Using throwaway account. I F(26) just got a wedding invitation for my father’s M(47) wedding and I do not want to go. My parents were together for most of my life but got divorced when I was about 19. He found a new woman and I was happy at first. I wanted both of my parents to be happy and knew they were not right for each other. His new fiancé is not what I pictured for my father, I am not exactly sure how old she is but I assume she is around my father’s age. A little background that I do know she has 3 children but has lost custody of her first (for reason I do not know) she has custody of her other two children. When she first got together with my father her youngest was just an infant, I have no problem with that but she was breastfeeding her daughter while doing drugs. She would constantly smoke weed in my father’s house and vehicle around her children. She showed up to a family get together at my grandmas house high and falling asleep in a chair in the sun (it was almost 90 degrees outside) while my father was taking care of her children. She has done absolutely nothing to get to know me or my brother. My dad does not even contact me when she is around. I’ve spoken to him about this before and so has everyone in the family including my mother but he does not listen. They have broken up more times than I can count and gotten back together but never stay together longer than 6 months. They just got back together and two months later they are handing out wedding invitations. I don’t want to support this wedding at all but I know it will upset my father. WIBTA if I don’t go?
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Backup of the post’s body: Using throwaway account. I F(26) just got a wedding invitation for my father’s M(47) wedding and I do not want to go. My parents were together for most of my life but got divorced when I was about 19. He found a new woman and I was happy at first. I wanted both of my parents to be happy and knew they were not right for each other. His new fiancé is not what I pictured for my father, I am not exactly sure how old she is but I assume she is around my father’s age. A little background that I do know she has 3 children but has lost custody of her first (for reason I do not know) she has custody of her other two children. When she first got together with my father her youngest was just an infant, I have no problem with that but she was breastfeeding her daughter while doing drugs. She would constantly smoke weed in my father’s house and vehicle around her children. She showed up to a family get together at my grandmas house high and falling asleep in a chair in the sun (it was almost 90 degrees outside) while my father was taking care of her children. She has done absolutely nothing to get to know me or my brother. My dad does not even contact me when she is around. I’ve spoken to him about this before and so has everyone in the family including my mother but he does not listen. They have broken up more times than I can count and gotten back together but never stay together longer than 6 months. They just got back together and two months later they are handing out wedding invitations. I don’t want to support this wedding at all but I know it will upset my father. WIBTA if I don’t go?
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Of course it will upset him if you don’t go but if he doesn’t contact you when she’s around, that will definitely continue when they’re married. If you father is determined to destroy his life, you can let him know you’re there for him if he still chooses to speak to you but you cannot support his union with someone like that woman. I would also let him know that you refuse to be around him if she is there and if she appears, you will leave the event. It’s difficult to maintain relationships with loved ones when they attach themselves to horrible people but you have to put in boundaries to just keep your own peace.
My dad married some ‘callenging’ partners, one 6 months after my mom passed. My advice, just go and be polite, like a boring work networking thing you can’t avoid. You can politically smile, and keep you rep while letting them dig their own mess.
YWNBTA – Just the fact that she’s a pothead and breastfeeding is enough for me. Tell him you’ll attend their 10th anniversary-if they make it that far.
Tell nah, you’re good. You’ll go to the next one. Because this one will NOT last.
Sometimes, it’s about showing up for the person, not the event.
You go to the wedding for your dad.
If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you want your father there even though he knew you were making a mistake.