I moved in with two close friends, one is in the army(let’s call him Ted), and the other is his wife (we’ll call her Meg). The original plan was for me and Meg to each contribute $400/month toward bills, with Ted covering the rest.
Shortly after moving in, Meg started working on and off, and I ended up paying roughly $800/month(double what we planned) for nearly 2 years. I worked a low paying job where I could barely make that much, but I pushed through anyways.
Eventually car trouble forced me to quit, It’s been a couple of months and now that the car is fixed I’m being pressured (more so by Ted than Meg)to start working again. But the weird part is when I was working we were constantly having utilities shut off, but since I stopped utilizes haven’t shut off once.
It’s starting to feel like my income was used mostly to give us/them flexibility to use “Ted’s money” to splurge, while “my money” went to essentials. I still help with house chores and have been focused on building a long-term career for myself(not just sitting around).
WIBTA if I choose not to jump back into a job rn, when bills seem handled without me?
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I moved in with two close friends, one is in the army(let’s call him Ted), and the other is his wife (we’ll call her Meg). The original plan was for me and Meg to each contribute $400/month toward bills, with Ted covering the rest.
Shortly after moving in, Meg started working on and off, and I ended up paying roughly $800/month(double what we planned) for nearly 2 years. I worked a low paying job where I could barely make that much, but I pushed through anyways.
Eventually car trouble forced me to quit, It’s been a couple of months and now that the car is fixed I’m being pressured (more so by Ted than Meg)to start working again. But the weird part is when I was working we were constantly having utilities shut off, but since I stopped utilizes haven’t shut off once.
It’s starting to feel like my income was used mostly to give us/them flexibility to use “Ted’s money” to splurge, while “my money” went to essentials. I still help with house chores and have been focused on building a long-term career for myself(not just sitting around).
WIBTA if I choose not to jump back into a job rn, when bills seem handled without me?
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> The action that I may take is to not work because our bills are paid, despite my friends/roommates wanting me to, which could have the possibility to make me the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Meg and Ted should credit you for the months that you covered their shortfall by the same amount.
On the other hand, you do need to get back to work (what you call your long-term career) because, eventually:
Info: what are rents for a similar apartment in your area?
NTA. Sounds like your money was covering the boring essentials while Ted’s went to fun stuff. If bills are magically fine without you, that tells you all you need to know
NTA
They owe you at least 2yrs worth of rent since you covered Meg’s share for that long. That’s a pretty serious amount of money. Worth a conversation with Tom, but be prepared for it to turn into an argument since it seems like you’ve been paying the bulk of expenses.
YWBTA. Not because you need to start paying immediately – you agreed for 400 and have paid double that, so they technically owe you – but because as an adult you still need to be able to financially support yourself in case this arrangement terminates unexpectedly, instead of counting on friends to do it. If you can get them to pay you what they owe on one go, you can use that money as your “emergency fund” but I doubt that is an option.
More info: why did you cover Meg’s portion of the rent instead of her husband? It sounds like your finances are way too mixed up with this couple. You are roommates, not a married throuple.
They should pay you back for all the time that you paid double what was originally agreed upon UNLESS there was some other agreement that took precedence which led to that situation. That’s different than the question you asked though.
Should you still have to contribute financially even though they can manage the bills without you, yes. They don’t owe you free housing. However, it sounds like they owe you money at this point from all the overpayment of rent in the past. So they can pay you back and that money can be applied towards your current rent. In order to avoid the appearance of them taking on all the bills and bad feelings associated with that, I would ask that you get a check from them in the amount of the monthly overpayment and then you write a check back to them for current rent. That also makes it obvious to everyone when the debt has been repaid. You should both keep track of the outstanding debt so you know when it is paid off in full.
At the end of the day, you are not entitled to free housing just because they can afford it. It’s not up to you to decide how they spend their money. However, you should be paid back for all of the overpaid rent that occurred in the past.
And, yes. You should get a job. You’re not going to live with this couple forever.
YWBTA. You should pay at least what you agreed to. You could negotiate current arrangement based on the time you paid double, but that doesn’t mean you can unilaterally declare your not paying anything.
Besides, you’re already a third wheel in the household. Do you really want to push this to the brink? They might kick you out if you’re not contributing financially. If you are okay with that, FAFO.
You haven’t worked a couple of months, 2 months maybe and bills were paid? That’s not a long track record for you to say not paying solved that problem. You need to pay what you agreed to and also get credit for the extra you paid. I think unfortunately since you just started paying $800 since the start, you’ve established that as your rent.
This whole situation sounds messed up, I think you should move on for your own sake
Mild YTA. This sounds very throuply. I’m not judging on that, but if it is, it’s relevant, so you should probably mention it.
Why were you paying Meg’s share if you aren’t in a relationship? Assuming you aren’t, you aren’t obliged to pay either of their contributions, and they aren’t obliged to pay yours. You covering hers and him covering anything additional for the 3 of you has just clouded the issue. The 3 of you need to sit down and work out what a third of the household costs are, and you need to pay that.
YWBTA – [Specifically IF you renege on an agreement you’ve made.] Agreements are a tricky thing, verbal or written. If you’re no longer happy with the agreement, change it. Move out, etc, etc, you’re a grown up and can decide how you live you life. Just be really careful how you extricate yourself from these people who expect you to continue being their cash monkey.. I feel so bad for you, but I’ve heard of so many good people get caught out legally by AH’s.
Yes. You need to get a job. Stop being a pest
YTA
Why you paid double for 2 years and (apparently) said nothing is mind-boggling. So, seriously, what the heck there?
But for your benefit and to avoid hard feelings between friends, get a job and contribute. If you really feel strongly, sit down and air your grievances.