I (29M) have always been the one who stuck around. After college I settled into a stable job here in our hometown and been pretty involved with my parents helping them out with things around the house and just being around.
My younger brother (25M) was always the one who needed to get out. He left right after high school chasing different dreams in different cities. We didn’t hear from him much and there was definitely times my parents worried a lot about him, he went through some rough patches and made some questionable choices and things didnt always work out for him. My parents spent a lot of time and energy trying to help him from afar.
A few weeks ago He showed up on our doorstep looking pretty rough. He didn’t say much about why he was back just that he needed a change. My parents were over the moon. They cleared out his old room (which I’d been using for my home office) and have been totally focused on making him comfortable. There’s always something going on for him, special meals, long talks, just a lot of attention.
Now my parents are planning this big welcome home dinner for Him this weekend, inviting family and some friends. Honestly, I’m dreading it. I feel like all the years I’ve been here, quietly supporting my parents and being reliable, are just… expected. And now Leo, who caused them so much worry, is getting this huge celebration. I’m just feeling really resentful and overlooked.
I’m thinking about telling my mom I’m sick or have work to do or just not saying anything. I know she’ll be really upset, probably cry, and say I’m ruining the night or not being supportive of him. he himself might feel awkward or hurt too. But I just feel like I need a break from all the attention on him.
WIBTA for skipping the dinner? I feel like I’m being selfish but I’m also just so tired of feeling invisible.
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I (29M) have always been the one who stuck around. After college I settled into a stable job here in our hometown and been pretty involved with my parents helping them out with things around the house and just being around.
My younger brother (25M) was always the one who needed to get out. He left right after high school chasing different dreams in different cities. We didn’t hear from him much and there was definitely times my parents worried a lot about him, he went through some rough patches and made some questionable choices and things didnt always work out for him. My parents spent a lot of time and energy trying to help him from afar.
A few weeks ago He showed up on our doorstep looking pretty rough. He didn’t say much about why he was back just that he needed a change. My parents were over the moon. They cleared out his old room (which I’d been using for my home office) and have been totally focused on making him comfortable. There’s always something going on for him, special meals, long talks, just a lot of attention.
Now my parents are planning this big welcome home dinner for Him this weekend, inviting family and some friends. Honestly, I’m dreading it. I feel like all the years I’ve been here, quietly supporting my parents and being reliable, are just… expected. And now Leo, who caused them so much worry, is getting this huge celebration. I’m just feeling really resentful and overlooked.
I’m thinking about telling my mom I’m sick or have work to do or just not saying anything. I know she’ll be really upset, probably cry, and say I’m ruining the night or not being supportive of him. he himself might feel awkward or hurt too. But I just feel like I need a break from all the attention on him.
WIBTA for skipping the dinner? I feel like I’m being selfish but I’m also just so tired of feeling invisible.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Hi, I am asking about skipping the welcome back dinner my parents are planning for my younger brother , would that make me an asshole ? i would make me an asshole if I put a damper over the whole thing by not showing up
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Info: Have you actually talked to your parents about how you feel? Because if you just ditch the dinner without really explaining anything, nothing is going to change. They might not even be aware of your feelings.
I think it’d make it a bit awkward, since you seem to still be living with them and everything.
YTA. Folks probably thought you stayed, help, etc. cause you wanted to not as if you were obligated. Maybe thats the lesson in all this, if you want to move out, if you want to separate, go ahead. But clearly, youll always have a home to return to. Your feelings are understandable, I think its AH to skip the meeting to make a point that can just be expressed over coffee; but being the “good” son was supposed to be its own reward…and it was, you didn’t show up rough needing to sleep in your bro’s office to avoid homelessness…
Did they killed an animal for feast? Was this inspired by the bible?
NTA. The Prodigal Son has returned, and the parents have killed the fatted calf.
Yea you’re NTA. I would be just as upset if I were in your situation.
NAH. This sounds exactly like the story of the prodigal son.
Woah, shades of The Prodigal Son here!
You’ve been honest, steady, involved, reliable. Now your brother has returned and you’re unhappy that he’s not being treated as the ne’er-do-well that he might be.
But the thing is, a parent’s love isn’t based on what you do for the parent (at least, it shouldn’t be). Your parents have grieved their less-successful son and are overjoyed to have the opportunity to help him make a positive change. You can participate in that, or not.
Going to the dinner doesn’t mean that you approve of his choices. It might give you the opportunity to be magnanimous, to welcome him back and participate in what could be a great turn-around. But you can exercise caution and take care of your parents, too, by setting boundaries and letting brother earn your trust.
NTA for your feelings. How you choose to react is up to you.
Attempting to follow your dreams is an admirable thing in my opinion. Parents are always going to worry, especially when their children are far away. This is coming from someone who travelled a lot to achieve their dreams so maybe I’m a bit biased. That said, I can’t see that your brother did anything wrong in trying to forge his own path. Nothing tried nothing gained as the saying goes.
However, NTA for the question you’ve asked. If you don’t want to go then don’t go. You don’t even really need a reason but if you are going to give one then go for the truth. You clearly have some pent up resentment and frustrations. Maybe it’s time to talk about them and get rid of that baggage. If for nothing else than your own wellbeing. You may find you feel a lot lighter and better afterwards.
You don’t have to go if you don’t want to go, but I think your resentment is a little misplaced here. If your brother had done something to wrong you and your family, that would make more sense, but he just moved away and there’s nothing wrong with that. Similarly, it’s not like you were pressured or coerced into staying, that was your choice. It’s normal that your parents are excited to see their son after a long time away. If they keep up favoring him over the long term, you’d be right to be offended, but as of now I think you should let it go. NAH.
Suck it up and go. But reflect on where you are and what you’re doing and ask yourself if you’re happy ( or at least content) and if not, what changes you could make. Your brother’s return offers an opportunity to reflect deeply and change what may need to be changed. NTA
check into reading the Bible about the prodigal son. it will tell you everything you need to know. don’t be the AH.
I’m sorry, but this is absolutely The Lost Son from the bible.
What we all can learn from that, I think:
Yes, they are all over him, because he is seldom there.
Yes, he gets all the attention now.
But honestly: you had the attention for years and you are an almost 30 year old man. Don’t be jealous of the bonds between your little brother and your parents, try to have your own bonds with him, he’s a stranger to you, as I understand it. Time to get to know him.
And please stop comparing!
And if it where you who went away and came back? They would celebrate you just the same.
There is just no party for celebrate “nothing’s changed”.
Prodigal son over here
Are we just posting bible stories now?
YWBTA. You would look jealous and immature, and petty. After the party, after your brother has been home for a while, take your parents out for breakfast and ask them straight out: You are making such a celebration for younger brother, and I’m wondering if you appreciate the help and support I give daily?
The prodigal son returns, and you complain.
Go and do something for yourself. Special dinner, get your nails done. Something to spoil yourself and thank yourself for being there. He has enough “support”.
I love a nice bible story
YBTA. Your brother has things going on that your parents either know or suspect and are trying to support him, and you’re upset that the focus isn’t on you anymore? You do definitely deserve recognition, but you shouldn’t let jealousy detract from the lives of others.
NTA. The YWBTA answers are insane. You have been there. He has not. Tell them the truth. Tell them how you feel. When they tell you, you will know whether you want to go aheadd and be a part of their lives or go no contact and actually focus on yourself because you deserve it.
Sounds like the prodigal son story from the Bible. Talk to your parents.
YTA for stealing this from the Bible. I’m sorry they didn’t prepare their best calf
Your brother has messed up enough that he gets one decent party from time to time. Your parents can afford to worry about him because they have you to rely on. You don’t get a party for doing well once in a while because you are always their rock. They know they can count on your strength.
They want you at the party as an example of what your brother could be if he got his shit together. In other words, they don’t fawn on you because they don’t need to. You’re reliable and responsible, and you don’t make them sit up crying and worrying. You don’t need special gimmicks to show you care. They always know. It seems thankless, but I’ll bet they’re very grateful for you.
Sorry… YOU CHOSE to stick around to help and support your parents….did they ask you too? Stop playing the marytr….
“Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs
I got more rhymes than the Bible’s got Psalms
And just like the Prodigal Son, I’ve returned
Anyone steppin’ to me, you’ll get burned”
Ahh the prodigal son returns
How do you get along with him? Do you care about him? It’s one thing if you hate each other , but if you’re truly brothers , it wouldn’t matter and you can just be there for him. If you’re mad at your parents but he loves you he’ll understand. Mom’s another issue.
This is the parable of the prodigal son. In this story, there were two brothers. The older brother was responsible, and stayed at home, doing the duty of a good son. The younger son was restless, and asked for his inheritance. He took half of his father’s wealth, went out in the world, and blew it through irresponsible, selfish behavior. Years later, the younger son returned, and the father planned a celebration, which angered the older, responsible son, and filled him with jealousy. The father points out that the celebration is because the younger son was lost, and is now found.
This parable can teach a lot about your situation.
Forgiveness: Your brother committed a lot of wrongs, and it seems that a part of you resents him for it. Forgiving him will make you feel a lot better than resenting him.
Mercy: Your brother needs more help and support than you do. Instead of focusing on what you deserve, you can focus on the fact that you don’t need a party to help you find your way. You are already there. Have mercy on your brother who maybe needs more support than you do.
Jealousy: Your brother is getting more attention than you, and it seems that you are jealous about that. Instead of asking “why does my brother get all this attention”, just be happy that he’s back.
You might want to ask yourself why you played the role of the good son for so long. The true reason is likely a combination of love, loyalty, and duty. Hopefully it is not because you want attention and recognition. Put aside your own pride and join the celebration.
Getting New Testament Luke vibes.
YTA help welcome him home because he’s your sibling not your competition & then see about moving out & maybe even further away from your parents & perhaps all this won’t sting so much.
Throw yourself a dinner next week. Point out your loyalty and trustworthiness then. Everyone will agree and note the difference without your having to say so directly.
That sounds like my partner’s situation. There is no advice since we are stumped ourselves, but hang in there.
You’re 29. Time to move out, set up a life seperate from your family and prioritise yourself…
It’s really weird to have a welcome home celebration for someone who just moved back in with their parents because they are floundering at life. 😅
lol. YTA for doing a bible retelling.