So to clarify. I (22 F) am the oldest between my sisters. For the story lets call my little sister (21) L and my middle sister (22) M.
So 3 years ago the great grandmother of my stepfather died. Her whole funeral was alot of trouble and headaches for my mother’s side of the family, but that is not important for the story. At the end each of us got a piece of jewelry. L and I put ours away safely while M used hers to make posts on her social media. But just after a week she already lost her piece of jewelry which made her mad cause now only I and L had one and she didn’t which was unfair in her eyes.
That was a scheme that she had since we were kids. She gets something, breaks or loses it and then gets mad at us. A handmade handbag. Torn apart. A necklace. Broken. And so on. I of course kept my stuff safe from her because I knew that she often takes my stuff and then claims that it was actually hers and I just remember it wrong.
Now to the current situation. Last year the apartment of my mother needed to be emptied cause her lease ended. The only ones left living inside the apartment were M and my brother. My mother gave me the go ahead to enter the apartment and take everything I needed. She also made the offer available to everyone else. L couldn’t come by cause the lived to far way by now and M refused to, cause she didn’t want to search all the items she might need or want. I was at first confused about her reasoning but when I entered the apartment I saw why. Garbage and filth everywhere. The kitchen was a biohazard. The bedrooms of M and my brother a catastrophe and the living room was just bad. I luckily got my bf and his sisters to help me work through all that stuff to find items that we could still safe. Meanwhile M and my brother just glarred at us.
In the end we found old items from my grandmother from my mother’s side of the family. All pieces were handmade by her and they were still in a very good shape. M got offered to have some pieces too but she didn’t want any. It was to much of a hastle for her to get everything to her new home and also she didn’t want that handmade stuff. So I took everything to my place where I put it inside a showcase to keep it safe. (For info: my brother had no interest in the pieces too)
Now a few months later she suddenly shows more and more interest in the pieces and wants some too. But I see no point in giving her any. 1. She will just lose them or break them again. 2. Everytime she gets a sentimental item she uses it to make sad posts on her social media before throwing it away so it can collect dust 3. She was too idle to fish out the stuff from the garbage but now that I have them all lined up inside my showcase the hastle of collecting them suddenly vanished. Imo she had her chance.
So WIBTA for not giving her any of the pieces I got from our grandmother?
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So to clarify. I (22 F) am the oldest between my sisters. For the story lets call my little sister (21) L and my middle sister (22) M.
So 3 years ago the great grandmother of my stepfather died. Her whole funeral was alot of trouble and headaches for my mother’s side of the family, but that is not important for the story. At the end each of us got a piece of jewelry. L and I put ours away safely while M used hers to make posts on her social media. But just after a week she already lost her piece of jewelry which made her mad cause now only I and L had one and she didn’t which was unfair in her eyes.
That was a scheme that she had since we were kids. She gets something, breaks or loses it and then gets mad at us. A handmade handbag. Torn apart. A necklace. Broken. And so on. I of course kept my stuff safe from her because I knew that she often takes my stuff and then claims that it was actually hers and I just remember it wrong.
Now to the current situation. Last year the apartment of my mother needed to be emptied cause her lease ended. The only ones left living inside the apartment were M and my brother. My mother gave me the go ahead to enter the apartment and take everything I needed. She also made the offer available to everyone else. L couldn’t come by cause the lived to far way by now and M refused to, cause she didn’t want to search all the items she might need or want. I was at first confused about her reasoning but when I entered the apartment I saw why. Garbage and filth everywhere. The kitchen was a biohazard. The bedrooms of M and my brother a catastrophe and the living room was just bad. I luckily got my bf and his sisters to help me work through all that stuff to find items that we could still safe. Meanwhile M and my brother just glarred at us.
In the end we found old items from my grandmother from my mother’s side of the family. All pieces were handmade by her and they were still in a very good shape. M got offered to have some pieces too but she didn’t want any. It was to much of a hastle for her to get everything to her new home and also she didn’t want that handmade stuff. So I took everything to my place where I put it inside a showcase to keep it safe. (For info: my brother had no interest in the pieces too)
Now a few months later she suddenly shows more and more interest in the pieces and wants some too. But I see no point in giving her any. 1. She will just lose them or break them again. 2. Everytime she gets a sentimental item she uses it to make sad posts on her social media before throwing it away so it can collect dust 3. She was too idle to fish out the stuff from the garbage but now that I have them all lined up inside my showcase the hastle of collecting them suddenly vanished. Imo she had her chance.
So WIBTA for not giving her any of the pieces I got from our grandmother?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Refusing to give the items to my sister (2) some people smh deserve more than just a 5th chance
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
I don’t see a single reason why you would give her anything.
NTA – She had her chance to have something from grandma more than once. In the first instance she literally lost it immediately after. In the second instance, she declined because she did not want to do the work. Now she wants one? Hard no. She doesn’t deserve a single thing.
NTA
She had her chance. Hard no.
NTA. She’s made it clear how much she values these items – not at all. You do value them. Giving them to her is the same as throwing them out. Unless you have something you want to put in the garbage, don’t.
NTA – for sure! I get in such circumstances it’s not easy to make decisions but she made hers. For sure NTA. She didn’t want to get involved. Essentially wanted to reap the rewards without putting in any of the work… life doesn’t work like that be assured NTA!
NTA.
NTA…she had the opportunity, but declined. Move on with your life.
NTA you offered, she said no. That’s it, opportunity over. Keep them safe. I hope M doesn’t have access to your place? If there’s any chance she could get in, take steps like tell your building people and BF shes not to be let in, put up cameras, whatever it takes to keep her out.
WNBTA. You’re preserving them properly. You’ve taken the effort to clean, organize, and display the items in a way that honors your grandmother’s memory. Handing them over to someone who might discard or damage them would disrespect that effort.
NTA. You don’t owe her the items.
“I’m not sure what you are referring to. I imagine you took what you wanted from the apartment. I just have the items I took when we were all offered the chance at the same time. I hope you find what you are looking for.”
NTA.
She had every chance to collect the items when it mattered and actively refused. Now that they’re cleaned up and displayed, she suddenly wants them after making it clear that she didn’t care. Given her track record of losing or damaging sentimental things, and using them for clout before tossing them aside, it’s understandable you don’t trust she’ll treat them with respect.
This isn’t about being petty; it’s about protecting things with emotional value that she’s already written off once. You’re not obligated to share just because she changed her mind now that it’s convenient.
Tell her that she is not entitled to anything since she did not participate in anything.0
NTA
She had her chance but only wants them after the work has been done.
NTA. And if she asks, “No.” Is a full sentense.
NTA. You gave her ample opportunity. You owe her nothing.