I’m getting married next year, and we are planning on having a small bridal party (2 groomsmen two bridesmaids).
I’d like to ask one of my dear friends to be my bridesmaids. She has a lot of tattoos which are great, however one on her upper arm is of a childrens cartoon character holding a machete covered in blood and is quite large.
Would I be an asshole if I suggested bridesmaid dresses with a sleeve that would cover the tattoo in question? I would of course buy the dress.
The rest of her tattoos would be visible and in photographs.
My other “bridesmaid” is a man so he wouldn’t be wearing the same dress.
My fiancé thinks there’s nothing wrong with that approach, but I don’t want to upset her.
WIBTA?
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I’m getting married next year, and we are planning on having a small bridal party (2 groomsmen two bridesmaids).
I’d like to ask one of my dear friends to be my bridesmaids. She has a lot of tattoos which are great, however one on her upper arm is of a childrens cartoon character holding a machete covered in blood and is quite large.
Would I be an asshole if I suggested bridesmaid dresses with a sleeve that would cover the tattoo in question? I would of course buy the dress.
The rest of her tattoos would be visible and in photographs.
My other “bridesmaid” is a man so he wouldn’t be wearing the same dress.
My fiancé thinks there’s nothing wrong with that approach, but I don’t want to upset her.
WIBTA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I would ask my friend to wear a bridesmaid dress with sleeves so that a graphic tattoo would be covered and not visible in wedding photos 2) it might make me the asshole for judging a friends tattoo and dictating what she wears
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I don’t think that makes you an asshole. I wouldn’t want something like that in my wedding photos either. But can’t she just cover it with makeup?
NAH, I don’t think you would be TA to ask as long as you’re paying for the dress or alteration. She may have a different suggestion (a shawl or something). You can have the photographer edit out the tattoo as well if that’s your chief concern. I doubt your friend would be bothered.
You can definitely suggest it and see how she reacts. But if it’s part of her, and she’s important enough to you to be your bridesmaid, I’d try to live with it. Ultimately, it’s your wedding day, and people are going to care more about you and your fiancé. You could have a photographer position her so that arm is away from the camera.
If you’re pointing out that you’re choosing the dress because of the tattoo, YTA, I think. But if you put it out and see how it goes, I think it could work out.
INFO: have the two of you discussed your feelings about the tattoo before now? Or will you asking her to cover it with a sleeve be the first time you’re letting your feelings known?
NTA, the tattoo clearly isn’t appropriate for the occasion!
Just pick a dress that will cover it and say that’s the dress you want her to wear, you don’t actually have to tell her why unless she makes a fuss about it.
NAH: I would talk to her first (respectfully) and just see her reaction. If she makes a big deal out of it, then drop it.
If she’s a friend, she should understand that you love her, tattoos and all, but you’d rather not have a bloody machete in your wedding photos. It’s all in the way you two talk about it.
NTA. But you should talk to her and see what solution she likes best. She might want a dress that covers it, she might want to cover it with makeup, or she might want a wrap to cover it.
Could you compromise with it being covered by makeup too?
nta! but be kind, explain that it’s not that you want to make her uncomfortable or that you disagree with her choices, it’s just a tattoo you’re unsure about having in wedding photos. make sure to emphasise you have no issue with her other tattoos, and that you’d cover the cost of the dress, or of makeup to cover it if that’s more comfortable for her.
Bring it up naturally in conversation. I’m sure tattoos, your wedding, or your wedding pictures/photographer will come up.
Or suggest a dress which covers the tattoo first without mentioning it. If she doesn’t like the sleeves, that’s fair, but you can also list your preference. If she is a good friend, the two of you will make it work.
An alternative approach (obviously talk about this with her before hand) is to photoshop the tattoo, if it ends up in the special pics. Maybe you could come up with a fun replacement together, like red roses instead of a bloody machete.
Are bridesmaid dresses normally sleeveless? Why even mention her tattoos?
INFO: What if she refuses?
I would be completely honest with her and let her know that you love her tattoos and her fine with them showing for your wedding except for that one and would she be willing to wear a dress that just covered that one tattoo? I think it’s all in how you approach it. If she’s a really good friend, I’m sure she will understand.
Just pick a dress with sleeves. You don’t need to mention why.
It’s not like you’re signaling her out – she’s the only one.
NTA but I don’t see why you need to even mention it’s related to the tattoo? You’re the bride so just pick a long sleeve dress for her
NAH
Upper arm though? No real point in making a big deal out of it unless she has something against dresses with sleeves? You just happen to like one with some nice sleeves that covers the tattoo, instead of making it all about having her having to hide it. If it becomes a issue, then it is worth bringing it up, but no need to start out with it.
Tbh, if you go with a one should long sleeve dress, it would be great and a great solution.
I would make sure though that the sleeve is a loose fit though. Tide fit may not ge comfortable for long time and it gives the opportunity for overall different arm sizes.
If there is a question why, im sorry to say but you may need to be honest to the friend, because as much as you love her, this tattoo is not for a wedding.
Anyways, congrats
UpDateMe
The bride picks the bridesmaid dresses. Just pick one you like that covers it. NTA
NTA, as long as you’re willing to accept a no.
NTA
It sounds like your concern is that specific tattoo, so just be honest with her so you guys can talk about solutions. Maybe it’s not a specific dress, but maybe a professional makeup coverup could be a solution too.
Are you just second guessing yourself, or do you really think she will be offended? Personally, I would hope a friend good enough to ask to be in your wedding would understand your request and work with you to make you both happy.
A real friend shouldn’t get offended by the request. She may not agree but it’s your day and easily solved. So likely she’ll have absolutely no problem with it. Unless she’s an A hole haha!