So I (23f) want to start by saying I don’t hate this dog. He’s sweet, he’s loving, he just has a lot of anxiety and doesn’t do well in new places. But he’s not my dog.
My grandma has this little dog that she’s left at my house multiple times for weeks at a time without warning. She never tells me when she’s leaving, when she’ll be back, or how long I’m supposed to keep the dog. I’ll ask, and she’ll say something like, “oh I’ll be home in a couple days” or “sometime tomorrow,” and then she won’t show up for another week or longer.
this dog pees all over my house. I had to go out and buy pee pads, a dog bed, and a bunch of dog food because she refuses to bring over anything from her house. She says she “doesn’t want to waste it.” The dog only eats one very specific kind of canned food, and its not cheap.
I already have two dogs of my own, and this dog doesn’t get along with them. So I have to constantly keep them separated, which is hard because I work full time and can’t be home all day. I’ve resorted to keeping him in my room when I’m gone and watching him through a camera. He scratches at the floor and chews on stuff when he’s alone, which is just stressing me out more. It’s not his fault he’s just anxious and clearly not comfortable here. but again, he’s not my dog.
I’m spending my own money, losing sleep, rearranging my schedule, and stressing myself out over a dog that isn’t even mine and that I didn’t agree to take care of long term. I’ve tried talking to my grandma and explaining that I can’t keep doing this, and she brushes it off every time. It’s always “just for a little bit,” and then it’s never just a little bit.
I’m getting to the point where I’ve seriously considered taking the dog to a shelter. I know that sounds extreme, and it makes me feel awful even thinking about it, because I do care about him, but I can’t keep doing this indefinitely. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
So would I be the asshole?
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So I (23f) want to start by saying I don’t hate this dog. He’s sweet, he’s loving, he just has a lot of anxiety and doesn’t do well in new places. But he’s not my dog.
My grandma has this little dog that she’s left at my house multiple times for weeks at a time without warning. She never tells me when she’s leaving, when she’ll be back, or how long I’m supposed to keep the dog. I’ll ask, and she’ll say something like, “oh I’ll be home in a couple days” or “sometime tomorrow,” and then she won’t show up for another week or longer.
this dog pees all over my house. I had to go out and buy pee pads, a dog bed, and a bunch of dog food because she refuses to bring over anything from her house. She says she “doesn’t want to waste it.” The dog only eats one very specific kind of canned food, and its not cheap.
I already have two dogs of my own, and this dog doesn’t get along with them. So I have to constantly keep them separated, which is hard because I work full time and can’t be home all day. I’ve resorted to keeping him in my room when I’m gone and watching him through a camera. He scratches at the floor and chews on stuff when he’s alone, which is just stressing me out more. It’s not his fault he’s just anxious and clearly not comfortable here. but again, he’s not my dog.
I’m spending my own money, losing sleep, rearranging my schedule, and stressing myself out over a dog that isn’t even mine and that I didn’t agree to take care of long term. I’ve tried talking to my grandma and explaining that I can’t keep doing this, and she brushes it off every time. It’s always “just for a little bit,” and then it’s never just a little bit.
I’m getting to the point where I’ve seriously considered taking the dog to a shelter. I know that sounds extreme, and it makes me feel awful even thinking about it, because I do care about him, but I can’t keep doing this indefinitely. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
So would I be the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I’m debating on taking my grandmothers dog to the shelter because she keeps dumping him at my house for undetermined amounts of time.
2) It’s not my dog and I would feel very guilty for leaving him there especially because he gets very anxious.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Provided you told her already you don’t want to deal with it anymore.
NTA. Grandma just disappears for days without notice nor schedule???
NTA, “Grandma, the next time you abandon this dog at my house, I will take him the shelter. If I find out that you are leaving the dog without essentials and it is being harmed or neglected in my absence, I will call Animal Control on you for abuse and neglect.”
YTA Shame on you for giving away your grand property/pet. You should have worked with her find a solution. Even if it turned out the same
You need to tell her what you did to find out if she wants the dog back. The fact that shared him an expensive food and it’s the only one he will eat tells you she spent time finding that out.
She also sounds forgetful and may need assessment by a DR.
See if you can find someone to adopt him, I would hate for the guy to get euthanized
Or drop the dog at her house and be done with it
NTA. You’re being incredibly patient and responsible for a situation you never agreed to in the first place. Your grandma is 100% taking advantage of your kindness and assuming you’ll just deal with the consequences. It’s not the dog’s fault, but it’s also not fair for you or your own dogs to live in chaos indefinitely.
Before taking him to a shelter, maybe give her one final, crystal clear warning: “You have 24 hours to pick him up or I’ll have to rehome him. I cannot keep doing this.” If she still doesn’t take it seriously, the responsibility is on her, not you. You’re not abandoning the dog, she is.
YTA if you do it w/o telling her. Simply say now that the next time she pulls this, you’re taking the dog to the shelter.
NTA Please, if possible, don’t take the dog to the Animal Shelter, take him to a Dog Rescue. Rescues adopt, they don’t euthanize. Tell Grandma “I can’t keep caring for your dog, he doesn’t get along with my dogs and he is destructive. Here’s a list of boarding facilities in the area, you can check out their requirements and board him the next time you leave town. If you drop him off with me I will not keep him, I will consider hm abandoned and take him to people who can adopt him into a new home.” When Grandam shows up with the pooch anyways (she will!) just open the door a crack and say “No. If you abandon him with me you won’t get him back.”
YTA for bringing anyone’s dog to a shelter.
Just say no when she comes to drop it off next unexpectedly and give her the name of a shelter. Better yet, discuss it with her ahead of time/ now so she can plan accordingly.
I would keep track of the amount of time the dog is left in your care, any money you spent on the dog. If your grandmother is leaving the dog with you for extended periods with no financial help and you never know when she’s coming back, you can probably consider the dog to be abandoned. You may want to talk to people at your local shelters and look into your local ordinances regarding abandoned property, but that’s what it sound like to me.
NTA fo putting up with it as long as you have.
Don’t answer door next time, she has a key? Change the locks……Time to set some serious boundaries.
YTA tell your grandmother your plans if she drops him off again. You need to establish boundaries and give fair warning
NTA
You have told your grandmother that you can’t take care of the dog. She keeps dumping it on you anyway, without your permission. At this point, the dog is basically abandoned.
Inform your grandmother that you are not taking care of this dog again, and if she dumps it on your property, it will be reported to the authorities as abandoned.
This dog is not your responsibility.
NTA I’m sorry OP
You need to be direct with your granny and tell her that it’s not fair for you and her dog because it’s peeing all over your house and you’re spending money as well see how she responds if she doesn’t respond well id threaten to give the dog to a shelter
Grandma is abandoning the dog…habitually. Does she have any medical issues that may be causing this? Dementia? Beginning Alzheimer’s?
Honestly, in spite of legalities (of which you should be mindful of), if I were in your position, having repeatedly asked her to stop, I might rehome the dog and tell grandma it got out one night and is now gone. It’s obvious she cares little for it and has no problem inconveniencing you. I’d bet she’d be relieved.
This is not advice. It’s an “I understand your situation is crappy and the dog deserves some happiness here.” Rehoming could give it the chance at a better life.
NTA. If you do take it to a shelter, be sure it isn’t a kill-shelter. The better course would be to rehome it yourself. The dog already has anxiety…a shelter will compound that problem.
So what the comments say, but also get it in text so you can prove you told her and she did it anyways.
YTA.
Nta. If this was a human child, we’d call it child abandonment, and nobody but grandma would have any issue with the proper authorities getting involved. Don’t wait for her to return. Call her immediately and inform her she has 24hrs to get her dog before you report her for abandonment and animal neglect and take the dog to the nearest shelter. As some others have suggested, I would consider informing another family member of the situation before taking him there. When anyone tries to call you the villain, politly respond “oh, I’m so happy you’ve volunteered to take care of Dog when grandma goes on another one of her impromptu trips! I’ll be sure to pass on your contact info and address to her!”.
Wait we’re missing context here: why is talking to the grandma not an option ? Can you not say no ? Will she put the dog in your house when you’re away ?
Can’t you just drop him back off at her place and then tell her you cannot watch him again. If she brings him back do not allow her to leave him again.
If you’ve already tried to say no and if the dog just shows up in your yard, you tell her – before the dog comes again – that you’ll be bringing the dog to a shelter the next time she does this. If she shows up with the dog say no. And remind her about the shelter. And then do it. Don’t let the dog in your house. Just right in front of her , go straight to your car and start leaving with the dog.
Eleanor Roosevelt- no one can walk all over you without your consent
NTA, OP needs to tell grandma that if she dumps the dog again, it will be brought immediately to a shelter.
Since you say she’ll leave the dog in your yard so you can’t say no, tell her this: I will no longer watch your dog. If you drop it off again, whether I’m home or not, I will immediately take it to a shelter. This is your first and last warning. I am 100% serious. If you think I’m bluffing, you’re wrong.
Give her an explicit warning so she knows the consequences.
Please dont take the dog to a shelter. I got my nervous little dog from a shelter. She was a surrender. She’s fabulous now but was so afraid of everything. Peed on things, including my bed. She was just scared to death. I spent thousands to have her assessed, and she was fine. She’s on anti anxiety meds now, and for the past 41/2 years, she’s been like a barnacle in me. Try to remove the fog and explain the circumstances. She needs someone who is home most of the time. I feel for you, but the word shelter just scares me even though I ended up with the sweetest little girl. Good luck. To you both.
Tell her no.
Through the door.
Then if she threatens to leave the dog on your porch tell her you’ll call animal control to have it picked up and the police for abandoning her animal. Depending on where you are its either animal abuse, animal neglect, or both.
Nta.
Don’t answer the door or the phone when it’s her. If she doesn’t get a hold of you then she can’t leave the dog with you.
She needs to board her dog or find another home since she doesn’t want to take care of him.
Yeesh. This is so hard!
No, you’re NTA, your grandma is. But the little dog is not and is the most vulnerable in the whole situation and the one who is gonna suffer the most no matter the outcome here.
It seems like your grandma doesn’t really care about it, it’s not your dog or your job to take care of but my heart can’t help but break a little for the poor thing.
Could you take the time to reach out to a rescue? You say it’s a small dog. Smaller, cutesy dogs typically have an easier time getting adopted or into rescues for small dogs (IMO). Maybe you could go that route if you just sped the smallest bit of time looking for an appropriate place? Hi
Is there any other family you can get involved? If so, get them involved, so you have witnesses lol. Let her know that you’re putting your foot down and that if nobody else wants to volunteer to dog sit, the next time she abandons her dog with you, you will be surrendering the dog to a rescue and you won’t be sharing the name of the rescue with her. And if you can’t find a rescue, it will be taken to a shelter.
She is being negligent and she is occasionally abandoning her dog with you and you have to take care of you and your dogs first but… ☹️ poor bebe
Tell your Nan that you cannot look after her dog, that she is forcing you to find an animal shelter where the dog will more than likely be killed!! If she loves her dog enough this hopefully will make her realise that she could lose him for good. I am in no way saying take him to a shelter for real unless its a NO KILL SHELTER, but frighten the damned woman into thinking that you may do it so that she might actually act like a decent human being and care for her own pet.
There may be Dog Rescues that will take him but as he suffers from anxiety and incontinence the chances of him being adopted are limited to the point some rescues may consider euthanasia 🙁
Is she going on Holidays all the time or just plain sick of looking after him, either way she’s a selfish monster …
Shelters are euthanizing like crazy right now.
this dog pees all over my house
Nope, nope, nope, nope