So me my wife and my kid are moving away from her family into our own place. We were gonna be moving in June but got offered a better deal to move in may, so we took it, her whole family got pissed at us, telling us that we screwed them. So I was trying to be nice and told them that because we sprang this on them I’ll pay my usual amount of rent for may ($900) but then June and July I’ll only be paying $500. I was looking over my bills and rent of my new place and realized I won’t be able to afford June and July, but I don’t want to ruin my girls relationship with her family. I can’t realistically afford my rent plus 500 to them plus all my other bills, so l’m thinking about just not paying even though I said I would, because they have been taking advantage of me and my girl for about 3-4 years, and on top of all of this I was nice enough to tell them to keep the $1,500 security deposit. I’m just struggling with deciding because they have been nothing but rude to us and I’m sick of it but my girl is still in their trap. But bottom line I don’t want to pay because if I had to choose between my family or hers I will always choose mine.
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So me my wife and my kid are moving away from her family into our own place. We were gonna be moving in June but got offered a better deal to move in may, so we took it, her whole family got pissed at us, telling us that we screwed them. So I was trying to be nice and told them that because we sprang this on them I’ll pay my usual amount of rent for may ($900) but then June and July I’ll only be paying $500. I was looking over my bills and rent of my new place and realized I won’t be able to afford June and July, but I don’t want to ruin my girls relationship with her family. I can’t realistically afford my rent plus 500 to them plus all my other bills, so l’m thinking about just not paying even though I said I would, because they have been taking advantage of me and my girl for about 3-4 years, and on top of all of this I was nice enough to tell them to keep the $1,500 security deposit. I’m just struggling with deciding because they have been nothing but rude to us and I’m sick of it but my girl is still in their trap. But bottom line I don’t want to pay because if I had to choose between my family or hers I will always choose mine.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to pay rent for them because I won’t be living there and they have done nothing but take advantage of me and my girl. And it might make me the asshole because then they would be out of luck for June and July.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
The security deposit is enough to cover the offered rent for June and July. Or you ask the security deposit back and pay the agreed 500.
INFO why did you offer to pay them for June and July. You are giving them more than 30 days notice that you are moving. Do you have a formal lease with them? I would only pay them May rent. and prorate the June rent (if you are moving on June 15th, you need to pay them half the month so $450 but if you are moving on the first, then pay them nothing). If you want to be nice let them keep the security but honestly their failure to prepare for the chance you would move your whole family out is not your fault.
You’re leaving out A LOT of information here. Are you renting an apartment from them? Is there a lease? What do you mean “they’ve been taking advantage of me and my girl” Did you have a conversation about it or did you just say “hey we’re leaving early i’m not paying you” then complain about THEM being “nothing but rude”
Honestly the way your are writing this and talking badly about them without really much detail makes it sound like YOU’RE the issue here. You’re also very contradicting. you refer to “your girl” being “in their trap” but also not wanting to ruin her relationship with them. So which is it? they’re terrible abusive toxic people, or people that deserve a relationship with their daughter?
yes YWBTA to promise money to your girl’s family and just not pay it, wtf? you shouldn’t have promised it if you can’t afford it. this post sounds more like you’re purposefully trying to sabotage their relationship than like you want to preserve it.
INFO: What was the original agreement between you and your wife’s family regarding moving out? And is there a formal written and signed tenancy agreement? What are the relevant laws in your jurisdiction about moving out at short notice? Also, how have her family been taking advantage of you?
It’s very difficult to say whether or not you’re the asshole without knowing whether you’re breaking a contract or breaking the law. It may also be difficult for you legally to renege on paying the $500 and any other money that you’ve already agreed to.
However, if you are currently living with her family in their home by informal arrangement, then paying then $2500 move out fees for no clear reason seems extraordinary. If you’re not sure about the legal situation, it may be with seeking legal advice to make sure you are not taken advantage of.
Yes, you shouldn’t have said you would do it without checking that you could actually afford to do it. You need to be honest and tell them, not just not pay. Tell them you can’t afford to.
Maybe unpopular opinion here but a family that make you pay a security deposit isn’t a family worth keeping contact with.
You’re already giving them the security deposit for some reason why give them more money again? IMO NTA for not paying but you need to tell them now and remind them of the security deposit
YWBTA why on earth would you promise money without first looking at your finances to make sure you can afford it?
Legally you only have to give 30 days notice. Pay for May and be honest and tell them you can’t pay for June and July. You simply don’t have the money. They are going to be mad and manipulative anyways. IDK why you’d be paying June and July if you’re not even there unless you are on the lease. You’ve paid it with the security deposit. Normally when someone moves out the others staying buy out at least part of the security deposit. That has been my experience.
INFO
Can you offer to find them a new tenant?
Were they charging you below market rate?
If so, can you find them someone at market rate?
Can you clean and refresh the property it along with surrendering your security deposit?
Are you generally an impulsive person?
The $1500 security deposit more than covers your $500/month for June and July. Unless you’ve caused a lot of damage (peeing pets, holes in walls) I’d consider that the promised rent.
You need to tell them asap though. Just not paying when they’re expecting it isn’t OK.
I take it they’re angry as they now have to pay their own rent! Surely they knew (reason you were there) you were saving for your own place to eventually move! NTA If you feel you need to pay May, maybe June But not July!
If they keep the deposit, they are getting more than June and July for $500. I bet they would have kept the deposit anyway.
Wife needs to go to the landlord and get removed from the lease and other family members put on the lease. If the rent doesn’t get paid, she will be the one in trouble and she won’t even be living there.
It sounds like you have an actual lease. Are they not looking for new tenants? It’s only April and they know you’re going, they should be lining up a new tenant for June, and then they aren’t out any money. If they can’t find someone, then you could pay something, but you should get your security deposit back unless you caused damage.
NTA. You only need to pay for May. I can’t think why you owe them anything for the summer, especially if you are DONATING the deposit. You do need to tell them, however.
Leave and don’t look back sianara
YWBTA. You made a commitment. Don’t say you’ll do something without doing the math. If your wife is on the other lease, her credit- and thus yours- will be affected if they don’t pay.
Info – are you on a lease with them? If so, you gotta pay the full amount for June and July.
If you have no lease (with them as sublet or with landlord) then they can keep the security in lieu of J/J rent.
You definitely should not have offered something that you couldn’t follow through on. When will people stop saying things to de-escalate, knowing that they can’t back it up?
Stretch it out and don’t pay the rest. Who lets someone keep a 1500 deposit? What on earth could you possibly owe them if they have been bad to you? Let them wallow in their lack of funds – that is their fault that they can’t prioritize their spending. Look after you and your family – period.
I’d only pay May. That’s it. It seems there are plenty of adults living there and you’re giving proper notice and if so, Eff them.
It is better to do what’s fair rather than cave in to “screaming and yelling” and pay extra. Once people learn that “screaming and yelling” works, they use it to their advantage. Why are you paying July, just to get rid of screaming and yelling? That tactic should get them less money not more. Pay your share.
NTA. if you’re already letting them keep the $1,500 security deposit i wouldnt give them anything else. odds are though they were never going to give that back and probably already spent it anyway.
YWNBTA. Pay for May for the late notice. But don’t pay for June and July, and get the deposit back. You need that money. If you do anything, offer them a loan if they get short, but get the terms in writing, with their signature.