning student to go take them to his Dr appointments that were 4 hours away. The last time I took them, he pretty much broke the rules I had for him and he severely disrespected me and was starting to disrespect my daughter as well and I finally had enough. I cut him out of my life after that day and a couple days later I had to cut my mom off too. Their relationship had always been toxic and it pains me to see my mom stay in a relationship that has only kept her in a state of constant anxiety and no growth in the relationship. He’s always teased her with marriage, but would cheat on her. He talks down on her so much, yet she continues to serve him hand and foot. He’s shown no respect for our family house and it got to the point where the house has been falling apart but because of their toxic relationship, my mom hasn’t had the time or money to fix up her house. I just can’t stand it anymore and I’ve told them multiple times since December to not contact me and that I’ve lost every ounce of care I had for him. He made my life hell growing up, and his family made it worse on top of it. I’ve always been ostracized for being his child from his own family. I was always respectful to them growing up, even when they didn’t deserve it. I don’t talk to them anymore because now as a 27 year old adult, I don’t let shit slide.
I know he’s going to die today, and my mom is still trying to guilt trip me. I tried to FaceTime them, but I just can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me again. And I know if I were to even go to the funeral, shit would hit the fan. I can’t pretend to care for him or his family, and I can’t keep silent about the bullshit I see anymore. I don’t even know if they’ll let my mom go to his funeral and that’s because she’s been there through all his appointments and procedures. His family despises us that much. So, would I be the asshole if I don’t go to his funeral?
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He’s a bad person. He just a mean stranger to you and your daughter. Why would you go to anyone’s funeral who’s like that to you? Be glad he’s gone out of his misery, out of your misery etc etc. You’ll have to be careful not to get sucked into your mother’s whirlpool.
More slowly, cautiously and with clarity for your child.