My twin (22 F) and I (22 NB) have been living at home since graduating from college. She has been working a remote part time job and I just got back back from an out of state summer job. Our house has 3 bedrooms; my parents bedroom, the bedroom I share with my twin, and a study. She told me that on Wednesdays she has virtual therapy in the morning at 9am, which she will be doing in the study. I told her that I will likely be asleep, as I am currently job hunting so there’s no need to wake up early (I am not a morning person). She then asked if I could wake up before her call so I can put in headphones to make sure that I cannot hear her.
The thing is that both rooms have doors that close and do not share any walls. As long as she is not super loud (ie. yelling), I would not be able to hear her from our bedroom, not to mention that I would be asleep and I can sleep through a lot.
I said that I will keep my headphones by my bed and as soon as I wake up I’ll put them on. She still wants me to wake up early to put on headphones during her call to make sure that I cannot hear it. My dad agrees with me, but my twin is insisting on it.
I understand where she is coming from, and as soon as I am awake I will put on headphones, I just don’t see the need to wake up early for this.
Would I be the asshole if I stayed asleep during my sister’s therapy appointment in a different room?
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My twin (22 F) and I (22 NB) have been living at home since graduating from college. She has been working a remote part time job and I just got back back from an out of state summer job. Our house has 3 bedrooms; my parents bedroom, the bedroom I share with my twin, and a study. She told me that on Wednesdays she has virtual therapy in the morning at 9am, which she will be doing in the study. I told her that I will likely be asleep, as I am currently job hunting so there’s no need to wake up early (I am not a morning person). She then asked if I could wake up before her call so I can put in headphones to make sure that I cannot hear her.
The thing is that both rooms have doors that close and do not share any walls. As long as she is not super loud (ie. yelling), I would not be able to hear her from our bedroom, not to mention that I would be asleep and I can sleep through a lot.
I said that I will keep my headphones by my bed and as soon as I wake up I’ll put them on. She still wants me to wake up early to put on headphones during her call to make sure that I cannot hear it. My dad agrees with me, but my twin is insisting on it.
I understand where she is coming from, and as soon as I am awake I will put on headphones, I just don’t see the need to wake up early for this.
Would I be the asshole if I stayed asleep during my sister’s therapy appointment in a different room?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for staying asleep while my twin does therapy in a different room even though she wants me awake with headphones on to cancel out anything I hear. The action might make me the asshole since it could mean that I do not take her request about her going to therapy seriously
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA – she is in therapy and wants privacy. Just do it, it won’t kill you. You’re 22, act like an adult.
Yta. Jobs will need you to be functional by 9am.
Not a teenager any more.
NTA. If you’re asleep you won’t be listening to her conversation. And it sounds like you wouldn’t be able to hear her from the bedroom even if you were awake. Your offer to put on your headphones as soon as you wake up is fair.
NTA but it’s questionable. She’s not asking for much honestly, offering to put them in as soon as you wake up was kind, but I also don’t see how it would disturb your sleep to a harmful degree to put in your earbuds and roll right back over.
Would she be willing to put your earbuds in herself? Provided you’re not a side sleeper she could easily pop them in on her way out of the room. NTA regardless, she’ll be in an entirely different room with both doors closed. That’s my current layout with my husband, he does therapy in the bedroom and I play games in the living room.
YTA. “Job hunting” is not an excuse to be lazy or inconsiderate of someone’s request for privacy.
NTA. So, let’s see if we’ve got this straight: Your sister wants you to get up early and put on headphones so you would not hear if you were asleep in the first place? Is that what we’re being told.
NTA She’s in a different room in the house. If she’s this bothered, she can go into her car and take the call from there.
I’m torn, on one hand yta because she’s not asking for anything big, just turn on some white noise and go back to sleep. On the other hand NTA bc she’s can go to her car or in person therapy if she’s that concerned about being heard. When I do therapy at home, I put a box fan outside my door so no one can hear me and my husband does the same. It works very well
What about if you get those headband headphones and sleep with them on with a sound app? You could set like relaxing waves to start when her appointment starts that way you could still sleep and she can feel comfortable
Have her get a white noise machine and place it outside of door for the room she is in. Many therapists offices do. she is asking for some privacy, is it that hard for you. Compromise and sleep with ear ear plugs or better yet you buy the white noise machine
NTA. You’ll be asleep, then (if/when you wake up) putting on headphones. That does the job! She wants you to do extra to manage her anxiety, need to over-control, or whatever. But that’s her problem and not yours, you don’t have to disrupt your own sleep for that.
NTA. She’s having therapy in a different room. It’s up to her to close the door and maintain her composure so she isn’t yelling where everyone in the home can her. Sounds like she maybe a tiny bit dramatic. If your sister went in person for therapy would she expect everyone in the building to wear earplugs? Basically that’s what she’s asking if you.
YTA. Your sibling is in therapy and you should do this one small thing for her mental health. And if you are looking for a job, get up and be applying early in the day. Be ready for a video interview with an hour notice. Time to start adulting!
Are you hunting for night shift work? Even then, the people doing the hiring generally interview during daytime work hours. And it’s just one morning that your twin is asking for this. Maybe the walls aren’t as thick as you think. I’m leaning toward YTA.
NTA. If I know i am gonna talk about a heavy topic with my therapist and I dont want anyone to possibly hear it- I go to my car, seperate floor in the house, anywhere where I know I won’t be heard.
I’d offer to sleep with ear plugs but I would absolutely not wake up just to put headphones on. Not for anyone.
nta. can’t she take the call outside? she’s not entitled to your room. maybe she can go in the kitchen or living room
You can test the sound. You go into the study and talk, while she sits in the bedroom and listens. Then ask her to repeat what you said. if she can repeat it, there is a problem to address. Where is your parents room?
if she is concerned about the speakerphone, then she should wear the headphones and get a microphone if necessary.
Honestly it doesn’t seem fair that you should be required to wake early, and possibly be unable to sleep on the remote chance you can hear something. Maybe she needs to get a white noise machine she can turn on when she leaves the room.
There are a number of solutions she can implement that do not disturb you sleep.
nta
NTA. You’ve offered a reasonable adjustment, if she wants any more guarantee of her privacy she needs to get a white noise machine or something.
NTA
She can get a white noise machine for the bedroom and she can turn it on when she leaves the room.
I wouldn’t sleep with ear phones on because they are irritating to wear for that long a stretch and also can fall out when you move around.
Do you regularly hear conversation from the study when all doors re closed?