I (25F) have been friends with “Amanda” (26F) for many years. I recently had to move across the country for work, so I don’t get to see her as often. A couple weeks ago, I flew back so I could see her and some of my other friends in the state. I’m currently staying in Amanda’s apartment, which is very kind of her, but the problem is Amanda facetimes her boyfriend about five times a day.
They recently got together, so I understand that they would want to talk more frequently, but this honestly hurts my feelings when she talks to him while I’m with her. He’s a very nice guy, and I feel guilty for having these feelings. I just feel like it might be rude to be on the phone with someone while hanging out with someone else?
The problem is that I’m staying with Amanda while I’m here, so I would never ask her to not facetime him at all while I’m here. I just feel left out when she’s always on the phone with him while we do things. Amanda also facetimes her boyfriend when we’re hanging out with other friends.
WIBTA if I asked her to facetime him less frequently? I don’t want to be a bad friend, and I am genuinely happy for her. I just hate feeling like an afterthought or a lesser priority.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I’ve been friends with “Amanda” for many years. I recently had to move across the country for work, so I don’t get to see her as often. A couple weeks ago, I flew back so I could see her and some of my other friends in the state. I’m currently staying in Amanda’s apartment, which is very kind of her, but the problem is Amanda facetimes her boyfriend about five times a day.
They recently got together, so I understand that they would want to talk more frequently, but this honestly hurts my feelings when she talks to him while I’m with her. He’s a very nice guy, and I feel guilty for having these feelings. I just feel like it might be rude to be on the phone with someone while hanging out with someone else?
The problem is that I’m staying with Amanda while I’m here, so I would never ask her to not facetime him at all while I’m here. I just feel left out when she’s always on the phone with him while we do things. Amanda also facetimes her boyfriend when we’re hanging out with other friends.
WIBTA if I asked her to facetime him less frequently? I don’t want to be a bad friend, and I am genuinely happy for her. I just hate feeling like an afterthought or a lesser priority.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be an asshole if I ask my best friend Amanda to facetime her boyfriend less while we’re together, especially since I’m staying at her apartment for the time being.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s not wrong to want your friend to actually be present when you’re hanging out. Facetiming a boyfriend constantly while spending time with someone who flew in to visit? That’s kinda inconsiderate, even if it’s unintentional.
I would tell her how it makes you feel. I would not ask her to talk to him less. Let her make the choice
Make a point of leaving her residence and going on a walk everytime they start up on the phone. It won’t take long for her to ask what’s going on. Tell her sweetly you are uncomfortable encroaching on their private phone calls. I bet she’ll curtail them. It’s important you act genuinely concerned that you are present. NTA
NAH I think. You’re not out line to ask, but I don’t think she’s out of line right now either; consider: You’re staying at her place; that’s her space and she shouldn’t have to alter her routine like this just to fit your preferences. You even said “a couple weeks ago” and still talking as if you’re staying at least a while longer so it’s not like this is some brief visit that she needs to spend all the time with you either.
If you were staying somewhere else and were out doing something with Amanda and she was facetiming her b/f, she would be rude. But the reality is that you’re living at her place while you’re back home and you can’t expect her to change her daily life because you’re there.