(throwaway account)
I (22M) am going to a sleepover with three girls (24F – 26F) who I’ve known for a while. We’re all really comfortable around each other and it’s usually a chill, fun vibe whenever I am with them.
However, they keep saying they want to give me a makeover and put makeup on me. Now to be clear, I have nothing against that or anyone that does it, its just I do not want any on me as I don’t feel putting any on at all. It’s just something that isn’t for me.
My issue is that if I say no then they will not take no for an answer and start pushing until I say yes. I’m worried it would turn awkward or I will seem like a buzzkill. This may sound a bit strange but it feels like how they go about this makes me feel as if I am being treated like a doll or a toy instead of a human and I don’t like that feeling.
There was also a trip I took with them a couple weeks ago and they told me they were gonna do it during the trip as well but they forgot, I mistakenly said yes in texts but now I realize I just don’t want to do it. I have a feeling they will mention it in text. WITBA for saying no?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (22M) am going to a sleepover with three girls (24F – 26F) who I’ve known for a while. We’re all really comfortable around each other and it’s usually a chill, fun vibe whenever I am with them.
However, they keep saying they want to give me a makeover and put makeup on me. Now to be clear, I have nothing against that or anyone that does it, its just I do not want any on me as I don’t feel putting any on at all. It’s just something that isn’t for me.
My issue is that if I say no then they will not take no for an answer and start pushing until I say yes. I’m worried it would turn awkward or I will seem like a buzzkill. This may sound a bit strange but it feels like how they go about this makes me feel as if I am being treated like a doll or a toy instead of a human and I don’t like that feeling.
There was also a trip I took with them a couple weeks ago and they told me they were gonna do it during the trip as well but they forgot, I mistakenly said yes in texts but now I realize I just don’t want to do it. I have a feeling they will mention it in text. WITBA for saying no?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It would be a WITBA situation but I would be saying no to my friends who insistently say they want to put makeup on me, and it would be the action of me just saying no to their requests. This action may seem like I am asshole because I fear they dont like the word no for an answer, I just don’t want makeup on me if I don’t want it on me. I could also just go with it and let them do it but I just don’t want makeup on me and I fear they will start to not like me as a friend anymore for saying no to that.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
If you don’t want it done, you don’t want it done. Tell them you’re uncomfortable with it and don’t want it on your skin.
If they push, you can remind them that that’s not how friends behave and how they would like it if the roles were reversed.
Good luck!
Def. Say no. They’re just trying to emasculate you and push you farther away from their vaginas.
It’s probably already too late for you but stay strong brother.
You do you, but I’ve let girls put makeup on me before and I looked fuckin fabulous after.
NTA
This is your body and you do not consent. Why is irrelevant.
NTA friends who don’t respect your agency or your “no” are not friends.
If they are true friends, they wouldn’t push your boundaries and respect your body. I hope for you that this is just a fun time and not a moment you realize that maybe these aren’t friends. NTA
NTA. No means no, not “hey can you beg, plead and harass till I give in just to make it stop?”
I’d have a discussion with them and tell them firmly but politely how you feel. Ask them how they would feel if someone was trying to pressure themselves into doing something they didn’t want to do, how that would make them feel.
If your friends get butt hurt and don’t want to hang with you anymore, well then maybe they aren’t really your friends.
A sleepover? Did you add 10 to the ages?
NTA
If they’re actually your friends, they’ll respect your boundary if you tell them you don’t want makeup on your body.
IDK if it’s true or not, I guess only they could confirm, but it sounds to me like they’re trying to get you to not want to come to their sleepovers or trips without being mean by outright saying “we don’t want you here.” They’d rather make it seem too girly for you so that you just don’t want to come. They probably think it’s weird for a guy to be going to a sleepover with 3 girls. Having been the token guy in a friend group of girls before, I can attest to the fact that some things girls would rather do without a guy around. I’d suggest drawing the line at anything that involves intruding on their space while they are sleeping, getting ready for things or otherwise less than fully put together.
definitely NTA, you get to choose what gets put on your face, no questions asked. that said… would it kill you to let them do it once? you might not like it and then take it all off at the end. their itch scratched, you went out of your comfort zone, end of. sit with yourself and think about it. if the answer is still no, then its no
NTA. Organising Sleepover in your 20s. Hmm… Do you even have to go?
NTA. Just tell em no they have to respect it.
Also what’s with women with wanting to put makeup on their men friends/boyfriends? I genuinely want to know, there alot of yall
NTA. Are they really your friends if they keep trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do?
You feel like [you’re being treated as] a doll or a toy? WELCOME TO the experience of HALF OF HUMANITY. At least if you refuse you won’t be raped (I presume).
NTA but ffs you’re in your 20s, just tell them no and if they keep pushing leave. They’re probably not taking it seriously because they think it’s just fun and you said you’d do it before (which was stupid)
Lay out, in text, that you do not consent to them putting any kind of cosmetic products on you. Then if it happens you get dressed and leave, no yelling, no arguments, no discussion, you just grow a spine and use it to GTFO. Or just don’t go in the first place if you think your friends are likely to disregard your wishes so easily
NTA.
You are a grown man who can make his own decisions. If you don’t feel comfortable with something, you have no obligation to do it, and they have no right to make you do it. If they do, then they probably don’t care about what makes you uncomfortable, and if so, you should have a serious talk about boundaries with them.
NTA. Gender is irrelevant. Your body, your choice.
YWNBTA you are fine to set boundaries.
But the real question is; Is the sex that good that you are willing to accept this?
NTA.
NTA, Not friends, friends don’t not take no for an answer. Stand up for yourself. Don’t be a doormat. If you saying no breaks the friendship, they were never friends to begin with.
NTA – and make sure to press this point before they do: Why are you guys making this awkward and un-fun? Why won’t you accept no for an answer? Why are you so intent on objectifying me by pushing this when you know I don’t want it? Why are you being bullies?
NTA. The same argument would go for clothing: if you don’t want to wear something specific and don’t have to, people should consider your wishes and not force it.
Having said that, I am all for men wearing make up. It’s becoming way more accessible for men. I’m not saying you should have to wear it: I mean more that men considering it shouldn’t feel a stigma around wearing it if they want to.
NTA. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.
That being said I think you’re missing out on a fun experience.
NTA – Your body. Your choice.
Just be firm.
Tell them you know they keep joking about putting makeup on you, but you don’t want to wear makeup and it’s making you uncomfortable when they keep bringing it up. Ask them if they can stop doing that as you’d appreciate it.
If they have an issue, overreact or try to force you into it. You know they’re not your friends and you’re better off without them. Which I know sounds hard, but it’s much more difficult having friends who constantly push your boundaries and force you to do what they want.
NTA. And they don’t seem like real friends. You clearly set boundaries, and they kept pushing you past them, that’s not okay. If they push you past THIS boundary, I can guarantee you, they will try to push you past others. I wouldn’t hang out with them any more. If they don’t respect your “no” they don’t respect you.
This is a simple consent issue, NTA. They must be hot or you have a crush on one to lose your voice like this. For heaven’s sake, you should have grown out of doing things you dont want to so the cool kids will like you.
NTA, if you don’t want it stand up for yourself. The women who are worth hanging around will respect you more for it, the women who aren’t won’t respect you anyway.
I put up with this bs for too long as a teen, it is not a friendly thing to do. The moment I expressed I had a problem with it most of them flipped tf out, good riddance.
Just say no, no need to get angry
NTA
You can say no, and they’re assholes if they push. But at the same time, doing makeup like that can be a bonding activity for women. Hell, have them teach you and let you put makeup on them. They very likely mean nothing nefarious by it.
NTA
Tell them no, but if they get pushy then don’t go. They may follow through while you’re sleeping.
This is a red line for you. You are uncomfortable. That’s all you should need to say. If they start pushing, they clearly are not recognizing your boundaries.
It depends. Before or after the pillow fight?
NTA.
Send them some version of what you said here before the trip.
NTA but, if you have friends that you know love make up and skincare, and you don’t, and they organise a sleepover that’s most likely to have that as a focus at some point, then consider not going and let them enjoy as they want it.
NTA. But tell them that they need to respect consent and bodily autonomy.
NTA, your body, your choice.
So, there’s this thing called consent. Your friends need to learn it.
NTA. They aren’t your friends if they want to do something that you clearly don’t want to do.
Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things but are you their “gay” friend? No judgements, Just wondering how you swung the invite.
NTA but a bit of a party pooper. There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup in this context. When my daughter was younger she loved putting makeup on my wife and I. Like you I was not about it. But I quickly realized that that was a bad take. It washes off easily and it gave her a lot of joy. It’s your choice of course but it’s a silly one to say no to.
NTA. It’s not for every guy. If it gets awkward, that’s their fault.
This is just good old-fashioned peer pressure. The mature thing to do here is to stand your ground and if they are really your friends they’ll let it go, and probably respect you for being your own self. If they give you a hard time about it for more than five minutes, respectfully bow out of the sleepover and rethink how important it is to you to hang out with these people going forward. NTA
No, but you can always say you have certain skin sensitivities that you worry about.
Just compromise and let them paint your nails bro
>…makes me feel as if I am being treated like a doll or a toy instead of a human
You are being objectified.
Maybe find some nicer people to hang out with.
NTA
This suspiciously sounds like a king of the hill episode
NTA but if The Rock can let his daughters put makeup on him, perhaps you could think about that?
Do it you poof! Be confident, have fun, it’ll be a pisser of a good time. Especially if the wine is flowing, and some devils lettuce is burning. I’m a he man, and I did that with friends before. We laughed so hard while doing it, someone pissed themselves lolz. Good times. Good memories. Remember, life has no meaning, and when we croak, nothing will have mattered. Make these memories my good friend, you will NOT regret it 🙏🏼
NTA, it’s your body
Obviously NTA. The number of comments here trying to pressure you into saying yes, even they start off with an NTA, are insane. Them asking isn’t an issue, you saying no isn’t an issue. Them continuing to push you into doing something you said you’re uncomfortable with, no matter what that thing is, is entirely unacceptable
Hi guys, I know I said yes to the makeover but after sitting with it for a bit I realized I’m not comfortable doing it. I know it’s a bit of a bummer but I’ll be happy to spectate while you do your own makeovers. I’m glad that I have understanding friends like you that make it easy to express when I’m not up for something and thank you for respecting that.
NTA
NTA. Why this is even a question boggles me
Just impossible bargain them.
NTA. I’ve been in similar situations. As a gay man, sometimes I find my girl friends wanting to do girlier things with me because I’m not straight. Sometimes that’s chill and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. My gender/sexuality shouldn’t really matter in the context anyways, but it’s all about setting boundaries. If you don’t want to wear makeup, they shouldn’t make you.
At the same time, it’s good to reflect on why you don’t want to. For me, when I’ve not been comfortable wearing makeup, it’s because it made me feel weird about my masculinity. As a gay man I have the constant awareness that much of society sees me as less of a man or more girlie which makes it harder for me to let myself behave or look that way sometimes. I still struggle with that but have gotten better over time with certain things. I still don’t enjoy wearing makeup but have gotten comfortable enough that I would let friends do it or dress me up and play it up for fun because I know it’s a safe space with people I love, and that the intentions were nice.
NTA. You see it coming, and know it could get awkward, so I’d text and set the framework in advance. Something like “Hey, so excited for the sleepover! Y’all have talked a lot about putting makeup on me, though, so I wanted to say that’s not something I’m interested in doing. I’m feeling a some pressure there and want it to be a fun night, so if you push it I’ll just head home. Looking forward to chatting with you and [the smore’sor whatever].” Hit em with honesty in a nice excitement sandwich and then go home if they push. If they still continue, I’m sorry but they’re not great people (I hate when people say people aren’t really your friends for this stuff. They may be kind of shitty, particularly at this age, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t genuinely like you.)
I (22M) am going to a sleepover with three girls (24F – 26F)
TF
NTA because this is blatantly your friends not caring about you or respecting boundaries. You need to definitely assert yourself and make that no as clear as possible.
NTA.
No means no.
But you could try it. Who knows, you might like it.
Or maybe that’s what you’re afraid of?
Wibta for standing up for myself and not letting people do something to me I’m not comfortable with. That’s your question. You needed to ask reddit for an answer to that. Come on, man.
NTA. You are never an asshole for saying NO to something you do not want to do. Just say no. You don’t need to explain or justify. No!
Ye bro you would be the asshole do u fucking hear urself rn fuck me
Your body your choice, bro
They might be trying to flirt with you. I could picture one of them sneaking a kiss and running off giggling. Then the other two say, you should go find her, I think she likes you.
It could go bad if they take a picture though.
You don’t have to make it a giant thing. Just be firm and say no.
But then maybe (if you still want up keep the tone light and playful) you can say you’re not doing that but you’ll do the girls a makeup (I’ve seen videos of bfs and male besties doing makeup on girls – they’re usually funny). Ask them: Who wants me to do your makeup?
Kinda flip it back so you’re still part of the fun.
NTA.
Say that you aren’t allowing any woman you aren’t sleeping with to put makeup on you.
Then say “I am not opposed to allowing all three of you to qualify.”