WIBTA if I broke things off with a guy because he wouldn’t drive me home?
Throwaway. I’ll keep things simple. I(21F) have been going out with a guy (23M) for two months or so. We’ve been on maybe 4 or 5 dates. He lives in the town over from me. I live in a college town that relies mostly on bikes and buses for transportation; most students don’t have cars, including me. We made plans on Tuesday to go to this bar with mini golf in his town. He said we could meet at 7, but that he couldn’t pick me up as he got off work at 6. His town is about a 30 minute drive from mine, and that was fine, and I made arrangements to take the bus. Note that I’ve never been to this part of his town before.
Anyways, I take 2 buses and get there around 7:15, and we have fun. I drink a bit, and he doesn’t drink. I feel like this is important to mention since I assumed he wasn’t drinking since he would be driving me back home. Around 11 we decide to wrap things up, and he says goodnight and that we’ll plan something later. I, confused, asked if he was driving me home. He said no, that he was too tired to after a 6 hour shift. Now I’m panicking a little, since he won’t drive me and the buses don’t go that late between our towns.
I tell him that, that the buses aren’t running anymore and he sort of just shrugs it off. I asked him why didn’t drink then, and he said he just wasn’t feeling it and had work tomorrow. The only option I had left was an Uber, so I tell him I’ll take an Uber. The issue with the Uber is that the price was quite high and I don’t have that much money anyways. He says okay and leaves after saying goodnight, which I felt was another red flag – we were in a public plaza kind of area, and I felt quite unsafe sitting there all alone at close to midnight. I wish he would have stayed until the Uber arrived at least. Luckily the rest of the night passed without incident, except me being like 50 dollars poorer from the Uber. I’ve been thinking about it and I just felt very uncared for. Refusing to drop me off, and not really caring about how I got home, and then just letting me wait all alone for the Uber for 10 minutes in what felt like a shady area.
So, WIBTA for not seeing a guy anymore for this reason?
Comments
Girl, if a man can watch you struggle to get home late at night and not even pretend to care, he’s not someone you need in your life, ditch him, you deserve way better.
No one cares.
U can stop seeing people for whatever reason.
Nope, you’d be completely justified. Yes he might be tired, but it’s the bare minimum to drive your girlfriend when there is no other option for her.
There are a LOT of kidnapping cases, both when women are alone at night at bars and Ubers, so he was putting you in danger.
Also what really irked me is the “I’m not feeling it” comment. What do you mean you’re not feeling ensuring your girlfriend gets home safely??
Take the hint. He doesn’t give a f**k and neither does anyone else. YOU had the responsibility to get yourself there and home.
You don’t have to continue dating anyone, so NTA. That sounds like an especially dickish thing for him to have done. If you had an existing relaitonship it might be worth trying to work on it, but this was a first date and it doesn’t sound like a second date would be worth it.
NTA. If I’m unfamiliar with a town, my supposed date didn’t drink, and the busses didn’t run anymore, I understand that there’s Uber and I’d even be willing to let go of the not driving me, but I’d at least expect company until I’m in that Uber at the very least. Even when I drive my friends home, I don’t drive away until they’re inside the house with the door closed. I also go pick up my friends from a bar, even if I wasn’t with them, because they were drinking and I don’t want them to take Ubers for safety reasons. But that’s just me. But if I were in your shoes, no, no I would not be sticking around.
NTA. The fact that he did not care to wait for you to get into the uber safely is the dagger.
I would advise, if you are depending on someone to drive you back/forward/around, communicate it before hand. You will end up in safer situations more often.
NTA – it’s not his obligation to drive you home and this should have been discussed beforehand. That being said, that would have been the decent thing to do… but it’s bare minimum to wait around and make sure you were not alone at night. At the end of the day, it doesn’t seem like he cares and it makes you feel crappy, so let him go!
Not only would I not see him, I wouldn’t even talk to him. What an ass.
Um….well technically you dont have to date him again if you dont want.
But he’s not wrong either…..If he didn’t want to drive you home, he didn’t have to. I’m of the mind that if you couldn’t afford the night out, then either make other arrangements (like him go to you) or just do it another time. I know some people will be like “that’s cruel” etc but you need to be able to look out for yourself first before you pursue someone else. You need to also learn to swallow your pride if you can’t afford to do things and either admit it or sit it out. Dont go into situations expecting something that you’re honestly not entitled to.
NTA. You teach people how to treat you. On your the next
NTA. You haven’t invested a lot of time with the guy. Him not caring how you get home is a good enough reason to end things.
He’s a jerk with no regard for your feelings or your welfare. Find a better human being to spend your time with.
I can get if he’s really tired and can’t make the drive, but leaving before your Uber even shows up? That’s pretty extreme. Yah stop seeing him and don’t worry about it, he probably will barely notice anyway.
Goodbye to him.
He’s an ass.
Stop and block.
Sure, he didn’t have to drive you home, whatever, but his nonchalant attitude towards your situation and about how you’re supposed to get home says a lot.
NTA. He don’t drive you’d, didn’t offer to even split the Uber. Don’t lower your standards and settle for this loser.
NTA. He’s a jerk, just drop him like a hot potato
He doesn’t care about you. I wouldn’t give him another second of your time.
NTA he doesn’t value your safety or your financial situation. But you value it, yes? So why would you continue investing time and energy into a relationship with someone who is going to be a drain on your resources while compromising your well-being?
You can dump any guy for any reason, but if a man doesn’t look out for my safety I’m out.
Dump that chump. Always make sure your date gets home safe.
Honestly, he should have picked you up instead of making you take the bus. Kudos to you for making the effort but F that guy.
Drop him. You went out of your way to accommodate him. He is an AH for not getting you safely back to your home.
What a fucking asshole! Dump the mf immediately. You are in no way in the wrong here.
Nah he’s not a keeper, that was rude.
NTA
He is tho, who the hell has someone come way over to them and then proceed to allow that person to hangout past the time buses run without any plan to get them home? I wouldn’t do that to an acquaintance let alone someone I’m dating regularly. Luckily he’s shown you pretty early what dingus he is so that you can just not waste any more of your time.
Wow! A whole six hour shift. Seriously, that’s part time!
What a poor baby after a 6 hour shift!! /s
No more energy from you. No matter what else that’s a definite deal breaker.
He should have waited with you till the Uber arrive, paid for the Uber and tipped the driver. Everything he actually did are big red signs telling you to hit the road running.
I’m outraged for you. What kind of a man leaves his gf to find her way home late at night? This man needs a lesson in manners. What a jerk! If you continue to see him YWBTA.
He was tired from a 6 hour shift? Omg! He showed you exactly who he is. Please believe him. NTA, unless you go out with him again!
He doesn’t like you & he doesn’t care about you AT ALL!
It is customary, when asked out on a date, to be picked up, go somewhere to have fun, and then be driven home.
He is 23 and does not know how to take a woman on a date?!?!?
Do not go out with him again. He LEFT YOU in a dangerous situation.
Eff this guy. Dump him and find one that cares about your safety.
YTA
He’s not required to drive you.
You didn’t confirm with him before hand he’d be driving you home.
He doesn’t owe you rides.
Be less entitled.
You don’t have money or a car. He can find better.
He’s an ass. I wouldn’t give him any more thought. Move on!!!
Did you tell him you would need a ride? Did you say you needed to leave by X time because that is when buses stop? I would not assume someone, even a date, even an established partner was available to give me a ride. While it isn’t cool to be careless it is also possible he felt like you were taking advantage of him.
He’s not interested in you. Forget him.
Why would you expect him to drive you. Did he expect you to sleep with him . You have gone out 5 times in in 2 months . When you do things in your town do you pay for everything cause he drivesn30 min there then back. Your not in a relationship yet so figure it out
NTA. Break up with him. He showed you who he really is, and you can certainly do better.
Nowhere near. NTA emphatically.
I(M) am very equal right/opportunity/responsibility. I am also not ignorant. There is no way I would have left you by yourself in a shady area at midnight before you got on the Uber. And I would have shared the Uber money. And that would only have happened if I was unable to drive you home. But that wouldn’t happen because I would have made sure to plan enough time to drive you home before I got “tired”. It isn’t just that you deserve better, nobody deserves him.
And this is him , presumably, at his best. JFC what is wrong with these men
NTA and dump him immediately
ESH. Him because of his lack of concern, but what was your plan if he had been drinking? What if he said you couldn’t drive you but you could stay at his?
Girl, you KNEW the buses wouldn’t be running and you didn’t have a plan.
Doesn’t pick you up or drop you off. Only 4 or 5 dates in two months. He is not into you. Move on!
NTA. In fact if you ever go out with this jerk again, I’m not talking to you anymore 😉
Dump him
Do you think maybe he was hoping you’d stay over at his place ? Logically, you could expect he take you back to school then, go to work or at the least taking the bus would have been cheaper… I said “logically “ but, the reality is the guy is somewhere over a rainbow you don’t need to go there too. Send him a garbage bag and tell him to jump in.
He’s tired after his six hour shift, poor baby. I hope his mommy tucked him in with a bottle when he got home since he’s so fucking pathetic
If you keep dating him… You most definitely will get stranded with a kid. 🚩 🚩RUN! ,And don’t look back! 🚩 🚩
Leave that zero. Totally disrespectful.
You would be an asshole if you didn’t block him immediately and never see him again. He left you alone at 11:00 at night in an unfamiliar location after you had been drinking? You’re lucky you weren’t abducted and murdered. Because that shit happens.
ESH. You shouldn’t assume someone you came separately to will drive you home, especially if you haven’t asked about it yet. It was your responsibility to ask far enough in advance that you could get yourself home by bus/whatever without the issues. That said, the fact that he didn’t even wait with you for the uber is concerning.